Chasing Godhood

By Paradox761

Summary: After Xander's failed attempt to destroy the sword Soul Vessel and free the souls trapped inside, John Dallas now knows that he possesses the sword. Wanting to strike first, Xander gets intel on a secret stronghold and decides to bring the fight to him. If Dallas recovers the sword, nothing can stop him from becoming a god and exterminating mankind. Will Xander have to make the ultimate sacrifice?

Third in the series following "The Last Slayerette" and "Realm of Souls".

(BtVS/Sailor Moon/Star Trek/Highlander, Xander/Ami)

88888888

(1/?)

Deep Space Five

Commanding Officer: Commander Traymor Zet (Bolian)

Location: Sector 089, Alpha Quadrant (Bolian space)

Old Calendar Date: June 7, 2381

"Captain's log, stardate 58336.2. The Discovery has been docked at DS5 for almost a month now, tracking down leads to the location of the fugitive John Dallas. Admiral Colgate originally wanted us reassigned as soon as our mission on Zeta Nu V was over, but Commander Harris managed to convince him that this was more important. If the power that Dallas is seeking is somehow possible, the threat to the entire galaxy cannot be overstated. Since this station was his last known base of operations, before his brief appearance on the USS Thunderchild and his escape, we thought it would be a good place to start. We've had little success in tracking down associates of Dallas, business or personal. The few that we have been able to find have all turned up dead. It seems that Dallas is cleaning house, tying up loose ends before making his final move. The hope is to get some kind of a lead on his whereabouts and take the fight to him before that happens.

"There is one associate that we know for a fact has had lots of contact with Dallas over the years, probable intimate knowledge of his plans and methods, and since he was betrayed by Dallas, could possibly be convinced to help us. It may be…difficult to reach him, but with some help from our friend, Dr. Rachel Boon, we might have a way. End log."

88888888

Xander strode through the Promenade of DS5, determined. After weeks and weeks of dead ends, they finally had a chance to talk to somebody who could put them right on Dallas' doorstep. But would it work? And if it did work, would he help them? As these doubts were racing though his head, he saw walking toward him the last person that he wanted to talk to, the station's CO. And the rotund Bolian was clearing making his way toward him.

"Commander Harris, the ship that you've been waiting for from Vulcan has arrived."

Xander didn't break his stride, causing the Bolian to have to jog a few steps to keep up. "I'm aware of that, Commander Zet," Xander said evenly, trying not to let his annoyance show.

"And I can't help but notice that you're not on your way to the docking area, and that you've reserved one of the holosuites on the recreation deck for the day."

"Right again," Xander said, quickening his pace a little.

"It seems a little unorthodox…"

"I'm sure it does Commander, but we have everything well in hand. Thank you for your concern," Xander said in a tone that made it clear that he was anything but thankful.

"As commander of this station I would appreciate if you would keep me in the loop on your activities."

Xander stopped walking as they reached the turbolift. "With all do respect Commander, our activities are none of your business. We've made this clear several times now, we're using your station as a base of operations for the time being but that does not put us under your command. We're not interfering with the operation of your station, and we're not putting anyone here in danger."

Zet puffed out his chest and tried to look indignant. "With all due respect to you Commander, I can't be expected to take your word on that. This station is my responsibility, and I can't do my job if I don't know what's happening right under my nose."

"Then you're free to complain to Starfleet Command, which I know you've already done several times. And they'll tell you the same thing that they've told you each time, leave us alone." The turbolift arrived and Xander stepped inside. "Rec Deck," he said to the computer. The door closed just as Zet was about to protest again. "Moron," Xander muttered under his breath.

Once he arrived at the station's recreation deck he made his way to the holosuites and the one that he had reserved. Lieutenant Brubaker was already there, talking to the newly arrived Dr. Boon. Behind her there was a group of six Vulcans in robes, standing silently. "Rachel, it's good to see you again," Xander said.

"You too," she said, turning to face him. "Though I have to admit, when we parted ways I didn't think we'd be seeing each other again so soon."

"I appreciate your help with this, I know how busy you are."

"Oh, it's no problem at all. I must admit, when I first heard your idea I was intrigued, something like this has never been tried before. I was skeptical, but looking at Kevin's design, I think it will work."

