Little Tragedies, Issue 1
Author's Foreword:
You see, my mind is constantly working, whether I like it or not, and so I come up with ideas. Some are good, some are stupid, some are tragic, some are hilarious as I have been told.
Little Tragedies is basically a collection of jokes that I have encountered in my life or came up with, remade to suit the characters of the G1 and Kittycon universes. At the moment, there are 3 sections as you will see: 1 - Kittycons, u so cute me love u long time (TFA), 2 - The Autobots, The Decepticons and the WTF (G1) and 3 - Under The Degree (G1).
I came up with most of the jokes in this series (see "Author's Notes" at the bottom) but I can't take credit for every single one, a rather sizable chunk I acquired through friends, some were retold by strangers or came from other sources, et cetera. I do not own Transformers.
Kittycons, u so cute me love u long time (TFA)
"Oh, dear," Tracks was running around the kitchen with Soundwave, helping dress up the table for their guests, "Perceptor, Wheeljack, Jetfire and Jetstorm should be here any minute! Oh, dear …"
Interrupted by the loud doorbell, the tricolored mech jumped up in one place, nearly dropping the plates he was holding.
"Ah! Rumble! Frenzy! Open the door for them please! Oh, dear …"
"Sure thing mom!"
"On it!"
The two kids ran to the door and let the four in.
"Yay! You guys came!"
"Holy All-Spark! You guys just keep on growing!"
"Affirmative."
"So how old ya guys gonna be soon, huh?"
"Nine!"
"And how old are you two now?"
"Six!"
"Hi, uncle Jazz!"
"Heya there kids! Man, you two grow fastah than space barnacles! How are ye two?"
"Ask mommy, she knows better."
"Jetfire! Jetstorm! Our dad got drunk! He tried blowing out unlit candles on his birthday cake!"
"He maybe not be drunk?"
"No no! Listen! He drank so much that the candles lit themselves on fire!"
"All right kiddies, let's get started!"
Sentinel really hated coming back to being a gym teacher, but he owed Prowl a favor and there was no way to get out of this one.
"Uncle Sentinel!"
"Wha… huh? What are you two doing in a school?"
"Decide we did to see what like is school," Jetstorm and Jetfire were on the other side of the fence, separating the school from the park, "can we join in?"
"Eh, sure, but only this once."
"Thank you, uncle Sentinel!"
"All right. Class! For just this once, we have two guests, Jetfire and Jetstorm; don't expect to see them again anytime soon. Ok! So, who smokes here? Be honest! Hm, you, you and you? Good, you three let's light up and the rest of you – twenty laps around the field."
Ratchet was sitting at his desk in the hospital, taking a short break when the phone rings and, of course, he picks up.
"Ratchet speaking."
"Uncle Ratchet! Uncle Ratchet!"
"Rumble? Frenzy? What's wrong?"
"Everybody got sick except us!"
"What? What? What happened?"
"We were being naughty and they didn't let us eat those mushrooms we picked up in the forest at Bulkhead's farm …"
Jetstorm and Jetfire are discussing what is the fastest thing in the world:
"Words be fastest! Say word and it never go back!"
"Light faster is!"
Bumblebee walks in:
"I had diarrhea and I didn't have time to say anything or turn on the light."
Ultra Magnus is sitting in his office. A phone rings and he picks it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is Daniel Walls there?"
"Um, no."
"There are no Walls?"
"Nope, none."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure."
"Then how does your house stand?" Hangs up on the other line.
"Wha…"
Jazz comes to visit Ratchet in the hospital but sees that little Jetfire and Jetstorm are there.
"Hey lil' guys! How are ya?"
"Be good we are!"
"Indeed!"
"Hey, do you happen to know where Ratchet is?"
"Yes! Said he need be to operate out cut appendix!"
"Oh, you two know such big words! Do you know what that means?"
"Dollars thousand for nothing?"
