Past Days
Fan fiction title: Past Days. But only because I couldn't think of anything better. If you can, please, feel free to inform me.
Fan fic type: Niles/Daphne.
Summary: OK, this is a toughy to explain. During the third season, in the midst of the episode Moon Dance, Niles and Daphne got together. Five years later, (a.k.a the eighth season), they're broken up and Niles is somewhere, but no one knows where. I think that's pretty much it. The rest is explained somewhere in the story.
Rating: PG. It doesn't have any swearing or anything like that, and certainly no sex scenes!
Disclaimers: I own this story and you can't take it away from me!
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this fan fic to Katie Slawson, the one and only. I know she'll enjoy it. No matter what she does, she's helping me through something. I love you honey!
Thanks: Thanks to all my wonderful friends who I know will read this as soon as possible: Lor the best friend anyone could have, and also the most supportive for her writer friends. Lyd, my kooky writing partner, who has tried but failed many times to spell 'Daphne' correctly. Miss Helder, the cool student teacher our class got for six weeks. I'm only thanking you because you shuffled a bit in your seat and that gave me the idea for this fan fic. Dulcey, for your site is the only reason my fan fics are even in existence. Katie, you inspired my sudden passion for N/D writing.
Started O: Tuesday, May 8th, 2001. 5:04 P.M.
Completed O: Wednesday, July 4th, 2:06 PM
Feedback: Please give me some. If you don't I'll.. Well I'll do something, be assured!! ;)
YappyMarita@aol.com
Past Days
By Mar(ita) Linde
I hadn't planned on going to the grocery that morning, but when I had skipped over to Roz and Frasier's place, I was cornered.
"Daphne? I hate to bother you, but as you know, my dinner party is tonight. I was going to ask Roz to go shopping for me, but one look at her face this morning and I was afraid even to talk to her. I was wondering if you could go instead. You understand, don't you?" His pleading face was almost pathetic. How could a grown man be so afraid of his own wife?
Of course, it wasn't the first time I had done last-minute favours for Frasier.. Or even Roz for that matter. He often called me up five minutes before he was to leave to ask me to babysit their adorable little baby girls, Darien, and Alice for them. I was their last-minute housekeeper. And since Roz had become pregnant again, I'd been doing it more and more often.
Not that I minded. No, I liked the extra money, and Darien and Alice were a pleasure to be with, no matter what. And Roz was a very good friend. She often took me out to dinner in some fancy restaurant as payment for little errands I ran for her. Her and Frasier were a lot more busy now that their radio show got put into syndication. A lot richer, too.
Did I mention me and Mr. Crane moved out a year ago? Just when Darien was born. We'd been looking for an apartment for about a year, but we hadn't found one until then. You see, it was a little cramped living in a three bedroom apartment with five people. So when we found one in this hoity-toity neighborhood for at least half the price it should've been, we were jumping for joy.
Mr. Crane has never even mentioned anything about me calling him Martin. Frasier did a while ago, and that's why I call him by his first name. I wouldn't have done it if he hadn't had asked. He said something about me being one of his good friends, and Roz's best friend, and that I was always over here babysitting and helping and visiting, it just didn't seem natural for me to call him Dr. Crane any more. It was strange at first, but I had gotten used to it. And now it was like I had never called him anything else.
Now little Alice sleeps in my old bedroom. She's three. Such a sweet little thing. Darien sleeps in Mr. Crane's old bedroom, and Roz and Frasier obviously in Frasier's bedroom. I think that when the next little treasure is born, they're going to move her into Darien's room and Darien into the room with Alice. Not that it really matters, though.
"So Roz, how're you feeling this morning?" I asked Roz, one day about four months ago when I had dropped in at the Cranes to see about taking Alice to the fair.
"Actually, I'm feeling really good. I think the morning sickness has finally faded." As if to reinforce her point, she picked up a bran muffin and stuffed it in her mouth greedily.
"Oh, well then perhaps you'd like to come to the fair with Alice and I? We could take little Darien along, too!" I was excited. I loved being around those kids. It was bittersweet, I guess, because it reminded me of what I could have had with Niles, and at the same time it made me feel as if I actually had kids, something I would have loved to have.
"Hey, yeah!" Roz exclaimed, seeming to like the idea. "Hey, Frasier, you wanna come along?" Frasier poked his head out of the kitchen and grinned.
"I'd love to." Roz smiled gleefully and jumped up and down in her seat.
"It'll be like a family day out, or something! Hey, can Martin come?" She bent down to grab one of Frasier's knick-knacks away from Darien, who was sitting on the floor playing.
"No, I'm afraid he can't. He has a doctor's appointment." I said.
"Oh, anything serious?" Frasier asked immediately, coming out from hiding in the kitchen and sitting beside Roz at the table.
"No, of course not." I said quickly. "It's about his toe. It's turning some sort of green colour and-"
"Oh, please, spare us the details Daphne!" Frasier grimaced, holding his hands over his ears. I shrugged.
"You asked." I muttered. Roz wiped some jam off of little Alice's face and smiled at me broadly– the first time in weeks.
"It's going to be just like old times. Oh, we should pack a picnic and go to the park!" She squealed gleefully.
"Alright, sounds like fun." I admitted, pulling my coat on over my shoulders and starting for the door. "I'll be here in around an hour, I just have to go home and get some things." I reached for the door handle but stopped. "Just one second, let me use the powder room."
"Sure Daph." Roz called out.
As I sat in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I heard Roz and Frasier talking in the main room. When I heard my name mentioned, I frowned and leaned closer to the door.
"Jeez, I'm so glad Daphne's finally starting to act like a human being again. I hated being around just after Niles left, she was such a drag." Roz said. I gulped and pressed my ear against the door.
"I've always wondered what happened between those two. It's a shame Niles hasn't been in contact with us for the whole five years." Frasier said that. At first I was mad, angry, but after I had left the apartment and calmed down some, I realized they were right. After Niles left me, I hadn't been acting like myself at all... of course, that wasn't something a person just got over– definitely not me.
If you want to know what happened, I'll tell you. It isn't much of a story, though, it's like a badly written romance novel, those kind Roz always reads. I know because I saw one on her dresser once while I was babysitting.
It was 27th, 2001. Roz's birthday party. Niles and I weren't speaking to each other because of a silly little fight over my psychic visions the night before. He had tried to convince me that they didn't really exist, that they were only a part of my conscience. He was being very nice about the way he said it, but that didn't make it any easier to take.
I had gotten mad because he couldn't just accept me for who I was, and told him that if that was the way it would be, maybe we should just part ways. He looked at me with this silly little grin on his face, as if he thought I was joking. So I left.
Anyhow, when I went to the party the next night, of course I had to bring a date. Marshall, a veritable hunk of muscle and good-looks, the kind of man Niles was always jealous of. We walked into the party slowly, as if we wanted everyone to get a good look at us. My head was held high. I didn't know Niles would be at the party. I would never have tried to hurt him like that, really. I thought he would be too sad to come, but none-the- less, he was there.
At first I was shocked and tried to hide Marshall from his view, but he saw him and he was angry. He stepped up and put on a fake smile.
"So, who is this strapping young fellow with you, Daphne?" He asked, the anger and jealousy evident in his voice.
"Marshall Walker." My date said, allowing Niles to shake his hand gently and then turning toward me. "Hey Daph, whadd'ya say we just bag the party and go home?" I winced. The way he said it, anyone could have known what he was implying. Poor Niles stood there in silent defeat, obviously hoping I would decline.
That's when my human pride got in the way of my heart. After a few seconds of thinking I said, "Sure Marshall, sounds great." In the sauciest voice I could muster and followed him out the door.
I thought it would show Niles how much he had hurt me the other night. I thought he would come racing after us and apologize, proclaiming his undying love for me and begging me to come back. But I only hurt him more deeply than I realized.
I haven't seen him since.
I was done my shopping, so I pushed the cart over to the counter and began unloading the groceries from it. Noticing the enormous amount I had to take out, I sighed and pulled my hair away from my face. If only Frasier didn't have so many demands for his bloody parties.
"Allow me to help with that." A woman's voice said from behind me. "I have only a few groceries, and it seems you have many more. Let me help you unload them." She waited until I smiled to do so, carefully picking up one piece of food and setting it on the counter.
She was tall, and lean, and very beautiful. She must have been in her mid-thirties, at the most. Her hair was a light blonde colour and was pulled into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. Strands of it were falling in front of her face and she kept pulling them behind her ears, which were adorned with beautiful diamond earrings. She had the bluest eyes I'd seen in a long time, and she was wearing typical mother clothes. Jeans, a white blouse and running shoes.
There, we were done. I shook her hand and thanked her for her help. "It was very nice of you to assist me." She grinned.
"No problem at all. Your accent..Manchester, right?" I nodded happily. "I've been there a few times myself. Born in Oregon, though. I'm Liza, by the way."
"Daphne." I said. Her eyes seemed to widen a bit at the sound of my name, as if she'd heard it before.
"What a lovely name." She said wistfully.
"Thank you. Would you like me to help you with your groceries?" I asked.
"Oh no, that's quite all right. My husband will be along any minute now, he can help me."
"What are husbands for?" I asked, and we laughed. "Do you've any kids?" The words 'babysitting job' came to mind.
"Oh yes, two, actually. A little boy and a little girl. Harvey is two and a half and Aleta is a year."
"Oh, need a babysitter?" I questioned her, thinking to myself that probably sounded a little too forward.
"Oh well, yes, I do, but I'm afraid we don't live around here. Massachusetts."
"Oh my, well, sorry, can't take the job then." We smiled together. "I really should go, though. I have to get these groceries off to me boss or he'll skin me alive. Goodbye then!"
"Yes, goodbye." Liza cheerfully waved to me as I walked out the door. Something, I didn't know what, was hurrying me along. I ran all the way home.
When I got to the apartment Mr. Crane was sitting in his old chair, drinking a Ballentine and watching the telly.
"Hullo." I greeted, loaded down with grocery bags.
"Hey Daph!" Mr. Crane replied, getting up from his chair just in time to catch one of the bags before it fell to the floor. "Lemme help you with that." He said, and winked.
"Thanks." I said cheerfully, handing him six or seven of the plastic bags and sauntering to the kitchen to put them away.
"What's all this stuff for, anyway?" He asked, pulling a block of cheese out of a bag and putting it in the fridge.
"It's for-" Oh no "Oh no!" I said. "They're Frasier's groceries! I forgot to drop them off!" I put my head in my hands and sighed, looking up at Mr. Crane's face pleadingly.
"Ooooh no, this is your fault, you go fix it." He said, walking over to his chair and sitting down. "Besides, what's the big deal? Just take your car and make the three minute drive, no sweat. Piece of cake."
"Yes, yes, it would be, if I hadn't forgotten me car at the grocery." I said absentmindedly, looking up at the ceiling. "I'll just walk over to Frasier's, drop the groceries off, walk in the rain to the grocery, pick up the car and come back. By that time it'll be six-thirty already, and you'll have no supper until then...oh well, off I go." I went slowly to get my coat from the rack, expecting Mr. Crane to jump off of his feet and offer to go for me.
"OOPS, already had supper at McGinty's...otherwise your little guilt trip would have worked, wouldn't it 've?" He said, sipping slowly from his can of beer. "And since when did you go to calling him Frasier, when you refuse to call me anything but Mr. Crane?"
I walked over to the door angrily. "Oh, trust me, I've called you many more things than that...you lazy old-" The slam of the door cut off the last of my sentence. Good thing, too, otherwise I would have gotten the silent treatment all night.
I walked out into the rain and realized I had forgotten my umbrella. "Shit." I said loudly. I didn't usually take to swearing, but today was just one of those days. As soon as I dropped these groceries off at Roz's place, paid a little visit to Darien and Alice, picked up the car and drove back home, I was going to bed. And I was going to sleep until nine o'clock the next morning.
