Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. If I did there would be no way that I'd still be in school right now. I also don't own the cartoon strip XKCD which this is based off of. Please excuse this lame disclaimer, I'm tired and need sleep.
Warnings: There really aren't any. I guess Cid says some bad things, but it's few and I censored. There's also a little gore, but that's what you get when you make a fic about #3 pencils.
AN: Sorry if it sucks, I needed to get this out of my head. Darn you Stall Seat, darn you!!!!!!
Sora's Mistake
A.K.A.
Why You Should Never Use a #3 Pencil on a Test
"Time's up, pencils down, please pass your tests to the front. That means you too, Selphie."
A groan escaped the brunette girl sitting in the back as she let her head fall forward onto her desk in defeat.
Mr. Leonhart ignored her antics and continued to collect the tests from those sitting in the front. When all of the exams had been collected he turned and headed toward the classroom door.
"Ok, sit here quietly while I drop these off to be graded."
He was about to leave when a raised hand caught his attention.
"Yes, Kairi?" he asked, slightly annoyed that this was taking longer than he expected. At this rate class would end without them even being able to start the next chapter.
"Um, does this mean that we'll be getting our tests back tomorrow?"
He thought for a minute, "Maybe, it all depends on if I get finished with putting all of the grades into the grade book. Last time I gave the exams back without recording the grades first, a couple of them where returned to me that had obviously been tampered with."
Tidus and Olette averted their eyes in guilt. They had forgotten to study for that one.
"Now, try not to destroy anything while I'm gone, I should only be a minute," and with that the famously stoic teacher left the room.
The moment he was gone chatter erupted from all parts of the classroom.
"Did any of you guys understand question seven?"
"Man, my mom's gonna kill me when she finds out…"
"I failed, I just know I failed!"
"So, who do you have a crush on again?"
"I feel sick."
"Thanks for studying with me, I think it helped."
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay…"
"When's practice again?"
"Hey, you ok? Heeelllllllooooo, anyone in there?"
CLICK
Silence fell across the room as the handle turned and Mr. Leonhart walked back in. Everyone froze as he looked them over. Finally their teacher nodded and the class let out a collective sigh, it was ok to move again.
A hand went up.
"Yes, Sora?" the educator/intimidator extraordinaire inquired on the way to his desk.
"Ummm, I was just wondering what would happen if I didn't use a #2 pencil on the test. I mean, that won't mess anything up, right?"
Mr. Leonhart sighed, "Yes, Sora that will mess things up – like your grade. How many times over the years have you been told not to use a pen on tests?"
He couldn't help but wonder how one of his students could be so stupid.
"Uh, well the thing is, I didn't use a pen sir," the spiky haired boy replied.
Mr. Leonhart stopped and slowly turned to face his pupil.
"And what, pray tell, did you use, Sora...crayon?"
The man shifted his attention away from the teen to the pile of papers on his desk. Why did he assign homework again? Oh yes, in hope that his students would learn something and not fail the exams. He had a feeling that all of his hard work was in vain though.
Sora shrugged, "Uh, a #3 pencil? But, I mean, that won't mess anything up right? It's still a pencil!"
The last part was rushed because the moment Mr. Leonhart heard the words '#3 pencil' he had jumped up from his seat, knocking it to the ground with a clatter.
"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!" the man roared, shocking the class into statue-like state, "Sora, do you know what you've done!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
BOOM
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone paled at the sound of a scream coming from what seemed like a few rooms over.
"Holy Mother F*cking God! The blood, there's so much blood!"
A man came tripping and stumbling his way into the room. He swayed for a moment and then collapsed onto the ground, "I've never seen so much f*cking blood," he mumbled before passing out.
Silence
The class stared at the blood (and ewwww was that tissue?) covered Mr. Highwind.
Wakka fainted at the gory sight.
Mr. Leonhart gazed at the man on his classroom floor before quietly leaving the room. They needed a custodian to clean up the mess…and maybe a nurse too.
Poor Sora could only sit there, frozen like the rest of the class, even when the bell rang to dismiss them.
No one would forget that day, they were all changed forever.
Namine would go on to become a world famous artist, inspired by the #3 pencil caused chaos.
Selphie would later need counseling…for the event and her new #3 pencil phobia.
Tidus continued to eat lunch that day all the while talking about what had happened and never once feeling queasy. He became known as The Guy Who Was Fazed by Nothing and Could Eat Anything.
Riku would become a great horror film director. In fact, his best movie was based off of the gory event.
Axel and Roxas bugged and pranked the heck out of the guidance counselor until they 'convinced' her to let them transfer to Mr. Leonhart's class.
Kairi decided to become a doctor. Oddly enough, many people are hurt by pencils every day.
Olette gave up all dreams of becoming a teacher.
Speaking of teachers, Mr. Leonhart now keeps a cup of safe #2s on his desk for anyone in need. He would also later perfect the infamous #3 Pencil speech that would cause many a student to run for the counselor's and/or nurse's. He didn't mind though because at least then his students wouldn't be idiotic enough to use one on an exam.
Pence started to write what would one day be a bestselling novel.
Demyx feigned psychological scaring so he could transfer into a music class which led to his being part of the world-renown emo band, #3 Pencil.
Hayner continued to plot Seifer's demise (which now involved pencils).
And Sora would never EVER again use a #3 pencil...for anything.
Needless to say, Sora's art teacher was very sad…
…along with the neglected #3 pencil.
Poor pencil.