Title: The Queen of the Rings: The Femaleship of the Ring
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Summary: This is a fic about exactly how much better the Lord of the Rings would be if the main characters were girls. Very silly.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR.
Author's Note: This was just a random idea I had.review if you like it.
REVIEW RESPONSES:
some random person: Glad you liked it, and yes, there will be a story, and this is it. Go read!
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"I amar prestar aen," Galadriel spoke to the darkness, looking into her Mirror. "The world is changed. Han mathon ne nen. I feel it in the water. Han mathon ne haid. I feel it in the earth. A han noston ned gwilith. I smell it in the air. Much that once was, is lost. For none now live who remember it besides me.
"It began with the forging of the great rings," she continued, as the vision of molten metal being poured into a mold filled the Mirror. "Three were given to the Elves: Immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings." In the Mirror, she, Ginny, and Ciridan lifted their hands and admired the rings on their fingers.
"Oh my gawd, like, it's so pretty! Hah, I got the blue one!" Ginny bragged. Galadriel shook her head. "But mine's silver, and shinier than yours! Shiiiiiiiiiny...." Ginny, however, wasn't listening. She was busy teasing Ciridan. "You know, guys shouldn't wear rings unless they're married," she said. "So you must like someone!" Ciridan shook his head. "I don't like anyone!" he protested. Galadriel tore herself away from admiring her ring and leaned closer. "Ciridan likes someone? Who?" she asked.
The present-day Galadriel smiled at the fond memories and continued talking to the bowl. "Seven, to the dwarf-lords: great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls." Seven little dwarf dudes tried to toast each other with their rings. Dwarf #1 said, "Ow. How come that Elf guy didn't tell us that these Rings were sharp?"
"And nine....nine rings were gifted to the race of men who, above all else, desire power. Typical, huh. I mean, they're MEN! What do you expect? It's no wonder that they turn into these creepy screaming things riding dragons and possessed horses....sorry guys, got sidetracked for a moment there. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes....For within these Rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race." The Mirror became a map of Middle Earth. "But they were, all of them, deceived. For another Ring was made." The part of the map depicting Mordor darkened. "In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Queen Susan forged in secret a Master Ring, to control all others." Galadriel looked at Susan in the mirror, standing in her little volcano spa, wearing her metal armor outfit, with a gold ring on her finger.
"And into this ring, she poured her cruelty, her malice, and her will to dominate all life and make them give her manicures. One Ring to rule them all.
"One by one, the Free Lands of Middle Earth fell to the power and tackiness of the Ring. But there were some....who resisted. A Last Alliance of Men, Women and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth to do their own manicures every once in a while."
Galadriel watched several scenes of intense fighting. Ellen shouted, "Tangado haid! Hado i phillin!" Galadriel sighed. "Victory was near." Suddenly, Susan appeared, striding through the army, still in her metal outfit. "But the power of the Ring," she said, "could not be undone." She began swinging a giant club, with the gold ring on her finger. "Ow....that's gotta hurt," Galadriel said, wincing. One Man tried to attack Susan. She saw him, however, and hit him in the stomach. He smacked against the cliff. Galadriel snorted. "Stupid....It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's sword." The mini-Isildur in the Mirror reached for the sword with a yell; Susan stomped on it. It broke. Isildur looked at it for a moment, then, with another yell, he cut off the finger that was wearing the Ring. Susan screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAGH!!! OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD I BROKE A FINGER!!!" she screamed as she exploded.
Galadriel snickered and continued with her narration. "Susan, the Enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth, was defeated, and you have NO IDEA how much that surprised me. Anyways, the Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of Men are easily corrupted...." the Mirror showed Isildur at the head of a band of Men in horses "....and the Ring of Power has a will of its own." Orcs began shooting at Isildur and his men. Isildur got killed and fell into the river. "It betrayed Isildur....to his death." The Ring fell off his hand and sank to the bottom. "And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And, for two and a half thousand years, the Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer."
A hand picked up the Ring. The Mirror showed the Ring on a pale gray hand. A strange, female voice whispered, "My Preciousssss."
"The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who evidently has very bad taste in jewelry, and she took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains, and in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world." The Mirror showed a branch with the moon behind it. "Rumor grew of a shadow in the East....whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived, don't ask me how, that its time had now come." The Mirror depicted the Ring bouncing down some rocks. "It abandoned Gollum. I can understand why, after spending 2500 years with her....
"But something happened then the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable:" A hobbit appeared, with brown, slightly graying hair. She picked up the Ring. "a hobbit....Betsy Baggins, of the Shire." A wailing cry echoed through the caverns. "Lossssst! Losssssst! My Precious, my only jewelry, is lossssst!"
Galadriel sighed. "She's just....weird. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all."
Applause echoed through the Lothlorien glade. Galadriel turned around to find several Elves, who had been watching her. "Very good!" one shouted. A few were bust writing it down. "A fantastic retelling of the story," he continued. Galadriel blushed for a moment then smiled. "Thank you," she said graciously. "Now, if you'll excuse me...." she walked out of the clearing.