"Oh, Kevin is it?" Xander asked with a smile, looking back and forth between her and Brubaker. The engineer smiled slightly as he turned back to his device. Boon blushed.

"Stop it, it's not like that," she said. Xander knew the two of them had been communicating via subspace since the idea for this has started, collaborating on the best way to make it work. He just found it amusing, because the two of them butted heads when she had first come aboard the Discovery even more than her and Xander had.

Brubaker turned to Xander. "Rach…I mean, Dr. Boon is right about this never being done before. But we weren't exactly starting from scratch. There have been other telepathic species who have developed technological devices to be used in conjunction with telepathy. Medical science understands what part of the brain is used, what neurochemicals are involved. Using some of those devices as a starting point, and some ideas from studying the scans from the spires on the Jakul homeworld, I think what we have here could work. That is, if they are able to make contact and maintain it while the device scans their brains," Brubaker said, indicating the Vulcans.

"I don't think that will be a problem," Boon said. "Xander, I'd like to introduce you to the monks of the Tollock Monastery on Vulcan. Widely considered to be the most powerful touch telepaths in the quadrant. The combined abilities of the seven of us should be enough to make contact and maintain it."

"Safely, right?" Xander asked, remembering what happened last time Rachel had made telepathic contact with the sword.

"Yes," Rachel confirmed. "The practice of a group mind meld was developed many years ago, specifically for the purposes of melding with distressed or troubled minds. The group can better control the meld and break it if necessary without damage to anyone involved."

Xander nodded to the monks and they nodded in return, still not speaking. "Vow of silence?" Xander asked.

"No, there just not particularly…sociable," Boon answered diplomatically. "Shall we get started?"

Brubaker set about connecting each of the monks as well as Boon with neural sensor, attached to their foreheads. He also attached a device to sword, Soul Vessel. The monks and Rachel sat on the floor in a circle with the sword in the center. They joined hands and closed their eyes. Brubaker returned to the control interface for the device.

"We're wired into this holosuite," Brubaker said. "If this works, we should start to see something over there," he said, indicating the other side of the room. "We're ready when you are, Rachel."

Boon took a deep breath. "Gentlemen," she said. The Vulcans all nodded in unison, and the two on either side of her moved their hands from her hands to her shoulders. Slowly, she reached out and touched the hilt of the sword.

Her breathing quickened a bit, but other than that she didn't show any signs of distress. A few minutes passed in silence before she spoke again.

"Stephen Hardcross," Boon said in a clear voice, as though calling out to him. "We know you are here and we know that you can hear us. Come forth."

The whole thing reminded Xander more than a little of a séance. And in a way, that's exactly what it was. Another minute or so passed and Xander began to see the hologrid working to generate an image. It took shape slowly into that of a man. Another couple of minutes and it was complete. Xander found himself looking at Stephen Hardcross, exactly as he had looked the day that he had killed him, from his clownish red hair to his lab coat. He looked around confused as he came into existence. "Where am I? What's going on here?"

"Dr. Hardcross," Xander said.

He turned his head and looked at him. "You! You killed me, you son of a bitch!"

"You didn't leave me much of a choice," Xander said.

"Where am I?" Hardcross repeated. "How did I get here?"

"We're in a holosuite on Deep Space Five," Xander answered. "And you got here via a…technological Ouija board of sorts." Xander stepped aside and indicated the circle of Vulcans behind him with the sword at their center.

"Soul Vessel," Hardcross said. "I'm inside Soul Vessel. Of course, my quickening was pulled into the sword after you killed me. I should have guessed, that is what it was designed to do after all. So why have you brought me here? What do you want from me?"

"I want John Dallas," Xander answered honestly.

Hardcross sneered. "And you think I'm going betray him to help you?"

"He's the one who betrayed you, Doctor. He sent a NegaVamp to your station and killed everyone aboard before blowing it up. He's a megalomaniacal psychopath with a god complex and he didn't care if you lived or died, all he cared about was that damn sword. He doesn't deserve your loyalty." Hardcross looked like he was going to object for a moment, but seemingly realizing that he didn't have an argument, he remained silent. "You must have known what he was going to do, otherwise why hide the device inside the sword and keep it from him."

"I had…suspicions," Hardcross admitted. "His rhetoric was becoming more and more extreme, and I began to realize that his plans for godhood didn't have room for me."

