A/N: Different than my other stories and my first one-shot but it's buzzing in my head and won't go away so here it is. Reviews are always welcome.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, only this little plot.

I hate him. I can't stand him. The bastard. The fucking bastard. He makes me want to die.

"Dobe, hurry it up."

I hate that voice. I hate that stupid name. What had happened to the time when his cool tone was sweet to me like the spring breeze? When that fucking nickname would fill me with joy? Now all it did was piss me off more.

"Coming!"

I just want to leave. I don't want to be with him anymore. I can't stand the sight of him anymore, the touch of his hands, the sound of his voice.

I had to hurry before the raven-haired bastard took off without me. I threw on my trade-mark orange and black jacket and rushed from the apartment. Figures. The bastard had already left the building. I was willing to bet my whole month's pay that he was out there talking to her, his first choice. The bitch. We had been friends at one point but I couldn't stand it anymore.

Sure enough, there he was, leaning towards her all friendly like, just chatting away.

Fucking bastard ass-hole.

He didn't even glance my way. It hurt, despite all of the rage inside. I'm enough of a man to admit the hurt was fueling the rage. At my core I was nothing but a bottomless pit of pain. All because of him. I loved him damnit and I'm nothing more to him than his second-choice. It didn't matter that we were together, that he had pledged his love to me. I was always second-choice. And those were on the lucky days. I'm not even on his priority list. I hate him. I hate him not wanting me, not really loving me. If he did, it was like a pet. Something you feed and play with every once in awhile. I hate it and I hate him. He hurts me so much.

"Let's fucking go Sasuke. The Hokage is waiting."

He jumped, blushing a bit, looking guilty. He had been flirting. Tears made their way to my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I couldn't tell if they were tears of pain or tears of rage. Did it really matter anymore? And her...the bitch.

"Hey Naruto! Good luck on your mission!"

I hate her and I want to blame her for everything but I know better. But damn did I wish I didn't. She didn't know the bastard was flirting with her. Oh, she knew about him liking her before, but she thought that he was devoted to me now. Bitch. I sighed inwardly. She frowned as I shoved past her, not acknowledging her greeting. Sasuke said a few more words with her before running to catch up to me. I was so pissed he actually had to work to keep pace with my stride.

"What's gotten into you? A fucking bug crawl up your ass or something?"

Bastard. I hate him.

"Nothing. Just shut the fuck up."

God I loved him so much! How'd we even end up this way? When we first got together it was amazing. I truly thought that he only had feelings for me. That he had let her go. How could I have been so blind? Everytime he saw her he flirted. On our very first Valentine's day, that oh so special day set aside for lovers, he had flirted with her non-stop with me sitting right beside him. In front of all our friends. I'd never been so embarrassed in my life. They had all looked at me with pity. I hated it. And I think... I think that was the day I started hating him. As in really hating him.

A slap on my butt interrupted my revelations.

"What the hell?"

What the hell was he doing?!? Fucking bastard. Fucking insensitive prick.

"Come on, cheer up. Damn." He muttered.

"Why don't you grow the fuck up?" I growled back.

I really fucking hate him. For once I would like to be someone's first choice.

A deep prick of guilt stabbed me hard. I had been someone's first choice. Twice before. I had left the first for the second, then both for the fucking bastard walking beside me. God I'm such a fucking idiot. Gaara had truly loved me, hell neither of us were sure if he had ever stopped. It was the distance that had gotten us. But we had understood each other and our needs. We didn't have any really serious relationships with other people, at least until Shikamaru had came.

Me and him hadn't started out in love. Hell, I had told him how I felt about Gaara and he was cool with it. Me and Shika had lasted for a few years, off and on. I grew to love him so much and vice versa but he had hurt me too. Just like I had hurt Gaara when I told him that I was serious about Shika. That last fight with Shika though, that had been it. Soon afterwards Sasuke, the fucking bastard, had waltzed into the scene.

Love with him had been immediate. I mean, of course we knew each other before but after Shika I saw him in a whole new light. I just knew he'd be the one. Was I born this fucking retarded?

"Fuck, whatever." He rolled his eyes at me and started staring at girls who were passing by and the occasional cute boy.

I hate him, I hate him, I really fucking hate him!

"So anyways, me and Neji are going out to go rock climbing after the mission. Should be gone all day."

Not surprised. He was always going places with his best friend Neji, whether I wanted him to stay or not. The guy had just broken it off with Ten-Ten and he needed a buddy. I understood that. But this was over the top. Any free time Sasuke had was with him now. His friend came first.

Fucking second-choice. That's all I am.

I've had it. I can feel it boiling over the top and through my lips.

"I've fucking had it! I'm sick of this shit!" I yelled.

The crowd around us came to a halt, shocked by my sudden outburst.

I didn't care.

"You say that all the time. Why don't you just leave already?" His voice was cold, an edge of anger.

"Fuck it, I am." Yeah this time I really am leaving.

"Right and where are you going to go?"

"To the fucking Sand."

His dark eyes went wide. He was always insanely jealous of Shikamaru and Gaara. He knew who I would run to. And damn it, I would run to him. I felt sick inside knowing I would use Gaara like that but he really was the only one I could count on.

"You'd leave me for him?" His voice was shocked.

Fuck yeah.

I didn't say it out loud. Fuck the mission, I was leaving now. I turned on my heel and sprinted back to the apartment. Our apartment. His now. I grabbed my bags and began throwing my stuff into them, not bothering about folding the clothes. I just wanted to go while I still had the nerve. He came in right behind me.

"Naruto, don't leave me! Please don't leave me! What's wrong? Tell me so I know and I can fix it."

I tuned him out. I had to or I'd end up staying again.

I so don't want to stay anymore.

His begging turned into rage. He slapped himself like he always does when he's emotionally overloaded. Usually that is when I give up leaving and rush over to him to keep him from further hurting himself.

Not this time.

It was hard but I ignored him. He kept slapping himself in the face. I gritted my teeth and continued gathering my stuff. I slipped into the bathroom to grab my toothbrush and furry orange robe. There was no way I could leave the robe behind even if it had been a present from the bastard. It was too damn soft. When I came out Sasuke was facing me with a kunai in his hand. I paused.

Was he going to try to hurt me?

He'd done it before. Well, not with a kunai. He'd nearly broken my arm putting me in a wrist lock another night not so long ago when I told him I wanted to leave. My breath froze in my chest and for once I was actually scared.

Sasuke ripped his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side as he pressed the sharp blade to his pale flesh.

What the hell was he doing?

"Leave me Naruto! Do it! Leave me damn it!" Tears spilled down his face.

Once it became clear he wasn't threatinging me with the weapon I unfroze. He wouldn't cut himself. I threw my stuff by my bags and was about to turn to the dresser when he let out a strangled yell. I turned to him and gasped.

The dark blade was gliding down his skin, shoulder to the center of his chest. Down the other side, across. Finally he held it to his neck. At first I thought the edge was too dull to cut the skin, but then the blood appeared.

"Fucking hell stop it Sasuke!" I cried out.

"Leave me!" He yelled again.

I rushed to his side and after a quick struggle managed to get the kunai out of his hand. He collapsed as I ran to get a wet cloth to clean the blood on his skin.

Why? Why would he hurt himself like this? Was owning me that important?

He held me and cried while I attended to his wounds, saddened by what he had done.

So here I am. Stuck again in a never ending cycle of love and hate that I'm not allowed to escape.

I really fucking hate him.

I really fucking love him too.