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More will come if I get reviews!
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Summary: This is a fic about exactly how much better the Lord of the Rings would be if the main characters were girls. Very silly.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR.
Author's Note: This was just a random idea I had.review if you like it.
REVIEW RESPONSES:
some random person: Glad you liked it, and yes, there will be a story, and this is it. Go read!
*************************************************
"I amar prestar aen," Galadriel spoke to the darkness, looking into her Mirror. "The world is changed. Han mathon ne nen. I feel it in the water. Han mathon ne haid. I feel it in the earth. A han noston ned gwilith. I smell it in the air. Much that once was, is lost. For none now live who remember it besides me.
"It began with the forging of the great rings," she continued, as the vision of molten metal being poured into a mold filled the Mirror. "Three were given to the Elves: Immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings." In the Mirror, she, Ginny, and Ciridan lifted their hands and admired the rings on their fingers.
"Oh my gawd, like, it's so pretty! Hah, I got the blue one!" Ginny bragged. Galadriel shook her head. "But mine's silver, and shinier than yours! Shiiiiiiiiiny...." Ginny, however, wasn't listening. She was busy teasing Ciridan. "You know, guys shouldn't wear rings unless they're married," she said. "So you must like someone!" Ciridan shook his head. "I don't like anyone!" he protested. Galadriel tore herself away from admiring her ring and leaned closer. "Ciridan likes someone? Who?" she asked.
The present-day Galadriel smiled at the fond memories and continued talking to the bowl. "Seven, to the dwarf-lords: great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls." Seven little dwarf dudes tried to toast each other with their rings. Dwarf #1 said, "Ow. How come that Elf guy didn't tell us that these Rings were sharp?"
"And nine....nine rings were gifted to the race of men who, above all else, desire power. Typical, huh. I mean, they're MEN! What do you expect? It's no wonder that they turn into these creepy screaming things riding dragons and possessed horses....sorry guys, got sidetracked for a moment there. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes....For within these Rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race." The Mirror became a map of Middle Earth. "But they were, all of them, deceived. For another Ring was made." The part of the map depicting Mordor darkened. "In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Queen Susan forged in secret a Master Ring, to control all others." Galadriel looked at Susan in the mirror, standing in her little volcano spa, wearing her metal armor outfit, with a gold ring on her finger.
"And into this ring, she poured her cruelty, her malice, and her will to dominate all life and make them give her manicures. One Ring to rule them all.
"One by one, the Free Lands of Middle Earth fell to the power and tackiness of the Ring. But there were some....who resisted. A Last Alliance of Men, Women and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth to do their own manicures every once in a while."
Galadriel watched several scenes of intense fighting. Ellen shouted, "Tangado haid! Hado i phillin!" Galadriel sighed. "Victory was near." Suddenly, Susan appeared, striding through the army, still in her metal outfit. "But the power of the Ring," she said, "could not be undone." She began swinging a giant club, with the gold ring on her finger. "Ow....that's gotta hurt," Galadriel said, wincing. One Man tried to attack Susan. She saw him, however, and hit him in the stomach. He smacked against the cliff. Galadriel snorted. "Stupid....It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's sword." The mini-Isildur in the Mirror reached for the sword with a yell; Susan stomped on it. It broke. Isildur looked at it for a moment, then, with another yell, he cut off the finger that was wearing the Ring. Susan screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAGH!!! OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD I BROKE A FINGER!!!" she screamed as she exploded.
Galadriel snickered and continued with her narration. "Susan, the Enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth, was defeated, and you have NO IDEA how much that surprised me. Anyways, the Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of Men are easily corrupted...." the Mirror showed Isildur at the head of a band of Men in horses "....and the Ring of Power has a will of its own." Orcs began shooting at Isildur and his men. Isildur got killed and fell into the river. "It betrayed Isildur....to his death." The Ring fell off his hand and sank to the bottom. "And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And, for two and a half thousand years, the Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer."
A hand picked up the Ring. The Mirror showed the Ring on a pale gray hand. A strange, female voice whispered, "My Preciousssss."
"The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who evidently has very bad taste in jewelry, and she took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains, and in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world." The Mirror showed a branch with the moon behind it. "Rumor grew of a shadow in the East....whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived, don't ask me how, that its time had now come." The Mirror depicted the Ring bouncing down some rocks. "It abandoned Gollum. I can understand why, after spending 2500 years with her....
"But something happened then the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable:" A hobbit appeared, with brown, slightly graying hair. She picked up the Ring. "a hobbit....Betsy Baggins, of the Shire." A wailing cry echoed through the caverns. "Lossssst! Losssssst! My Precious, my only jewelry, is lossssst!"
Galadriel sighed. "She's just....weird. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all."
Applause echoed through the Lothlorien glade. Galadriel turned around to find several Elves, who had been watching her. "Very good!" one shouted. A few were bust writing it down. "A fantastic retelling of the story," he continued. Galadriel blushed for a moment then smiled. "Thank you," she said graciously. "Now, if you'll excuse me...." she walked out of the clearing.
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More will come if I get reviews!