"How did this all start, anyway? Why build this device? Why help him?"

"I've always been a scientist, and from the moment I learned what I was I started studying our kind. I wanted to understand the forces that made us Immortal, and the reason why. I started with experimenting on myself, giving myself various injuries and studying how they healed. But I wasn't getting anywhere. I needed to study the quickening itself. What was it made of? Where did its power come from? But the only way to get a quickening was to kill another Immortal, and I…didn't have the stomach for that. When Dallas approached me, he seemed interested in the scientific aspects of our kind as well. He offered a partnership of sorts. He would provide me with quickenings, and I would find a way to use their power to make him a god. He promised me that I would have a place in his new universe, a place of honor."

"You trusted him?"

"He was my friend! We spent a century and a half together, traveling the galaxy, conducting our experiments."

"Until he became impatient," Xander surmised.

"We had successfully created a way to store the quickenings, like a battery. But I couldn't devise a safe way for him to absorb them all and retain their power the way he wanted. He thought I was stalling him. I began to see a change in him the closer he came to achieving his goal. He didn't care about bringing order to chaos, all he cared about was power. And I knew that he would never share that power with me, it just wasn't his nature. I concealed the device in my own sword, to hide it from him. Because I knew eventually he would grow impatient enough with me that he would simply take it. But I never thought…he would kill so many people."

"You spent 150 years with him, killing thousands of Immortals to fill your device with power!"

"That was different, that was part of the game!" Hardcross defended.

"The game," Xander said derisively. "When I took your head, did that feel like a game? When you joined those other quickenings inside of Soul Vessel, living in perpetual torment, did that feel like a game?!"

"I'm a scientist! I was doing it for the sake of science!"

"And you didn't care how many people got hurt in the process. Well this is your chance to make it better. Help me stop him before it's too late."

"He can't be stopped now," Hardcross said dejectedly. "He's been planning this for too long, he's prepared for every contingency. He's methodical, meticulous, he doesn't leave anything to chance, and he doesn't leave loose ends. He would have destroyed Hardcross Station even if his plan had been successful there, to destroy the evidence. That's why he wanted you there, to kill us both in one move. You were always the one person that he was the most afraid of, because you were able to track him for so long, get closer to him than any enemy ever had before. But I don't think there's anything that even you can do. He isn't going to let himself get this close and fail. It isn't in him."

"I have to try," Xander said desperately. "I still have Soul Vessel, and he can't do anything without it. I can use that to trap him into making a mistake. But I need to take the fight to him now before he has the chance to prepare. I need to know where he is. Help me, Doctor. Put me on his doorstep. Atone for your part in this madness."

Hardcross looked down at his hands, almost as if he could see the figurative blood on them. "He…he has a stronghold. It's on a planetoid in the Beta Pi system, in the Romulan Neutral Zone. He figured since Starfleet ships aren't allowed in the Neutral Zone, he was safer there. But its heavily fortified, with orbital defenses and sensors throughout the system. You get anywhere near it and he'll know you're coming. It won't be easy."

"Like I said, I have to try. Tell me everything you know about it."

88888888

"The Neutral Zone?!" Ami exclaimed.

Xander was sitting across from her in her ready room on the Discovery, he was briefing her on his meeting with Hardcross. "I know," he said.

"There's no way we can get a mission approved to enter the Neutral Zone, no matter how many favors Admiral Colgate owes us."

"I know," Xander repeated dejectedly. "I'm sure Dallas is counting on that."

Ami's brow furrowed in thought. "Hypothetically, if we could go in, how would we do it?" she asked.

Xander smiled. "I see two options. One, we go in big, guns blazing, take him by surprise. Downside is, Discovery doesn't have the kind of firepower we'll need based on what Hardcross told me about the defenses that are in place. Second option, we go in quiet. Small group, get on the planet covertly. The problem with that is that not even Hardcross is familiar with all of the security measures Dallas has in place, and if we're detected we're as good as dead."

"Neither option sounds very appealing," Ami said. "What about luring him out. We have Soul Vessel and he wants it."

"Problem with that is that we lose the element of surprise, and he gets as much time to plan and prepare as he wants," Xander said. "We have an advantage right now, he was expecting to recover Soul Vessel from the remains of Hardcross Station, so we've already disrupted his plans. We have him on his heels. Every instinct I have is telling me that we need to attack now."

