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I woke up with a jolt. I have no recollection of where I am or how I came to this place. It's very bright. White and blue. It's like I see smoke but you can tell it's not from toxins. I look in front of me to see a woman sitting in front of me with her back towards me. She was not there when I first awoken.

She has long dark hair. Pale porcelain white skin. I think she is the woman I have been aching to lay my eyes upon once more. But then it comes back to me that when she was taken away from me because of my mother, her hair was short. Due to the fact she was put in prison. Because of me.

I shut my eyes tightly trying to fight back my tears. I have missed her so much. The sound of her voice, her beautiful face, her touch and the taste of her lips. What I would give to just have one more moment with her.

I was too late. I made the decision to really do right by her and my sons too late. She knew this was coming. It was either her or me that would be taken away from our sons. God how I wish it was me instead of her.

She was gentle in my world of chaos. Too kind. At first she was too naïve in the ways of my outlaw world. But my mother was quick to sink her venomous teeth into my girl's graceful ways. She corrupted her. But somehow she stood true to her beliefs and morals when it came to family.

It's funny, someone who had not been raised properly after her mother died somehow knew the key to protecting your family. She was my air. She was my light. She was my heart. And she was ripped away from me. From our sons. She would have been amazing. She already was. She always has been.

I blame my mother for corrupting her but it was me that corrupted her. She was innocent. And I couldn't help myself. Her and I shared something no one else could ever understand with me. The loss of a parent. Once I learned her story and she learned mine, she was like a magnet. I couldn't tear myself apart from her. She brought me back to life. And I only did the opposite. I watched as she deteriorated. Once when we were just a couple teenagers running around in Charming and when she came back to me.

I tried. I really tried to push her away. When my son was kidnapped, I couldn't help the pain in my heart with the thought of Tara being taken from me because of the life I lived. I tried ending it respectively. I spoke to her. But instead she trashed my son's room in a fit of rage. After, we almost got busted for a raid in our clubhouse for illegal scripts that Tara helped me sell to a black market. I feared for what could happen to her career. Her dreams. What she worked so fucking hard for. All vanished because of the teenage boy love she contained for a man that was no longer there. So I took the coward's way out. I told her we were done and then slept with the one person I knew got under her skin besides my mother, knowing she would not give up and come looking for me. It worked. And deep down I truly wished it hadn't. I never felt more ripped apart in my life than I did in that moment. I lost my son and then my girl.

But somehow, it all worked out. She stood by my side while I served my time. Leaving her alone with my almost one year old son and the one she carried in her belly. I couldn't even been there for her. Something I always wanted to experience with one woman. And I was put behind bars. But I never ceased to stop seeing the bigger picture while serving time. Her and my boys. I would finish up some shit with SAMCRO and pack my shit and drive us the fuck out of Charming.

At least the was the plan until my mother tried using these letters against me. To keep me here. Love letters and assumptions my father wrote to his true love in Ireland. Tara found them. She gave them to my mom after her husband, Clay tried to have my wife killed. Fucking bastard I tell you. I had to settle the score. Getting my father killed. And making a vicious attempted to kill my wife that ruined her career and tried to cover it up by using the Cartel. Fucking son of a bitch. I tried to do everything to protect her. I never felt more closer to her than I did when I was finally released behind bars.

She could have left. She should have left. Instead, she stood by me even after all my wrong doings to her. She protected my son, gave me another and the bond between her and my mother was never stronger. I felt on top of the world. Everything was in place. Until she was robbed of her most talented gift. I didn't know what to do. I thought I'd lose her.

I never seen her eyes so full with vengeance. She spoke of wrong things. Things a man like me would have done. But someone like her. So pure. She gave me a way to kill a man that needed to be taken away from this fucking world. I almost feared for the woman she was becoming. Always putting her career on the line for me. And all I wanted to do was secure it for her.

My best friend was taken away from me. He took my place in where I should have died. We were locked up again. I never felt myself become so dark. Now all I saw was vengeance. I lied to my wife, and my mother. But in result, I lied to my wife in the worst possible way. That was because I also lied to my children. I couldn't leave Charming anymore. I felt that the life my best friend Opie gave up in my place would be wrong if I didn't make things right with the club.

