Hello all. So I know I shouldn't be starting another story, but I feel the need for some serious angst in my life, and I'm in a very maudlin mood. This story is the result, though I shall say right now that it will have a happy ending, eventually.

The bits in italics are memories. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural nor do I own the song These Days.

'One of these days the ground will drop out from beneath your feet
One of these days your heart will stop and play its final beat
One of these days the clocks will stop and time won't mean a thing
One of these days their bombs will drop and silence everything'

These Days – Foo Fighters

Castiel stood at the front of the church as the music started to play loudly through the building. He stared straight ahead finding himself incapable of turning to watch Dean's last journey up the aisle. No, he knew if he did that he would break down. The man he loved, his husband and best friend, he deserved for Castiel to be able to send him off to heaven with dignity, Dean would expect nothing less from him, so he would do that, he could do that for him. His last act of love for the one who would always hold his heart.

Sam had asked him to be one of the pallbearers, but he knew if he had agreed he would have stumbled under the weight of what he was doing. It would have made it all too real to him and he wasn't ready for that, not yet, it still did not seem completely real. After all it was only a week ago he and Dean talked for the last time, a quick video chat before Dean went out on patrol. The patrol he never came back from, not alive at least. No instead Dean had given his life so his men could escape the enemy who had surrounded them. It was such a Dean thing to do, damn him. Why did he have to go and leave Castiel all alone? How was he going to go on? How was he going to cope with a life without Dean there beside him? What was he to do now? No can't think like that, not here, not now. He had to be strong for Dean one last time, later he could fall apart. Later he could try and find a way out of the hell he now found himself in.

The music came to an end and Castiel knew he would have to face the coffin that was now sitting in front of the large congregation. Turning to look at the wooden box, he wondered abstractly how it was that it could hold the man he had known. The man he had been with for three years, no. There was too much life in Dean to fit inside there. Tuning out the words the priest spoke he instead fell into his mind, as he had been doing a lot ever since the marine Major had turned up on his doorstep to tell him his husband was dead. So instead of listening to the list of Dean's achievements, listening to the stories about the man he loved, he turned his mind to the first time he had seen him, the start of it all. Turned to remember their story together.

Three years ago…

He had been waiting for Gabriel in the bar near the hospital they both worked at. It did not surprise him his brother was late, that man could never be on time for anything. But still every time the door opened Castiel turned to see who it was, to see if Gabriel had even remembered they were meeting today. That was why he noticed the marine come in, wearing his tan uniform which was ironed crisply and shiny shoes on his feet. Looking at his insignia Castiel could see that this man was a sergeant, and one who had seen front line service if the lines on his face were anything to go by. Castiel idly watched the man as he looked around the place as if searching for someone before coming up to the bar to stand next to him. Castiel moved so that the sergeant had more room and when the bartender came up he gestured to the marine to place his order first.

"I'll have a beer, thanks." The guy said turning to Castiel and smiling at him. It was the first time the doctor had seen his green eyes up close, and they were enough to take his breathe away. This man was extremely handsome.

"You are welcome." Castiel replied with a nod, and then on an impulse he could not define he reached out with his arm and stopped the solider from removing his wallet from his pocket. "Let me, as a way to say thank you for your service to our country."

"Okay, if you're sure, yeah." The guy replied smiling once more. Castiel sensibly turned away from the charming look, it was like the sun had just come into the bar and decided to shine on him. Instead he got the bartenders attention and ordered a beer for himself as well before turning back to the marine, hoping he had himself under control now.

"Sergeant Dean Winchester." Dean said holding out his hand to the hot blue eyed man next to him. He was starting to become really glad that Sammy was late for their drink right about then.

"Dr Castiel Novak." Castiel replied shaking Dean's had and smiling at him in return. It was then that their eyes locked and they stood there staring at each other for what was no doubt far too long, not that either of them cared. There was just something about the other guy they had met by chance in this bar. There was something…

There staring was broken by the return of the bartender with their drinks which Castiel paid for before turning back to Dean.

"So a doctor hu? I should probably be buying you a drink rather than the other way round." Dean responded with humour, his eyes crinkling at the corners with his smile.

"I am not the one putting my life on the line for others sergeant." Castiel replied sincerely, though he could not help himself responding to the smile on Dean's face. He doubted anyone could ever not respond to that look on this man.

"Call me Dean, doc." Dean said reaching for his drink, this guy wasn't one of his men, he had no need to use his rank.

"If you will call me Castiel." Castiel replied serenely, Dean, yes it suited him very well.

"How about Cas instead?" Dean asked with a cheeky grin, Castiel seemed way too formal for the guy he was talking to. The guy he knew he found attractive.

"I am fine with that." Castiel replied feeling more than happy with Dean giving him a nickname in the short time they talked to each other. Yes, it gave an illusion of closeness, even if it was only in his mind. He still liked it.

Castiel was pulled from his happy memory back to the funeral for the man with the beautiful green eyes. No, that coffin was definitely not big enough to hold all of Dean, not the Dean he loved.