In the end of the story, I borrowed some words from an author who wrote a SasoDei story. I altered the phrase a bit, but the original idea still belongs to her. GO READ HER STORY!! IT'S REALLY AWESOME!! It's called "The Note" by MinaTakahashii!! I love her (?) story!! :D Please read and review!!
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry. I know that by the time you find out about me, this won't be enough. Just by thinking of the pain I'll cause you by doing this makes me want to cry. But I think it's finally time that I let go. Free myself from this world, free myself from me. I'm sorry that things had to end this way, I really am. I know that it's not enough however, and I'll understand if you don't forgive me. But it's too late now. I've decided to go through with this.
The first time I met you, I was in a really bad mood. Kisame had just eaten all of my newly made puppets, thinking that they'd been fish. Pretty fucked up. As you can guess, I was pretty pissed off already, but when I found out that I'd just been assigned a new partner, I became really, really, pissed off. I was like a newly lit fuse, ready to go off any moment. I just knew that once I saw your annoying face, I would explode. (Even at this point I kinda knew that your face would be a little annoying). But when you saw me and I saw you, you smiled. And at that moment all of my anger just went out of me and in its place entered love. I didn't show it then, and put on my scowling mask—the mask I always hid behind. You seemed a bit disappointed when your bright smile was returned by an angry scowl, but you didn't yet know how much you'd impacted my life just then. In fact, after our first encounter, I felt things starting to change. Things within me.
I started smiling more, and once or twice I even laughed until tears came out of my eyes. I loved it w hen you laughed alongside me, and your laugh was like music to my ears (I don't like music but your laugh was different. You know what I mean). As time went on, I just felt secure in knowing that you were next to me, and whenever you weren't there I'd panic and look all over for you. (Of course, when I did find you, I'd never show that I'd been running all over the place looking for you, and yes, this does include Tobi's room.) After a while, I grew to love you as more than a friend, and this was when I came to realize that I loved, loved, you. But I knew that you'd never love me that way back, so I kept my feelings hidden inside me and never let them show through. Imagine how surprised I was when you confessed to me first, saying that you'd loved me ever since you'd first met me. I knew that you'd risked our friendship and your reputation to tell me this, and I admired your courage. You'd done something that even I had failed to do. My love for you grew even more, if that were at all possible. That day was the first time I'd kissed you, and the first time we held hands without even hesitating. I knew then that if you were to ever leave me, my heart would shatter into millions of pieces, leaving me as broken and lifeless as my puppets.
But now I'm leaving you, although I'm not being forced to. It's my wish to leave this world of pain and suffering, never to come back. I know that I'm being selfish, and that what I'm doing is an act of desperation. But I want this. I need this. I need to release myself from the unbreakable bonds and fly free. Even now, as I write this letter, I can foresee Chiyo-obaasan and her little apprentice succeeding in killing me. I'm going to die on this mission, Dei, but don't ever forget that I'll forever be watching over you.
I love you, Dei, and don't ever forget it.
As Deidara put down the letter, a tear trickled down his cheek. Another followed, and soon he couldn't control the torrents of tears falling out of his eyes and flowing down his face. Deidara held his head in his hands while he let the grief overcome him. His body racked with the force of his sobs as sadness and pain possessed him. Suddenly, a light breeze brushed Deidara's face and dried the remnants of his tears. Deidara's head snapped up and he whispered. "Sasori-danna?" As the breeze started to leave him, Deidara panicked, feeling that somehow his Sasori-danna was in that breeze. But as Deidara started to chase it, he heard several words that were spoken softly into the wind. Don't ever forget it. Deidara stopped running and slowly came to a stop.
"I won't."