Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: SVU. It is the property of their respective owners.
Title: SVU In A Nutshell
Sup. This just happens to be my first SVU fic. I just got into the show and I think it's pretty awesome but enough of that. I've tried doing something like this before, but I guess I'll be lucky this time. I already have chapters 2-4 taken care of and already planned the story through chapter ten.
This is essentially a crack!fic/series. So you'll see more funny from this in later chapters. I'll do my best. Enjoy and tell me anything that can improve the story. (Anything will do, nothing stupid please.)
Chapter One
Elliot - "Hello readers, I'm Detective Stabler."
Olivia - "...And I'm Detective Benson. And this is a brand new series called, SVU In a Nutshell."
Elliot - "Would you like to explain, Liv?"
Olivia - "Gladly. This fan-fiction is none like any other. This series as we call it, is focused mainly on humor. Usually the events of what goes on in the precinct, the DA's office and even at the crime scenes. We have no intention of making fun of rape in this story but instead, this is mainly to give you a laugh or two and you guys can chime in and request ideas. Or not."
Elliot - "As for us characters, you may notice from time to time that we act a little out of the ordinary. But that's for humor purposes; if this was a drama, then we'd be as 'in character' as we can possibly be."
Olivia - "Also, this series ranges from any season of SVU so all of your favorite characters, living or dead, is subject to appear. You guys can ask for ideas on what kind of thing we should do next, but currently we are booked for the next several chapters."
Elliot - "So get a drink, finds someplace comfortable and quiet and read the borderline crazy thing we have in store."
Olivia - "But we warn you, this is not like any other SVU story, if you are unconformable with this, there is a handy backspace that you can use. But give us a try if you want. And now, we enter the story..."
It's Movie Night
Just getting off of work (finally), the fine detectives which consists of Olivia, Nick, Munch, Fin and Amanda decided to ease the prolonged stress of their job and go out and enjoy a fine movie. Since they've been too busy to care about anything, they had no clue about what was playing tonight. Oh well.
"Okay I'm gonna say it," Amaro randomly opened up, "Who's idea was it to go see a movie?"
"If I remember correctly, then it was Liv who suggested the idea." Munch answered him; he'd rather stay home than deal with this.
"Hey, is it my fault that I wanted to spend the night with my co-workers?" Olivia said rhetorically, "Who I love working with..."
While listening to her, Fin made a short observation, "This is because you have no date tonight, isn't it?"
She held a second of silence that led her to agree. "Yeah."
"So basically, because you can't get none, we have to spend the night watching a movie... with you." Rollins also observated.
"Come on guys, there's plenty of movies that we can watch. Battleship, Men In Black, The Three Stooges. Hell, I heard great things about The Avengers."
"No offense, Liv. But I'd rather spend the night dancing with a mop than to watch any of those movies." Munch stated; he was actually serious.
With everybody against watching anything tonight, they all walked out of the theater and while they walked away, Olivia yelled out, "Well fine. You guys suck then."
She would watch The Avengers. But was highly disappointed with herself when she left. Talk about a great night.
Arrg!
When you aren't working on any active cases during the day, things get boring. Which in the case of Alex and Casey, any opportunity of them not working was a gift from God. Normally, they always went they're separate ways but this day was much different than any other. Why? This is why.
In the Hudson River, there was a paddle boat and it has Alex and Casey swimming in it. But the one thing that made it weird was the fact that Alex took the time to dress up as a pirate captain and with some sort of sword, she stood on the edge of the boat while Casey just had to sit there and deal with her. Things like this really made her wonder why she even talks to her.
"Arr, sailor. Where do you think the treasure is hiding in these trenches of this area?" Alex asked her, speaking in what sounded like a pirate accent.
"I have no idea what you just said." She sighed while continuing to paddle the boat, "Is this even worth our time? I'd rather read a crappy book than to continue paddling this thing."
"Come on, Casey. Just play along. How many chances do we get so we can leave work and have fun? Zero. Just do what I'm doing right here."