We had a RICO case getting shoved up our rectums again. And the one and only person to step up was my wife. She did it for me. For our sons. But she also did it for my club. And in that moment I didn't know such an amazing woman could exist. She got caught. Horrifyingly. The son of the bitch asshole Otto, a club member that served so much time but turned his back to us because of his wife's death turned on us. He got the SONS out of the RICO case. But he made sure it was my family that bled for it.

My wife was put behind bars for charges on conspiracy. I should have known.

In return, she shut me out. Not like when she up and left Charming. She wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't let me bring our kids to see her, wouldn't accept any help from me. But what was so much worse is she was conspiring against me, my mother and my club. She faked a pregnancy in a fight she had with my mother to get a restraining order on her. She expected to go back to jail with the charges still being held over her head. She was going to create a case against me and my club and have us locked up. She was seeking Wipro and was going to divorce me. Securing all the things to be held far away from my sons. My mother, my club, and me.

But I understood everything she did. She is a mother protecting the lives of her children. I couldn't hate her. In fact I loved her so much more for it. Even though it pained me that she no longer saw a future with me in it. But I did what I normally do. I cheated. With a Madame. This time she caught me right in the act. And in the moment I wasn't upset. I felt liberated that she caught me. Because I wanted her to see that this was all her doings. She beat the shit out of Collete. She slapped the hell out of me. I chased after her. She screamed at me to stay away from her. Typical. Until I saw a gun in her hand.

I had no fucking clue why she was holding a gun. In her eyes I no longer saw the innocence of that sixteen year old girl. The woman who came back seeking to be in my arms for protection against a rapist and a stalker. She had completely faded. And I did nothing more to prevent that. I felt ashamed of myself.

She took my sons away from me. She went somewhere in Lodi. I found her. I was so angry she took my sons. To have me relive the feeling of my sons being kidnapped. Like making me think I lost a child because of my over bearing mother wasn't enough. No it wasn't nnd she wasn't wrong to not give up the fight.

When I found her, in her eyes I saw something I never thought I'd see. Fear. Fear of me. She believed I was going to kill her. Can you believe that? She truly believed I would kill her. The woman I loved since I was sixteen. She was all of my fucking heart and soul and she believed me a monster that I have become and would lay a hand on her robbing her of her life.

Instead, I had a better plan. To keep her in the loving arms of our sons. I would take her place in prison and serve out the time I so deserved. She would be free of the charges and she would be free to go wherever her heart desired to take our sons. The deal was struck. Before I left, I turned to her and told her I loved her. She hadn't said it to me since she was released and it fucking killed me to not hear the words a broken man needed to hear. But she did. She told me loved me. Finally. I shared one more moment of love making with the only woman who truly has my heart despite my actions showing otherwise. I then went to spend time with my club and most importantly my life lines.

I return home where I was to meet her and be taken away to my sentenced. To find her lying there. Bloody. Pale. Lifeless. I was truly a broken man.

At least when my best friend was killed I had the warmth of her arms to comfort me. There is no one to comfort me in this moment. I would never return to the man I once was. She was the only person who can bring back to life. And because of me, I ended it.

Weeks later I found out the truth about my wife's murder. It was my mother. She was blinded by drugs, alcohol and her fit of rage. She did it to protect me, her grandsons and this club. But I didn't care what reason this heinous woman had for an excuse. She took away my every thing. So as much as it killed me further, I had to take her life. The sad thing is, she knew. She was okay with dying. She knew she was wrong and lived with that guilt. She knew this is who we are. This is what we do. So I put a bullet in the back of her head as she smelled the roses. It was quick and painless, not at all what Tara's death was like. But killing my own mother with my own hands was sickening enough. It was enough to see the deed completed.

I made terrible mistakes with my club and other organization bond ties we had. But I was going to make it right. I was going to make everything right. But the one thing that stood important was my wife's last wish. To see her sons free far away from this outlaw poisonous town. And I did. She saw my ex wife, Wendy, fit for the role to care for our sons. Dear Lord I did not understand her. How she could see Wendy fit. But after my wife was taken away, she stepped up. And I finally saw her for the woman she can be. For the woman she has transitioned to.

I made things right for my club. I executed all the bad guys that could harm my home. I branded myself not fit as a club member to my own father's creation. But it was okay. I made things right for them.

I fixed my fathers panhead. The one he was driving when he was on riding on the 580 interstate before he was hit by a damn semi. I went to visit my best friend's grave and my wife for the first and last time. I took a ride to see my father and spoke to him. I really understand now why he did everything he did. But I couldn't see it then. But I do now.