Ami nodded thoughtfully. "I know what you mean." She reached out to the viewer on her desk and typed in a few commands. "We may have an option," she said, turning the screen around for Xander to see. On the display was the schematic for a starship.

"USS Ares," Xander read. "Akira-class, heavy-cruiser. Six type-10 phaser banks, four torpedo launchers, heavy shields, 1500 Cochrane power plant. Well, that could certainly do the job."

"I know the Captain," Ami said. "I think I can get them here. There's a symposium on stellar anomalies scheduled next month on Bolinar. I should be able to reschedule it for this week and move it to DS5, one of the perks of being the most senior science officer in the sector. I can also get the ship's science staff assigned to the symposium, that would bring them here."

"That would be great," Xander said. "Do you think your friend would be willing to help us?"

"Oh, I'm sure she would. Still, it's a big favor to ask."

Xander nodded. "I understand, but it may be our only option." Xander went back to pursuing the stats on the Ares while he wondered to himself who Ami would know that she could trust with something like this. When something suddenly occurred to him. "Isn't Ares the Greek name for…"

"Mars," Ami answered.

88888888

Counselor Dennan's office was quiet, as it always was. The Bajoran liked to let the silences stretch when Xander couldn't think of anything to say rather than asking leading questions. He said he wanted Xander to decide what they talked about, instead of guiding the session himself. They talked a lot in the last few weeks about Xander's life. Xander found that with Dennan's high security clearance, he already knew a great deal about things like demons, and vampires, and even Immortals. They talked about Xander's childhood on the Hellmouth, about his friends and the things they had done, saving the world and all that. They talked about John Dallas and that day in the Magic Box, and about the centuries that followed, Xander's dogged pursuit of the assassin and how he had finally given up on ever finding the man. They talked about Ami and their relationship, and of course about the more recent events on Hardcross Station, Romin's death, Dallas' reemergence in his life, his plan to unleash the power of Soul Vessel to become a god. And this morning, Xander told him about their plan to pursue Dallas to his stronghold in the Neutral Zone.

"I have to say Xander, you certainly are one of the more interesting patients I've had over the years."

"I tried to warn you, Counselor."

"That you did. But still, I'm glad I was finally able to convince you to open up to me. The life that you've had, the tragedies and the hardships that you've faced, it's astonishing to me that you've gone so long without some form of a mental break. Before your suicide attempt."

"I wouldn't call it a suicide attempt," Xander said. "Yes, I was prepared to die, but that wasn't why I was there. I wanted to free the souls inside the sword, release them from their suffering."

"Interesting choice of words. Do you think that maybe you were projecting a bit, equating their suffering with your own? Letting yourself off the hook for making the decision to end your own suffering by telling yourself that you were doing it for them?"

"I…I don't know," Xander admitted.

"Well how do you feel now, about ending your life? Do you still consider it to be a viable option?"

"No."

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because I don't want to die."

"Why not?"

"Because I feel like I have something to live for now. Because I've realized the pain that my death would cause to others around me, and I don't want to do that."

"The Captain."

"Among others."

"Is she the only reason that you don't want to kill yourself anymore?"

"No, I…I want to live. For the first time in centuries, I feel like I'm not just going through the motions, I really want to live. Yes, Ami is a part of that, but so is this ship, so was the experiences I had with the Jakul. And when I opened myself to feel again, I opened myself to the pain as well, and I wasn't ready for it. I did something stupid, but that's not a mistake that I'm going to make again."

"The reason that I'm pushing you so hard on this Xander is because I want you to see the difference between suicide and self-sacrifice. In our line of work, it's a decision that you may find yourself having to make again. And I want you to be prepared for that."

"I understand. You think that this mission to the Neutral Zone could be another suicide attempt, that I'm justifying it as a necessary risk when it really isn't."

"No, I don't think that. But I think that maybe you're afraid that other people will think that. I think you're afraid that deep down in your subconscious, it could be true."

"You think I'm afraid of my own subconscious?"

"Aren't we all? Afraid of what our thoughts say about us, of who we really are deep down. Afraid of what decisions you'll make, when push comes to shove and the chips are down. Afraid that when the time comes, you won't know the difference between a necessary risk and a reckless, suicidal act."

