AN - I had to write this down, it was such an amazing episode. I needed to get this out and done. I may even come back to it at a later date depending on how the show follows it up if at all. I think it should at least be mentioned in some context as it was such a powerful episode that explains a lot about our lovely agent Brody and her past/ present. I will, however, mark it as complete and see where the show leads me. It does contain spoilers for episode 1/14 so you have been warned.
Disclaimer- It's a fanfiction site, need I say more.
After telling the same version of events four times, Meredith Brody was getting a little annoyed. She knew that this was not about her dead fellow agent and the events leading to the shooting that morning. Sure enough, the real reason for the questions soon popped up. Her time as an agent afloat on the Moultrie was, here again, the damn elephant was back as large as ever. She sat and rubbed her hands together under the table, this would be with her now till she either quite the force or died. No matter how much she tried to run and hide it always came back to get her. She was not going to drag this up again, not now, not again. Getting back up from the table she made it quite clear that she was not having this conversation and left the room.
Coming downstairs she tried to get on with her work but her mind was so not in it. She knew now by refusing to start the conversation she was going to get the case opened again and sure enough, she was called to one side to be told she was wanted back for questioning about it. Standing with LaSalle at Pride's desk she looked upstairs and watched as the two men went over the files and reports from that day. She was brought back by the sound of her name being called out and turned to see Pride looking at her. She had heard on a subconscious level what Pride had asked her to do so she turned to walk away.
She did what was needed to be done but she needed to get away, to run again and hide from the pain and the memories. Pride sensed the fight or flight instinct in his young agent, he didn't want her to hide away again, she needed to face her past and put it behind her. He needed to find a way to help her. Pride kept a very close eye on her as she worked, he even sent her to speak to Loretta and hoped that speaking to another woman might help.
When she returned from speaking to Loretta he did sense a slight change in her. Whatever the ME had said to her had made a difference. Now he needed to see if he could make a difference. When she first arrived in his office he wasn't sure how she would fit in, Chris and himself were happy with the male environment they had become accustomed to. When she arrived she cleared the office and make it look more like an office and not the local boys hang out.
She made sure they kept the place clean which he had to admit was a first for them and their desks were always clean now. It was nice having a woman around, more so since Linda was gone. He enjoyed the fact she tried to fit in even if she didn't bring up her personal life, the way LaSalle and her bonded as partners and friends and teased each other like siblings did. He didn't want to lose her if she felt she had to run again.
He needed to pick the right time to speak to her and see if he could help but he had no idea when or how that was going to be as they needed to solve this case and find the little boy. The chance came when they were alone in the car for Pride to finally bring the subject up, as he drove he looked across at her seeing she was lost in thought. He wondered what on earth had happened for her to block away so much pain and hurt. He had her file and had to admit he had only skimmed it, not really reading it in depth. He wanted to see what she could do now not what she did in the past. Well, it was now or never.
"So where do you want to transfer this time? I am sure we can sort it out in the next week." Pride said as he looked at the pain that crossed her face when he spoke.
"You want me to leave?" Brody asked trying to keep the tears in check that had been threatening to fall all day.
Pride had had enough, he pulled the car over as soon as it was safe and went round to the passenger door. Pulling the door open he reached over and undid Brody's seat belt before taking her hand and pulling her out the car to her feet. Once she was stood in front of him he did something that he never thought he would ever do, he stepped up and pulled Brody into his arms. With one hand anchoring her head and the other running up and down her back, he held her. At first, he felt her tense at the contact but gradually he felt her relax and literally melt into him.
"Tell me what happened, let me help. I don't want you to leave and I know you don't want to leave either." Pride whispered in her ear and he felt her slowly let the walls come down and she broke down sobbing.
Pride somehow managed to manoeuvre them both back a little and get the back door of the car open, stepping backwards he sat down and brought her with him to sit in the car. She had lost all sense of bearings as she finally let go, her legs not willing to hold her up anymore. Pride still held her tight against his chest as the past eight years of pain, hurt, and misery finally broke free. Somehow they had managed to move from standing in front of each other to sitting with Brody now fully encompassed in Pride's arms with her sitting in his lap.
They sat like that with Brody breaking her heart and Pride holding her, letting her take comfort in the fact he was there and he wasn't going to leave. He still had no idea what had happened to cause such an emotional response from someone who was a match for the toughest of criminal minds. He could now say he had seen the best and worst of Meredith Brody and he much preferred the best side. As he ran his hand up and down her back and held her head to his chest he whispered soothing words into her ear hoping to give her as much time as she needed.
After nearly a full hour of Brody sat crying he felt her breathing ease a little as she managed to finally gain control of the raging storm within her. He still kept tight hold and as she didn't pull away he waited for her to move. Slowly Brody pulled back a little and looked up at the man whose arms and lap she was currently sat in.
"Well, I have to say that this is a first. I have never ever had that effect on women, ever." Pride told a very red-eyed blotchy faced Brody trying to lighten the mood.
