'dean I hav something to tell u' said cas as he appeared at the door naked and covered in confetti that looked like little dicks

'no cas i must take you noe' dean moaned looking at casses lovestick with desire

'okay but after i hav something important to say its rly serious and important' said cas and then followed dean to the bed where sam was sitting doing research

'so get this guise' sam said, ignoring the glitterly dicks 'crowleys outside'

'omg no way was that what u wanted to say that was rly important' gasped dean

'no' said cas 'it was that i am really a cactus' and he peeled off his face to reveal that he was a cactus wearing a cas mask

teh door opened and crowley burst in holding a rifle

'HELLO BOYZ and cactus' he shouted evilly and opened fired on the room

'NOOOOOOO' dean yelled jumpig to sam. sam made a random moose noise and clung onto dean scaredly.

'step' a manly voice commanded it was casiel and he held out his hand to the demin. His cactus spines began to glow and then suddenly his whole cactus body caught on fire and shot fireballs at crowly

'Casyiel but you were a cactus I don't understand!' Crowley cried

'I have always been a cactus I'm sorry' cas said and dean cried because he was so pretty

'no I am the real' another voice cried and it was castiel too. Everyone gasped as the other cas walked into the room carrying a giant can of weed killer.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' cactus castiel screamed as he was sprayed in weekd killer and melted like dat witch Dorothy killed in that gay-ass movie

'k niw dean I have something important to tell u I am pregnant'

'w hAT' dean yelled 'that can't be ur a guy'

'No I am an angel of the lord dean.' Casse replied and turned away tears in his eyes, 'but ur not the fathur'

Dean fell to the floor and wept 'u ve been seeing someone else? I liked the cactus you better'

'my luver is shiny as glitter' cas sighed 'and he not getting old like u'

'ooh burn' sam said from behind dean because nobody was currently paying him attention

'no wait I know you and ur not cas!' Crowley said 'and cas doesn't like gay vampires either'

Dean frowned sexily and shot cas 'then who is the real cas?' he asked

'I am the real cas' Crowley said, pulling off his Crowley mask and growing a trenchcoat

*eastenders cliffhanger music plays*

~ fin