Xander didn't say anything for a moment. The silence stretched. "Maybe," he said finally.

"It's okay. It's a natural thing to be concerned about after what you've been through, and it's okay to admit when you don't know the answer. You'll get there, and you'll learn to trust your own judgment again. The fact that you've been so open to therapy is a good sign. Let's talk about the Captain."

"What about her?"

"How do you feel about her?"

"I'm in love with her. I fell in love with her that summer in Sunnydale, all those centuries ago. And when she was gone from my life, I thought I would never feel that again. I had other relationships, other people I loved, but it was never the same. And having her in my life again opened up so much that I thought was closed to me forever. And I feel guilty, because I know she knows that and she blames herself for what I almost did. And it's not fair to saddle her with all this baggage, but at the same time I don't know what else to do because I love her, and I know she loves me and the least I owe her is the truth."

"You're afraid of hurting her?"

"Yes, of course. Isn't everyone afraid of hurting the people they love?"

"Maybe, to some extent. I think in your case your fear may be above average."

"Probably. So, what do I do about it?"

"Just be honest with her about what you're feeling, don't try to hide it from her. If you can do that, then I think you'll be fine. Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about today?"

Xander shook his head. "No. Thank you, Counselor."

88888888

One week later, the Ares arrived at DS5. Once the ship was docked, Ami and Xander came aboard and went to see the captain. The ready room on the Akira-class vessel was bigger than Ami's on the Discovery, but it was essentially laid out the same way. Rei greeted both Ami and Xander with a hug when they arrived.

"How long has it been?" she asked Ami.

"At least five years, since we were both docked at Starbase 110," Ami answered.

"Too long," Rei said. She turned to Xander. "And you," she started.

"Closer to 400," Xander answered.

"How?"

"Ever hear of Immortals?"

"Those guys that run around cutting each other's heads off?"

"That would be us, yes."

"How? When?"

"It's a long story, but it begins and ends with a bastard named John Dallas. An Immortal assassin, he killed all of my friends from Sunnydale. Killed me too, that's when I discovered what I was."

"What?! Giles, Buffy…Willow, they were all murdered?"

Xander nodded. "Dawn, Tara and Anya too. It was a few years after that summer when the Sailor Scouts were there. I spent nearly a century trying to find him, but I lost track of him after the third world war, I thought he was dead. But he's resurfaced recently, and we have a chance to get him now, to stop him. That's why we need your help."

"You've got it," Rei answered immediately.

"Hang on, you don't know what we need yet. You may not be so ready to say yes. Why don't we all sit down."

"Of course," Rei said. She led them to a small sitting area with a couch and few chairs. "Can I get you anything?" she asked, making her way to the replicator.

"Tea," Xander and Ami both said at once.

Rei smiled. "Tea service for three," she spoke to the replicator. A tray materialized a moment later with a tea pot and three cups. She carried it to the table in the sitting room. "Now what is this all about, how can I help."

Xander and Ami spent the next half an hour or so explaining everything. The events on Hardcross Station, the device that Dallas and Hardcross had invented to absorb and store Immortal quickenings, the fact that Xander had the device and Dallas wanted it, and Dallas knew that Xander had it now thanks to his botched attempt to retrieve it from the destroyed Hardcross Station. Dallas' escape from the USS Thunderchild and the lives he took in the process, and finally their contact with Stephen Hardcross from inside of Soul Vessel, and the intel that he had given them about Dallas' stronghold.

"The Neutral Zone," Rei said.

"I'm afraid so," Xander said. "It's the perfect place to hide if you think about it, even species outside of the Federation and the Romulan Empire tend to steer clear. Nobody wants to get in the middle of an interstellar incident."

"What kind of defenses?" Rei asked.

"According to our source, orbital weapons platforms, unmanned AI drones, heavy shielding, surface to air defenses, you name it. He's had centuries to fortify it, to prepare for anything."

"So what you're saying is that no civilian ship has a chance."

Xander shook his head. "I don't think anything less than a heavy cruiser can do the job for sure. And we'll only have one shot at it, after that we'll lose the element of surprise."

"And how are we supposed to get the Ares into the Neutral Zone without being detected by the Romulans, or Starfleet for that matter?"

"I can take care of that," Xander answered cryptically.

