Am I an absolute idiot?

Don't answer that question. Please, don't. I've already confirmed the fact that I am, indeed a brainless fool. You really have no reason to tell me, other than to just… rub it in my face even more. Everyone knows I don't like to look stupid.

And yet, lately it's happened so much. One day, I'm tripping over a pudding in the hallway, the next I've got an arm literally coming out of my back. Another day, my head was turned around like I was some devil. And I am not, I promise. There are some who think so, yes, but that is beyond the point.

The point is, as much as I dislike looking like a fool, I am one such person.

Why, you ask?

James bloody Potter. That's why.

Let me give you a better explanation than that, though.

Hello, my name is Lily Evans.

Yes, that Lily Evans. The one that James Potter supposedly has carved into the wood of his bedside table.

Not just my name, either. A detailed picture of me.

Yes, it frightens me more than it frightens you.

So, back to the point. I am Lily Evans, the person James 'loves'. What a treat, eh? I'm really and truly honored by the position. Completely serious.

…

…

Not.

What makes me an absolute idiot is much simpler than my relationship with James, though. For that I am glad.

I feel stupid just thinking about it.

Why did I do that?

I gave in. I finally gave in, after years of pretending I hated all the attention, I gave up. I gave up just like I was some hussy who actually wanted his attention. Once again, I am no such girl.

So here I stand, looking at my reflection in the mirror of fourth floor bathroom, waiting for a reason to drown myself in the sink. But the strangest thing is…

I simply can't do it. In fact, instead of just not being able to drown myself, I've got some giddy smile pasted across my face, and I'm about to burst if I hold in my giggle any longer. My red hair, glowing in the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the window, frames my face. My green eyes sparkle back at me, taunting at the fact that I did indeed give up.

So it sounds silly when I say I 'gave up'. I've told myself for far too long that I don't like James, and I think it's a good sign that I'm finally letting him in.

After all, he's…

Delicious. Sexy. Hawt. Edible.

Hell, all of the above. Plus more. He's just…

Perfect.

Cause he's smart, too. He's not just a god. He's an intelligent god who, for some reason that I cannot even begin to fathom, has a thing for the smart girl with the freakishly green eyes. Go figure.

I wipe a hand across my face, trying to destroy the smile that just won't disappear. I was more than excited right now, though I barely understood why. I'd only just admitted that I liked the boy, and now I was...

How cliche. A giddy schoolgirl over the very thought of him.

But I'm not the only one. James actually has followers.

I'm told I do too, which is flattering I guess. Maybe that fact is why James was drawn to me, and I to him. We both need someone who won't fawn over us completely. We would some, I imagine, but nothing creepy. I wouldn't steal locks of his hair in the night or send him flowers every day or...

Snort. Ask him out until he has no choice but to say yes.

No, those three were his job.

If he gave me the chance, I would respect him. Care for him. Be his umbrella when he's down. I guess, if we came right down to it... I would love him. Simple as that. I couldn't possibly do anything else.

My twinkling eyes no longer seem so malevolent. They were only trying to show me the upside of this whole thing in the first place. Maybe it's time I listen.

After this weekend, I can at least say I gave James a chance. I can say that he wasn't my type, if things don't work out. If they do, however, I can be protective over him and not let any other girls within a four foot radius of his person.

But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

But above all else, before this was a chance to say I'd done it...

It was a new beginning.