Kiss today goodbye. The sweetness and the sorrow
Wish me luck the same to you.
But I can't regret, what I did for love.
What I did for love.
The words slipped effortlessly from her lips as she pushed her way through the crowded hall, the auditorium calling to her as she seemed to be frozen in step. No one understood how, no one understood why. Could they not see that she wanted nothing more than fame and glory? Could they not grasp what this glee club meant to her? It was everything she was, at the current point in her life, and they only saw her as being selfish. She carried their weight, she tried to make them all shine, but to them, she was only an attention seeking girl.
It started off so well.
They said we made a perfect pair.
I clothed myself in your glory and you love
How I loved you,
How I cried...
He was sitting the back row, eyes glued to the girl who moved effortlessly around the theatre, her had dragging her fingers across the walls. It was her domain, where she felt most comfortable and he knew that better than anyone. He could not help himself as the lyrics began to fill him, Freddie Mercury leaving his mind as Jesse St. James took over. If they meant anything to him, it was that they spoke volumes of the relationship that he once held with Rachel Berry.
Look, my eyes are dry
The gift was ours to borrow.
It's as if we always knew
And I won't forget, what I did for love.
What I did for love.
The tears were pooling in her doe eyes, the brown growing brighter with them. Pain, that's all that filled her days. That's all that had filled her days. She understood now how, and maybe even why, all the things that happened to her had. The love, the worry, the doubt, and the agony. All of it had been because they were one in the same, all of it because they were destined for something greater than each other.
Gone, love is never gone (Save me, Save me, Save me)
As we travel on, (I can't face this life on my own)
Love's what we'll remember. (I'm naked and I'm far from home)
He sang out to her, watching as her eyes searched the crowd. Realization dawned in her beautiful eyes as she recognized the voice that was coming from the abyss and he almost wanted to slam his mouth shut. Never had he been self-conscious when he came to Rachel Berry. Well, that was until Run Joey, Run. "Rachel," he muttered as he stood, breaking away from the shadows and into the light that had lit up the area she once occupied.
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me towards tomorrow.
Oh we did what we had to do.
Once again, can't regret,
What I did for love.
What I did for love.
She kept singing, annoying his call out to her. If she pretended that it was all in her head, that the blue-green gaze was not locked upon hers, then maybe she could go back to 'loving' Finn and being the happy Rachel that everyone perceived her as. Maybe she could go back to before Jesse St. James came crashing into her life. But it seemed that he had another plan in mind for her. Swiftly he made his way to the stage, his footsteps echoing throughout the now silent theatre as she stood staring at him, her eyes vacant as she tried to make sense of everything happening around her. "What're you doing here?"
He could not help but smirk at her reaction, that was until he truly looked at her. She was thinner than he remembered, her bangs now across her forehead and her smile far from present. She'd changed. And in his opinion, it wasn't for the better. "I was in town still, waiting to go to UCLA. Thought I'd see how things were going with you." He knew how stupid it sounded the moment it left his mouth, how very unlike him he was being. The old Jesse would never have come back. She would have been left standing defeated, both times he left her there, and that would have been the end. So what made him come back to see Rachel now?
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love.
His voice singing the next verse forced the damn to break and the tears to fall freely. She didn't understand why he was there, why he was torturing her. "I understand why you did it, why it ended that way." Her voice cracked as she tried to compose herself, her emotions pouring from her lips with each word she spoke. "I did the same thing to Sunshine. Well, almost. I sent her to an inactive crack house." That laugh. The throaty laugh that always brought a smile to her face, that musical chuckle that was like a symphony to her. There is was. Right before her once more. And yet, it only angered her. Maybe it was because it wasn't quite the same, maybe it was because, to her, it sounded different. But she could feel her fists clenching at her sides. It's strangled, almost forced. That's why.
"It's not the same, far from it." He spoke with almost hatred in his words. How could she think that her sending away Sunshine was anything like their relationship? The only commonality was that they had both done it out of love for the spotlight, but did she completely forget what he gave up in the process? Had she not learned that it was not his decision to make? "I should not have even come. I'm sorry," he whispered as he walked before her, almost pushing her out of his way.
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue.
But let start by saying,
I love you.
It was the only way, that she could see, of getting him to stop. Of getting him to look to her. Their song. "Jesse, that's not what I meant." His back was to her and she could see the tension in his shoulders. It almost forced her to square her own and gain back her defensive edge. How did he think that she was in the wrong? How did he have the nerve to be angry with her? "And egg, Jesse. Smashed. It's all I saw for weeks, the only thing I could feel. Every time I closed my eyes I could see the throws, feel as the shells cracked against me. But I truly only looked at you. I saw your curls, saw the look of hurt in your eyes. And most of all, I heard you whisper that you loved me. I was a wreck, Jesse, a mess. So, doesn't that give me some kind of right to hate you? Because in all honesty, I should. I should hate you with everything that I am. I should still wish that I could feed you to the lions."
"As you should." He spoke over her gently laugh, his back still to her as he tried to discover which emotion was flowing more prominently through him. Was it the fear that he had lost her completely? The guilt of what he had done to her? No. Jesse St. James realized that the only thing he could feel was hatred, hatred towards himself.
"But I don't." She didn't understand why it all just suddenly vanished. Maybe it was because she knew now that they were more similar than either would like to believe. Maybe it was because she wanted nothing more than to have him back in her life. Sure, Finn was wonderful at times, the perfect boyfriend. But he'd never understand. She'd always just be random Rachel who didn't make sense a lot of the time. Jesse, he knew just what made her tick, just what made her her. She wanted to tell him everything that was going through her mind, to express all her anxiety over the situation but she had no chance because Jesse wiped around, taking the few shorts steps to close off the distance between them and sealed his lips with her own.
Just let me tell you so much (We did what we had to do)
I love you (Won't forget, can't regret)
What I did for love.