"I know we're asking a lot of you and your crew, Rei," Ami said. "This isn't a sanctioned mission, it's…"

"A personal vendetta," Xander finished honestly. "And what we're asking you to do is essentially a crime. I just have to ask you to trust me when I tell you that John Dallas is probably the most dangerous man in the quadrant, and that if he manages to succeed in his goal, he will only become infinitely more so. We have a chance here to stop him."

Rei sat back in her seat, a thoughtful look on her face. She took a long sip from her tea. After a long pregnant pause, she finally spoke. "The Ares is scheduled to stay docked here for another two weeks while my entire science staff attends the symposium on stellar anomalies. The rest of the crew is supposed to be on shore leave. I think I can put together a skeleton crew of volunteers. We can tell them that it's a classified mission, strictly 'need to know'. That it's time sensitive and so the Ares was the only ship available. I trust my crew, and they trust me. We can get this done."

"So, you'll help us?" Ami asked.

Rei smiled with an expression on her face that said that was the silliest question in the world. "Ami, of course I'll help you. We're Sailor Scouts, we watch each other's backs. We always have and we always will. We still have a long time until the Silver Millennium."

"We can't thank you enough for this, Rei," Ami said.

Xander nodded in agreement. "So, are all the Scouts in Starfleet now?" he asked.

"Just us and Mina," Rei answered. "She's an engineer at Utopia Planitia. Lita lives in New Berlin, she's a teacher now. Serena and Darien live on Jupiter Station, Darien is a civilian consultant on some hologram project there."

"So, Venus is on Mars, Jupiter is on the Moon, and Sailor Moon is at Jupiter. Of course, makes perfect sense."

Rei smiled playfully. "It's good to see you again, Xander. It doesn't sound like you've had an easy time of it these past few centuries. I'm glad that you and Ami found each other again."

Xander locked eyes with Ami, and that shared look between them said more than words ever could. What they had been through in just the past few months alone, Xander knew that he wouldn't have gotten through it without her. He wasn't just existing anymore, just surviving, hiding in the snow from his enemies and from his own emotions. He was living again, and he had her to thank for that. He loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone. Her eyes reflected back so much love and support, he knew that she felt the same way. "So am I," he said simply. Ami just smiled.

88888888

A few days later, Rei assembled a small group of volunteers from her crew for their mission. Xander, having promised to figure out a way to get them into the Neutral Zone, gave them a course and the Ares departed DS5 with Xander and Ami aboard.

"Okay Commander," Rei said as she entered the transporter room where Xander and Ami stood behind the console, having already dismissed the crewman normally stationed there. "We've arrived at the coordinates that you gave us, and according to our sensors all that's here is a barren moon. So where are we exactly and why are we in the transporter room?"

"Starfleet Intelligence equipment depot," Xander answered. "And we're here to make a pickup, if I may Captain." Rei nodded her approval. Xander tapped his combadge. "Harris to bridge, I need you to transmit a code on my signal, I'm sending you the data now. Frequency, 167.25. Transmit when ready."

"Aye, Commander," came the reply from the bridge. And then a moment later. "Captain Hino, we're detecting a structure on the planetoid that wasn't there a moment ago."

"Very clever," Rei said.

"We'll only have one shot at this, if we don't do it right my command codes will be changed and I won't have access," Xander said. "Bridge, transfer communications control to my console here please." A moment later another display popped up on the right side of Xander's console. "Thank you. Computer, establish connection to the computer on the planetoid using the same frequency that we broadcasted from earlier. Transmit the following command code, Bravo-Whiskey-Golf-4-7."

"Working," the computer voice responded, followed by a series of tones. "Connection established."

"Establish transporter lock with cargo block 189-Alpha and transmit the same command code."

"Lock established."

"Initiating transport," Xander said, moving his hands across the controls. A moment later as he moved the slider up with his hand, the transporter hummed and a large piece of equipment materialized on the platform. "Bridge, scan the planetoid again. Are you still reading the structure?"

A pause, and then, "Negative," the response came. "Sensors are reading nothing again."

Xander turned to Rei with a smile. "Courtesy of Starfleet Intelligence, whether they know it or not, allow me to present our ticket into the Neutral Zone."

"Is that what I think it is?" Rei asked.

"One tenth-generation, Romulan style cloaking device."

TBC...