On my way there I wondered how I could have done such a stupid thing as to forget my car at the grocery. I must have been doubly distracted by something, maybe that Liza character. There was just something about her that was so hard to place. And, like I said before, it had been one of those days. One of those days that seemed to be coming more and more often as the years went by...
"Hullo all!" I greeted, noticing the sound of little children squealing as soon as I walked in. "I'm here with your groceries!" I tried to seem cheerful. As far as I knew, it was working.
"Oh, good, Daphne, you're here." Roz's exasperated voice sounded from the kitchen. "Frasier told me you'd be here an hour ago." She appeared in the doorway holding Darien and a bottle.
"Silly sausage." I said. "I let him now last night that I wouldn't be done till six o'clock, and that's what time it is now." I looked around, noticing the absence of the subject of our conversation. "By the way, where is he?"
"Who, Frasier? Work." She set Darien down in her high chair. "Could you do me a favour and feed her while I put away those groceries?" I nodded happily and ran over to the little baby.
Seeing Roz made me realize how much energy I actually had left. Interesting, I should come here every time I feel beat and be reminded of how tired I would be if I was a mother. Poor Roz was ALWAYS exhausted. Frasier helped out as much as he could, but he was busy with work a lot.
"So Daph, you look wet, didn't you come with the car?" Roz asked from the kitchen. I snorted and stuffed the spoon in Darien's mouth.
"Nope, left it at the grocery."
"Why..?" Roz asked curiously, munching on a peanut. "It's pouring outside."
"Long story."
"I've got all night, honey." She said sweetly, putting the bread in the box marked 'Bread Bin', and sat down beside me in the dining room. "Besides, you look like you could use a talk."
I smiled. She was so selfless. But that was Roz, for you. Always thinking of everyone else.
"Well, this afternoon I went to the store and I met the strangest young woman, mother of two from Massachusetts, she was gorgeous, but strange." Roz nodded. "She helped me unload my groceries, and we talked some. She was very nice, told me about her life, her husband. Anyways, after that I had the strangest sensation that there was something I should be running from, so I grabbed all of my bags and hurried home, not realizing I had left my car at the store. I got home, and Mr. Crane...I mean Martin helped me unload about half a bag of groceries before setting himself down in his lazy chair. I swear, sometimes that man is so lazy I feel like clobbing him over the head with a rolling pin."
Roz giggled. "I know what you mean. Frasier's the same way. He refuses to help me put the kids to bed at night. 'I'm watching my program..' He whines just like that. Of course, when I'm done and I sit beside him on the couch, he'll be all like, 'hey sweety, you look beautiful tonight' and all that crap." We laughed together.
"Men are fickle." I said wistfully. "Oh, but back to my story. So then I picked up all eight of the grocery bags, put them back in my cart and rolled over here. After I'm done with you guys I have to go back to the grocery and pick up me car. I can't believe I was so stupid as to leave it there! Why do you think I did that?" I asked her, feeding little Darien more of her apple sauce and wishing I could just let this topic go..
"I dunno. Frasier would probably have some absurd psychological reason for why you did what you did, but I say it's just stress. I get forgetful when I'm stressed, you most likely do too. Whatever the reason, Daph, it's nothing to worry about." She put her hand on my shoulder and grinned at me like a little girl.
"Thanks." I finished feeding Darien and rubbed my hands together in glee. "Where's Alice?' I asked, my eyes gleaming with excitement.
"She's in her bedroom playing. Be careful, though, she's in a mood."
"Oh, really?" I asked, turning toward Roz again.
"Yeah. Well, I'll be off to put Darien in bed and then I'm going to finish putting the groceries away. Then it's off to clean up every room in the house, make Frasier's supper ready, then get Alice to bed and then clean up her toys. Maybe..." She shook her finger at me. "Maybe then I can get some sleep." She winked at me to make her speech seem carefree, but I felt sorry for her.
"Never you mind." I said roughly. "I'm going to do all that, and guess what you're going to do. You're going to march off to bed, right now." I smacked her on the back and steered her to her bedroom, all the while smiling at the way her shoulders relaxed the minute I said it.
"Oh Daphne, you're a dream, really. I'll pay you." She offered, turning toward me and hugging me tightly.
"Oh shush." I said, flapping my hand in front of my face. "It's a favour."
"Nice try Daph." She said. "You're getting paid fifty bucks, and then tomorrow we're gonna go shopping and we're gonna but stuff!" She tried to look excited but she was too tired. "Really, though, thanks."
"Not a problem." I said, and went to tidy up the kitchen.
Alice started to cry for the third time that night, this time attempting to make me believe she had hurt her finger. "Oh shush." I said. "You'll wake your mommy." I picked her up and carried her to her crib.
She immediately fell silent as I tucked her in. When I had finished pulling the blankets around her, I looked at her face and saw she had fallen asleep. I stroked her face with my finger and kissed her cheek. "Nothing like a sleeping baby to make you feel tired." I muttered to myself, and began to clean up her toys.
Frasier got home a half an hour after Roz went to bed. He entered the apartment, and upon seeing a form in the kitchen making his supper, he just assumed it was Roz. "Hello darling, how are you this fine evening?" He walked up to me and was about to kiss the back of my head when I turned around and scared him half to death.
"Jeez, you must be tired. You can't even tell the difference between your wife and your babysitter." I said, and offered him his plate of dinner.
"Daphne." He said simply, looking incredibly disappointed. "Where the hell is Roz?" He was still a little spooked.
"In bed. The poor thing worked herself some way to death all day, and when I got here to drop off your precious 'dinner party groceries', she almost fainted at the sight of me, her sweet salvation. So I chased her off to bed and finished the rest of her chores, which, by the way, are done now that you're here to claim your supper. So, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be off to the grocery to pick up my car." I reached for my coat.
"Wait, Daphne, here's some money..to thank you for taking care of things." He offered me a fifty dollar bill. Apparently he and his wife were the same amount of generous. "I know it seems small to you, cleaning up and babysitting, but Roz does it all day, and as much as I'd like to help, I never have the time. She always seems so tired, this good night's sleep will do her a world of good. Thank you for sacrificing your much needed time to do this for her." He leaned over and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I smiled faintly.
"You're welcome, and thanks for the fifty bucks." I stuffed the money in my pocket and flew out the door.
When I got to the grocery store and had found my car back, I quickly got into it and was ready to drive home when I realized that it was only seven o'clock and I had fifty dollars in my pocket. I smiled deviously to myself and turned down the road that led to StarBucks.
I walked in the store and ordered a tall coffee, what I always had, and was waiting for it to come when I noticed Liza standing a few feet from me, observing the menu boards.
"Liza?" I asked, and she turned her head and smiled in surprise.
"Oh my, Daphne, how pleasant to see you again!" She shook my hand gently.
"I was just here getting a coffee." I said, holding up my newly arrived paper cup and grinning. "Finally some time to meself." She nodded in agreement.
"Oh, I know about that. Me and my husband are here for a little quiet time away from the kids. They're atan old friend's house.. We just dropped them off a few minutes ago, actually." She gestured toward the table her husband was sitting at. I couldn't see him, though, because he was hidden behind his newspaper.
"Here's your order, Ma'am." The cashier said to Liza, and she thanked him and grabbed her food.
"Hey, are you here alone? Because if you are, you could come sit with me and my husband!"
"Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't want to intrude.."
"Oh, nonsense! He's very polite an courteous, and he loves meeting new people. In fact, I think you two would hit it off splendidly." Liza said hopefully.
"I guess so." I finally agreed, and followed her to her table. I sat myself down opposite her husband, who was still hiding behind his newspaper.
"Sweety, sweety, this is Daphne." Liza said, patting him on his invisible shoulder. The newspaper shot down, he lifted his head.
"Daphne." He said simply.
"Niles." I whispered. And then everything went black.
I woke up to the sight of the Starbucks restroom, all pink and white and flowery. For a moment I forgot where I was, until Liza appeared with a wet towel. "There there, Daphne, just lie still and let me take care of you."
"Aren't you angry?" I asked, well, whimpered. She frowned.
"Angry?" She seemed confused. Then understanding dawned. "Oh, no, Niles explained the whole thing to me. How you used to work for his father, you hadn't been in touch for awhile. I must admit I feel a little tricked, I mean, he didn't say anything about you before, but I'm sure I'll get over it."
"Oh Jeez..." I whispered, and collapsed on the counter once again.
The minute I saw her, it was like everything that I had tried so hard to forget, had put completely put out of my mind for the past five years came flooding back in this huge tidal wave of emotion.
She had changed a lot. Her hair was more of a red colour than a brown like when I had left, and it was shorter, layered and cropped, bobbing around playfully at her shoulders. She was heavier. No, not heavier, just...fuller. She looked better like that, though. She had more of a figure, and she looked healthier. And the way she filled out that purple sweater she was wearing...well, never mind.
But there was something about her that made her seem a complete different person. At first I didn't know what it was, and even as I stared at her face, lifting her unconscious form from the floor and carrying her to the washroom, I still couldn't place it. It wasn't until after I had left, after I was sitting outside the Starbucks on the step and musing to myself about my life for the past half a decade, that I knew. She wasn't happy. Her face didn't laugh like it used to, it was worn, tired, maybe even sagging. She was still beautiful, but she wasn't cheerful like she used to be. Her eyes said, "I'm tired and depressed" instead of saying "I'm happy and full of energy" like they had when we'd first met. And that gave me a strange sensation of hope.
Me and Liza met six months after I left Seattle for Massachusetts. I was at a conference in Boston when Mr. Henry Fuller, my new partner, introduced us.
"Niles Crane, this is Liza Freeton. Liza is the sister of Dr. James Freeton." Henry said, raising his eyebrows at me once Liza had turned her back to him. I only smiled.
"Liza, how nice to meet you." I said, and offered her my hand. She shook it gently and we began a heated discussion on Freud. She, you see, was a behaviorist, and I was a psychoanalyst. I think that's what first attracted me to her, her whole-hearted willingness to argue.
We began seeing each other a few weeks later. I think, through the entire time we dated, I told myself it was too soon. But Liza was so overpowering, like a scent, that I soon became infatuated. Her manner, her style, her grace, everything was perfect.
I remember the night I asked her to marry me. It was like kitchen knives poking through my heart. I looked up at her and all I saw was Daphne. It wasn't the first time something like that had happened, but I had always dismissed it, telling myself I would get over her if I only gave myself time.
Liza's and I life soon became hectic. First it was plans for the wedding, then it was the honeymoon, then our first child. Something was always going on. Within the first four years of my disappearance from Washington I had two children. You see, me and Liza got married after six months of dating, had our first child after a year of being married, our second after two and a half. We'd always planned to have more but we never got around to it.
I could say there were many reasons I didn't tell anyone back in Seattle about my life or where I was or what I was doing, but that would be a lie. There was one, single, solitary reason, and there always had been.
And I still loved her.
She was like..a scar. Something that stays with you forever, but is always there to remind you of something that hurt. Whenever I thought of Daphne I thought of that night she broke my heart. The night I walked in on her and saw her destroying everything we had made.
I should have waited. I should have let her explain. I should have let her tell me she was sorry, and that she didn't know why she had done it. I should have let our relationship –and my heart– slowly heal. There were a lot of things I should have done that I didn't do.
But it was too late. Or was it? Did I love Liza? Of course; I loved her a lot. A lot. But that was it. I loved her. I didn't burn for her, I didn't fantasize about her, and heaven knows I could live without her. But I did love her. And that was all that mattered.
Twenty minutes ago my life was perfect. We had quickly dropped the kids off at a friend's house and driven to the coffee shop. Not to Nervosa, too risky. Frasier, or Roz, or Martin, or, heaven forbid, Daphne might have been there and then everything would be much too awkward. Liza often asked me why I never talked about my family. But she had never forced me to say anything. Another reason I loved her. We had started talking about what we were going to do the next day in Tacoma, and Aleta's early morning antics. But then...
