Based off of "Ferrets" by Jason Steele (Charlie the Unicorn guy.)
The Doctor had been having a bad day. He had broken his screwdriver, made Rose mad at him, and now there was no more cake and ice cream left. He started to cry. A moment later, the Master entered the kitchen and saw the Doctor crying. He walked over to him, and sat down.
"Doctor, what's wrong? You look kinda sad." The Master's tone was light, and kind-hearted.
"I am sad."
"Oh no!"
"I know, it's terrible."
"Doctor!"
"I am sad, so sad."
"Well, when I'm feeling sad, I sing about all the things in the world that make me happy." Suddenly the kitchen was filled with a happy tune. The Master got up and started to sing.
"An apple pie, a bright blue sky, a breezy meadow in July. An ice cream bar, a shooting star, the sound of a steel guitar."
The Doctor smiled, his tears forgotten. "That is wonderful."
"I love the sound of rain, wearing a hat and cane. Tiffany window panes, lovely to see. Frost on a window sill, the feel of a dollar bill. Vacations in Brazil fill me with glee."
The Master did a little twirl and the Doctor laughed. The Master continued.
"These are all the little things that make me smile, this is all the stuff that makes life worth while. Everybody knows the Holocaust was a lie, so let's sing about the things we like and don't be shy."
The Doctor's smile faltered as he registered what the Master had said.
"Wait, what was that about the Holocaust?"
The Master ignored him and kept on singing.
"A strip of lace, a pretty face, Eugenics really makes the case. Counting sheeps and froggy leaps. Touching the Doctor inappropriately while he sleeps."
The Doctor glared at the Master. "Hey!"
"I love the feel of grain, the screams of a man in pain. Blood coming down like rain, showering me. That ever-lasting thrill during the final kill. Body dumped in a landfill, got off scott-free."
The Doctor wasn't laughing anymore. In fact, he was scared. And a little creeped out. Mostly creeped out. He knew the Master had been cooped up inside the TARDIS, but he hadn't known it would have gotten to him so quickly. The Master had a crazy look in his eyes as he went on with his song.
"These are all the little things that make me smile, this is all the stuff that makes life worth while. One day I will eat your brain and it'll be great. So let's sing about the things we like and meet your fate."
The music ended, and the Master stood there smiling at the Doctor expectantly. There was an awkward pause before the Doctor decided he should say something.
"That was, uh, great. Thanks. Y- you really cheered me up."
The Master glared at the Doctor, pointed at him and shouted "You whore!"
Then he turned around and left the Doctor stunned in the kitchen. After a moment, the Doctor just shook his head.
"Rassilon, he needs to get out more…"
Yes, I know the Doctor doesn't say Rassilonbut I didn't think Alonsey would've worked either. So yeah, I hope it was funny. If not, I'm sorry. Madam Seabush stole all the good Jason Steele one-shot ideas. Please review! :D