Title: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Rating: PG 13

Genre: Romance/Humor

Pairing: Sasuke/Sakura, mild Naruto/Hinata

Summary: If he thought being molested by the family pet would be the worst thing that happened, Sasuke Uchiha was wrong. Welcome to the dinner from Hell.

Blanket Disclaimer: The series Naruto and related characters are the property Kishimoto-san, unless noted otherwise. No profit has been made from this work of fandom nor copyright infringement is intended. Please refer to this, if need be, for future chapters.

Author's Notes: Originally a one-shot that exceeded over thirty pages - yes, that many for a stupid one shot, I decided to separate them into individual chapters because I thought the original draft left certain things unanswered and I personally wanted to have more fun with these characters. This is the second to longest chapter of this story.

This story was inspired into completion by discussions in the SasuSaku FC about the Haruno household. There some out of character, as I wanted so humor alongside the seriousness, especially when it came to Sasuke. Please enjoy.

CHAPTER ONE - BEGINNINGS

There was one thing you can count on when you're out and about in Konoha, or just about any village really, and that was gossip. It didn't matter who or what it was about, as long as it was juicy. The bigger the scandal, the faster it spread. If one thought it ended in the teenage years, they would be terribly mistaken.

"You didn't hear this from me," A woman whispered the classic gossip opener to her friend over a cup of hot tea, pretending as if she didn't know someone was obviously behind them, "But apparently Sakura-san is dating that traitor."

Initially, it came as quite a surprise to Ayaka Haruno to hear from the grape vine - which was just a bunch of women that had nothing else to do than sit around drinking tea and spread nasty little rumors about everyone in the village, that her daughter was dating Sasuke Uchiha.

At first, disbelief washed over Ayaka even as she pretended to look unaffected, least she let those old hags think they could get to her now that they were all out of school. Even after leaving the tea shop, Ayaka's mind was plagued with thoughts of Sasuke Uchiha.

From what she'd heard about Sasuke, starting with his clan being murdered and the things he did after betraying Konoha, she couldn't believe Sakura would start dating him. Of course, Ayaka knew of her daughter's feelings for the boy, it was no secret to anyone with eyes. But after everything, to this confused mother, Sakura always seemed to give the impression that Konoha came first.

But then when it came to the heart, Ayaka reasoned, nothing was black and white.

Now, Ayaka was a lot of things - a hopeless romantic at heart and just plain crazy were some descriptions that her husband would jokingly use. But she wasn't a person that took gossip as her only form of information. However, Ayaka didn't exactly want to brooch the subject with Sakura just yet with nothing but idle chitchat as her source, so she found herself literally playing ninja.

It was utterly ridiculous how such a plan even formed in the mind of a mild-mannered shopkeeper's wife. But what was more ridiculous than the actual idea, was how Ayaka schemed and carried out this illogical plan. From clumsily climbing up trees like a cat, to dressing up like a merchant using her husband's old tattered clothes, enlisting on sugar driven teenagers to listen in for her by bribing them with dango from the family shop, and even dangling dangerously from banisters to catch glimpses of the suppose couple.

Quite honestly, it came to a point that her own husband was seriously considering sending her to the hospital for them to run some tests on her brain. But, despite her dutifully going about this day in a day out, it wasn't long before even Ayaka herself began to question her unusual ways of gathering information on Sakura's love life.

Even asking Naruto and Ino proved to be a dead-end. Both these best friends were as informed about whether or not Sasuke and Sakura were more than just friends as she was considering that their behavior towards one another didn't seem entirely different since Sasuke's return.

"They would've told me. We're friends." Naruto had said when she'd asked him on his way to see the hokage.

As for Ino, she'd said, "Sakura would've told me. She can't keep a secret. At all."

They'd both seem confident, but also apparently a bit unaware of the rumors going around too.

Ayaka couldn't take not knowing though. The uncertainty was unbearable. It wasn't because she was a nosey person by nature, but simply a protective mother that was bounded by love.

From the first few days, Ayaka could see just in the simple way Sakura spoke and even glanced at the broody nin from the corner of her eye that Sasuke Uchiha was again becoming the center of her heart. But that wasn't exactly enough to satisfy her in proving the rumors true or not, but it was more than enough to terrify her.