She sighed once again because of this stupid scenario, but eventually she swallowed her guts and chose to play along with her. "I don't see any treasure out here, cap'n. Perhaps we should look elsewhere."
"Well then gauge this boat in to full blast. We will find the treasure no matter what."
After some certain time, they were roaming up on a crime scene nearby. And incidentally, Munch and Fin were at the scene. But they were more focused don their time until they showed up out of the blue.
"Is is me or is it that more men are being raped these days?" Fin wondered.
"Makes me wanna protect my ass." Munch replied.
"As if anyone would want to go down that dusty road." Then all of a sudden, Fin notices Alex and Casey on a boat from afar. "Hey, Munch? Isn't that Alex and Casey?"
Munch looked over to check it out and after getting a better look, he said, "Yeah, that is them. But what the hell is Alex wearing?"
"Is that a question that we need to know?"
"Not really."
"Then let's do our job..."
While they turned their attention towards the job, that didn't really stop Alex from noticing them either. She wasn't sure at first, but using her binoculars she had a better look.
"Hey, Casey. Isn't that Munch and Fin over there." She inquired.
"Don't care."
EX: Part 1
There was a downside to Olivia's life; like the fact that she's single, mother less and that wasn't the beginning. Knowing how empty she was and how much of a downer she was, her partner and best friend Elliot looked to change that. So they went to a night club. Olivia was not the kind to go out clubbing and if she was, she wouldn't have the time for it and Elliot was both married and doesn't need to have much fun at all. Even though this was far from each other's comfort zones, you gotta try something new.
A little uncomfortable, Olivia told Elliot, "I'm not sure if I should even be here. We should be working on the case."
"Relax, Liv. It's not a crime to have a take a load off. This job gets hard, but we need to remember to have fun with our lives."
"Perhaps." She sort of agreed. She's been at a bar sometimes, usually after work but a night club was something she wasn't commonly used too; all she saw was potential rape victims and rapists.
A while later, Elliot and Olivia were sitting at some table and he came back with their drinks. However, Elliot had something planned. He wanted Liv to loosen up, so he decided to add something extra to her beverage. He also had to make sure nothing went wrong.
"Bottoms up. Bottoms up."
"Shut up." They would consume the alcohol that they had and all Elliot had to do...was wait.
Half hour later, things lighten up in the club. What he had put in her drink happened to be ecstasy, a strange drug used for partying. And the effect was kinda hilarious. Olivia had more energy than a caffeinated five year old; she was dancing with glow sticks and at some point, she began to sing. Watching over her, Elliot was enjoying this and hoped he could show the others how she was acting right now.
"I need to try this more often."
***We now interrupt this chapter for a following commercial***
Munch - "Hey boys, girls and stoners! You want a new cereal that is both delicious and parent-approved? Something that will make you want more? Then try Munchies! Munchies is made of all kinds of shit that makes it taste good. I don't know how you make it, but you toast it or something, it's packed in a bag inside a box, you buy it, you open it, add some milk to it.
It's got the thing that are good for you, but will eventually rot your teeth at some point. Lactose intolerant? No worries! You can eat this crap without milk. It's fucking awesome! So buy Munchies in a store or drug dealer near you."
Fin - "What the hell are you doing, Munch?"
Munch - "I'm selling my new brand of cereal."
Fin - "Oh god. Kids, don't eat this. I've had it before, it's like eating a stale piece of bread that you find somewhere in a ditch."
Munch - *silence* "Shut up, Fin."
Probably part of a balanced breakfast.
***Back to the chapter***
What's My Problem?
Recently, Casey has been feeling quite down as of recent. She's felt left out and all these things depressing. All she did was sit in her office and stay there in silence. You couldn't figure out why but it was better if you didn't. She rarely left her office except when she went home and even then she just plopped on the couch or bed. One time when she finally decided to leave her office, she could barely drag her feet to go anywhere.
That's when she ran into Alex, who was rushing out to go to court. When she noticed how depressed Casey was, she halted what she was doing to see what's wrong.