Then...she showed up. And fainted. I thought I would be the one to go first, but she was. I told Liza that I knew Daphne because she used to be my father's employer, and nothing more. And Liza, being Liza, accepted that. Then I had ran out of the coffee shop and onto the cold concrete steps to wonder to myself why I suddenly felt cold all over, and it was May.
"She's all better." Liza's Southern accent sounded from behind me and I turned and smiled automatically.
"How..wonderful." I managed to whisper, and slowly descended the stairs to my car. "D-d-d-d-daphne, how are you feeling?" I asked, blinking rapidly and trying not to look her in the eye.
"Fine." She said, inspecting her fingernails. "I was just a little surprised to see you again...after all these years."
Ahem. I cleared my throat and prayed she wouldn't look up. Her voice was so wistful. Like a song, like the wind, like the breeze.
"Are you sure you're able to take your own car?" Liza asked her, squeezing her arm lightly.
"Yes, yes, of course. But.. If you could follow me, you could meet the family, again, like..well...would you...please?" She was flustered. One could only imagine. I was flustered too. Everything around me was white noise. I hadn't made eye contact with anyone for thirty minutes. Oh Jeez, she wanted me to see the family.
"I guess we could do that." I hardly registered the voice as mine. Daphne nodded. I noticed the way her hair swung, no, danced around her head. It made her seem happy, almost. Almost.
"Thank you for your help Liza...Niles." She said my name the way she used to. She curled it around her tongue. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Enveloped my mind in memories.
She got into her car and I noticed it was new. A Dodge Neon. Very sporty, very happy-go-lucky. It was so much the 'old Daphne'.
We followed her to the apartment, The Elliot Bay Towers, and I got ready to see them all again. Daphne had told us before we left the parking lot that Martin no longer lived there, and that Roz and Frasier were married, with two little children and another on the way. I remembered Aleta and Harvey. "Sweetheart, maybe we should go pick up the kids from Harriet's." I said.
"Oh, most definitely! Your parents will want to meet them! I'll tell you what, you stay, I'll go." She shoved me out of the car and drove away before I had the chance to tell her my mother was dead.
Daphne was standing there with a confused look on her face when I turned around.
"She's gone to get the children." I muttered, finally meeting her eyes. So brown, so full of life.
"Mmm.." she said, locking gazes with mine for a split second before swivelling her head around and announcing, "Still number 1901." That accent, another thing I had missed about her.
"Yes, yes of course." We made our way past the doorman and into the elevator before either one of us spoke again.
"Your wife– she seems delightful." Daphne said, her voice a hushed whisper.
"She is." I said. "She's wonderful."
That shut us both up. We looked at each other again. Her face, for the first time tonight, looked pained. It looked frustrated...confused.
"Niles, why the hell didn't you tell anyone? Why the hell didn't you tell me? Bloody hell, why did you leave?" She said, this time loudly. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she began to cry. I felt trapped between what I longed to do and what was right. Reaching out to her and comforting her or staying back and answering her questions.
I chose both. I pulled her to me and rested her head on my shoulder, letting her sobs to be muffled against my suit jacket. "You killed me Daphne." I said, finally. "No matter how much time goes by, I'll never be the man I was before you did that to me. And to tell you that I was married, that I had children, that I had moved on with my life, it seemed too good. Too positive. I wanted you to see how much you hurt me." She sniffed.
"Do you love her Niles?" Our eyes locked. There it was again, that look. The one that had made me go weak at the knees, key word: made. Now it only made me tremble.
"I..." I sighed. I stared at her in obvious passion, and then I kissed her. Like I had wanted to for five years. Like I had wanted to forever. And then the elevator doors opened.
They stopped as soon as the doors opened completely. I saw them standing there and could have sworn I had taken a trip back in time five years. I could have fainted when Niles turned and said,
"Oh...Roz, it's been too long." He looked absolutely delirious. He looked like he'd just gotten laid. Maybe..no. Not in an elevator. Not Daphne.
"Uhh...wow...Niles...what a pleasant surprise...!" I stuttered, desperately trying to see them clearly through my tears.
Little over an hour earlier, Frasier had come into the bedroom and lay beside me, turning over on his side and kissing me on the cheek. I was stressed, and angry at him for never helping him out. I was also in 'one of my moods' as Frasier would call it.
"Why don't you ever help out?" I hissed, facing the wall across from him. I couldn't see his face but I knew he was surprised by the way he sat up and leaned over me.
"What?" He said, his voice trembling.
"I stay home all day except for when we do our show. I take care of the kids, I make the meals, I clean the house. You never help out. You wouldn't even go to the grocery store this afternoon, you made Daphne go." Finally I turned and looked at him. His face was full of pure shock.
"Roz, I thought you understood. I have to work! Besides, I'm home every morning and every early evening...I...what do you want from me? You want me to get us this promotion but you want me to work less at the same time? I don't understand!" He flopped back on the bed in defeat.
"I never said I wanted you to get this promotion. I'm happy with our show the way it is. You just want more, and more..." I sighed, tears burning the back of my eyes. "What happened to us, Frasier? When we first married we always had time for each other. I couldn't get enough of you, you couldn't get enough of me OR Alice. Now... now all you do is work. The kids get in the way, we're both stressed, I'm pregnant again."
He looked at me sympathetically. "Roz, I always try my best."
"Do you Frasier? Do you really? Or do you sense the chaos before it starts and decide to come home late so you don't have to face it? Do you get Daphne to help me out, or to help you out? What's really behind your motives, Fras?" I was angry. I was tired of raising our children without him. He had to understand that.
His mouth opened and closed slowly. He was about to deny it but he decided against it. "Roz, just calm down." He said instead, and that did it for me.
"Oh for Pete's sake!" I screamed. "Do you ever listen? Don't you want this marriage to go well?" I stood up and walked to his side of the bed, facing him, for the first time noticing my huge belly.
"I want you to sit here and name seven reasons you fell in love with me. Seven. Once you're done I'll try not to be mad at you anymore."
"Roz, what does this have to do with the argument?" He asked. I knew it had nothing to do with the argument, but it had something to do with the way I was feeling. I felt completely invisible to Frasier, like I was nothing. I needed this, as absurd as it was.
"Just do it Frasier." I seethed.
He sighed. "Fine. I..well, OK. Number one, your charm. Number two, the fact that you're...beautiful." He looked at me slowly. "Number three...Roz, this is really stupid." Oh..wrong answer Fras.
"If you feel that way, then I think I'll leave." I said. I turned on my heel and locked myself in the bathroom for a long, luxurious bubble bath.
But it didn't work. The longer I sat in the bathtub the longer I thought about Frasier, and our children. Alice and Darien, two little things we had been so happy to have. I was 37 and I was having a third child. My marriage was pretty much in a shambles at the moment. I hadn't had a decent conversation with my husband for a month. And the last time we had had a romantic evening...I counted on my fingers. Seven weeks. I leaned my head against the wall of the tub and sobbed.
When me and Frasier had first started dating everything was perfect. We had Alice, a nice home and our love. And then it had been enough. Now we had a busy career that we pretty much shared, two kids and one on the way, and half of the love we once had. The other half was buried somewhere amidst the clutter of our home. The once-spotless decor of Frasier's priceless apartment was now messy and un-tidy, baby toys and junk lying everywhere. And somewhere amongst that garbage was the answer to our prayers– the re-invention of our marriage.
I stepped out of the tub, still crying, and half wished Frasier would come and comfort me. Before we married he seemed so sympathetic. I guess he still was now, but he was never around to show it. I sat on the couch and picked up a magazine, turning the pages and watching as my tears stained the sheets of paper.
Never mind, I'm going to the movies. I thought. I'm going to go see that new movie that came out a while ago, Pearl Harbor. Daph watched it with her friend Jenni and they both said it was great. And this time I don't have to listen to Frasier whining about the uncomfortable seats. I smiled despite my tear-streaked face, and walked to the door. I opened it and that's when I saw them, in the elevator, the doors open wide, kissing.
To say it was a shock to see him again was an understatement– I was completely appalled. Especially seeing them together... like that... in that way... I sensed by the look on Daphne's face that something was wrong. She glanced at me so helplessly.
"Umm... wow!" I said, and reached over and gave him a tight hug. "What brings you here... all of the sudden?"
"Uhh... long story." He said, smiling at me and taking a closer look at my face. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." I said slowly, and feeling completely uncomfortable, motioned to the door. "Frasier's in there, and I can swear he's not sleeping. He'd love to see you again Niles." I told him sincerely, leading him to the entrance to our home. "He's probably in his bedroom. Try not to give him a heart attack." Niles laughed as he entered the apartment.
As soon as he was gone I turned to Daph. "Whoa.." I said, my eyes widening. "What was that all about?!"
"He's married." She said despairingly. "He's bloody married."
"Whoa.." I said again. "To who? You?"
"No!" Daph said sharply. "To the Liza woman I met in the grocery!"
"Whoa!" I stepped back, trying to stop the surprise attacks. "Whoa..."
"I let him kiss me.." She was saying, over and over again. "And he's married."
"Do you still love him?" I asked, as if that were the answer to all her questions.
She looked up at me and smiled weakly. "More than anything."
I was staring at my face in the mirror when I heard a knock on the door. I looked up and sighed a sigh of relief, thinking, of course, that it was Roz. No such luck.
"Frasier, I..I hope I got the right bedroom. Everything's changed so much." It was his voice, sounding through my door. The brother I hadn't seen in five years. Was back. I swung away from the mirror and softly croaked,
"I-is that you, Niles?" My breathing stopped as I waited for an answer.
"Yes..could I come in?" I let the air out of my chest in triumph and raced to the door to open it for him.
"Niles!" I said, pulling him into a huge bear hug and saying over and over how much I had missed him. "So you finally decided to forgive her, huh?" He was trying to answer when the doorbell rang. "Roz'll get it." I said at first, then realized my new found 'helper' attitude and went to go answer it.
When I opened the door, a woman and two children greeted me with, "Hi Uncle Frasier!" I look on that moment now, and it's undoubted that Roz taught them that phrase before they came in.
"Hey brother-in-law!" The woman said. I just stood there, my mouth half open, and waited for an explanation. Just then Niles showed up behind me.
"Oh Frasier, you didn't give me time to tell you..I'm married." My eyebrows rose.
"Married Niles? How–perfectly...delightful!" I said in false enthusiasm and led them into the apartment.
"I'm Liza, Niles' wife." The woman said, offering me her hand in introduction.
"I'm Harvey!" A young boy told me. "And my mommy said you was my unca Frasier."
"That I am...Harvey." I said slowly, trying my best to smile. "I'm sorry if I'm acting a bit shocked, here, it's just that...well...after five years, I-"
"No, no, I understand what you mean completely." Liza said. "We had the same reaction with Roz."
"Oh, so you've met Roz then?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
"Oh yes. Delightful young woman, although she seemed a bit distant." Liza answered, following Niles and I onto the balcony. "I just have to ask, though, when's the baby due?"
"Three weeks" I said, looking over the edge of the building wistfully. "Three more weeks.."
Liza and Niles smiled. "Frasier, Liza is the sister of Dr. James Freeton, the famous psychiatrist in Boston?"
"Oh yes, wow." I said. "So why don't you two come in and sit down and tell me all about your lives." The couple and their two children walked to the living room and seated themselves in various places.
"I'll just go get Roz and Daphne!" I said enthusiastically. "They'd both love to hear this, too!"
I went out the door and looked around before spotting Roz and Daphne in the corner whispering to each other. "Hey, you two!" I hissed. They turned around at the sound of my voice.
"Come on inside and talk with Niles! The poor man just came back after five years and I'm the only one who will pay him any mind whatsoever!" I rushed over to them and hauled them inside the apartment. Daphne put on her fake smile and sat beside Liza on the couch. Roz went over to the two children and gave them some toys, ruffling their hair and cooing to them in baby talk.