After seeing the damage Sasuke caused after abandoning Konoha and his teammates, which remained the real motivation of her mission, she was determined to break them apart if she saw no sign of this romance being requited. Ayaka wasn't sure what she could do, as her daughter was just as stubborn as she was and an adult, but she'd do just about anything. Sakura was not going to get her heart broken by that boy again, no matter how good-looking he was up close.

Nearly a week later, Ayaka decided that particular sunny morning would be her final day of investigation. Her body was close to rebelling as she wasn't nearly as flexible nor had the same stamina as she did years ago. If today proved to not yield any results, she would simply confront her daughter and hope she would tell the truth.

Sasuke and Sakura were on the hospital roof top when Ayaka arrived, apparently during Sakura's lunch break. Ayaka was crouched down, hiding behind the building across the street, binoculars in hand, and her eyes ready. But she couldn't exactly make out what was being said.

At first, Ayaka concluded it was nothing more than just a boring conversation, as neither of them were giving off any romantic vibes or even standing remotely close to one another.

And just when Ayaka really considered leaving via the fire escape route and call it quits, Sakura suddenly grabbed Sasuke by the collar, pulled him down to her, and kissed him - hard.

That spontaneous act nearly made Ayaka topple over from shock and embarrassment. But judging from how wide eyed Sasuke himself had been, that aggressive move managed to knock him for a loop as well. Of course, Ayaka noted, that didn't stop him from later reciprocating.

It took only a few seconds before Ayaka's entire face turned bright red from watching them. Suddenly feeling awkward and a bit more uncomfortable, she scurried towards the fire escape.

i.

In a slight daze, Ayaka somehow managed to walk home. She even managed to put away all her suppose ninja gear and put on some water to boil tea. While she changed her clothes, she tried to figure out her feelings upon discovering the truth - or what she'd perceived was the truth.

Her maternal instincts began raging war between the need to protect her daughter from heartbreak again and the need to remember that her daughter had been doing well since being pushed from the nest. It was a battle that even a soothing soak in her bath tub did little to help.

Ayaka silently wished her own mother was still around as she would've given her some guidance.

The smell of jasmine greeted Ayaka when she came downstairs, for she'd left a pot brewing while she'd gone upstairs to change clothes. But what took her by surprise was seeing Sakura at the table pouring them both a cup of tea when she'd been at the hospital just an hour ago.

With two cups of newly brewed tea between them, Sakura didn't beat around the bush about why she was there in the kitchen. She told her mother that the rumors were true and that she was dating Sasuke - or rather they were "trial dating" for the past three months to see if a relationship was in their future before making any official announcement.

"Trial dating?" Ayaka asked, never once hearing of such a thing. It sounded like something a man of these days would suggest rather than a woman, she supposed. How utterly unromantic.

"To be honest, Sasuke-kun and I saw you the entire time." Sakura then offered her thoroughly shocked mother an apologetic smile. "But we never thought you'd last so long though..."

"Trust me, I could have gone weeks." Ayaka lied, not entirely liking the idea of them laughing about her antics behind her back, and she shyly leaned forward. "So that...err that kiss..."

"It was staged...well, it started off as staged." Sakura was thankfully her mother had left when she had, otherwise she would've had a lot of explaining to do on what had occurred on that roof.

Ayaka was utterly speechless. If husband had been there, he probably would've died from shock because for as long as they'd been together, she'd always had something to say or smile about.

Grounding Sakura for making a fool out of her own mother - and letting her go through all that nonsense for over a week, seemed futile since her daughter lived in her own apartment and it wasn't as if she held a gun to her head and made her do all those silly things. But it would sort of feel good saying it anyways.

It was a difficult pill for Ayaka to swallow, as she still couldn't separate the Sasuke from rumor from the Sasuke her daughter apparently was in love with. But Ayaka knew there was little she could do to change her daughter's mind. But that didn't stop her from making a request.

"Invite him to the picnic." Or rather it was suppose to be request, even though it sounded more like a command.

