What You Mean to Us
Summary: She always told him he didn't understand other people. She never told him he understood her. Hermione overhears some nasty gossip. Harry/Hermione friendship.
She heard them.
She knew what they had been saying about her.
"I bet Granger's up with Potter now-"
"Do y'reckon they let Weasley in?"
"Probably! God knows they're close enough!"
And she knew what they had been saying about them.
"It's not normal. She has no girl friends. It just books, Potter and Weasley."
"What do they see in her?"
"Friends with benefits."
"Guys don't keep a girl around 'coz they like her."
She had been hearing it for years. She could ignore it.
Every one was just a little nick in the hard stone.
She knew though, if she were a boy, no one would say it. No one would care that she had no female friends, she didn't care about robe cuts, make-up and hair colours. She had always reasoned that it was trivial; saving the world with her two best friends was always more important.
But she pretended. She read Witch Weekly, got beauty tips from Vogue and giggled with her year mates and Ginny.
It wasn't enough.
He found her. She knew he would; he was good like that.
She always told him he never understood people, but she never told him he understood her. From their first year, they weren't even friends and he risked his neck for her.
"Are you okay?" he said, reaching an arm to her. She gave him a choked laugh, mingled with a sob.
"Right." He amended. "Stupid question."
He was knelt next to her now, one arm wrapped around her shoulders. She leant in and his other arm wrapped around to hug her. She cried even harder. He didn't move, didn't try to push her off, even though she knew he knew she was making a mess of his shirt. He didn't say anything, for which she was grateful.
Eventually she pulled away. His eyes bore into hers, full of worry and fear and love. She couldn't see emotions in anyone's eyes but his. When she was younger she'd read books where the protagonists eyes could tell the whole story but she had never believed it. With him it was different.
"I wish we didn't have this." He eventually whispered.
Her heart clenched at his words.
"Not us, we shouldn't have to- you shouldn't have to put up with them."
She was shocked; first that he knew what was being said about them, secondly that he didn't seem to care for himself and thirdly that he had figured that was what had upset her.
"You must think I'm such an idiot." She said.
He smiled softly. "No. I think you're human. I hate that these rumours hurt you. We both do. We're lucky, because boys don't get labelled like girls do. But every time Dean gives us knowing looks after you've dragged us to the library and Seamus pats our backs, I want to hit them. To yell and scream and tell them that it's not what they think. It's not their pornographic fantasy and they can bloody well focus on something or someone else."
He ran a hand through his hair.
"Who was it this time?" he asked.
She refused to answer. "It doesn't matter." She said weakly.
His eyes turned furious. "Yes it does." He said forcefully. "It matters because out of every foul word against us, this has upset you. I've seen you. You brush them off, ignore them. But this time somethings different. So who was it?"
Suddenly she was angry. "Maybe I haven't been brushing it off. Maybe I've been bottling it up, maybe I just can't take it anymore. Maybe it's the same thing, over and over again, and maybe I just don't want to hear it anymore."
They were stood opposite each other now, faces flushed, ready to argue.
He sighed and looked away.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't've pushed you." He sighed heavily and she collapsed again, sobbing.
She knew she must look pathetic and weak but she just couldn't care. He wouldn't judge her. Instead he picked her up off the floor and led her back to their make-shift seat.
"One day, you're going to find a good man, who'll look after you. And I'll make sure he will."
He was looking out over the lake, stars floating above them. He seemed oblivious to the scenery, and she could tell he wasn't seeing the Hogwarts landscape she was.
"And no one will be able to say a bad word against you, because the idea would be inconceivable."
"It was Ginny." She said suddenly.
He looked at her, confusion etched on his face. "Sorry?"
She took a deep breath "I overheard Ginny talking with some girls from her year. And Lavender."
He shuddered at her name. "Ugh!"
She smiled slightly. "Ugh! Indeed."
He frowned then, as if afraid to ask the next question. "What did they say?"
She turned her eyes back to the lake and the castle. "Lavender was complaining about how much time her boyfriend spends with us. And they were agreeing that our friendship is unhealthy. Said I was pushy and demanding. Insufferable. That because I had book-smarts, I thought I could order everyone around. That you two must be getting something out of our friendship other than a nagging bitch, constantly harping on about homework and exams and rule. That when you're repaying me for doing your homework for you, you must put a bag on my-"
"Fuck off!" he snapped, startling her. "I'd put a bag on Lavender, if to shut her up. But Christ Hermione! That's just jealousy, plain and clear. You're beautiful in a way that they can never hope to be."
"Yeah," she mumbled sarcastically. "Beautiful on the inside."
"No. Your smile and laugh are contagious. Your skin is perfect. Your figure… er… well" he blushed. "You have perfect features. You're not beautiful like a model, but you're beautiful like… a woman you see on the street and you just think, 'Oh wow, she's pretty'. Or beautiful in a real sense, where you don't need make up or hair product or different robe cuts to look good. You just do."
She laughed. "Way to go smooth talker. Is this how you get all the ladies?"
He smiled. "Well my luck doesn't seem to be too good in that area does it? First Cho and now Ginny. Although I don't think I want to pursue that line."
She looked scandalized. "I think that's what's upset me the most. That Ginny, even Ginny would demean me like that. I always liked Ginny, I always thought she was real. Turns out she's just like all the other girls."
He frowned at her. "That's why we like you. You're not like other girls. And we do get something out of you other than a nagging bitch." He smiled wryly. "We get a beautiful girl to back us up, a strong and independent, pardon the cliché, woman, who even us out. You pull us in, you get us going. We would have been screwed years ago without you."
"But don't you see?" she burst out. "That is all I'm good for! I pull you and Ron in line, I nag you to do your homework, I help you fight when I need to, but I'm always there stopping you from being yourself. Boys act differently around girls. You and Ron can't be yourselves around me."
He burst out laughing. "I never thought I'd tell you this, but that is the most stupid thing you have ever said. We keep you 'round because we love you, because we wouldn't be the same without you. You're the one we talk to when we have a problem with each other, you're the one who understands when I'm being over-dramatic, who understands my emotions better than I do, who helps me realise what I want or need. You pull me back only when I'm about to do something I'll regret, but even when I go ahead and ignore you, you're still right beside me. You care about me, you always have done. And I care about you. And best of all, I can share all of this emotional crap with you and get it off my chest. And because you're a girl, you empathise and won't tell anyone how much of a poof I am."
"But-"
"But nothing. You are the third part of our puzzle. You are as much a part of it as me. Don't think for a second that Ron or I discount you or don't act ourselves around you because you're a girl. We make dirty jokes in front of you, knowing full well you're going to screw your nose up. We talk about who we fancy with you, and even though you'd think it was bloody embarrassing to be taught about sex by a girl, you were just Hermione, and you didn't care. And you understand what I'm trying to say, even though I don't think I quite do."
He smiled and she couldn't help but smile back. "What you're saying and what you mean, I understand completely. It doesn't matter what they say anyway. Why would it when I have friends like you? And we know what goes on between us."
"Exactly."
She understood more than that. She had let her old insecurities take over her and her worries about not fitting in or being part of a friendship had over-ridden what she knew to be true. Her and Harry and Ron were what they were. There was no dirty laundry, no nasty secrets and no liaisons because they just didn't have time. There was a prophecy hanging over each of them, a madman targeting them and an inevitable battle involving them. They had matured into adults in a child's world and so their school mates just couldn't understand them.
They could understand an upset Hermione Granger equalled a pissed off Harry Potter and a Weasley with direct access to Hogwarts most recent pranksters.
Hermione never heard a bad word against her again.