Back in the Academy, Wheeljack comes back to his dorm sometime near midnight, sits on his bed, takes off his shoe and smacks it on the floor before remembering that his downstairs neighbors asked him not to do that anymore. The engineer silently put his other shoe on the floor and went to sleep. A few hours later someone knocks on his door.
"Warpath! What's up?"
"When are you going to smack your other shoe? We have been waiting for hours! Afraid to go sleep!"
Tracks, before bed:
"Runble! Frenzy! Have you completed your homework?"
"No."
"No."
"What? Why?"
"The less you know …"
"… the better you sleep."
Rumble and Frenzy at a wedding:
"Mommy! Why is the bride always in white?"
"Because that is the greatest day in her life."
"Then why is the groom in black?"
Rumble and Frenzy:
"Mommy! There is a small assembly in school!"
"What do you mean by small assembly?"
"You, the principle and us."
In school they teach kids to count to six. Rumble and Frenzy:
"Miss! We can go further!"
"Really? That's wonderful! Let's hear it!"
"Seven."
"Eight."
"Nine."
"Ten."
"Jack."
"Queen."
"King."
"Ace."
Teacher in class:
"Kids, why is it that we see thunder first and then we hear it? Yes, Rumble and Frenzy?"
"Because our eyes are …"
"… in front of our ears."
Rumble and Frenzy:
"Mommy! We helped an elderly person cross the road!"
"Oh! How sweet of you! Here, have some candy!"
On the next day, Rumble, Frenzy and a few other kids:
"Mommy! We helped an elderly person cross the road!"
"Oh! How sweet of you! Here, have some candy!"
On the next day, Rumble, Frenzy and their whole class:
"Mommy! We helped an elderly person cross the road!"
"Why the whole class?"
"Alpha Trion resisted."
"All right, what are your names?"
"Jetfire."
"Jetstorm."
Both smile. The teacher asks:
"Why are you two smiling?"
"Answer we be correct giving!"
"Rumble! Frenzy! I will need to punish someone severely for these kind of grades!"
"Yes! Punish the teacher …"
"… show her how to give us bad marks!"
Teacher to Rumble and Frenzy:
"What is it with your grades? Nobody died yet from studying!"
"Best not …"
"… to risk it."
Warpath:
"Tomorrow kids, we will be studying the brain. Bring a hammer, a spoon and some antiseptics."
Wheeljack:
"Jetfire! Jetstorm! Did you correct your 'F'?"
"Yes!"
"Indeed!"
"Let me see. No, give me a pen, this is how you do it."
Teacher:
"Kids, if you could meet any of your favorite authors, living or dead, whom would you pick?"
Rumble and Frenzy:
"Someone alive."
Teacher:
"Jetfire, Jetstorm, I will cut you a deal since this is your first time visiting school. I can ask you two easy questions or one hard question."
"Hard question one, please."
"All right, here it goes. Where did the first transformers originate?"
"On Quintessa."
"Huh?"
"That be question two."
Teacher draws an apple on the blackboard:
"All right kids, what is it?"
Rumble and Frenzy:
"It's a butt!"
The teacher runs out, crying. Shortly the principle walks in:
"Who made the teacher cry and who drew an ass on the blackboard?"
Rumble and Frenzy walk down the street and see a sign, saying "Do not hit the children". After a moment of thinking, they take out a marker and add "Wait for the teachers".
Teacher:
"In the language, there is no such think as two words with positive meaning that when put together make a negative meaning."
Rumble and Frenzy:
"Yeah …"
"Sure …"
"Mommy!"
"Yes, kids?"
"We think that our teacher is in love with you."
"What? How come?"
"She wants to see you again."
Teacher:
"Kids! Come watch the lunar eclipse today at 23 o'clock!"
Rumble and Frenzy:
"What channel?"
Rumble and Frenzy right before an English test:
"Rumble, what are you reading?"
"Our English text book."
"Why is it upside down?"
"Does it matter?"
The Autobots, The Decepticons and the WTF (G1)
"Mom! Don't send me to the army! You have no idea how bad things are there!"