"So.." I began, sitting beside Niles and smiling. "Tell us..about your lives...what happened...possibly, why we never heard from you again..after...after you left?"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
When the night was over, everyone was exhausted, me most especially. I couldn't remember a time when I had felt so emotionally drained. Liza and Niles' enthusiastic attempt at being welcomed wholeheartedly was humurous, if not sad. They didn't honestly think that after five years we would accept everything about Niles' new life and welcome him with anxious arms, did they?
Well, Liza clung to me all night, no doubt because I was the only one she knew and she was terrified of the newness of having family on Niles's side. She was friendly, of course, and kind, as she always was, but she was incredibly uncomfortable and distant. Not like she was in the grocery.
I think, for some odd and unexplainable reason, that she knew about me and her husband. Not that we had kissed, no just that we used to date, and that we were more than friends, or had been at least. A complicated feeling, yes, but it was there none the less, and I couldn't ignore it.
And all night I tossed and turned, confused. I still loved Niles as much as I had five years ago, incredulous, but true. His smile, his laughter, the way he was always fretting about the wrinkles in his suit jacket, the way his hair fluffed up above his head in the most adorable way, I dreamt about it all night and felt guilty about it all the next morning.
There were so many complications. Number one, he was married. Number two, he had children. Number three, did he still love me the way he used to? I had no idea. I knew he was still attracted to me, but whether or not he had real feelings for me, that much was still up in the air.
I wanted to talk to Roz about it, but she was at a doctor's appointment all the next day. Niles and Liza and the children had gone with Frasier and Mr. Crane for a tour of the Space Needle. They had invited me along, but I felt out of place, I felt confused, misunderstood. I declined and stayed home instead with little Alice and Darien. They had become my whole life.
"So the big bad wolf ran all the way home to his house on the hill, and the three little pigs never heard from him again." I shut the book with decided firmness. "So, little sleeping ones, how did you like the story?"
I glanced at the little baby sleeping on my lap, and the sleeping toddler leaning against me. I smiled, and moving slowly, let Alice's head fall on the couch. I then carried Darien off to bed.
Roz had called from the doctor's office that afternoon and announced she was going to the Space Needle with Liza, Niles, Frasier, Mr. Crane, Harvey and Aleta. She, of course, asked if I wanted to come along, but I said no and decided to stay with the children instead.
Now here I sat, alone. The two babies had gone off to bed, exhausted from their long day, but unlike them I had nowhere to retreat to. I turned on the TV and was about to escape into the world of the X-files when I heard a knock on the door. Musing to myself about who it could be as I walked to the door, I opened it just in time as a flustered Niles pushed himself in and landed on the couch, breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry Daphne.." He held up his hand and attempted to get up. I winced. "I ran up the entire flight of stairs. The elevator was broken, you see, so I had started to climb the staircase when a large dog began chasing after me...thank goodness I made it here before he did something drastic.." He looked at me, "I know you think it's silly but I saw that crazed, hungry look in his eye...just before I tripped over that old lady's cane.." He looked at some spot on the wall behind me, reliving the moment no doubt.
I laughed out loud and rolled my eyes. "You haven't changed a bit, you know that?" I moved over to the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?"
"Oh, no thank you Daphne, I'm fine. Roz and Frasier went to dinner with Martin, I sent Liza and the children home, they looked exhausted. I, well, I thought we could talk."
I froze.
"Uh...sure." I grabbed the coffee pot off of the stove and placed it on the counter, then ran into the living room with meticulous speed and sat myself down beside him on the couch, all the while maintaining my dazzling smile.
"Well, umm...first off..I'd like to.. Umm... tell you that I'm sorry for not waiting for an explanation, at the party...for Roz...when we broke up...you know." A tiny bead of sweat trickled down his forehead.
"No sense in you apologizing. I'm the one who's in the wrong. Well, I was, until you ran off and got married." I tried to make it sound casual, but my voice was bitter.
"Daphne.." He whispered, looking at me intensely.
I peeled my eyes away from his and muttered. "Don't do this, Niles. Not now. Not anymore." I examined a fold on my skirt and jumped when he touched my hand.
"Daphne. I'm still in love with you." He said simply. An uncomfortable silence followed.
I guess he had decided to break it, because he started up again with, "You have no idea, do you? You have no idea how many emotions I struggled with that night I left." His eyes became glazed over, he looked up to the ceiling, but continued.
"The intense pain that I experienced over-ruled anything I had ever felt, as well as the love I had for you at that time. It wasn't like..I wanted to leave. It was more like I felt I had to. That the longer I stayed the more pain I would feel until I would just...explode." His eyes connected with mine for a split second before continuing. "So I left. The minute I did it I regretted it, but I knew I could never turn back. My manly pride got in the way, of course, of the only thing that could ever have made me happy. But Daphne...we could still have that. We could have it, we could.." He stopped. "When I met Liza she reminded me of you– so independent and full of passion..she was..she was everything I'd left behind. But the more I got to know her the more she became so much more. Now she's the mother of my children..."
I looked down at my shoes and squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears. "And you don't understand.." I said. "The guilt I felt all these five years that you were gone. The incomprehensible guilt that caused me to stay away from all potential dates. Your brother and his wife tried to set me up but I screwed up all those dates. I had a plan. Once me and me date got into the restaurant and sat at the table I would start talking about my childhood cat and how much I missed him. I wouldn't stop talking about him until the man told me he had to work, or his beeper was going off, some old excuse like that.." We shared a short, tinny laugh.
"After awhile I cut myself off from the world. I presented this perfect facade. Everyone in the family thought I was doing better, but really I was doing worse. I was suffering silently from depression. The only thing I wanted to do was babysit for Roz, and sit at home and cook and clean. And sleep. Oh, goodness how much I slept. And then...I snapped. That was about four months ago. I just surfaced back to reality and was starting to get over you...and then you showed up again. Well, you were everywhere at once in those early years, but then you showed up again, in person..and now, if you leave, I'm back to reliving those five years again. Slight depression, deep depression, slow recovery...my three steps."
My eyes watered and closed again, and I turned from him, the deepness of what I had just said grabbing me and holding me fast.
"The point is, Niles, that we both made mistakes. I betrayed you, and you ran away. But no matter what the past may be, we just can't turn back, we just can't.." It sounded like a simple pause in my speech, but really I intended to say no more. No more was needed.
He looked at me softly, scanning my face with his eyes. Then, he turned, and went to the door. He walked slowly toward it, and then he opened it, left, and closed it again beside him. The searing pain that went through me in that moment scared me to no end, and as a result of that I jumped up and ran into the hall, stopping breathless in front of the elevator and yelling, "Niles! Wait!"
He turned to me ecstatically, and I flung myself into his arms, saying over and over how much I loved him while he planted kisses on every inch of my face. He held me tightly in the hall and said, "I love you so much."
I basked in the comfort of his arms and the way his lips felt against mine. Then he looked at me, and I said, "Go. They need you, go." Those last glorious moments with him were spent tucked closely in his arms. Then, he wiped his eyes, and smiled.
"Goodbye." He whispered, and turned to go into the elevator.
"Bye.." I thought about waving but decided against it. Instead I watched him press the 'Close Door' button in the elevator and burst into tears as the doors closed.
Frasier and Roz came home that night around twelve o'clock. It had been karaoke night at The Timber Mill, and the trio, Frasier and Roz along with Martin, had stayed late to present their musical talents to their make-shift audience.
"Hey Daph." Roz called out, hanging up her coat on a peg and kissing Frasier goodnight. She walked over to me when my only reply was a slight wave of my hand, my eyes still glued to the television set.
"Something wrong, hun?" She asked, her face edged with concern.
"Hm? Oh, no, no. Just..I'm just a little tired, is all." I said, finally looking at her and managing a tight smile.
She raised her eyebrows, but decided not to stay on the subject any longer. "Well, I have good news. Me and Frasier are back on speaking terms." She said. "See, I would have stayed angry with him forever, if he hadn't done the sweetest thing for me at The Timber Mill."
"Oh, and what was that?" I tried to sound interested.
"He sang to me." She said dreamily. "He knows how much I love it when he does that."
"What did he sing?"
"'The Most Beautiful Girl In the World', by Charlie Rich. You know, it goes like: Say have you seen the most beautiful girl-"
"Yes, yes, I'm familiar with it. It's such a nice song. So, what happened after that?"
"Well, when he was done I went up to the stage and gave him a big kiss and told him I forgave him. Everyone cheered, it was actually kind of sweet." She looked at my face and saw my expression. "OK, what's wrong? You're telling me now. I'm not going to bed until you tell me. What happened?"
I sighed, and looked at her bitterly. "It's not so much what happened...it's more of what...ended."
"He left, didn't he?" She shot, putting her arm around my shoulder.
"Yes. I wanted him to, I mean, I told him to go, but now I feel so..devastated." I shook my head, letting my hair fall in front of my face.
"Daph, it'll take awhile to get over him, but you can do it. I know you can. What you're feeling right now is skepticism. You don't know if what you did was the right thing..once you get over that it'll be clear sailing.." She stopped abruptly, her eyes widening.
"Thanks Roz..you really are my best friend, you know that." I gave her a hug, and noticed that she was breathing heavily. When I looked at her face I saw she was wincing. "Roz, is there something the matter?"
"Daphne, I just need you to do me a small favour, OK? Could you go into my bedroom, go over to Frasier and scream into his ear, 'Get the car, Roz is in labour?!'?"
"Oh my goodness, alright, here sweetheart, you just stay right there!" I jumped off of the couch and ran into the bedroom, running over to Frasier, shaking him wildly and yelling, 'Get up you lazy sod, ROZ IS HAVING A BABY!"
Frasier ran like lightning to the living room and grabbed his coat and his keys. "Come, let's go!" Roz looked at me pleadingly. I helped her off the couch.
"I'll go get your over-night bag and bring it to the hospital in me own car. You two, just...go!" I screamed, and watched half-amused as Frasier fumbled for the door handle.
Frasier walked out of the delivery room, grinning like a monkey, and waved when he saw me and Martin waiting in the foyer. "I'm just going to get some coffee for myself, Roz says she'd love for you guys to come in and see her." He said, and left for the vending machine.
"Boy, it's a shame Niles and Liza left a few hours ago, otherwise they could have been here to see this.." Martin mused as we walked into Roz's room and saw her lying on the bed, a child in her arms.
"Oh Roz..she's beautiful.." I breathed. Martin saw the look on my face and went up to leave.
"I'll visit you when Daph's done..alright?" He whispered sweetly, and walked out of the room as soon as Roz nodded.
"Daphne, this is what it's all about." Roz said firmly, tears running down her flushed cheeks. "It doesn't matter how much of a pain they are when they grow up, or how much time and money they cost you, once you have one, they become your life. They're what it's all about." She stroked the baby's cheek.
"Me and Frasier could have all the problems in the world, but as long as we have these little guys.." she stared at the baby. "We're gonna be just fine." She finished.
I breathed deeply and looked at her newborn little treasure. "What's it's name?"
"Martin Winston Crane." She said, and kissed his forehead. "You wanna hold him?"
"I'd love to." I said, and reached out for the baby.
Frederick and Frasier walked in then, the first still loaded down with luggage, the second still grinning as widely as he had been twenty minutes ago.
"Hey Freddy!" Roz said happily, as enthusiastically as she could. Freddy smiled and leaned over to hug her.
"I'll just leave you three alone." I said, watching as Frederick carefully held the baby and cooed at it.
"Bye Daphne." Frederick said, looking up at me.
"Bye Freddy, bye Roz, bye Frasier." I waved to all three of them and disappeared behind the door.
Little Martin is seven years old now. Darien almost nine, little Alice ten years old. Freddy is twenty, and what a handsome boy he turned out to be. Looks just like his father. He's going to Harvard in September, made his father so proud.
Alice is a treasure. She's so much like her mother. Darien, too, is a gem. And Marty.
But my favourite little child has to be my own. Sandra Lee Dessinger.
She's two now. I've been married for four years. All I have to say is that Roz was right. They are what it's all about.
