"Swing me higher!" Rayne screamed in delight.
"Hold on" I yelled back pushing her to the maximum height the swing set would allow. Rayne giggled happily as I slow her down to a complete stop and she got off of the swing. I got several disapproving looks from the mothers, but I didn't care I, unlike other teen boys, like spending time with my little sister.
"I'm going to go on the jungle gym," she stated running towards the jungle gym her raven curls flowing in the wind. I followed waiting at the end of the slide for her to come down, she may be 5 but I will be over-protective of her until she's 40.
"Oww" I heard her scream in pain at the top. Me following through with my big brother duties ran to her aid. Two boys and a girl stood looking down at Rayne as her nose began to gush with blood. I picked her up bridal style and brought her back home.
"What happened?" CeCe burst out when we entered the kitchen door.
"She fell at the park," I answered setting her on the counter.
"Just fell?" my mom questioned examining her nose.
"Yup, possibly tripped," I replied.
"I'm calling the doctor," she stated turning to the phone.
"Why? It's just a nose bleed, she isn't dying" I commented holding a tissue up to her nose.
"If she just fell she shouldn't be bleeding that bad." My mom responded matter of factly.
"Oh" I answered gently I don't know why, but panic filled my whole body
O.o.O
"Leukemia?" I repeated not believing the news my parent just told me.
"Yes Rayne was diagnosed with leukemia," Bullfrog assured sadly.
"Will she be okay?" I asked tears forming in my eyes.
"Maybe, maybe not. She's going to go through chemotherapy." My mom answered putting her hand on my knee. Silence enveloped the room and the only noise was my silent sobs. I couldn't lose my little sister it was too much to process I felt the tears stream down my cheeks but other than that I was completely numb.
O.o.O
It's been about 3 months since I heard the news. Our trips to the park stopped Rayne was just too frail and weak to do much. She had her good days and bad days but the cancer took its toll on her body. Her near black locks were now gone, a side effect of the chemo. I was deep in thought leaning over my desk trying to think of a topic to write.
"Eli," I heard a soft voice call out.
"Rayne Bucket," I replied pulling her into my lap. In one of her hands she clutched a magazine with Miley Cyrus on the cover.
"This is pretty," she explained pointing at the actress "I'm not pretty." she sighed.
"Rayne this is pretty," I said pointing at the same picture "but this is beautiful" I continued touching her head. She slowly slid off my lap and hugged my legs. She scampered out of the room and I got to thinking.
O.o.O
"Eli are you sure?" CeCe questioned as I sat in the barbers chair.
"More sure than anything," I answered
"Why?" she asked
"I want to make Rayne feel more comfortable and this is the only thing I could think off," I explained my reason for shaving my head.
30 minutes and some scissors later and I'm bald. I felt my head though some people may think I would regret this, but no I would never regret doing something for my little sister.
"She'll love it," My mom whispered in my ear while I admired my freshly shaven hair.
O.o.O
"We come together now to remember this sweet girl," the pastor started going off about some God stuff and verses but I wasn't listening. How could someone so big and powerful take away my little sister? Did I do something wrong? Please someone answer me that? I kept my eyes straight fearing if I did as much as look at my mom I would have an emotional breakdown. I went though the Catholic motions stood up when so needed, sat down when told to, kneeled when the time for kneeling came, repeated the words I've learned over the years, and blessed myself with the sign of the cross, but it all felt fake at this time the whole idea of religion seemed like a façade put up by my parents and family to protect me from the real world. Less protection, more pain. I felt the ever growing pain in my chest, I've been lied too something I leaned on was fake, a sham used to deceive me into believing that there something bigger out there when there wasn't. My life has been a play and I had just been acting out the script, what was shown off as diamonds turned out to be nothing but broken glass.
O.o.O
From that point on I saw only the evil in the world. Call me pessimistic but if you haven't noticed the evil out weighs the good all the time. My world was black and white I stopped looking to some high power and tried to find truth for myself, I was done listening to what everyone else had to say it was about me now. Me, myself, and I, what I believed was true was what I was going to follow.
Love? Don't get me started it doesn't exist in high school, no way you're going to find your soul mate in the social jungle the government wants to call high school. I've already fallen for that trick twice, once with Mckayla (that lasted all of ten minutes) and once with Julia, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I only learned that it brings pain like every other fake thing in this world. I'm done having to protect someone when I'm the one who needs protecting myself. Build a wall and don't let anyone in, easy enough…
.
.
.
"Eli! EEEEllliiiiii? Earth to Eli!" I snapped out of my trance to look at Clare.
"Sorry what'd you say?" I asked.
"I asked you who is this?" she stated pointing at a picture of me and Rayne, "And then you got this faraway look in your eyes-"
"Were you having a flashback?" Adam chimed in.
"Yes." I answered simply. "Yes I was." I was having a flashback about how I lost my sister, my faith, and my ability to love all in one week.