"Man up and go, Ultra Magnus! What will ever happen to you? You just became the commander of the Autobot City!"
"Hey, Hot Rod, you wanna know how to make a moron get interested in something?"
"How, Springer?"
"I will tell you tomorrow …"
"Sir, Ultra Magnus, sir!"
"Yes, Springer?"
"Your orders have been successfully completed!"
"I didn't give out any orders."
"I wasn't doing anything anyway!"
Huffer is lying down on an operating table, Ratchet walks by.
"Ratchet! Help me! I am dying!"
"This table is not serviced."
Red Alert before an operation takes out his wallet.
"Red, you don't have to pay me."
"No, Ratchet, I am just counting money before you apply the anesthetic."
"Ratchet!"
"What?"
"I have a cold! What would you recommend?"
"Huffer, stay the fuck away from me."
"Hm, 'birthplace of Napoleon Bonapart'...," Ratchet sat at a table, working on a crossword puzzle in a mental asylum wing. He turns to one of the patients, "Where were you born?"
"Do your patients die frequently, Ratchet?"
"Hot Rod, this is ridiculous, they die only once …"
"Smokescreen!"
"What is it this time, Hot Rod?"
"Yesterday I ran around with just my socks on and high! I am so ashamed!"
"Did that happen to you before?"
"Yes."
"Were you ashamed then?"
"No."
"So why were you ashamed this time?"
"One of my socks had a hole …"
"Hoist! I keep having these nightmares where I am trying to push open a door and it just won't budge!"
"All right, Hot Rod. Does it say anything on the door?"
"Pull."
"Hey, Wreck-Gar, can I watch the TV?"
"Yes, just don't turn it on."
Training grounds, Ultra Magnus is in charge and has Springer helping him out.
"Springer, what can you tell to our new recruits?'
"When we sleep, the enemy doesn't. So sleep for as long as you can and let's give them insomnia!"
From a found diary of Autobot soldiers during The Great War:
Day 184923 – we took over the lab
Day 184924 – the Decepticons took over the lab
Day 184925 – we took over the lab
Day 184926 – the Decepticons took over the lab
Day 184927 – we took over the lab
Day 184928 – the Decepticons took over the lab
Day 184929 – Wheeljack got back and took over the lab
Rodimus Prime:
"Every soldier needs to have: luminum spoon, luminum shovel …"
"Um, sir," Ultra Magnus interrupts, "it's -a-luminium."
"A – luminium spoon, B – luminium shovel …"
Optimus Prime runs into the full cafeteria and happily screams:
"AUTOBOTS! Arcee is pregnant!"
Everyone:
"Sir! Happy to serve, sir!"
Kup:
"Huffer, you are a dumbass!"
"But …"
"ORDERS ARE NOT TO BE DISCUSSED!"
Warpath walks into the bus and sits down.
"Hey! Buddy! Careful with that thing! What if it shoots and hits someone?"
"Blam! Then I will just reload it!"
Tracks didn't want to be in the army so when they asked him for his oil sample, in the batch he mixed some from Arcee, his robotic pet, some from Huffer and added a bit of cosmic rust. A day later a letter comes:
"Arcee is pregnant, your robotic pet has mechabetes, Huffer has a Cybertronian Sexually Transmitted Disease; nice try with the cosmic rust and you are going into the army."
An alien tribe on some planet captured a quintesson scientist, a Decepticon drone and Kup.
"Here is what's going to happen, we will get you three to a canyon and you will scream something out. Whoever's echo stays the longest, we will let you go, the rest – we will eat."
First went the quintesson scientist:
"QUINTESSA!"
The echo held for a second, they ate him. Then the Decepticon drone tried:
"ALL HAIL LORD MEGATRON!"
The echo held for 2 seconds, they ate him. Then Kup tried:
"HEY GUYS! THERE IS SAKE IN THE STORE!"
"Where? Where? Where?"
It went on for hours.