Fan fiction title: Past Days. But only because I couldn't think of anything better. If you can, please, feel free to inform me.
Fan fic type: Niles/Daphne.
Summary: OK, this is a toughy to explain. During the third season, in the midst of the episode Moon Dance, Niles and Daphne got together. Five years later, (a.k.a the eighth season), they're broken up and Niles is somewhere, but no one knows where. I think that's pretty much it. The rest is explained somewhere in the story.
Rating: PG. It doesn't have any swearing or anything like that, and certainly no sex scenes!
Disclaimers: I own this story and you can't take it away from me!
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this fan fic to Katie Slawson, the one and only. I know she'll enjoy it. No matter what she does, she's helping me through something. I love you honey!
Thanks: Thanks to all my wonderful friends who I know will read this as soon as possible: Lor the best friend anyone could have, and also the most supportive for her writer friends. Lyd, my kooky writing partner, who has tried but failed many times to spell 'Daphne' correctly. Miss Helder, the cool student teacher our class got for six weeks. I'm only thanking you because you shuffled a bit in your seat and that gave me the idea for this fan fic. Dulcey, for your site is the only reason my fan fics are even in existence. Katie, you inspired my sudden passion for N/D writing.
Started O: Tuesday, May 8th, 2001. 5:04 P.M.
Completed O: Wednesday, July 4th, 2:06 PM
Feedback: Please give me some. If you don't I'll.. Well I'll do something, be assured!! ;)
YappyMarita@aol.com
Past Days
By Mar(ita) Linde
I hadn't planned on going to the grocery that morning, but when I had skipped over to Roz and Frasier's place, I was cornered.
"Daphne? I hate to bother you, but as you know, my dinner party is tonight. I was going to ask Roz to go shopping for me, but one look at her face this morning and I was afraid even to talk to her. I was wondering if you could go instead. You understand, don't you?" His pleading face was almost pathetic. How could a grown man be so afraid of his own wife?
Of course, it wasn't the first time I had done last-minute favours for Frasier.. Or even Roz for that matter. He often called me up five minutes before he was to leave to ask me to babysit their adorable little baby girls, Darien, and Alice for them. I was their last-minute housekeeper. And since Roz had become pregnant again, I'd been doing it more and more often.
Not that I minded. No, I liked the extra money, and Darien and Alice were a pleasure to be with, no matter what. And Roz was a very good friend. She often took me out to dinner in some fancy restaurant as payment for little errands I ran for her. Her and Frasier were a lot more busy now that their radio show got put into syndication. A lot richer, too.
Did I mention me and Mr. Crane moved out a year ago? Just when Darien was born. We'd been looking for an apartment for about a year, but we hadn't found one until then. You see, it was a little cramped living in a three bedroom apartment with five people. So when we found one in this hoity-toity neighborhood for at least half the price it should've been, we were jumping for joy.
Mr. Crane has never even mentioned anything about me calling him Martin. Frasier did a while ago, and that's why I call him by his first name. I wouldn't have done it if he hadn't had asked. He said something about me being one of his good friends, and Roz's best friend, and that I was always over here babysitting and helping and visiting, it just didn't seem natural for me to call him Dr. Crane any more. It was strange at first, but I had gotten used to it. And now it was like I had never called him anything else.
Now little Alice sleeps in my old bedroom. She's three. Such a sweet little thing. Darien sleeps in Mr. Crane's old bedroom, and Roz and Frasier obviously in Frasier's bedroom. I think that when the next little treasure is born, they're going to move her into Darien's room and Darien into the room with Alice. Not that it really matters, though.
"So Roz, how're you feeling this morning?" I asked Roz, one day about four months ago when I had dropped in at the Cranes to see about taking Alice to the fair.
"Actually, I'm feeling really good. I think the morning sickness has finally faded." As if to reinforce her point, she picked up a bran muffin and stuffed it in her mouth greedily.
"Oh, well then perhaps you'd like to come to the fair with Alice and I? We could take little Darien along, too!" I was excited. I loved being around those kids. It was bittersweet, I guess, because it reminded me of what I could have had with Niles, and at the same time it made me feel as if I actually had kids, something I would have loved to have.
"Hey, yeah!" Roz exclaimed, seeming to like the idea. "Hey, Frasier, you wanna come along?" Frasier poked his head out of the kitchen and grinned.
"I'd love to." Roz smiled gleefully and jumped up and down in her seat.
"It'll be like a family day out, or something! Hey, can Martin come?" She bent down to grab one of Frasier's knick-knacks away from Darien, who was sitting on the floor playing.
"No, I'm afraid he can't. He has a doctor's appointment." I said.
"Oh, anything serious?" Frasier asked immediately, coming out from hiding in the kitchen and sitting beside Roz at the table.
"No, of course not." I said quickly. "It's about his toe. It's turning some sort of green colour and-"
"Oh, please, spare us the details Daphne!" Frasier grimaced, holding his hands over his ears. I shrugged.
"You asked." I muttered. Roz wiped some jam off of little Alice's face and smiled at me broadly– the first time in weeks.
"It's going to be just like old times. Oh, we should pack a picnic and go to the park!" She squealed gleefully.
"Alright, sounds like fun." I admitted, pulling my coat on over my shoulders and starting for the door. "I'll be here in around an hour, I just have to go home and get some things." I reached for the door handle but stopped. "Just one second, let me use the powder room."
"Sure Daph." Roz called out.
As I sat in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I heard Roz and Frasier talking in the main room. When I heard my name mentioned, I frowned and leaned closer to the door.
"Jeez, I'm so glad Daphne's finally starting to act like a human being again. I hated being around just after Niles left, she was such a drag." Roz said. I gulped and pressed my ear against the door.
"I've always wondered what happened between those two. It's a shame Niles hasn't been in contact with us for the whole five years." Frasier said that. At first I was mad, angry, but after I had left the apartment and calmed down some, I realized they were right. After Niles left me, I hadn't been acting like myself at all... of course, that wasn't something a person just got over– definitely not me.
If you want to know what happened, I'll tell you. It isn't much of a story, though, it's like a badly written romance novel, those kind Roz always reads. I know because I saw one on her dresser once while I was babysitting.
It was 27th, 2001. Roz's birthday party. Niles and I weren't speaking to each other because of a silly little fight over my psychic visions the night before. He had tried to convince me that they didn't really exist, that they were only a part of my conscience. He was being very nice about the way he said it, but that didn't make it any easier to take.
I had gotten mad because he couldn't just accept me for who I was, and told him that if that was the way it would be, maybe we should just part ways. He looked at me with this silly little grin on his face, as if he thought I was joking. So I left.
Anyhow, when I went to the party the next night, of course I had to bring a date. Marshall, a veritable hunk of muscle and good-looks, the kind of man Niles was always jealous of. We walked into the party slowly, as if we wanted everyone to get a good look at us. My head was held high. I didn't know Niles would be at the party. I would never have tried to hurt him like that, really. I thought he would be too sad to come, but none-the- less, he was there.
At first I was shocked and tried to hide Marshall from his view, but he saw him and he was angry. He stepped up and put on a fake smile.
"So, who is this strapping young fellow with you, Daphne?" He asked, the anger and jealousy evident in his voice.
"Marshall Walker." My date said, allowing Niles to shake his hand gently and then turning toward me. "Hey Daph, whadd'ya say we just bag the party and go home?" I winced. The way he said it, anyone could have known what he was implying. Poor Niles stood there in silent defeat, obviously hoping I would decline.
That's when my human pride got in the way of my heart. After a few seconds of thinking I said, "Sure Marshall, sounds great." In the sauciest voice I could muster and followed him out the door.
I thought it would show Niles how much he had hurt me the other night. I thought he would come racing after us and apologize, proclaiming his undying love for me and begging me to come back. But I only hurt him more deeply than I realized.
I haven't seen him since.
I was done my shopping, so I pushed the cart over to the counter and began unloading the groceries from it. Noticing the enormous amount I had to take out, I sighed and pulled my hair away from my face. If only Frasier didn't have so many demands for his bloody parties.
"Allow me to help with that." A woman's voice said from behind me. "I have only a few groceries, and it seems you have many more. Let me help you unload them." She waited until I smiled to do so, carefully picking up one piece of food and setting it on the counter.
She was tall, and lean, and very beautiful. She must have been in her mid-thirties, at the most. Her hair was a light blonde colour and was pulled into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. Strands of it were falling in front of her face and she kept pulling them behind her ears, which were adorned with beautiful diamond earrings. She had the bluest eyes I'd seen in a long time, and she was wearing typical mother clothes. Jeans, a white blouse and running shoes.
There, we were done. I shook her hand and thanked her for her help. "It was very nice of you to assist me." She grinned.
"No problem at all. Your accent..Manchester, right?" I nodded happily. "I've been there a few times myself. Born in Oregon, though. I'm Liza, by the way."
"Daphne." I said. Her eyes seemed to widen a bit at the sound of my name, as if she'd heard it before.
"What a lovely name." She said wistfully.
"Thank you. Would you like me to help you with your groceries?" I asked.
"Oh no, that's quite all right. My husband will be along any minute now, he can help me."
"What are husbands for?" I asked, and we laughed. "Do you've any kids?" The words 'babysitting job' came to mind.
"Oh yes, two, actually. A little boy and a little girl. Harvey is two and a half and Aleta is a year."
"Oh, need a babysitter?" I questioned her, thinking to myself that probably sounded a little too forward.
"Oh well, yes, I do, but I'm afraid we don't live around here. Massachusetts."
"Oh my, well, sorry, can't take the job then." We smiled together. "I really should go, though. I have to get these groceries off to me boss or he'll skin me alive. Goodbye then!"
"Yes, goodbye." Liza cheerfully waved to me as I walked out the door. Something, I didn't know what, was hurrying me along. I ran all the way home.
When I got to the apartment Mr. Crane was sitting in his old chair, drinking a Ballentine and watching the telly.
"Hullo." I greeted, loaded down with grocery bags.
"Hey Daph!" Mr. Crane replied, getting up from his chair just in time to catch one of the bags before it fell to the floor. "Lemme help you with that." He said, and winked.
"Thanks." I said cheerfully, handing him six or seven of the plastic bags and sauntering to the kitchen to put them away.
"What's all this stuff for, anyway?" He asked, pulling a block of cheese out of a bag and putting it in the fridge.
"It's for-" Oh no "Oh no!" I said. "They're Frasier's groceries! I forgot to drop them off!" I put my head in my hands and sighed, looking up at Mr. Crane's face pleadingly.
"Ooooh no, this is your fault, you go fix it." He said, walking over to his chair and sitting down. "Besides, what's the big deal? Just take your car and make the three minute drive, no sweat. Piece of cake."
"Yes, yes, it would be, if I hadn't forgotten me car at the grocery." I said absentmindedly, looking up at the ceiling. "I'll just walk over to Frasier's, drop the groceries off, walk in the rain to the grocery, pick up the car and come back. By that time it'll be six-thirty already, and you'll have no supper until then...oh well, off I go." I went slowly to get my coat from the rack, expecting Mr. Crane to jump off of his feet and offer to go for me.
"OOPS, already had supper at McGinty's...otherwise your little guilt trip would have worked, wouldn't it 've?" He said, sipping slowly from his can of beer. "And since when did you go to calling him Frasier, when you refuse to call me anything but Mr. Crane?"
I walked over to the door angrily. "Oh, trust me, I've called you many more things than that...you lazy old-" The slam of the door cut off the last of my sentence. Good thing, too, otherwise I would have gotten the silent treatment all night.
I walked out into the rain and realized I had forgotten my umbrella. "Shit." I said loudly. I didn't usually take to swearing, but today was just one of those days. As soon as I dropped these groceries off at Roz's place, paid a little visit to Darien and Alice, picked up the car and drove back home, I was going to bed. And I was going to sleep until nine o'clock the next morning.