"Err...what?" Sakura was floored by Ayaka's oh so casual demand. Naruto had always been enough to drive her father crazy, but to introduce Sasuke would make him go into cardiac arrest.

"Oh relax, Sakura." Ayaka waved her hand in a dismissive manner and even laughed as if her suggestion wasn't dangerous. "Not as your boyfriend since you're 'trial dating,' but simply so your father and I can get to know him as a person and not from what the rumor mill has turned him into."

She hesitated. "Err...I well...Actually, picnics aren't exactly Sasuke-kun's style."

Among other things.

"That may be true. But the very least he can do is be polite and come. If he cares for you, surely he'd want to meet your parents...unless you're ashamed of us, Sakura-chan."

Sakura stared at her mother, unable to grasp at how suddenly she could turn the tables and now act as if she were an innocent pup being wrongly scolded rather than the original schemer.

Sakura sighed, utterly defeated. "I'll talk to him. But don't set your hopes up."

"Of course not, Sakura." But her mother looked like a cat that was just about got the canary.

ii.

"Do you need something?" Sasuke asked, no longer able to ignore her frantic movements.

Sakura had been on the rooftop with him for over half an hour, most of which consisted of her pacing back and forth, all the while mumbling to herself. He didn't mind her company, as it was a lot more bearable than being around Naruto, but this was becoming annoying and distractive. He was already in a sour mood having to do all these silly house repairs for a bitter old woman.

"Me? Oh uh nothing." Sakura said with a nervous little laugh that neither of them brought.

"Sakura." He gave her his full attention then, as he was just about finished cleaning the gutters.

After a full minute passed under that scrutinizing glare of his, which really belonged in an interrogation room and not in everyday life, Sakura caved and blabbed, "My mother wants to invite you to a picnic so you guys can meet. I know it's not exactly your thing and you're probably busy with your community service so-"

"I'll go." He interjected.

"Huh?" She was more surprised that he'd actually understood her rambling, as she was certain she didn't, since his agreement to attend the event had yet to sink in.

"I'll go." He repeated then turned back to the gutters. "I need to get back to work, but I'll be there."

Sakura smiled so wide that Sasuke wondered if he should somehow be a bit concerned. However, she didn't notice that slight frown of his. Instead, she was caught between joy and worry, for she hoped now that with him going her parents would see that he was a good person.

A little moody? Yes. But still a good person.

As if sensing that little moment, the old woman came out with her adorable white little kitten that trailed behind her, and yelled up with her broom swinging a little in the air, "You're supposed to be cleaning out the gutters, not placing kissy face with your girlfriend, Uchiha!"

However, the homeowner went ignored by the pair who were doing the exact opposite of her accusation. Annoyed that she couldn't get to either of them, she stormed right back inside and slammed the door with such a force that was atypical for her age group.

iii.

If there was one thing Ayaka Haruno was good at after nearly twenty years of marriage, it was making her husband's blood pressure go up - unintentionally or not.

"He's coming here? Today? Now? Why didn't you tell me?" Kichiro Haruno demanded and leaped out from the bed like if it were on fire. He couldn't believe his wife would spring such a thing on him like that!

"Because I didn't want to give you enough time to find a pitchfork?" Ayaka replied with a slight shrug of the shoulders and began to brush her shoulder length hair in front of the mirror as if she didn't just drop a big bomb.

"This is no time to joke, Ayaka! Why is he coming to the picnic?" Kichiro all but snarled. He then looked pleadingly at his wife's reflection. "Ayaka-chan, isn't that Naruto kid enough?"

Ayaka frowned, as she found Naruto rather refreshing and energetic like herself, and didn't entirely understand his dislike for the bubbly youth. "Sasuke-kun is also her teammate and friend. He wanted to come. So who am I to say no?"

"Are you serious? How could you not say no to that...that boy!" It took all of Kichiro's control not to call Sasuke a few other colorful words and it took all of his wife's control not to roll her eyes.

It was then Kichiro actually spotted the trio, from their bedroom window, as they neared the house. They were walking so close as if they were joined by their hips. His daughter was in between her teammates actually laughing beside that traitor as if it was nothing unusual or bad, as if he hadn't broken her heart and the village's trust in him. It made his blood begin to boil.