"Hey, Seaspray, have you ever done anything heroic?"
"My, yes I have."
"Like what?"
"I have saved my entire crew once from certain death!"
"How?"
"I killed the ship's chef."
"Hey, Optimus! What's heavier, a ton of metal or a ton of feathers?"
"What a stupid question, Springer, metal of course."
"Wrong! Both are equal."
"How about I smack with both and then you tell me."
Nothing says "NO" like Naval Officer rank.
"All right, Autobots! Let's do some Zagzigs."
"Um, Rodimus Prime, sir, it's zigzags."
"However I said it – that's what we are gonna do!"
"Prepare for the worst, Hot Rod."
"What? Ratchet, am I dying?"
"No, I am prescribing you the most expensive medicine."
"All right Tracks, regarding your problem, how may sexual partners did you have?"
"Just five."
"Whoa, for real? Just five?"
"Yes, I know, it was a bad week."
"Ratchet!"
"What is it this time, Hot Rod?"
"I have been to a few other doctors and they disagree with your diagnosis!"
"We can wait 'till an autopsy."
Ratchet and Springer are chilling in the hospital wing. Hot Rod walks in:
"Hey guys, I can't sleep!"
"Well," Springer turned to the mech, "Imagine that it is morning and it is time for work."
"Ratchet! Help! My legs were blown off!"
"Hot Rod, walk it off ya sissy."
"Ratchet, tell me, is there any hope for me?"
"Huffer, you got hope but not the chances."
Kup to Blurr:
"You see kid, I want to live, so I go to Ratchet. He wants to live so he prescribes me medicine. Hoist wants to live too so he gives me the medicine and then I throw it out …"
"…butwhy?Itismedicine,medicine,medicine,itisimportantforyourhealth…"
"… because I want to live too."
"Hey, Optimus! You look better! How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Arcee moved in with her mother."
"Ratchet! I am afraid of the unfortunate outcome of this operation!"
"Tracks, relax, you won't find out about them."
"Soundwave! It has been five years and I can't get my wife pregnant!"
"Maybe the problem is with her? Let me take a look at her."
"Starscream! Get in here!"
Skylinx decides to crack a joke. To the Autobot City command post:
"Guess who …"
All lights on the landing site turn off. Springer:
"Guess where …"
Arcee is sitting in the bus and has a cute kitten on her lap. Hot Rod:
"I wish I was this cat."
"I am taking him to be neutered."
Hot Rod:
"I am so fast! I always finish first!"
Arcee:
"Maybe you could finish second for once."
Springer stands near a transport that was illegally parked. Prowl, slapping a ticket on the machine:
"Springer, you can't park this here!"
"You are an idiot, you know that?"
"And the paintjob is all wrong," Prowl slapped on another ticket.
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Those tires were ordered to be taken back to be switched."
"Once a moron – always a moron."
"You are missing windshield wipers."
"Huh, so you are pretty stupid."
"The license plate has an illegal number."
"How are things in Dumbville, Mayor?"
"These flashlights are broken."
"Well, the transport isn't mine, see ya!"
"Ratchet! We are losing him!"
"Keep looking! The scalpel couldn't have gone too far inside him!"
Track's diary:
Before joined The Great War – slept well, I was protected.
During the war – can't sleep, I am protecting.
During the War – a week vacation, can't sleep, I know who is protecting.
Rodimus Prime:
"All right, Autobots, the maximum range of angle of an air assault is thirty degrees …"
Springer:
"Celsius or Fahrenheit? "
"Hm," Rodimus paused for a second, "Fahrenheit."
Everybody begins laughing.
"What I can't make a joke? Of course it's Celsius!"
"Oh my god! Swindle! How will I ever repay you?"
"You know, ever since money was invented, it stopped being a problem."
Huffer is being taken off somewhere from the hospital. Huffer:
"I thought you were taking me to OR?"
"No, I am taking you to the morgue."
"But I am not dead yet!"
"We are not there yet."
