all you wanted
Jade sits on her bedroom floor digging through the large cardboard box of memories (that she knows she shouldn't really be going through) while her stereo screams out a song (that she really shouldn't be listening too) and while her face is still composed, her left hand has already began to tremble just ever so slightly. She knows this stupid. This is a stupid thing to be doing, but her hands are already holding onto the pink and glittery photo album that's decorated with plastic gems and purple hearts.
:: ::: :: ::: ::
The exuberant teenager with vibrant red velvet cupcake hair sat on the floor of Jade West's room, the contents of the album scattered all over the floor. Jade stared down to her from the bed an eyebrow raised.
"What exactly are you making it again? And dear god why do you have to use so much pink?" Jade asked exasperated. How on earth were they best friends again?
"Because!" Cat gasped as if Jade's question were a slap across the face, followed by a shy smile. "You and I are royalty."
Jade rolled her eyes deciding it best not to question her friends logic. She wasn't in the mood to deal with a distraught Cat right now (was she ever?) "Id rather be a vampire."
Cat laughed as she slid a squiggly cut out picture of them between the pages of elastic.
:: ::: :: ::: ::
Jades entire body is wracked with shakes as she stares down at the miscellaneous photo of her and Cat. It was overwhelming how many there were (it was more over-whelming how there would never be anymore.)
:: ::: :: ::: ::
"I think your more like a super hero than a vampire."
The statement comes out of no where and Jade squints up at Cat from her bedroom floor (because Cat's room is so damn colorful its blinding)
"Super-hero's are stupid." Jade says returning her attention to her history book which is Jade thinks is better than having a conversation with Cat about how she's like batman or any other ridiculous elastic wearing man.
"No way! super heroes are the coolest, they can wear awesome outfits and fly and"
"Cat I swear to god if I have to listen to another tangent that ends with your brother getting stabbed or eating something that isn't food, I'm going to blow my brains out."
The red head gets silent again and Jade sighs (because Cats the only person she actually feels bad for being mean to, but she is Jade and she cant help it especially when Cat knows how to push her buttons just so.) and turns her attention back to Napoleon for what she swears has to be the fifteen time.
"Don't you remember how we met?" Cat says rebounding after a minute (which is longer than it usually takes her)
"Yes." Jade says quietly, remembering how scared Cat had been of those girls who were moments away from tearing her to pieces, just because they could, just because Cat wouldn't be able to stop them.
"You're my super hero." Cat says quietly, returning to the history book in her lap.
(They don't say another word for the rest of the night.)
:: ::: :: ::: ::: :::
Jade feels something building up inside her so tight she's not sure what to do. She can feel the composure slipping farther and farther out of her grasp, and she thinks briefly to herself if that there's a safe place to break down its here- and not in school. The pictures of her and Cat are becoming a blur and she's trying to see them for all their worth but its hard to do through a visor of tears and something slamming into her ribcage so hard she's certain its going to break and…..
:: ::: ::: ::: :: :::
Jade's pacing back and forth in Cats small bright colorfully mocking room, and Cats slightly afraid but she's not willing to show it (because she understands why Jades acting this way, because after all Beck kissed Tori and Tori is not Jade), so she twiddles her fingers nervously waiting for Jade to say whatever she's going to say.
Jade screams than, this loud blood curling scream and she's no longer on her feet but on the floor, and Cats standing over her and there's a fear building up in her chest and she thinks she's going to scream too.
"Why!" Jade screams up at Cat, and tears aren't falling down her face or clouding her eyes but Jade West looks so b r e a k a b l e that Cat Valentine doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know, she doesn't have the answers. She falls to her knees and brushes a brown lock out of Jade's face and in the softest voice she whispers.
"He was just acting." She knows it's the wrong thing to say, she defiantly knows it's the wrong thing to say when she feels the sting on her cheek and the sound of the slap that vibrates through out the room. Tears cloud her eyes because it hurt, but it was okay because Jade's eyes no longer looked like they were saying goodbye, now they just looked like a raging storm.
The storm was always much easier to deal with than goodbye.
:: ::: :: ::: :: :::
It rips through her than, just like it did that one and only time she struck Cat. This blood curling earth shattering heart breaking scream, as she lurches to the floor the album pressed to her chest. She never really apologized to Cat for that day, she bought Cat her favorite frozen yogurt and everything was fine after that. She never really told her she was sorry even though she really wanted too. (Because she was Jade and apologies were as foreign to her as Korea)
(The tears don't go unshed this time.)
