Questions and Hope
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Bourne movies.
Nicky's POV
He didn't remember anything. He didn't remember me. He didn't remember anything from before the Wombosi mission, the failed mission. His first failed mission, and his last official one. It hurts knowing that he's forgotten me, that he's forgotten everything.
I wish I could blame him, but I can't. I just can't. It's not his fault. Well actually, all things considered it is his fault. He chose to join the program. Then again, I highly doubt he chose to be brainwashed, for lack of a better word, into a killing machine.
I have to wonder, if he knew what was going to happen to him, would he still have gone? If he knew that he was going to forget everything that he once knew, would he still have gone? If he knew that he would forget his family, his parents, his siblings and their spouses, his nieces and nephews, would he still have gone? If he knew that he would forget his wife, me, and his son, would he still have gone? No, I don't think he would have. That's not right, I know he wouldn't have.
I go through this thought process everyday. I try to figure out what he was thinking and who I can blame, and I always end up in the same place, with the same unanswered questions, why? Why would he do this? Why is it so hard to blame him? Why is it so hard to find someone to blame period? I never can answer them, and I don't think I will ever be able to answer them.
Then again, according to Pam, he was starting to get his memory back when she last spoke to him, right before he fell into the river. Maybe with his memory coming back I will be able to get my answers. I guess that all that I can do now is hope. Hope that he will remember everything, and hope that he will come and find me.
Questions and hope. That's what I'm holding onto, that's what is getting me through this.
AN: I hope you liked it, I'm not quite sure yet how I feel about it. Please tell me what you think, it would be greatly appreciated. I may continue with this if I come up with any other ideas and if people like it.