What now ?

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SoiFon is as always watching over her warriors's training with the stern face of the fierce Captain that she is. Her spine is stiff, her stare is sharp, and as the small wind comes playing with her two white braids down her back she observes the technics of her shinigami like a hawk. The war with Aizen is over, her arm has been healed and growned back by Orihime's shy care while she was resting in the Fourth Divison, and now she is restoring the discipline to her own division with an iron grip. Her warriors, both shinigami and Onmitsukido must not relent in their shrive for perfection, she will not tolerate any laziness among her squad. As she surveys the series of moves exerced in the main yard under her, she sees Omaeda is not among them. Again. The lieutenant thinks that his rank gives him some priviledges, and he is right about that, however his duties are different as well, but that part don't seem to have registered in his brain. The idiot is probably busy eating and yelling somewhere in the Rukongai. This behaviour of bullying simple souls will no longer be tolerated. It's been naging at the back of her mind, but she honestly didn't have the time do deal with her second's comportment before now. Between all the paperwork, the missions, and the recent dabacle of the Seireitei facing rogue captains and the Espada, SoiFon just starts to breath a little easier. The Gotai 13 is slowly coming down it's previous crisis, the dust of the war is settleing. There are no urgencies now, but there are reports to write none the less. The tool of the multiple battles is high, both on death and wounded, but also on the intelligence level as well. Which is her part. There are mountains of informations to triage and fold, and that is what she is currently doing in her mind while looking at the ward where the black troops continue the sequence of silent deadly moves and again.

Her breath catches a little when she senses the reiatsu so familiar and disturbing now. She is still not sure how to act when her past mentor is arround. Not that she had many opportunities to find out. Since their raw fight when the human Ichigo made his way to the once prisoner Kuchuki Rukia, which leaded to Aizen's revelations, they barely exchanged a few sentences here and there in strategic meetings and such. Today SoiFon doesn't have to rush anywhere to deal with a crisis, and she briefly wonders if it's a good thing. The presence of the shadow behind her makes her uneasy.

Or course, none of her inner turmoils can be read in the discipline of her stance. Her short intake of breath when she realised the situation is the only tell of her disconfort, but she doubts anyone has picked up on that.

'Oi, SoiFon'

The playfull greeting is enough to tell that Yoruichi picked up on it. SoiFon represses a sigh and wills herself to keep her posture intact, fierce grey eyes glaring maybe a little too much at her warriors below. Feeling the burn of their Taichou upon them, the shinigami make their strikes more precise with renew energy. Good.

'Yoruichi-sama' she responds with her low, controled voice.

She hears her sigh somewhere behind her, but she doesn't turn. She doesn't adknowledge the company. She doesn't know how, but she won't admit that. So she looks to her troops and pretends like she is alone as always. But she is not.

In a heartbeat, the shadow behind her is no more, and Yoruichi is standing close in her back, almost touching her haori. She can feel the tall woman's fingers playing with the golden rings or her braids and she tries very hard not to react to that. Her breath really wants to change its pattern but she won't let it. This woman makes her feel, but she won't let it. Not again.

'I told you to drop the -sama. You and i both know i don't deserve it from you now'

Yoruichi's voice is low, and if SoiFon wanted to look for it she would hear the remorse in it. She hears it. She doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to care.

She doesn't respond.

Yoruichi toys with her braids once more with a new sigh. SoiFon pretends she isn't here, pretends she cannot feel the heat from her chocolat skin, pretends she cannot see the locks of purple hair dancing in the wind at the periphery of her vision. She keeps her eyes on the ground, where she vaguely registers feet moving about. Her hands are fists bending her muscles under her uniform. She didn't realise her body started to react. It is not good. She forces her fingers to release the tension and focus on maintaining her breathing normal.

The woman hasn't desapeared behind her. On the contrary Yoruichi is resting her chin on SoiFon's right shoulder now, their cheek almost brushing. The black hands come catching the wooden railing as she pushes her body flush on SoiFon's back, almost forcing the Captain to step forward to keep her balance. Almost. But the Shihoin heir is an expert of martial arts and she puts just the right amound of pression to be close and touch the railing while maintaining both of their balance. SoiFon can feel the heat of her against her now, and the proximity makes her lost for a second. For a moment she feels. For a moment, her body drives free and her breath catches, her heart jumps wild in her chest, the blood rings in her ears and all she can focus on is how all of her yearn for the woman touching her now, how her skin screams to be stroke by her. For a moment, nothing matters but the golden eyes and the chocolat skin, the easy wit and playfull voice she loves. Her body is already molding itself into her, sinking into the embrace with a desperat need and hope, and the light relief to go home. It is all so tempting and she is lost, unbalanced in her mind. Yoruichi's arm comes to her waist, her hand settles on her belly, a thumb starts stroking her stomach.

SoiFon's vision blurs. Her face is contorted, her jaw so thight her teeth might break. Her whole body is trembling now, and she doesn't know how to stop it. She is petrified inside, her control slipping through her fingers so fast. The walls she built so long ago arround her heart are trembling, and she knows if she doesn't move now they might crumble down. That can't happen, she can't be vulnerable ever again. Not when is hurt so much, not when she felt like dying a century ago. Not when she worked so hard to stand tall again. Alone.

Her chin is to her chest as she rolls her spine on itself. The hand on her stomach is firm and warm, and through her teary eyes she sees the velvet skin holding her close. Her own fingers twitch to tangle with it. When Yoruichi brushes her cheek to SoiFon, nuzzling her ear with her nose, SoiFon shuts her eyes hard.

'Soi...'

The soft plea breathed to her skin is like a slap to her core. Faster than lightning she pushes herself out of the hold, straighens her spine and desapeares with a shunpo. Her brain has shut down so she moves on instinct, out of the Seireitei. Instantly she curses her decision to let her instinct lead her feet, for now she is standing in the last place she ever wants to be. The clearing. The clearing she avoided to come to, the clearing she made a point never to think about ever again. Their clearing.

She grittes her teeth once again but her jaw won't cooperate. Her whole body doesn't agree to her tension anymore, so she sinks to the ground like a lifeless doll, dull with a heartache she swore to burry and never adknowledge. But her walls are down now, she can feel it. Her precious fortress is no more, and her sorrow is drowning her.

So she cries. She, the all mighty Taichou of the Second Division, the proud Commander of the Onmitsukido, head of her family, lies on the ground, uniform stains with durt and grass, face smudged with fluids she swore never to let out, and she feels small again, and so, so totally lost.

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TBC ?