Started September 2010

Pairing: Jack/Daniel Categories: Drama, Established Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mature themes.
Season/Episode: season 2: Need

Fandom: Stargate SG1

Note: My first attempt of writing since I left school in 97 hope you like it. This was also supposed to be a test run and to write just a small piece but it had other ideas.

Special thanks to Holdt and Pinkdiamonds who helped with all my mistakes with this story and all the useful tips. I also want to thank everyone at council of the plot bunny for pushing me in the right direction.

Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions etc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

Feeling a bit down

By Manic Mea

Part 1

I wonder if Jack will ever trust me on his team, again. I m not used to being ordered about and refuse to follow some orders Just like the other day when I saw a woman running through some trees, about to kill herself. I couldn t just stand their and watch someone end her life.

Hey, Daniel, you okay? Speak of the devil.

Jack thought it would be good for me to get away from everyone. I m quite emotional at the moment, still trying to come to terms with everything that has happened. I also suspect that I m holding something back I m not ready to talk yet.

I quickly wipe my face and I hope he doesn t notice the tear tracks. I fold my arms but don t turn from the window. I can feel the cold seeping into my bones as the rain splashes down outside the walls. I like the peace and quiet up here in Minnesota, there is something comforting in watching the trees be blown about, with the gusty wind knocking fallen leaves down into the water. I hope it warms up soon; I m cold even with my favourite white wool sweater.

I m fine. Lies always taste like ashes in my mouth, and I know the self-hugging thing is a dead giveaway, but I just can t bring my self to say what I feel.

No, you re not. He moves closer to me and puts his arms around my waist.

His voice is closer than I expected and I really ought to be used to the commando stealth by now, but somehow it s always surprising. I don t move.

I love the feel of his warm body leaning close to me I feel safe when Jack is this close to me. Never going to admit to it verbally but even so, he knows I like it.

You want to tell me what s bugging you? Jack s tone is gentle and caring and his hands tighten as I physically relax into his embrace.

I shake my head helplessly. I m biting my lip, trying to stop my quivering. It s all I can do to hold back the tears I know are coming. I m sorry for everything, Jack. Oh god. I know my voice is breaking but I can t control it.

After saying those words I can t hold in my misery any longer. I m trying to stop, I really am but I m crying so hard, I can feel my cheeks getting hot. I hate crying. I HATE it. There are few things more humiliating than being a 6 foot 2 pile of blubbering mess. Sometimes I don t even know why Jack bothers with me when all I do is screw up.

I can feel Jack moving around me and before I know it he s in front of me, holding me while scorching tears ruin the front of his pale red shirt. Why do I keep on doing things my way and end up getting the team in some type of trouble?

I don t often think of the consequences of my actions when I try and help other people. I have a need to help I can t stand back and just watch. I have to protect those who are desperate and in need of a friend.

I know I should wait for Jack s word, and not get involved until he says so, but I just react, on instinct alone. I have this burning need to do what s right to help, especially when I see someone in distress. I m calming down and sniffling some trying to get myself under more control again.

Are you calming down now? He slackens his hold on me and kisses me on the forehead. I look up and stare into his eyes and I can see the worry reflecting from them. I wipe my face again and look at the wet patch on his shirt. Aw crap, why do I keep thinking about all the bad things I did?

Yeah, I'm sorry about the shirt and the mission! I look up again and kiss him which feels good. Jack reacts to my kiss so I start kissing him more intensely. I just love the warm moist taste of his mouth as I deepen the kiss. I suddenly get an awful image in my head and break off the kiss.

I m a little shook up with kissing Jack and I briefly thought of that place. I really don t want to think about that.

Don t worry about it. Just, next time I give you an order will you please follow it.

I just look at him with red rimmed eyes and nod. My throat is tight and dry, and I don t think I could get the words out if I tried.

Come on let s go sit down.

I still have his warm arm on my shoulder as we go and sit in front of the fire. I ve never known anyone have such a comfy couch in a cabin before.

Danny, Jack says gently as he grabs my hand.

Yes? I whisper back, looking down at our entwined fingers. I love feeling Jack s hand touching mine which keeps me grounded in the here and now and not on that planet.

Are you still thinking of Shyla and what she did to you?

I can t look at him.

I should try to talk.

I will talk.

I really don t want to talk.

I do it anyway, because this is Jack and this is me, and this is us. I can trust him with my nightmares.

Yes and the sarcophagus. Every time I close my eyes I think I m back there again.

I can t believe I let her do that to me while you were trapped down the mine with Sam and Teal c. Why is it always me that gets you and rest team into trouble?

She was playing with your head so don t start worrying about that. We got out and you re still recovering from the ordeal.

You still want me on your team? Evan after I screwed the last mission for us? I m afraid of what his answer will be. After all, I didn t follow any orders. Then to go get everyone captured and finally end up addicted to the sarcophagus.

Look at me Danny. I turn to look at him and dread what he s about to say. He speaks softly but is tone in his voice is very serious. He lifts my hands to his chest and stares at me, gives me a warm smile then takes a deep breathe.

You are a member of SG1 my team and you are most definitely irreplaceable. Don t you ever think for ONE second, I want you off the team? Daniel

Jack I-

Let me finish Danny this is hard for me but you need to hear it!

Without you we wouldn t BE as good as we are. YOU are the one who keeps us grounded. YOU are the heart of the group. Since I met you you ve kept me honest. For crying out loud, baby you made me a whole person again AND you saved my life!

Don t think I d ever forget it I could never. He pulls me forwards and I automatically put my arms around him. I can t help but grin like an idiot as I look at Jack.

Wow Jack I m, um speechless I eh- don t know what to say, all the words in the world couldn t be good enough . What the hell do I say to Jack now? I m shocked and I ve got that warm feeling when you feel good.

Thanks Jack. That means an awful lot, especially coming from you. I lean closer and kiss Jack; he kisses me back so I kiss him even more. We then come up for air.

Good, because I meant every single word of it. I m deeply moved and can t believe how much Jack thinks of me.

Well! That s out in the open you feeling better now? He reaches out and squeezes my shoulder which I love and again, he knows it.

Yeah thanks. I look up and give him a shy smile.

Good, you want to go outside and go catch some huge big honkin smelly fish then?

I can t help but laugh when he gets that big goofy grin on his face.

Sure why not? Even though I hate fishing, I could always take my journal out with me.

Sweet let s go. He is very happy to finally go fishing.

I just stand there with my arms folded, watching him gathering all the equipment we ll need. I grab my journal then pick up some of the gear and help take them outside. Jack s following close behind me.

To be continued...