"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"
"Would you shut up already?" Furude Rika screamed at her ghost like friend Hanyu. Normally Rika was very polite to the god considering she was the one giving her the chance to defeat fate and survive by constantly repeating the month. But not today, especially not after the hell she had gone through in this Hinamizawa.
"Hey Rika, who are you talking to?" Keiichi called out from the other side of the classroom.
Rika looked back over at him quickly switching to her innocent childish voice. "Nobody, I've just gone insane due to the stress of all that has happened, nippa"
Keiichi nodded his head in understanding. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. It's not every day that you are attacked by zombies" he remarked casually as he swung his bat at the broken window knocking away an undead villager who was trying to climb in.
"Yeah, zombies" Rika replied in her century old voice turning to look back at Hanyu. "How exactly did the villagers all end up becoming zombies?"
Hanyu formed a nervous look on her face. "Well umm…Rena's mother and Satoko's uncle hooked up together and along with Ohisi-san, who is a crooked cop in this world, started smuggling illegal chemicals through the countryside. But then the Sonozaki family found out and they started a gang war against them. Then, during the Watanagashi festival, a shootout occurred causing one of the chemical trucks to accidentally crash into the swamp and the resulting pollution mixed with the Hinamizawa syndrome to turn everyone in the village into the undead"
Rika just stared at Hanyu silently with a look of total disbelief.
"Well I think that's what happened. Also, these zombies are really scary" Hanyu said shivering.
"Why are you scared? I'm the one they are going to eat, not you!"
"Oh right" Hanyu admitted suddenly remembering that fact. She quickly tried to think of something to cheer her friend up. "But at least some of your friends are still here to protect you"
Rika had to force herself not to laugh at that one as she looked around the school classroom they had all taken refuge in. Fighting back against the zombie horde with their usual weapons were Keiichi, Rena, and Shion. The three people who most often went insane and murder everyone had somehow ended up as the only other ones not infected. The irony was not lost on Rika as she was pretty sure that fate was laughing at her right now.
"This is the worst world we have ever ended up in" she remarked to Hanyu.
"Au au…what about the time Hinamizawa ended up being a nudist colony?"
"Second worst world" Rika amended as she looked over to see how her friends were doing against the zombies and immediately regretted doing so.
"Where's your precious nii nii now?" Sonozaki Shion boosted as she continued to use her taser on the twitching corpse of Satoko. "I'll tell you where he is. Since you're finally gone and can't bother him, Satoshi is going to come and rescue me so we can be together forever with our everlasting love. Hahahahahaha"
Rena took a glance away from the door where she had been happily lopping off the limbs of zombies with her cleaver for the last half hour or so. "Oh zombie Satoko is so cute! I want to take her home with me!"
"Hey, check it out" Keiichi called out causing the two girls to look over. The only male in the room proudly held up the grey and decayed decapitated head of Mion for everyone to see.
"I took out the zombie of the class president. That's worth 50,000 bonus points which means I win the game!"
"Drat" Rena said with a cute pout.
"Yeah, I wanted to be the one to defeat sis"
Keiichi grinned evilly as he overlooked the three girls, "And as for your penalty game, you girls must let the zombies rip off your clothes until there you have nothing left but your underwear"
While Keiichi laughed manically, Rika shook her head in disbelief. Even in this world, they were all still nutcases.
Hanyu laid a comforting transparent hand on Rika's shoulder. "Don't worry Rika, I'm sure you will find a world of happiness and…"
"Be quiet before you jinx me into another world even worse then this one" Rika muttered sourly. She called out to her friends not even bothering to sound like a kid anymore. "Hey do we have any alcohol here?"
"Nope, sorry" Shion replied.
"Damn, I thought teachers usually kept a hidden stash"
At that very moment, Doctor Irie burst through the wall shuffling and moaning for brains. Rena quickly leaps over and slices in half from the head down calmly smiling the whole time. She glances back at Rika as the blood and gore splatters over her white outfit and hat.
"Chie-sensei does have a stash but it's only full of instant curry meals" she explained.
"That's great" Keiichi cried out happily as he slammed his bat repeatedly into Miyo's dead body making sure to break every bone so the zombie would be unable to move. "That means we have enough food to survive here for days until the military comes to help. Afterwards, we'll get to work on repopulating the village"
Rena and Shion began to cheer at Keiichi's short but charismatic speech.
Keiichi continued to go on, his voice now completely serious. "Rena, since Mion is unfortunately dead, I will need you to take her place in my twin fantasy. I hope you don't mind wearing a green wig"
Rena smiled at him. "Nope. Keiichi is really cute when he gets all kinky"
"All right Keiichi. As the current Sonozaki family head by default, I Shion agree with your proposal of having sex and making babies until Satoshi comes for me"
"Perfect" Keiichi said with a grin. "Oh Rika, you're allowed to join in to if you want"
Rika stared in disbelief at what he was suggesting. She looked over the faces of her friends seeing that they were all smiling at her waiting for her to say yes. They didn't have to wait very long for a response.
"Screw that, I am out of this world! I'll see you all in the next one" She declared to the shock of her friends.
Rika started to move only pausing for a brief moment to look back at Hanyu. "By the way, in the next world I am going on a diet of nothing but wine, kimchi, and no sweets" She said with an angry glare at the god.
And with that, Rika quickly ran past Keiichi and jumped out of the window into the waiting arms of her beloved flesh eating villagers.
"That's not nice Rika-chan. Why do you have to be so mean to me? You're nothing but a big bully" Hanyu complained as she left, "I hope the zombies take their time in digesting you!"
The spirit turned and moved away from the window area a little bit sad that she had no one to talk to now for the rest of this world.
"Hmm, I wonder if it's too late to take a human form and help out with this repopulation thing"