I can't believe I thought that a potluck would be a good idea. It was Rose and Kanaya's 100th anniversary. And it was all a mess. I had organized it and now I was hunched under the table, eating ice cream over John and Jake, who had passed out. Rose and Kanaya were at the door, having brought a cake. Rose had her phone out and was filming the catastrophe. From above me, I heard Roxy use her spoon to hurl ice cream at either Jane or Callie. It hit one of them. I didn't hear which one, since right after that, there was a loud "HYYYYYAAAAAAAA" and Dave, who was fighting Terezi- she had taken a break from her hunt to come to their anniversary- with a pair of baguettes, was hit on the head with an entire watermelon. By, of course, Karkat, who had jumped off the table. There was a moment of silence. Then Jade barked from the corner, grabbed as much food as she could, and ran to the corner, ready to fight anyone who came near. Dave was stunned and covered in watermelon. Terezi was laughing her ass off, Roxy was hitting Karkat with ice cream projectiles, and Callie was scooping ice cream off of her face and throwing it at Jane. I sighed and stood up.
"Okay, everybody, stop!"
They all turned to look at me as I stood on the table. Kanaya facepalmed.
"Dirk That Was An Extremely Bad Idea"
I looked at her quizzically. Then I looked back around. Terezi, Roxy, Karkat, Dave, Jade, Callie, and Jane were in a circle around me, hands full of…
"Fuck."
I was hit by cookie dough, bits of watermelon, a baguette, a snausage, and lots of ice cream. And the game was back on. I gave up my attempt at pacifism and joined them. Rose stuck her phone to the wall to continue filming and took off the lid of Kanaya's cake. She pulled out a piece of cake and started throwing. A panicked "Rose What Are You" was cut off by Kanaya's mouth being stuffed full of cake. I got hit in the eye by my alt-universe sister's wife's throw of cake, having finally given in and joined.
I pulled out a last-minute reserve and prayed to whatever was out there that John and Jake wouldn't wake up. Jake shouldn't see me like this.
I threw the egg salad everywhere. Jake and I had made a near-infinite supply of it, so I wouldn't run out soon. Terezi screamed and creamed me with some coffee. I was already tired, so I crawled under the table with that throw, hoping I would be okay. John woke up and grabbed the egg salad from me as I collapsed on my boyfriend. What a fucking mess.