Tracks:
"I can't take it anymore!"
Mirage:
"What?"
"These cockroaches are driving me insane and they are so disgusting!"
"Did you try chalk?"
"Huh?"
"Chalk, did you try it?"
"It works?"
"Ya, look, they are sitting in the corner and drawing."
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker invited Grimlock over for dinner, during which they talk of the whole situation about the Technobots and Perceptor, as they are making energon goodies. Their pet, a mechanical cat, wants some.
"Meow! Meow!"
"No! Sorry kitty this is not for you!"
"Mrow! Mrow!"
"I will take care of this, Sunstreaker, keep cooking."
So Sideswipe take the kitty and puts it in the corner:
"And stay there …"
"Me, Grimlock, come!"
"Hey, Grimlock, want some energon goodies?"
"Me, Grimlock, like energon goodies, thank you!"
Right before he puts one in his mouth, the kitty nags for a piece:
"Meow! Meow!"
"Aw, you, cute kitty, here have energon goody."
The cat eats the treat and drops dead.
"YOU WANT TO POISON ME GRIMLOCK!"
"WHAT?"
"HUH?"
"Yes," the kitty thought as it opened one eye.
"Hey! Iron Hide! Can you imagine this? I met a sexual predator yesterday!"
"What? Really, Huffer? Oh god!"
"That's exactly what he said after looking at me and left."
Arcee to Optimus Prime:
"I have two bars …"
"You are pregnant?"
"NO! I AM A CHIPMUNK!"
Tracks:
"Gears, why are you mad at me?"
"Because I am Huffer!"
Sunstreaker and Sideswipe:
"Hey, Ratchet, give us a pack of condoms."
"Do you need a bag?"
"No, he is beautiful."
Optimus Prime and Arcee are out on a date and are watching a horror movie. Suddenly a very ugly, scary monster pops out on the screen, Arcee:
"Mommy!"
"Yeah, I see the resemblance."
Starscream's first attempt at assassinating Megatron.
Megatron is performing some training exercises and is showing how to use grenades:
"You pull this ring, you hear it sizzle and then you throw the grenade, like this. All right, Starscream, your turn."
"What do I do?"
"Pull the pin."
"I pulled it."
"Is it sizzling?"
"Yes."
"Throw it!"
"Catch!"
"All right, Arcee, you can't eat any meat or anything farinaceous."
"Ratchet, can I pirogues?"
"Springer!"
"Yes, Hot Rod?"
"What will happen if my parachute won't open?"
"Then you will reach the ground first."
Starscream:
"I know approximately where you live, tactical nukes don't need precision."
Parachute training. Springer:
"All right, guys! Are you ready?"
"N-n-n-no!"
"What is it this time Red Alert?"
"I am scared! I never jumped with a parachute!"
"All right, fine, just this once you can jump without one …"
Rodimus:
"Is there anyone here who knows how to fix a radio on the tank?"
"Sir, is the radio on diodes or transistors?"
"It is ON A TANK."
Rodimus:
"Springer! Why aren't you waxed?"
"It is none of your business."
"WHAT?"
"We don't have any more wax!"
"That's none of my business."
Springer:
"You see this rock? If I throw it, it will fall. That means that gravity pulled it down."
"What if it falls into the water?"
"That's Seaspray's problem."
Ratchet:
"Push! Push! Push!"
Arcee:
"Are you sure this is how you take out the appendix?"
Arcee to Optimus:
"Get me a space ship and we can travel the universe! See life!"
"This life or afterlife?"
Optimus cuddling with Arcee:
"Oh, Arcee, tell me those three words that bind people together for ever."
"I am pregnant."
Huffer:
"What can be worse than eating an apple and there is a worm there?"
"Eating an apple and seeing half of the worm."
Kup gets on the bus, Hot Rod gets up from his seat. Kup pushes him back on the seat:
"Kid, no need to let me sit, my legs still hold me."