"Don't get yourself so worked up." Ayaka said, easily reading his facial expression. "Get to know him before you decide to write him off."

"I don't need to 'get to know him,' Ayaka. I'll never like a person like him." Kichiro grunted and moved away from their bedroom window, as if he was utterly disgusted by the sight of Sasuke.

Ayaka wanted to point out how similar the Uchiha and him were, despite their backgrounds, but decided against it considering her husband's current irrational state. "Like him or not. That's entirely up to you. But you have to at least be civil - or I will kill you."

Kichiro scowled because he knew it wasn't an empty threat. He had seen the bruises on an old boyfriend of hers that never made him doubt that hidden within her petite form was a dangerous wildcat. Then again, that old boyfriend had tried to do some shady things to her prior to that incident and as far as he was concerned demanding to have Sasuke leave wasn't illegal.

"Stop making such gory threats." He replied, seemingly unaffected. "It's not exactly ladylike."

Ayaka's right eyebrow twitched and she folded her arms firmly across her chest. "I'm quite ladylike, thank you very much. Now, if you're excuse me, I have to be a good hostess."

"I'm a good host too, you know." He replied back, to which she actually snorted in return.

"Not in your underpants, you're not." Ayaka replied nonchalantly and closed the door. Not too long after, her husband yelped upon realizing he was indeed only in his underwear and probably just shown the world just that.

By the time the trio arrived at the front door, Ayaka Haruno was outside to greet them.

"Ah, you're all here right on time!" Ayaka smiled and dragged out the large basket with remarkable strength for a such a small woman. "I packed a big picnic for us all! Oh, and some games that I hope you enjoy."

Ayaka's gaze fell upon Sasuke then, who seemed so out of place among three chattering people. She offered him a gentle smile, to which he didn't respond to.

"Sasuke Uchiha." He finally said, perhaps feeling it was only polite to introduce himself to her.

Ayaka searched Sasuke's face, then she eyed his entire body fully, and drew her own conclusion. Obviously, the boy was uncomfortable about being there, despite his aloof look, and maybe he needed some reassurance on where he stood in her eyes as his "trial girlfriend's" mother. She considered herself an intimating woman, after all, even if she was a few inches shorter than him.

"Sasuke-kun, I'm so glad that you made it!" Ayaka grinned, not caring that she was being a bit forward for their first meeting. From him, she truly sensed a good, but once misguided, heart and coming to this picnic only further that belief of hers.

"Ayaka-chan, aren't you happy to see me too?" Naruto pouted, wondering how she could miss him when he was dressed in orange of all colors.

"But of course! No one appreciates my cooking like you do." Ayaka smiled at Naruto, who began to blush faintly, and then turned back to look when the door closed from behind her.

Kichiro stood at the doorway, casually dressed for the day, but looked peeved with the house keys in hand. He didn't waste any time to show his disgust by sneering at Sasuke. As childish as it was and unsatisfying, since Sasuke didn't look like he cared, he certainly wasn't going to put on some act and pretend to be all cheery with that traitor standing right in front of him.

Ayaka sent him a warning glare, which Kichiro ignored. A few more seconds of glaring proved enough for him to cave. Satisfied that her husband would at least act like an adult for the day, she grinned and turned to everyone else, "To the park!"

Naruto was the loudest in the cheering squad, ignoring Sasuke's pointed glare and Kichiro sour mood.

And so, with Ayaka Haruno and Naruto Uzumaki leading, the picnic was underway.

But it seemed the quick silent prayer Kichiro did before going outside did him some good because a few minutes later, it began to rain and shortly after that the picnic was called off.

Of course, Kichiro Haruno should've known it wouldn't be that easy.

.

.

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PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER:

"Because, my darling, Sasuke-kun is Sakura's boyfriend. That's why."

"Since when?" Naruto and Kichiro had exclaimed, eyes wider than saucepans.

Ayaka had then promptly covered her mouth, as she'd now seen that her flaring temper had gotten the best of her, and timidly waved apologetically at Sakura, who had been unsure if she'd wanted to kiss her mother or kill her for blabbing.