On my way there I wondered how I could have done such a stupid thing as to forget my car at the grocery. I must have been doubly distracted by something, maybe that Liza character. There was just something about her that was so hard to place. And, like I said before, it had been one of those days. One of those days that seemed to be coming more and more often as the years went by...
"Hullo all!" I greeted, noticing the sound of little children squealing as soon as I walked in. "I'm here with your groceries!" I tried to seem cheerful. As far as I knew, it was working.
"Oh, good, Daphne, you're here." Roz's exasperated voice sounded from the kitchen. "Frasier told me you'd be here an hour ago." She appeared in the doorway holding Darien and a bottle.
"Silly sausage." I said. "I let him now last night that I wouldn't be done till six o'clock, and that's what time it is now." I looked around, noticing the absence of the subject of our conversation. "By the way, where is he?"
"Who, Frasier? Work." She set Darien down in her high chair. "Could you do me a favour and feed her while I put away those groceries?" I nodded happily and ran over to the little baby.
Seeing Roz made me realize how much energy I actually had left. Interesting, I should come here every time I feel beat and be reminded of how tired I would be if I was a mother. Poor Roz was ALWAYS exhausted. Frasier helped out as much as he could, but he was busy with work a lot.
"So Daph, you look wet, didn't you come with the car?" Roz asked from the kitchen. I snorted and stuffed the spoon in Darien's mouth.
"Nope, left it at the grocery."
"Why..?" Roz asked curiously, munching on a peanut. "It's pouring outside."
"Long story."
"I've got all night, honey." She said sweetly, putting the bread in the box marked 'Bread Bin', and sat down beside me in the dining room. "Besides, you look like you could use a talk."
I smiled. She was so selfless. But that was Roz, for you. Always thinking of everyone else.
"Well, this afternoon I went to the store and I met the strangest young woman, mother of two from Massachusetts, she was gorgeous, but strange." Roz nodded. "She helped me unload my groceries, and we talked some. She was very nice, told me about her life, her husband. Anyways, after that I had the strangest sensation that there was something I should be running from, so I grabbed all of my bags and hurried home, not realizing I had left my car at the store. I got home, and Mr. Crane...I mean Martin helped me unload about half a bag of groceries before setting himself down in his lazy chair. I swear, sometimes that man is so lazy I feel like clobbing him over the head with a rolling pin."
Roz giggled. "I know what you mean. Frasier's the same way. He refuses to help me put the kids to bed at night. 'I'm watching my program..' He whines just like that. Of course, when I'm done and I sit beside him on the couch, he'll be all like, 'hey sweety, you look beautiful tonight' and all that crap." We laughed together.
"Men are fickle." I said wistfully. "Oh, but back to my story. So then I picked up all eight of the grocery bags, put them back in my cart and rolled over here. After I'm done with you guys I have to go back to the grocery and pick up me car. I can't believe I was so stupid as to leave it there! Why do you think I did that?" I asked her, feeding little Darien more of her apple sauce and wishing I could just let this topic go..
"I dunno. Frasier would probably have some absurd psychological reason for why you did what you did, but I say it's just stress. I get forgetful when I'm stressed, you most likely do too. Whatever the reason, Daph, it's nothing to worry about." She put her hand on my shoulder and grinned at me like a little girl.
"Thanks." I finished feeding Darien and rubbed my hands together in glee. "Where's Alice?' I asked, my eyes gleaming with excitement.
"She's in her bedroom playing. Be careful, though, she's in a mood."
"Oh, really?" I asked, turning toward Roz again.
"Yeah. Well, I'll be off to put Darien in bed and then I'm going to finish putting the groceries away. Then it's off to clean up every room in the house, make Frasier's supper ready, then get Alice to bed and then clean up her toys. Maybe..." She shook her finger at me. "Maybe then I can get some sleep." She winked at me to make her speech seem carefree, but I felt sorry for her.
"Never you mind." I said roughly. "I'm going to do all that, and guess what you're going to do. You're going to march off to bed, right now." I smacked her on the back and steered her to her bedroom, all the while smiling at the way her shoulders relaxed the minute I said it.
"Oh Daphne, you're a dream, really. I'll pay you." She offered, turning toward me and hugging me tightly.
"Oh shush." I said, flapping my hand in front of my face. "It's a favour."
"Nice try Daph." She said. "You're getting paid fifty bucks, and then tomorrow we're gonna go shopping and we're gonna but stuff!" She tried to look excited but she was too tired. "Really, though, thanks."
"Not a problem." I said, and went to tidy up the kitchen.
Alice started to cry for the third time that night, this time attempting to make me believe she had hurt her finger. "Oh shush." I said. "You'll wake your mommy." I picked her up and carried her to her crib.
She immediately fell silent as I tucked her in. When I had finished pulling the blankets around her, I looked at her face and saw she had fallen asleep. I stroked her face with my finger and kissed her cheek. "Nothing like a sleeping baby to make you feel tired." I muttered to myself, and began to clean up her toys.
Frasier got home a half an hour after Roz went to bed. He entered the apartment, and upon seeing a form in the kitchen making his supper, he just assumed it was Roz. "Hello darling, how are you this fine evening?" He walked up to me and was about to kiss the back of my head when I turned around and scared him half to death.
"Jeez, you must be tired. You can't even tell the difference between your wife and your babysitter." I said, and offered him his plate of dinner.
"Daphne." He said simply, looking incredibly disappointed. "Where the hell is Roz?" He was still a little spooked.
"In bed. The poor thing worked herself some way to death all day, and when I got here to drop off your precious 'dinner party groceries', she almost fainted at the sight of me, her sweet salvation. So I chased her off to bed and finished the rest of her chores, which, by the way, are done now that you're here to claim your supper. So, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be off to the grocery to pick up my car." I reached for my coat.
"Wait, Daphne, here's some money..to thank you for taking care of things." He offered me a fifty dollar bill. Apparently he and his wife were the same amount of generous. "I know it seems small to you, cleaning up and babysitting, but Roz does it all day, and as much as I'd like to help, I never have the time. She always seems so tired, this good night's sleep will do her a world of good. Thank you for sacrificing your much needed time to do this for her." He leaned over and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I smiled faintly.
"You're welcome, and thanks for the fifty bucks." I stuffed the money in my pocket and flew out the door.
When I got to the grocery store and had found my car back, I quickly got into it and was ready to drive home when I realized that it was only seven o'clock and I had fifty dollars in my pocket. I smiled deviously to myself and turned down the road that led to StarBucks.
I walked in the store and ordered a tall coffee, what I always had, and was waiting for it to come when I noticed Liza standing a few feet from me, observing the menu boards.
"Liza?" I asked, and she turned her head and smiled in surprise.
"Oh my, Daphne, how pleasant to see you again!" She shook my hand gently.
"I was just here getting a coffee." I said, holding up my newly arrived paper cup and grinning. "Finally some time to meself." She nodded in agreement.
"Oh, I know about that. Me and my husband are here for a little quiet time away from the kids. They're atan old friend's house.. We just dropped them off a few minutes ago, actually." She gestured toward the table her husband was sitting at. I couldn't see him, though, because he was hidden behind his newspaper.
"Here's your order, Ma'am." The cashier said to Liza, and she thanked him and grabbed her food.
"Hey, are you here alone? Because if you are, you could come sit with me and my husband!"
"Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't want to intrude.."
"Oh, nonsense! He's very polite an courteous, and he loves meeting new people. In fact, I think you two would hit it off splendidly." Liza said hopefully.
"I guess so." I finally agreed, and followed her to her table. I sat myself down opposite her husband, who was still hiding behind his newspaper.
"Sweety, sweety, this is Daphne." Liza said, patting him on his invisible shoulder. The newspaper shot down, he lifted his head.
"Daphne." He said simply.
"Niles." I whispered. And then everything went black.
I woke up to the sight of the Starbucks restroom, all pink and white and flowery. For a moment I forgot where I was, until Liza appeared with a wet towel. "There there, Daphne, just lie still and let me take care of you."
"Aren't you angry?" I asked, well, whimpered. She frowned.
"Angry?" She seemed confused. Then understanding dawned. "Oh, no, Niles explained the whole thing to me. How you used to work for his father, you hadn't been in touch for awhile. I must admit I feel a little tricked, I mean, he didn't say anything about you before, but I'm sure I'll get over it."
"Oh Jeez..." I whispered, and collapsed on the counter once again.
The minute I saw her, it was like everything that I had tried so hard to forget, had put completely put out of my mind for the past five years came flooding back in this huge tidal wave of emotion.
She had changed a lot. Her hair was more of a red colour than a brown like when I had left, and it was shorter, layered and cropped, bobbing around playfully at her shoulders. She was heavier. No, not heavier, just...fuller. She looked better like that, though. She had more of a figure, and she looked healthier. And the way she filled out that purple sweater she was wearing...well, never mind.
But there was something about her that made her seem a complete different person. At first I didn't know what it was, and even as I stared at her face, lifting her unconscious form from the floor and carrying her to the washroom, I still couldn't place it. It wasn't until after I had left, after I was sitting outside the Starbucks on the step and musing to myself about my life for the past half a decade, that I knew. She wasn't happy. Her face didn't laugh like it used to, it was worn, tired, maybe even sagging. She was still beautiful, but she wasn't cheerful like she used to be. Her eyes said, "I'm tired and depressed" instead of saying "I'm happy and full of energy" like they had when we'd first met. And that gave me a strange sensation of hope.
Me and Liza met six months after I left Seattle for Massachusetts. I was at a conference in Boston when Mr. Henry Fuller, my new partner, introduced us.
"Niles Crane, this is Liza Freeton. Liza is the sister of Dr. James Freeton." Henry said, raising his eyebrows at me once Liza had turned her back to him. I only smiled.
"Liza, how nice to meet you." I said, and offered her my hand. She shook it gently and we began a heated discussion on Freud. She, you see, was a behaviorist, and I was a psychoanalyst. I think that's what first attracted me to her, her whole-hearted willingness to argue.
We began seeing each other a few weeks later. I think, through the entire time we dated, I told myself it was too soon. But Liza was so overpowering, like a scent, that I soon became infatuated. Her manner, her style, her grace, everything was perfect.
I remember the night I asked her to marry me. It was like kitchen knives poking through my heart. I looked up at her and all I saw was Daphne. It wasn't the first time something like that had happened, but I had always dismissed it, telling myself I would get over her if I only gave myself time.
Liza's and I life soon became hectic. First it was plans for the wedding, then it was the honeymoon, then our first child. Something was always going on. Within the first four years of my disappearance from Washington I had two children. You see, me and Liza got married after six months of dating, had our first child after a year of being married, our second after two and a half. We'd always planned to have more but we never got around to it.
I could say there were many reasons I didn't tell anyone back in Seattle about my life or where I was or what I was doing, but that would be a lie. There was one, single, solitary reason, and there always had been.
And I still loved her.
She was like..a scar. Something that stays with you forever, but is always there to remind you of something that hurt. Whenever I thought of Daphne I thought of that night she broke my heart. The night I walked in on her and saw her destroying everything we had made.
I should have waited. I should have let her explain. I should have let her tell me she was sorry, and that she didn't know why she had done it. I should have let our relationship –and my heart– slowly heal. There were a lot of things I should have done that I didn't do.
But it was too late. Or was it? Did I love Liza? Of course; I loved her a lot. A lot. But that was it. I loved her. I didn't burn for her, I didn't fantasize about her, and heaven knows I could live without her. But I did love her. And that was all that mattered.
Twenty minutes ago my life was perfect. We had quickly dropped the kids off at a friend's house and driven to the coffee shop. Not to Nervosa, too risky. Frasier, or Roz, or Martin, or, heaven forbid, Daphne might have been there and then everything would be much too awkward. Liza often asked me why I never talked about my family. But she had never forced me to say anything. Another reason I loved her. We had started talking about what we were going to do the next day in Tacoma, and Aleta's early morning antics. But then...
