Tears of the Lost

by TheCreativeOne17

Tony was only less then two feet away when his partner and friend was shot and killed. The guilt overwhelms him and makes him feel like it was his fault for Kate's death.

1. Chapter 1

Hello friends! This is my first NCIS fanfic. I just starting watching the show a couple of months ago so I don't have a complete hold on mastering the characters, but if you'll be patient with me and you love Tony Angst...this should be entertaining for you. Feel free to let me know when you see something off or any other critiquing remarks. Thanks! :)

The sun squeezed its rays past the closed blinds. Dust particles fluttered as if they were dancing under a spot light. The room was dark besides where the sunlight streamed in. Not only had there been no light fueled by electricity, but the mood was dark. The room had been so full of grief that anyone could cut it with a plastic knife.

On the edge of the unmade queen sized bed, Senior Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo sat hunched over without his shirt on staring at an object in his hands. The object was one of power. It could be used for so many things. He had used it for protecting the innocent more times that he could count. He had seen it used for evil when used to take away a life. But not even a week ago, he had seen it used to take away his colleague and friend away.

Somehow seeing humans being shot countless times causes a once a detective in a rough neighborhood and now special agent to grow desensitized. It is a slow and subtle change.

Tony remembered full well the first time he saw a man have bullet hurdle through his chest. His eyes flew open and blood spilled out. As life was being taken away he fell to his knees, Tony felt his heart fall to his stomach. After the body was collected, he walked around his car and threw up. Tony actually lost all bladder control when the seconds after he fired the weapon. The site made him sick to his stomach. It was one thing to see a person get shot, but entirely different burden to be the one firing the weapon.

But somehow as time passes by, a seasoned veteran grows numb to seeing the act or doing it. It is an entirely different story is when a colleague is shot when he standing right there.

Remembering everything that had happened, Tony's breathing began to grow heavier and heavier. He loaded the small gun in his hands and put it to his temple. With his eyes squeezed shut, sweat running down his neck, and heart pounding his shaking finger began to pull back the trigger.