On the next stop, Hot Rod again tries to stand up:
"Kid, I thought I told you that I can stand!"
This happens for two more stops, then Hot Rod says:
"Kup, I am 100% sure you can stand but I missed four stops now!"
Iron Hide:
"Ratchet! I am nervous, this is my first operation! I can't stop shaking!"
"Relax, mine too."
Perceptor attending a history conference to learn more about Earth.
A German archeologist:
"Under 150 meters of ground we found telephone lines, that means that Germany at the time had telephones 150 years ago."
A French archeologist:
"Under 250 meters of ground we found telephone lines, that means that France at the time had telephones 250 years ago."
A Russian archeologist:
"We dug 500 meters and found nothing, that means that 500 years ago we had cellphones."
Perceptor:
"Oooooo!"
Under The Degree (G1)
"You see," Hoist turned to Kup, "When a person gets drunk, they turn apathetic."
"I dun give a slag!"
"Ratchet, are you sure this anesthetic will work?"
"Yes, Springer, now finish your second glass of vodka and you are clear for operation."
Grimlock and Hot Rod began drinking; the dinobot takes out a bottle of vodka and Hot Rod takes out Fanta.
"Me, Grimlock, say what's dis shit?" He points at the bottle of Fanta, "Me, Girmlock, have weak liver!"
Grimlock, wobbling, sat down on one of the free seats on the bus, next to Arcee, and rested a plastic bag on his knees. A minute or so later, he suddenly turns to her and barfs all over the fembot.
"WHAT THE HELL MAN? YOU HAVE A BAG!"
"THERE ARE BOOKS IN THERE!"
Mirage is trying to wake up Hound who was lying, passed out on the berth, for some *ahem*.
"By The Matrix!" After a few minutes of uselessly pushing him around, "Are there any real men around here?"
From upstairs, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe:
"You got something to drink?"
"Ratchet!"
"What is it, Prime?"
"Arcee lost her voice! She can't make a sound!"
"Try coming back home drunk at 3 a.m."
"Hound! This is an outrage!"
"What's up, Mirage?"
"Take a look at this article!"
"Formula – 1 in Russia is C2H5(OH)."
"Well," Rodimus, drunk, "You will be digging the trenches from here to Tuesday."
Arcee, a hammered Kup and Seaspray get on a very stuffed bus; Arcee can't get to the ticket slot on the bus.
"Hey, Kup, could you submit this ticket for me?"
"Sure, here, soldier," he turned to Seaspray and gave him the ticket.
"Kup, I am a Naval Officer."
"What? We are on a ship?"
Grimlock to Prowl:
"Grimlock ask Prowl, got any perfume?"
"What? No!"
"Braking liquid?"
"Huh? No."
"Windshield wiper liquid?"
"No."
"So you have no light wines?"
Mirage:
"Would you gentlemen be interested in sampling my collection of wines?"
"Me, Grimlock, say you make five mistakes in 'vodka'."
"Hey, Blurr, you know what's the difference between Rodimus's face and an ass' face?"
"WhatisitKup?Whatisit,whatisit…"
"Huh?" Rodimus Prime, walks in, hammered, angry, "What fucking differences are there?"
"No difference."
"That's right."
"Hey, Grimlock, is this vodka good? It's not poisonous? It's not gonna kill me?"
"Red Alert, no complaints yet."
Optimus' son:
"Daddy! Make the elephants run again!"
"Son, the elephants are tired! Let them rest a bit!"
"Pleeeeeaaassseeeeeee!"
"Aw you are so cute, ok. Autobots! Put your gasmasks back on and RUN!"
Prowl to drunk Optimus:
"Optimus, chain logic is quite simple, ok let me give an example. Do you have an aquarium?"
"Yeah."
" So it is logical to assume that you like aquariums?"
"Yeah."
"So it is logical to assume that you would fill one up with water and throw a few fish in there?"
"Yeah."
"So it is logical to assume that you like nature?"
"Yeah."
"So it is logical to assume that you like beautiful things?"