Then...she showed up. And fainted. I thought I would be the one to go first, but she was. I told Liza that I knew Daphne because she used to be my father's employer, and nothing more. And Liza, being Liza, accepted that. Then I had ran out of the coffee shop and onto the cold concrete steps to wonder to myself why I suddenly felt cold all over, and it was May.
"She's all better." Liza's Southern accent sounded from behind me and I turned and smiled automatically.
"How..wonderful." I managed to whisper, and slowly descended the stairs to my car. "D-d-d-d-daphne, how are you feeling?" I asked, blinking rapidly and trying not to look her in the eye.
"Fine." She said, inspecting her fingernails. "I was just a little surprised to see you again...after all these years."
Ahem. I cleared my throat and prayed she wouldn't look up. Her voice was so wistful. Like a song, like the wind, like the breeze.
"Are you sure you're able to take your own car?" Liza asked her, squeezing her arm lightly.
"Yes, yes, of course. But.. If you could follow me, you could meet the family, again, like..well...would you...please?" She was flustered. One could only imagine. I was flustered too. Everything around me was white noise. I hadn't made eye contact with anyone for thirty minutes. Oh Jeez, she wanted me to see the family.
"I guess we could do that." I hardly registered the voice as mine. Daphne nodded. I noticed the way her hair swung, no, danced around her head. It made her seem happy, almost. Almost.
"Thank you for your help Liza...Niles." She said my name the way she used to. She curled it around her tongue. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Enveloped my mind in memories.
She got into her car and I noticed it was new. A Dodge Neon. Very sporty, very happy-go-lucky. It was so much the 'old Daphne'.
We followed her to the apartment, The Elliot Bay Towers, and I got ready to see them all again. Daphne had told us before we left the parking lot that Martin no longer lived there, and that Roz and Frasier were married, with two little children and another on the way. I remembered Aleta and Harvey. "Sweetheart, maybe we should go pick up the kids from Harriet's." I said.
"Oh, most definitely! Your parents will want to meet them! I'll tell you what, you stay, I'll go." She shoved me out of the car and drove away before I had the chance to tell her my mother was dead.
Daphne was standing there with a confused look on her face when I turned around.
"She's gone to get the children." I muttered, finally meeting her eyes. So brown, so full of life.
"Mmm.." she said, locking gazes with mine for a split second before swivelling her head around and announcing, "Still number 1901." That accent, another thing I had missed about her.
"Yes, yes of course." We made our way past the doorman and into the elevator before either one of us spoke again.
"Your wife– she seems delightful." Daphne said, her voice a hushed whisper.
"She is." I said. "She's wonderful."
That shut us both up. We looked at each other again. Her face, for the first time tonight, looked pained. It looked frustrated...confused.
"Niles, why the hell didn't you tell anyone? Why the hell didn't you tell me? Bloody hell, why did you leave?" She said, this time loudly. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she began to cry. I felt trapped between what I longed to do and what was right. Reaching out to her and comforting her or staying back and answering her questions.
I chose both. I pulled her to me and rested her head on my shoulder, letting her sobs to be muffled against my suit jacket. "You killed me Daphne." I said, finally. "No matter how much time goes by, I'll never be the man I was before you did that to me. And to tell you that I was married, that I had children, that I had moved on with my life, it seemed too good. Too positive. I wanted you to see how much you hurt me." She sniffed.
"Do you love her Niles?" Our eyes locked. There it was again, that look. The one that had made me go weak at the knees, key word: made. Now it only made me tremble.
"I..." I sighed. I stared at her in obvious passion, and then I kissed her. Like I had wanted to for five years. Like I had wanted to forever. And then the elevator doors opened.
They stopped as soon as the doors opened completely. I saw them standing there and could have sworn I had taken a trip back in time five years. I could have fainted when Niles turned and said,
"Oh...Roz, it's been too long." He looked absolutely delirious. He looked like he'd just gotten laid. Maybe..no. Not in an elevator. Not Daphne.
"Uhh...wow...Niles...what a pleasant surprise...!" I stuttered, desperately trying to see them clearly through my tears.
Little over an hour earlier, Frasier had come into the bedroom and lay beside me, turning over on his side and kissing me on the cheek. I was stressed, and angry at him for never helping him out. I was also in 'one of my moods' as Frasier would call it.
"Why don't you ever help out?" I hissed, facing the wall across from him. I couldn't see his face but I knew he was surprised by the way he sat up and leaned over me.
"What?" He said, his voice trembling.
"I stay home all day except for when we do our show. I take care of the kids, I make the meals, I clean the house. You never help out. You wouldn't even go to the grocery store this afternoon, you made Daphne go." Finally I turned and looked at him. His face was full of pure shock.
"Roz, I thought you understood. I have to work! Besides, I'm home every morning and every early evening...I...what do you want from me? You want me to get us this promotion but you want me to work less at the same time? I don't understand!" He flopped back on the bed in defeat.
"I never said I wanted you to get this promotion. I'm happy with our show the way it is. You just want more, and more..." I sighed, tears burning the back of my eyes. "What happened to us, Frasier? When we first married we always had time for each other. I couldn't get enough of you, you couldn't get enough of me OR Alice. Now... now all you do is work. The kids get in the way, we're both stressed, I'm pregnant again."
He looked at me sympathetically. "Roz, I always try my best."
"Do you Frasier? Do you really? Or do you sense the chaos before it starts and decide to come home late so you don't have to face it? Do you get Daphne to help me out, or to help you out? What's really behind your motives, Fras?" I was angry. I was tired of raising our children without him. He had to understand that.
His mouth opened and closed slowly. He was about to deny it but he decided against it. "Roz, just calm down." He said instead, and that did it for me.
"Oh for Pete's sake!" I screamed. "Do you ever listen? Don't you want this marriage to go well?" I stood up and walked to his side of the bed, facing him, for the first time noticing my huge belly.
"I want you to sit here and name seven reasons you fell in love with me. Seven. Once you're done I'll try not to be mad at you anymore."
"Roz, what does this have to do with the argument?" He asked. I knew it had nothing to do with the argument, but it had something to do with the way I was feeling. I felt completely invisible to Frasier, like I was nothing. I needed this, as absurd as it was.
"Just do it Frasier." I seethed.
He sighed. "Fine. I..well, OK. Number one, your charm. Number two, the fact that you're...beautiful." He looked at me slowly. "Number three...Roz, this is really stupid." Oh..wrong answer Fras.
"If you feel that way, then I think I'll leave." I said. I turned on my heel and locked myself in the bathroom for a long, luxurious bubble bath.
But it didn't work. The longer I sat in the bathtub the longer I thought about Frasier, and our children. Alice and Darien, two little things we had been so happy to have. I was 37 and I was having a third child. My marriage was pretty much in a shambles at the moment. I hadn't had a decent conversation with my husband for a month. And the last time we had had a romantic evening...I counted on my fingers. Seven weeks. I leaned my head against the wall of the tub and sobbed.
When me and Frasier had first started dating everything was perfect. We had Alice, a nice home and our love. And then it had been enough. Now we had a busy career that we pretty much shared, two kids and one on the way, and half of the love we once had. The other half was buried somewhere amidst the clutter of our home. The once-spotless decor of Frasier's priceless apartment was now messy and un-tidy, baby toys and junk lying everywhere. And somewhere amongst that garbage was the answer to our prayers– the re-invention of our marriage.
I stepped out of the tub, still crying, and half wished Frasier would come and comfort me. Before we married he seemed so sympathetic. I guess he still was now, but he was never around to show it. I sat on the couch and picked up a magazine, turning the pages and watching as my tears stained the sheets of paper.
Never mind, I'm going to the movies. I thought. I'm going to go see that new movie that came out a while ago, Pearl Harbor. Daph watched it with her friend Jenni and they both said it was great. And this time I don't have to listen to Frasier whining about the uncomfortable seats. I smiled despite my tear-streaked face, and walked to the door. I opened it and that's when I saw them, in the elevator, the doors open wide, kissing.
To say it was a shock to see him again was an understatement– I was completely appalled. Especially seeing them together... like that... in that way... I sensed by the look on Daphne's face that something was wrong. She glanced at me so helplessly.
"Umm... wow!" I said, and reached over and gave him a tight hug. "What brings you here... all of the sudden?"
"Uhh... long story." He said, smiling at me and taking a closer look at my face. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." I said slowly, and feeling completely uncomfortable, motioned to the door. "Frasier's in there, and I can swear he's not sleeping. He'd love to see you again Niles." I told him sincerely, leading him to the entrance to our home. "He's probably in his bedroom. Try not to give him a heart attack." Niles laughed as he entered the apartment.
As soon as he was gone I turned to Daph. "Whoa.." I said, my eyes widening. "What was that all about?!"
"He's married." She said despairingly. "He's bloody married."
"Whoa.." I said again. "To who? You?"
"No!" Daph said sharply. "To the Liza woman I met in the grocery!"
"Whoa!" I stepped back, trying to stop the surprise attacks. "Whoa..."
"I let him kiss me.." She was saying, over and over again. "And he's married."
"Do you still love him?" I asked, as if that were the answer to all her questions.
She looked up at me and smiled weakly. "More than anything."
I was staring at my face in the mirror when I heard a knock on the door. I looked up and sighed a sigh of relief, thinking, of course, that it was Roz. No such luck.
"Frasier, I..I hope I got the right bedroom. Everything's changed so much." It was his voice, sounding through my door. The brother I hadn't seen in five years. Was back. I swung away from the mirror and softly croaked,
"I-is that you, Niles?" My breathing stopped as I waited for an answer.
"Yes..could I come in?" I let the air out of my chest in triumph and raced to the door to open it for him.
"Niles!" I said, pulling him into a huge bear hug and saying over and over how much I had missed him. "So you finally decided to forgive her, huh?" He was trying to answer when the doorbell rang. "Roz'll get it." I said at first, then realized my new found 'helper' attitude and went to go answer it.
When I opened the door, a woman and two children greeted me with, "Hi Uncle Frasier!" I look on that moment now, and it's undoubted that Roz taught them that phrase before they came in.
"Hey brother-in-law!" The woman said. I just stood there, my mouth half open, and waited for an explanation. Just then Niles showed up behind me.
"Oh Frasier, you didn't give me time to tell you..I'm married." My eyebrows rose.
"Married Niles? How–perfectly...delightful!" I said in false enthusiasm and led them into the apartment.
"I'm Liza, Niles' wife." The woman said, offering me her hand in introduction.
"I'm Harvey!" A young boy told me. "And my mommy said you was my unca Frasier."
"That I am...Harvey." I said slowly, trying my best to smile. "I'm sorry if I'm acting a bit shocked, here, it's just that...well...after five years, I-"
"No, no, I understand what you mean completely." Liza said. "We had the same reaction with Roz."
"Oh, so you've met Roz then?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
"Oh yes. Delightful young woman, although she seemed a bit distant." Liza answered, following Niles and I onto the balcony. "I just have to ask, though, when's the baby due?"
"Three weeks" I said, looking over the edge of the building wistfully. "Three more weeks.."
Liza and Niles smiled. "Frasier, Liza is the sister of Dr. James Freeton, the famous psychiatrist in Boston?"
"Oh yes, wow." I said. "So why don't you two come in and sit down and tell me all about your lives." The couple and their two children walked to the living room and seated themselves in various places.
"I'll just go get Roz and Daphne!" I said enthusiastically. "They'd both love to hear this, too!"
I went out the door and looked around before spotting Roz and Daphne in the corner whispering to each other. "Hey, you two!" I hissed. They turned around at the sound of my voice.
"Come on inside and talk with Niles! The poor man just came back after five years and I'm the only one who will pay him any mind whatsoever!" I rushed over to them and hauled them inside the apartment. Daphne put on her fake smile and sat beside Liza on the couch. Roz went over to the two children and gave them some toys, ruffling their hair and cooing to them in baby talk.