:: ::: :: ::: ::: :::
"Do you like her better than me?" Jade's learning against the locker next to Cat's and Cat pauses mid grabbing her English book and stares at Jade like she has eight heads.
"Who?" Cat quirks sliding the book into her bag, and Jade has to remember that Cat isn't Beck and doesn't always know who she's talking about.
"Tori." Jade says with a clenched jaw, and she knows its wrong to ask of Cat, but, she doesn't want to loose her to Tori's charm too. She already feels like she's loosing Beck.
Cat smiled tucking a vibrant red behind her ears, "I like Tori." And it wasn't meant as an insult , it was just the truth. "But, I love you." Cat said shutting her locker heading off in the direction of their English class turning to look at Jade over a shoulder. "You're my best friend."
Jade waits until Cat turns back around to smile.
:: ::: :: ::: ::
Jade's bedroom door opens and Beck peeks his head in to find a unraveling Jade West on her bedroom floor in a slump of tears. He walks over to her calmly and collects her into his arms as she sobs. He knew it was only a matter of time before Cat's death tore through her in a viciously unbearable way. She had moved through school as if Cat was just absent while everyone else grieved in less unsettling ways.
"She was my best friend!" Jade screams into his flannel shirt, inhaling all that is Beck and holding onto him for everything he is worth. And damnit, he wants to be strong for Jade so desperately but he finds himself shaking at the total deterioration of her voice. "She was my best friend and I never told her! I never told her!"
He feels the wetness of her tears against his skin through his shirt, and he runs a few fingers absently through her hair. Because if he pays to much attention to her pain, hell be a wrack of tears too.
:: ::: :: ::: ::
"Jade, if I was something magical what would I be?"
"I don't know. I guess a mermaid."
"Really? They're so pretty!"
"Yeah. They are. You know, for fish."
"Jade?"
"Hm?"
"I think your pretty too."
:: ::: :: ::: ::: ::: :::
The couple stay on Jade's bedroom floor for hours, and while Jade sobs and sniffles and screams into Beck's shirt. His fingers tremble through messy hair and his heart aches so bad that there's tears sliding down his face as well.
"She didn't have too- I would have-'
"We all would have." Beck voice trembles.
"What did she think was inside the fucking gun? confetti?" Jade screams suddenly angry and irrational again. "What did she think she was doing taking her own fucking life! She had ME damnit!" Her voice breaks suddenly and Jades sobbing again. "she had me."
Beck knows something she doesn't.
(She never had Jade.)
He did.
:: ::: :: ::: :: :::
The vibrant red head stood outside Becks RV, its late and freezing and she's completely underdressed so he lets her in rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before collapsing back into his bed.
"What's up?"
Cat paces back and forth before blurting out "I like Jade!"
There's an awkward silence rising in the RV before Beck stares at her raising an eyebrow. "Id hope you'd like Jade, you're her best friend."
"No!" Cat squealed sitting down at the foot of his bed. "I really like Jade."
"Oh." Beck said feeling something like unease filling up in gut. "So…why are you telling me this?"
Cat pauses staring off into space her eyes vacant and uncertain. "Because I cant have her." Her voice is so far gone and something like a whisper, and all Beck can see when he looks at her eyes is something like "goodbye"
He stands and starts to say something, but Cat's already on her feet and her arms wrap around his waste, and she pulls back and smiles at him. A smile that seems so genuine he's sure whatever he thought he saw in her eyes was nothing more his sleep deprived sockets.
"Take care of her."
And she's gone in a red velvet blur.
:: ::: ::: ::: :: ::: ::
The radio screams a song that sounds something like Cat and Jade
If you want to
I could save you
I could take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares
RIP Cat Valentine
Authors Note: I need to write more on their friendship. Something about it is heart achingly sweet, don't ya think? Feedbacks appreciative. Flames are for children. Oh, and if you need background music for this song, I listened to Michelle Branch "All you wanted" when I wrote this. So, eh. Just thought Id throw that out there. It kinda reminds me of them. I don't know. Anyway. Review now instead of listening to this pointless tangent.
PS: if something looks formatted wierd. was hating me and wouldnt let me space things without tremendous difficulty so if anything looks offish. Blame the site. Not me. :P