The aftermath of Episode 18, "Speak Like a Child."
Word Count: 894
Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebopor anything associated with it.
"I will always be cheering you on."
The words echoed through the ship, breaking the silence of space. They were replayed over and over. The happy child on the screen cheered, she motivated herself. She wanted to make sure she was this happy in the future. If only she knew what would have happened. How there was that stupid accident that stripped her of her memories, that deprived her of her happiness. What would that little girl say now? "What happened to you? You were so happy once. Why aren't you now? Don't you remember?"
"I couldn't remember…I couldn't remember being so happy."
What happened?
Her shoulders shook as the weight of her memories began to fall on her like a wave mercilessly pounds on the sands of the shore. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. The violet haired woman couldn't let the boys see her so confused and so alone. Alone with just her childhood self on a stupid old beta tape. Why was she even watching? Was it worth tormenting herself, to know what her life was like? What she was like?
She struck out, pushing the beta tape player onto the floor and effectively turning it off. She then found herself in darkness, except for the old television that now showed static, an accurate representation of her today.
"I was so happy. So innocent. I wasn't this…I wasn't a bounty hunter, or a gambler. I was so shy, so…insecure…how did I get this way?"
She was lost between the times. What would have happened if she didn't get into that accident? Would she have been so cold? Or would she have been a little ball of sunshine, quiet and innocent?
"Would you want to change it?" Faye's eyes flickered over to the doorway, only to see that stupid blue suited man leaning against the frame. He lit a cigarette before crossing his arms, "Well?"
She sat there, stunned beyond words. Her mind was racing, and as much as she tried to make it, it would not slow down. What would that child have wanted? What does she want now? Spike made his way over and sat beside her in front of the old TV. Faye curled in on herself, drawing her knees to her chest and holding on to them. She wanted to say something, to make him go away. But her mind was unable to form any sort of barrier, just more questions that had no answers.
Spike bent his knees and rested his arms on them, "You know, one of my eyes is a fake." He extinguished his cigarette in the nearby ashtray before turning to face the static on the screen. "I lost it in a battle, the same one I lost her too. Her name was Julia. All I see in that fake eye is her, the life I had with the syndicate. I see Vicious. In my real eye, all I can see is now, with Jet, the Bebop, Ed, Ein, and even you. I wonder what it would be like if I stayed in the past with my fake eye. I wonder if that will even catch up to me. I wonder if I'm truly alive."
Faye watched him from the corner of her eye. He seemed so lost, but he was still living. He had questions too. But he hadn't lost all of his memories. What made him think that he could relate to anything that she's experiencing right now?
"Are you truly alive, Faye?"
Her thoughts abruptly stopped. That was the final brick in the wall washed away. She missed it all. She wanted it back but it was all gone, it had been gone a century. Everyone she had seen on tape besides herself were all dead and buried. The earth she knew was completely shattered. It was gone…all gone, and there she was, the remnant of a once happy little girl from the past.
"God, Faye…" Spike muttered as he saw her fall apart in front of his real eye. In his fake eye was the memory of his own undoing and his inability to change his present. But he was alone then, and she wasn't alone now. With some awkward tension, he gingerly wrapped his arm around her and allowed her to use him to see what she had. He'd done this just once before. He had helped Julia see what could have been, but he had failed to make it true. He wouldn't fail again, he promised himself he wouldn't do that again.
Fate had been both cruel and kind. Had she not been in that accident, Faye wouldn't have been there now, with Spike. Everything was taken from her past self. All her friends and family were long dead. She had even lost her old self. But she had gained more. She gained a new family, a new self. One of confidence, not of that shyness that little girl in the tape had. Was she truly alive? She'd lost everything from her home, but she still existed and, though fleeting, she still had happiness.
"Spike…I think I'm truly alive…" she whispered. He grinned and hugged her a little closer,
"I think so too, Faye."
"I hope you can find what you're looking for. I will always be cheering you on."
End.