Cops were searching for me. I pissed them off one last time. I began to drive away from them. Chasing me. Endlessly. I love a good car chase man. But as I turned the corner, there I saw it. My gateway. A semi truck. I took my hands off the handles, I opened my arms out and let the bike shift into the opposite lane towards the truck. Meeting the same ending as my father. I was finally going home. To her.

I open my eyes once more hoping that I was in a different place. But I wasn't. I was still lying on god knows what to call it. I want to say a cloud but how fucking cheesy it that. I see her. In front of me. Still sitting. Her back turned against me. This time she looks thinner. Not unhealthy at all but just thinner. Her hair still long. Her waist still seeming a bit petite. There is only one body shape I mesmerized my entire life. It was her. It had to be. So I cleared my throat and called out to her.

"Tara?" I say fearfully.

She turns around slowly. She looks young. She looks like herself but as a teenager. I'm not sure what kind of mental state I am in but I know I don't want to be pulled away from it. She looks beautiful. She has that glow in her eyes as we did as teenagers. Her health is radiate. She smiles at me. She hands me a mirror.

I take the mirror and turn the glass to face me. I appear to look like myself as a teenager as well. My eyebrows furrow in confusion. What the hell is going on?

"This is the time we were the most happiest." She speaks out to me.

I look at her. Gazing at her face. I don't understand.

"We were just a couple of young kids in love. Our love was different wasn't it? It was always so pure, so strong, so real. One of the rarest things to find at such a young age. To find your heart beat at the same tone as another person. I loved you with all my being. All I had to give." She reached out to my face. She smiles.

I can't help but return it. She's here. She's really here. I grab her hand and pull her down gently to come lay down with me. All I want to feel his her head rested on my chest. I want to hold my wife.

But she pulls back. Her smile fades. She fades.

I watch as she starts to transform into a different state. She looks bloody, wearing a man's shirt. She is wearing the clothes the day I liberated her from Salazar.

"Look at what you've done to me." Tara whispers.

I go to reach out to her but somehow she is distancing herself without movement.

I see her transform again. Wearing the clothes the day of her abduction. The day her hand was forever ruined. Her hand is gushing out blood. I get up to rush over to her. She yells in agony but I cannot reach her.

"Look at what you've done to me!" She cries out.

"TARA!" I yell out. I want to save her.

And then she transforms once again. The day I found her in our kitchen. The change of scenery we were in has changed to our kitchen. She has disappeared from my sight. I look around to see I have transformed into the clothes I wore the day I found her. My age has sped up to the age I am.

I walk into the kitchen to find her there once more. Bloody. Pale. Lifeless. I go to reach out for her. This time she does not distance herself. As I kneel down next to her about to pick up her head she perks it up herself. Her eyes widened with fear.

"LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!" Tara yells out to me.

And then everything deteriorates around me. My house is disheveled and I am back to where I was when I awoken. I look in front of me to see her there again. Only unlike the first and second time she has her short hair. You can see the holes in her heard from the carving fork. Her face bruised. She is bloody and pale.

She turns around to me.

"Why did you do it?" She asks.

"D-do want?"

"Sleep with other women? Betrayed my trust? Betray your family?" A fallen tear comes to show as she asks me questions.

"I don't know. I-I'm sorry. I was a foolish man to have hurt you." My heart contracts and I feel as if I see her like this once more I'll have a heart attack.

"That's not enough." Tara shakes her head. "I gave up everything for you. I loved you. And you hurt me. Betrayed me."

"Babe please.."

"She's here you know." Tara states.

I have no clue on who she is referring to. I can't keep my mind off of the fact that she stands in front of me looking the way I found her.

"Who ar-"

"Colette." Tara states in disgust. She rolls her eyes and pulls away from me.

"No. Please don't go. Please don't leave me again. I can't take it anymore. I need you." I get up reaching out for her.

Tara spins around angrily. "And where were you when I needed you? My husband. Huh? Where the fuck were you?" She pushes me hard.

And although her touch is in anger I can't help but feel relieved. Her touch is real again.

"There are no words I can say that can wash away all my wrong doings."

"No there is not. You left our sons with her." Tara states looking down. She's watching something.

