"You're upset." Han observed, arms folded and a scowl on his face, as he leaned against the doorway of their bedroom. The two of them had just returned home from a dinner gala, celebrating the tenth anniversary of the Battle of Yavin.
"What makes you say that?" Leia turned around to look at Han momentarily. He gave one of his lopsided smirks, sitting on the edge of their bed.
"I can just tell." Han shrugged, hunching forward in his seat to study Leia's stoic expression through the mirror. She started to undo the tight coil of braids resting on top of her head. Han silently watched, wondering if he was always going to be this awed at the site of watching Leia's beautiful brown hair fall like a brilliant cascade down to the way it had looked on Endor.
"You can always tell," She finally answered him, turning to give him a genuine and warm smile, "How's Ben?"
"Sleeping." Han stuck his hand out, reaching for the hair brush she held, "May I?"
"He's been having nightmares again," Leia frowned slightly, pressing the brush into Han's warm hands as she sat down next to him on the foot of the bed.
"Leia," Han started to run the brush slowly through Leia's thick tresses of hair, "He's five years old, sweetheart. I don't think we should worry too much about it."
"It just..." Leia let out a small sigh, not feeling reassured by Han's words, "It just doesn't feel right."
"Did you get to talk to Luke tonight?" He asked after a moment of silence, as he sat the hair brush down on the mattress. The concern in Han's voice made Leia's heart ache a little more than his words should have.
She merely shook her head.
"Huh," Han let out a huff of air and Leia swore she could see the small crooked smile forming on Han's face even without looking at him, "Kid was pretty infatuated with her, wasn't he?"
"With who?" Leia couldn't help but feel amused at Han's words. She pulled her legs up and settled into a cross legged position on the bed.
"You know who," Han scoffed out, gathering three sections of Leia's hair, "Jyn. Or whatever her name was, the one who stole the Death Star plans."
"Really? I didn't seem to notice." Leia turned around to give Han a absentminded smile. Han opened his mouth, as if to speak, but let out another frown. Something was definitely bothering Leia if she didn't notice how Luke Skywalker and Jyn Erso talked and danced the whole night through after the former Princess of Alderaan had excused herself from the brief and polite conversation she had with one of the key players of Yavin's victory. Han knew for a fact that she was upset at something since she went straight into their room, slowly rubbing her temples, instead of heading to her study or Ben's bedroom.
"Leia," He tried again, pausing in the middle of braiding her long hair, "What's bothering you?"
"Han, it's nothing" Leia sighed out, exasperated, "Just sad."
"Oh?" Han's voice softened. He didn't say anything for a while, as he finished braiding off her hair. Then, he let out very quietly, "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Leia turned around and looked at her husband. Before she could say anything else, Han scooted back and leaned against the headboard.
"Come 'ere" Han held out his arms, a solemn expression on his face. So Leia obliged. Pressing her back to his chest, she felt Han's arms wrap around hers and for a moment, she was warm and she felt safe and she felt so much love for Han Solo than her heart could possibly handle. Having settled into a comfortable position, Han murmured into her ear, "Okay, now talk, princess."
"At the gala tonight, did you remember Jyn mentioning a Captain Andor?" Leia asked as Han took a moment to think about it.
"Yeah," Han furrowed his brow, "He was part of the team that stole the plans, wasn't he?"
"Captain Andor was stationed on Yavin IV as an intelligence officer," Leia explained, "but he...he didn't...he never made it back."
"You were in love with him." Han stated, as if it were a matter of fact. There was a frown on his face, an uneasy expression that dared wonder if Leia loved him.
"No! I mean," Leia exclaimed, holding one of Han's hands with both of hers, "I don't know if I was. Or if I wasn't."
"Cassian and I, we were good friends," Leia continued. Suddenly, she broke into a sad smile, "My father liked him a lot; he thought Cassian was a very nice man."
But Cassian Andor had left her life forever, like every person and every thing she cared about seemed to do.
"We were in the middle of fighting a war and I," Leia's voice was slow, hesitant and she could feel Han shift uncomfortably at an unfamiliar topic they had never really talked about seriously, "we both had no time to fall in love."