"So.." I began, sitting beside Niles and smiling. "Tell us..about your lives...what happened...possibly, why we never heard from you again..after...after you left?"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
When the night was over, everyone was exhausted, me most especially. I couldn't remember a time when I had felt so emotionally drained. Liza and Niles' enthusiastic attempt at being welcomed wholeheartedly was humurous, if not sad. They didn't honestly think that after five years we would accept everything about Niles' new life and welcome him with anxious arms, did they?
Well, Liza clung to me all night, no doubt because I was the only one she knew and she was terrified of the newness of having family on Niles's side. She was friendly, of course, and kind, as she always was, but she was incredibly uncomfortable and distant. Not like she was in the grocery.
I think, for some odd and unexplainable reason, that she knew about me and her husband. Not that we had kissed, no just that we used to date, and that we were more than friends, or had been at least. A complicated feeling, yes, but it was there none the less, and I couldn't ignore it.
And all night I tossed and turned, confused. I still loved Niles as much as I had five years ago, incredulous, but true. His smile, his laughter, the way he was always fretting about the wrinkles in his suit jacket, the way his hair fluffed up above his head in the most adorable way, I dreamt about it all night and felt guilty about it all the next morning.
There were so many complications. Number one, he was married. Number two, he had children. Number three, did he still love me the way he used to? I had no idea. I knew he was still attracted to me, but whether or not he had real feelings for me, that much was still up in the air.
I wanted to talk to Roz about it, but she was at a doctor's appointment all the next day. Niles and Liza and the children had gone with Frasier and Mr. Crane for a tour of the Space Needle. They had invited me along, but I felt out of place, I felt confused, misunderstood. I declined and stayed home instead with little Alice and Darien. They had become my whole life.
"So the big bad wolf ran all the way home to his house on the hill, and the three little pigs never heard from him again." I shut the book with decided firmness. "So, little sleeping ones, how did you like the story?"
I glanced at the little baby sleeping on my lap, and the sleeping toddler leaning against me. I smiled, and moving slowly, let Alice's head fall on the couch. I then carried Darien off to bed.
Roz had called from the doctor's office that afternoon and announced she was going to the Space Needle with Liza, Niles, Frasier, Mr. Crane, Harvey and Aleta. She, of course, asked if I wanted to come along, but I said no and decided to stay with the children instead.
Now here I sat, alone. The two babies had gone off to bed, exhausted from their long day, but unlike them I had nowhere to retreat to. I turned on the TV and was about to escape into the world of the X-files when I heard a knock on the door. Musing to myself about who it could be as I walked to the door, I opened it just in time as a flustered Niles pushed himself in and landed on the couch, breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry Daphne.." He held up his hand and attempted to get up. I winced. "I ran up the entire flight of stairs. The elevator was broken, you see, so I had started to climb the staircase when a large dog began chasing after me...thank goodness I made it here before he did something drastic.." He looked at me, "I know you think it's silly but I saw that crazed, hungry look in his eye...just before I tripped over that old lady's cane.." He looked at some spot on the wall behind me, reliving the moment no doubt.
I laughed out loud and rolled my eyes. "You haven't changed a bit, you know that?" I moved over to the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?"
"Oh, no thank you Daphne, I'm fine. Roz and Frasier went to dinner with Martin, I sent Liza and the children home, they looked exhausted. I, well, I thought we could talk."
I froze.
"Uh...sure." I grabbed the coffee pot off of the stove and placed it on the counter, then ran into the living room with meticulous speed and sat myself down beside him on the couch, all the while maintaining my dazzling smile.
"Well, umm...first off..I'd like to.. Umm... tell you that I'm sorry for not waiting for an explanation, at the party...for Roz...when we broke up...you know." A tiny bead of sweat trickled down his forehead.
"No sense in you apologizing. I'm the one who's in the wrong. Well, I was, until you ran off and got married." I tried to make it sound casual, but my voice was bitter.
"Daphne.." He whispered, looking at me intensely.
I peeled my eyes away from his and muttered. "Don't do this, Niles. Not now. Not anymore." I examined a fold on my skirt and jumped when he touched my hand.
"Daphne. I'm still in love with you." He said simply. An uncomfortable silence followed.
I guess he had decided to break it, because he started up again with, "You have no idea, do you? You have no idea how many emotions I struggled with that night I left." His eyes became glazed over, he looked up to the ceiling, but continued.
"The intense pain that I experienced over-ruled anything I had ever felt, as well as the love I had for you at that time. It wasn't like..I wanted to leave. It was more like I felt I had to. That the longer I stayed the more pain I would feel until I would just...explode." His eyes connected with mine for a split second before continuing. "So I left. The minute I did it I regretted it, but I knew I could never turn back. My manly pride got in the way, of course, of the only thing that could ever have made me happy. But Daphne...we could still have that. We could have it, we could.." He stopped. "When I met Liza she reminded me of you– so independent and full of passion..she was..she was everything I'd left behind. But the more I got to know her the more she became so much more. Now she's the mother of my children..."
I looked down at my shoes and squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears. "And you don't understand.." I said. "The guilt I felt all these five years that you were gone. The incomprehensible guilt that caused me to stay away from all potential dates. Your brother and his wife tried to set me up but I screwed up all those dates. I had a plan. Once me and me date got into the restaurant and sat at the table I would start talking about my childhood cat and how much I missed him. I wouldn't stop talking about him until the man told me he had to work, or his beeper was going off, some old excuse like that.." We shared a short, tinny laugh.
"After awhile I cut myself off from the world. I presented this perfect facade. Everyone in the family thought I was doing better, but really I was doing worse. I was suffering silently from depression. The only thing I wanted to do was babysit for Roz, and sit at home and cook and clean. And sleep. Oh, goodness how much I slept. And then...I snapped. That was about four months ago. I just surfaced back to reality and was starting to get over you...and then you showed up again. Well, you were everywhere at once in those early years, but then you showed up again, in person..and now, if you leave, I'm back to reliving those five years again. Slight depression, deep depression, slow recovery...my three steps."
My eyes watered and closed again, and I turned from him, the deepness of what I had just said grabbing me and holding me fast.
"The point is, Niles, that we both made mistakes. I betrayed you, and you ran away. But no matter what the past may be, we just can't turn back, we just can't.." It sounded like a simple pause in my speech, but really I intended to say no more. No more was needed.
He looked at me softly, scanning my face with his eyes. Then, he turned, and went to the door. He walked slowly toward it, and then he opened it, left, and closed it again beside him. The searing pain that went through me in that moment scared me to no end, and as a result of that I jumped up and ran into the hall, stopping breathless in front of the elevator and yelling, "Niles! Wait!"
He turned to me ecstatically, and I flung myself into his arms, saying over and over how much I loved him while he planted kisses on every inch of my face. He held me tightly in the hall and said, "I love you so much."
I basked in the comfort of his arms and the way his lips felt against mine. Then he looked at me, and I said, "Go. They need you, go." Those last glorious moments with him were spent tucked closely in his arms. Then, he wiped his eyes, and smiled.
"Goodbye." He whispered, and turned to go into the elevator.
"Bye.." I thought about waving but decided against it. Instead I watched him press the 'Close Door' button in the elevator and burst into tears as the doors closed.
Frasier and Roz came home that night around twelve o'clock. It had been karaoke night at The Timber Mill, and the trio, Frasier and Roz along with Martin, had stayed late to present their musical talents to their make-shift audience.
"Hey Daph." Roz called out, hanging up her coat on a peg and kissing Frasier goodnight. She walked over to me when my only reply was a slight wave of my hand, my eyes still glued to the television set.
"Something wrong, hun?" She asked, her face edged with concern.
"Hm? Oh, no, no. Just..I'm just a little tired, is all." I said, finally looking at her and managing a tight smile.
She raised her eyebrows, but decided not to stay on the subject any longer. "Well, I have good news. Me and Frasier are back on speaking terms." She said. "See, I would have stayed angry with him forever, if he hadn't done the sweetest thing for me at The Timber Mill."
"Oh, and what was that?" I tried to sound interested.
"He sang to me." She said dreamily. "He knows how much I love it when he does that."
"What did he sing?"
"'The Most Beautiful Girl In the World', by Charlie Rich. You know, it goes like: Say have you seen the most beautiful girl-"
"Yes, yes, I'm familiar with it. It's such a nice song. So, what happened after that?"
"Well, when he was done I went up to the stage and gave him a big kiss and told him I forgave him. Everyone cheered, it was actually kind of sweet." She looked at my face and saw my expression. "OK, what's wrong? You're telling me now. I'm not going to bed until you tell me. What happened?"
I sighed, and looked at her bitterly. "It's not so much what happened...it's more of what...ended."
"He left, didn't he?" She shot, putting her arm around my shoulder.
"Yes. I wanted him to, I mean, I told him to go, but now I feel so..devastated." I shook my head, letting my hair fall in front of my face.
"Daph, it'll take awhile to get over him, but you can do it. I know you can. What you're feeling right now is skepticism. You don't know if what you did was the right thing..once you get over that it'll be clear sailing.." She stopped abruptly, her eyes widening.
"Thanks Roz..you really are my best friend, you know that." I gave her a hug, and noticed that she was breathing heavily. When I looked at her face I saw she was wincing. "Roz, is there something the matter?"
"Daphne, I just need you to do me a small favour, OK? Could you go into my bedroom, go over to Frasier and scream into his ear, 'Get the car, Roz is in labour?!'?"
"Oh my goodness, alright, here sweetheart, you just stay right there!" I jumped off of the couch and ran into the bedroom, running over to Frasier, shaking him wildly and yelling, 'Get up you lazy sod, ROZ IS HAVING A BABY!"
Frasier ran like lightning to the living room and grabbed his coat and his keys. "Come, let's go!" Roz looked at me pleadingly. I helped her off the couch.
"I'll go get your over-night bag and bring it to the hospital in me own car. You two, just...go!" I screamed, and watched half-amused as Frasier fumbled for the door handle.
Frasier walked out of the delivery room, grinning like a monkey, and waved when he saw me and Martin waiting in the foyer. "I'm just going to get some coffee for myself, Roz says she'd love for you guys to come in and see her." He said, and left for the vending machine.
"Boy, it's a shame Niles and Liza left a few hours ago, otherwise they could have been here to see this.." Martin mused as we walked into Roz's room and saw her lying on the bed, a child in her arms.
"Oh Roz..she's beautiful.." I breathed. Martin saw the look on my face and went up to leave.
"I'll visit you when Daph's done..alright?" He whispered sweetly, and walked out of the room as soon as Roz nodded.
"Daphne, this is what it's all about." Roz said firmly, tears running down her flushed cheeks. "It doesn't matter how much of a pain they are when they grow up, or how much time and money they cost you, once you have one, they become your life. They're what it's all about." She stroked the baby's cheek.
"Me and Frasier could have all the problems in the world, but as long as we have these little guys.." she stared at the baby. "We're gonna be just fine." She finished.
I breathed deeply and looked at her newborn little treasure. "What's it's name?"
"Martin Winston Crane." She said, and kissed his forehead. "You wanna hold him?"
"I'd love to." I said, and reached out for the baby.
Frederick and Frasier walked in then, the first still loaded down with luggage, the second still grinning as widely as he had been twenty minutes ago.
"Hey Freddy!" Roz said happily, as enthusiastically as she could. Freddy smiled and leaned over to hug her.
"I'll just leave you three alone." I said, watching as Frederick carefully held the baby and cooed at it.
"Bye Daphne." Frederick said, looking up at me.
"Bye Freddy, bye Roz, bye Frasier." I waved to all three of them and disappeared behind the door.
Little Martin is seven years old now. Darien almost nine, little Alice ten years old. Freddy is twenty, and what a handsome boy he turned out to be. Looks just like his father. He's going to Harvard in September, made his father so proud.
Alice is a treasure. She's so much like her mother. Darien, too, is a gem. And Marty.
But my favourite little child has to be my own. Sandra Lee Dessinger.
She's two now. I've been married for four years. All I have to say is that Roz was right. They are what it's all about.