I look down to what she is watching. It's our sons. In the car with Nero and Wendy. Driving off to the farm. Wendy is passed out. Nero's eyes are fixated on the road. Thomas is asleep. Abel is up. Playing with a ring. A ring I've only seen my father wear.

"She gave it to him before she left Charming. She couldn't help herself." Tara bites out bitterly.

"I'm sorry I didn't know." I hang my head low continuing watching my sons.

"That's because you couldn't see her for who she truly is. It took her taking my life for you to realize that. And even then it took you so long to see she was then one who took me away from my sons. From you."

"How was I supposed to see that? She's my mother. No one wants to believe that their own mother could be so cruel. To take away her sons life. When she murdered you she murdered me. There was nothing else I had besides you. I thought maybe the clu-"

"You still had your sons! And there you were playing cops and robbers! You're a selfish man. Your sons were suffering too. You were barely there for Abel and what hurt the most is that you weren't there for Thomas! How could you do that!"

"Tara, I couldn't look at him. He screamed resemblance of you. Ho-"

"He screams resemblance of his father as well Jackson! Instead you were killing everything. Every one. Sliding yourself into a used up whore named Winsome. The fuck is wrong with you?" Tara shakes her head at dismay. "Maybe you wouldn't have been with Winsome if Collete hadn't been murdered. That bitch had no respect. Coming to you in a tone of remorse and sorrow when all she was thinking about was her placement with you! I felt no fucking remorse for that stupid bitches passing." Tara's storms to walk away from me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I grab her by her arms and press her lips on mine. At first she is reluctant. But as I held her in place I feel her lips shift against mine. She opens her mouth and lets me slide my tongue into her mouth.

God I fucking missed this. No other's woman's mouth I craved more than Tara's. Not since we were sixteen and in love. Fools in love. But still true love.

I pull back and hold my hand's placement around the nape of her neck. "I love you Tara Grace Knowles. You were always the love of my life. The only woman I ever truly loved. I never cared for anyone else and if I made you believe that due to my foolish and selfish acts I sincerely apologize. You are the only woman for me. And I missed my wife. So fucking much. You had no idea how I felt finding you like that in our home. I died with you that night. I could no longer be a husband or a father. I became what I knew best. Until I couldn't live with it anymore. There was no living without you. I came home to the only person I need. You. Please, baby." I start crying. Something I rarely do. But this can't be what my after life has been condemned to.

"Shhhhh" Tara places her finger on my lips. "I love you too, Jackson Nathaniel Teller. You're the only man that has ever held my heart. Despite your foolish betrayals you made me feel wanted and cherished. Even when we were hurting each other, you protected me like no other. You did nothing wrong when I was murdered. You made things right in the end. Before I died and before you died. We can stay here together. Watch our sons grow up. Just like we wanted to. It's not the same as what I hoped for but at least I'll get to watch them grow up with you as we wait for them to finally join us."

I kiss her again. More fierce-fully. This is the woman I fell in love with. This is who she is. The strength, the air, the light, the innocence. She is my guide. She is my home.

We take a seat as we watch our kids being driven into the farm for from Charming.

"Good to see you again son."

I turn around to see a man I haven't laid eyes on since I was fifteen going on sixteen. My father. Next to him was a young boy. I couldn't forget that face anywhere. My little brother, Thomas.

"Look Jax! I got a new heart!" Thomas shows me how healthy he is by running around freely.

I embrace my father and my brother. For a very long time.

"You just couldn't stay away from me huh brotha?" A deep voice mumbles behind me.

I turn to see my best friend and his wife. His true love. Opie and Donna. The amount of relief I feel in my chest is too much to bear. It's not like Tara but it's close.

"Good to see ya brotha!" I embrace Opie in a tight hug. I look down to Donna and embrace her as well.

I look to find Tara. She has transitioned. Remaining the age that she was when she passed away but now her body I glowing with health again. Tara is smiling at my reunion with my family. At least most of them. Tara must've read the change of emotion in my demeanor because she speaks.

"We only see the people we truly want to see Jackson. Meaning that if you wanted to see your mother, she would have been here with us. But she isn't." Tara states seriously.

I nod. I accept that I will not see my mother. She doesn't belong here. Not with this family. This is not her home as it is mine.

I walk over to Tara and embrace her into my arms and lips.

"I love you Tara." I say both hand wrapped around her neck with my thumbs smoothing over her jaw.

"I love you too Jackson. Welcome home." She greets smiling.