But you did. Leia thought. Some scruffy nerfherder came into her life and slowly but surely, she fell in love in the middle of a war.
"He mostly worked with my father but I've known him since I was sixteen or seventeen years old." She continued, "I never even stopped to think that Cass and I were anything more than friends until my father brought it up one day. In his very words, 'your mother wanted to know.'"
Leia broke into a slight chuckle. Though Han remained silent, a small smile crept onto his face as he interlocked his fingers with Leia's.
"Of course, they've never really pried into my personal business but Cass," She sighed out, "I guess they saw...something more than just friendship before I ever did."
"He was your first." Han murmured, sounding almost pitifully dejected, "Your first love."
"I wouldn't say that, dear." Leia softly replied, playing with the wedding band on his ring finger. After all, she never stopped to think about it until he had left her life. The two had never been ones to sneak kisses around base or to hide away in some corner to make out. They were both too practical, too level headed to do such a thing when the fate of the whole galaxy had been in their hands. First to volunteer their lives to the Greater Cause because the Rebellion had always been first in their hearts, Cassian was just too much like her, Leia thought. He never could complement her in quite the same way that Han did.
"But the night before he left for his mission, he came to visit me." Leia's breathing grew a little more erratic, "He had kissed me for the first time."
She remembered the hesitant and shy smile that crept onto Cassian's face after it had happened and she remembered her cheeks turning pink when she stood there as he sadly bade her goodbye.
"I tried not to think about it," But thoughts creep easily into one's mind when one cannot sleep. And one doesn't fall asleep when one of their closest friends has decided that his life meant nothing if it meant successfully obtaining the Death Star plans. And that was exactly what Cassian Andor had did for Princess Leia and the Rebellion, "but then I realized I was in love with him and I hated myself for not telling him that before he left."
Han said nothing, lost in thought.
"And I never had the chance to tell him." Leia sighed out.
But you told Han. Painful memories of Cloud City sprung to Leia's memory that she didn't even stop to suppress the tears that were streaming down her face. You told Han you loved him and he knew it. You told Han you loved him when you thought you had lost him forever. Suddenly, Han's arms wrapped tighter around her.
"It's okay," He said over and over again.
"And so," Leia dried her eyes, taking a deep breath, "So I told myself that I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice."
The same mistake, Leia failed to elaborate, of being in love. She had lost Cassian, then her friends, then her parents, and then Alderaan all in the span of a few days but it might as well have been all at the same time. Leia Organa decided she had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime. She voided herself of any emotion and she distanced herself from any relationships that were not professional in nature. Instead, she busied herself endlessly with work and work and work. Not that Leia, the politician and diplomat, minded devoting herself fully and wholly to the Rebel Cause.
Then, a much too optimistic Tatooine farmboy and a no-good Corellian smuggler shows up in Stormtrooper uniforms and changed her life forever and for the better. She grew to love both of them so dearly and so much that it made her even angrier at herself. It didn't take Leia long to realize that she was in love with Han Solo and she found that the more she resisted him, the more he had fought back. Losing Han on Bespin had changed her though because this time, Leia knew there was a way that she could save him. In a way, he had saved her too.
"But it was never a mistake." Leia breathed loudly, "I fell in love with you, Han, and I loved you so much, it...it scared me. And it made me angry and-"
"Shhh..." Han hushed, as Leia turned around and buried her face in his chest. He pressed his lips against the top of her head, feeling the front of his shirt grow wet with her tears, "Leia, I know, I know."
"I love you, Han." She mumbled, her words muffled. And Han smiled, holding Leia tightly in his arms.
"Love you too, princess." And the two of them stayed that way, in each other's arms, the entire night.
A/N: I spent a good number of days thinking about this and believe me, it's hard to write a fanfiction for a movie that hasn't even been out yet but...I wanted to write this before Rogue One came out and officially disproves this Leia and Cassian ship, which is probably (definitely) NOT going to end up being canon. BUT, who knows what happens after we finally learn Cassian's character after the movie comes out? And of course, I love Hanleia so there's that. I hope you enjoyed reading this and do hope you'll leave a comment! Please let me know what YOU think! Thanks for reading!