"Yeah."
"So it is logical to assume that you like beautiful fembots?"
"Yeah."
"So it is logical to assume that you are not homosexual."
"Yeah."
"See?"
"Oh, oh, ok but before we continue, I gotta go take a leak …"
"Hall, second door to your left."
"Thanks."
Optimus Prime walks into the hall and bumps into Perceptor.
"Sir! Have you seen Prowl anywhere? Sunstreaker and Sideswipe keep courting me! I think they want to berth me …"
"Oh, Prowl's in there, he was teaching me chain logic or whatever."
"In your state? What did he …"
"Let me give you an example. Perceptor, you got an aquarium?"
"No …"
"THAN YOU ARE GAY!"
Optimus Prime, drunk, sitting on a chair, Arcee is mopping the floor. Arcee:
"Optimus, could you lift up your legs?"
"YOU CAN'T EVEN CLEAN WITHOUT MY HELP!"
"Hot Rod, what happened?"
"Ratchet, I think I had an epiphany."
"Huh?"
"If a penguin tells you that you are crazy, you really are crazy."
Arcee is cooking dinner, drunk Kup walks in. Arcee:
"Oh! Kup! Thank The Matrix you are here! Can you look after the energon pie? I need to go get something from Hoist."
"Sure."
Half an hour later, Arcee comes back.
"Arcee! The pie didn't leave the oven!"
Grimlock wakes up from a hangover. Grimlock:
"You, where is Grimlock?"
"This is United States of America!"
"To hell with details! What planet is this?"
One day, Hoist, Warpath, Hot Rod, Grimlock, Prowl and Jazz decided to get drunk and play "war".
Hot Rod sneaks up on Warpath, takes a near-by chair and smacks him as hard as he could. No effect. Hot Rod takes another chair, smacks him. Warpath turns to Hot Rod:
"Can't you see? I am a tank! Boom!"
After a space storm, a quintesson scientist, Shockwave and Grimlock end up on some asteroid in an uncharted region of space. A Genie shows up and says:
"I will grant each of you one wish."
Quintesson scientist:
"I want to go back home!"
Done. Shockwave:
"I wish to be at Lord Megatron's side again!"
Done. Grimlock:
"Me, Grimlock, like them! A ton of vodka and get all of them back."
Ultra Magnus:
"Hey, Kup, how was New Years?"
"I dunno, they haven't told me yet."
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker began drinking:
"Look! Sunstreaker! Crocodiles are flying!"
"Man, I hope Prowl won't find out."
From downstairs, Jazz:
"Hey, Prowl! Look! Crocodiles are flying!"
"That's not ours, that's Sideswipe's and Sunstreaker's."
Author's Notes:
Well, there you have it, the first issue!
Guess what? I have 16 issues ready! They will vary in size because I had some major ups and downs on occasion. I will be posting them once the editing is done.
I ask of you to be patient (not that you have a choice ...), I am writing more when I can and I have only one person (who has her own projects, mind you) to go through all the stupidity I write.
Thank you very much, C.M.D., for editing, laughing (I certainly hope it is ...) and reviewing.
Once I have a more sizable audience, I will initiate a poll as to which category you find the funniest. Thank you Krazifreak for inspiration, I hope I did not somehow trample your territory, I also hope that it will somehow help you make the universe even bigger and even more awesome. Thank you, again, C.M.D., for inspiration this time.
Again, I do not own Transformers. The jokes were rewritten by me to suit G1 and Kittycon universes, they are not actual part of such unless their respective creators desire them to be. Some jokes I made, some I took from other sources as I have mentioned before. If you wish to use the material in "Little Tragedies" issues, at the very least notify me, but other than that, we are all out here to have fun. (but please DO mind certain boundaries ...)
As you may have noticed or will eventually noticed, there are some culture-specific jokes. I try to go for available-for-everyone but some are just too damn hilarious not to do.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. I am trying to improve my delivery and style with every issue.