"What's wrong, Case?" She asked her, in which she responded by groaning a little. "Is it your time of the month again? Because if you lose your shit and get fired, I'll have no one to talk too."
"Alex, everybody I know has a crush on someone except for me." Casey moaned, in a more sad manner.
"Well, who knows how many people like you. I can't even believe that's a problem."
"Not like that. I mean I have no one to fawn over. It's like this, Olivia has some sort of crush on Elliot, Huang has some gay crush on Elliot, Munch has felt something for someone, you have a crush on Elliot and Olivia and it goes on and on."
Alex got a bit confused by this, in fact she didn't even know if she was serious. Though she did ask her, "Well.. is there anybody that you'd consider to be 'crush material'?"
"Well, Elliot's married. George is gay. Olivia is a consideration..-"
"Liv is not an option. You stay away!" Alex snarled at her the moment her name popped up.
"Okay then. Well, Munch and Cragen are too old for me and I'm not so sure about Dr. Warner. Who else is there?"
At that point, she thought about it. At first, she believed that David Haden would be a considerable option, but she tried so hard not to laugh. And since none of the others were female and have either a bad connection or none at all with her. She randomly came up with this:
"How about Fin? I'm pretty sure he's not seeing anyone and you two look kinda right. Kind of."
As soon as she said that, a bit of energy sparked up inside of Casey and surprisingly agreed, "Of course! Why haven't I thought of this before? It's not perfect, but it's not bad at all. Thank you, Alex! I need to remind myself to give you a favor later on."
"Hmm?" She pondered off, until this bulletproof idea came up, "How about you go to court and sub in for me?"
"I'm glad too! But I'm gonna go give Fin a visit instead!"
And just like that, she ran off without a trace.
Baby Trouble
It's not all fun and games in the SVU squad room, it's always very busy and very complicated. Sometimes. In the position of Captain Cragen, he was like the father of the detectives. Kept them in line, comforted them even though he doesn't want too and look upon the lives of the detectives and gave them reasonable time off if they crossed the line. He didn't want to fire them.
Spinning in his quite comfortable chair, with nothing to do. No current sexual cases at the moment. Until he got a call:
"Captain Cragen, SVU. - What? Are you sure? - Okay, I'll send two of my detectives out there now." He hung up the phones and walked out of his office to send his detectives to another one of the messed up cases that they handle on a daily basis.
"Benson, Amaro, we have a rape/homicide at..." Cragen was telling Nick and Olivia but he lost his train of thoughts when he saw something very unusual with the detectives. They were all toddlers.
"What the hell?" He murmured, looking at the fact that the entire squad are now children. The only adult person besides him was Alex who was only there to see if she had a case she could handle. And she was just as surprised as he was.
"I don't know what the hell happened here and I'm just as confused as you." Alex told him. Still wondering if this was a joke, little Olivia and the others ran up to Cragen while she proclaimed:
"Hey, it's Daddy Cragen!"
The little young ones, jump onto him with much excitement and all he could think was has he been drinking recently. Alex chuckled and walked straight out of the precinct and left him to deal with this mess. Interesting enough, there was a little twist to this.
With chuckles and snickering, it turns out that the detectives were not changed at all. On the contrary, Olivia whispered to Alex, "So how was it? Is he freaked out?"
"Oh yeah, he's very freaked out. How long do you guys expect this to go?"
They thought about it, when Rollins answers her, "About three, four hours. We'll surprise him after that."
"Good luck."
Editorial
Olivia- "Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed the very first chapter of this story and if you didn't enjoy it, then we apologize for wasting your precious time. Other than that, I wanna ask you something. Originally, we didn't intend to ask you something like this but we'd thought it would be appropriate to say: The next chapter will include more of what we had here, including a bit where we change to opposite genders.
This is gonna be very easy. Suggest first names for the gender bent versions of us. First names is what you must change, the last names are fine. Any suggestions are fine as long as they match out actual names. That's all we ask and stay tuned for our next chapter coming soon. Or sooner. Goodbye."
End of Chapter One