"Pride I have..." Brody started to say but was cut off by a finger on her lips.
"When I have women cry for an hour sitting in my lap I think just this once we can use first names, don't you Meredith?" As he shuffled a little to make himself more comfortable.
"Before you even say I'm so sorry and I should be able to control myself garbage don't bother. I don't want to hear it, what I want to hear is what you are going to do about the fact you need to face the reasons you're running. You need to start to let go of the reason you hesitated and the deaths of those people on board that ship." Pride told Brody as she worked her way off his lap and came to sit next to him.
"How about we start with a thank you, Dwayne, then. Then if you don't mind I would like to share with you what I am running from and the reasons behind it. On saying that you have read my file so you will know some of what happened before that fateful day that has seen my hiding away ever since." Brody said as she looked at Pride trying to gauge his reaction.
"I am here when you're ready to talk and always have been. We do have a little problem though as I haven't actually read all of your files. I skimmed it as I don't believe you can judge a person by their past, I wanted to see what you had now to offer my team. If you want I can read the file and we can talk later but I think it will be best for you and me if you start at the beginning and tell me what happened. Take it at your own pace, we have as long as you need." Pride told Brody as he watched her gather her thought.
"When I saw that sailor standing there, the fact he had a bomb was not the first thing that registered in my mind. The first thing I saw was his back till he turned and locked eyes with me. That was all it took to make me pause, his eyes. I used to look at a pair of eyes the same shape and colour as his every day of my life from the day I was born, if not before. My twin sister had the exact same shape and colour eyes, brilliant blue. When I saw his eyes, I saw her eyes staring back at me but not the way I last saw them. Lifeless on the mortuary slab a few days earlier when she was killed by a drunk driver." Brody managed to say before her voice left her again as the sobs returned as the memories and images coming flooding back.
Pride reached out again and pulled her to his chest as yet again she collapsed under the weight of her twin sisters death and the reason she hesitated. Now he understood what had happened he didn't blame her for her actions one bit. She had been to hell and back and she was still there now. She had never let her sister's memory go and she wouldn't until she faced the fact that the deaths on the ship were not her fault. How could she have carried this around for eight years and never let anyone in, never let anyone see how bad she was hurting.
Now Pride understood how things with her fiancé never worked out. No doubt he had no idea about any of this, like the rest of the world she had blocked him out to hide away. Letting her cry he didn't know what to say or do other than hold her. She needed to work this out her system so hopefully, she could go back and face the demons of her past and finally let her sister's memory rest. Face the fact the deaths were not her fault and walk away knowing she could stop running.
Brody sobbed and sobbed, she couldn't stop it. Her life was a mess and now so was her job. How the hell did she let her boss be the one to break through, how had he managed where so many had failed. Slowly as the tears stopped she moved back again and looked at her boss. His grey/blue eyes were watching her full of sympathy and support. There was also strength there, strengths that she desperately needed.
"I hope you have a clean shirt somewhere cause this one is a little wet and snotty now," as she looked at the wet patch on his shirt.
"Shirts wash so it's fine. So silly question but how do you feel now? Telling me this does help but you know that this is just the start right. I can help you as much or as little as you need. You can also count on Christopher if you need him, he will be by your side to help as well." Pride told Brody as he watched her thoughts turn over in her mind.
He knew after so many years of carrying this nightmare around it would not be a simple matter of just telling them the full story and then moving on with her life. She needed time to deal with it and his team would be there for her. Brody sat up and rubbed her hands over her face then sat forward and looked in the interior mirror.
"Well, whatever I decided I need to go home and get my face put right if that's okay with you. It won't take long" Brody said as she looked at Pride.
"No problem, just let me know when you're ready to go and we can stop by when we pass." Pride replied looking at the women in front of him.
"Thank you, Dwayne, not just for this but for being here and trying to help. Others have tried to help but I pushed them away. Loretta and you are right, I can't keep running. I need to do my sister's memory justice and this is wrong. I need to face my actions and deal with them. At least for once, I have friends around to help me now." Reaching across and giving Pride's hand a squeeze.
"That you do, and we aren't going anywhere. I hope now, neither are you." Squeezing her hand back.
They looked at each other and Brody nodded before they both got out the car and went round to get back in the front seats. On the ride back, they chatted about her sister, which she realised she had never done before. She had locked her away and kept her secret, which she vowed never to do again. As they passed Brody's house she nipped inside, and after five minutes she reappeared looking as fresh as a daisy. There was no sign of the emotional wreck of a woman who had spent an hour sobbing, only the tough determined face of Pride's junior field agent and friend.
Arriving back at the office, the three agents pooled their resources, working out who had shot the NCIS agent and finding a way to help the little boy all in a day. When they were done Pride looked at Brody and Brody looked up to the office where she knew her future awaited her. They smiled at each other and she set off up the stairs to tell them what they wanted to know.
As she came back down a few minutes later Pride panicked and looked at Brody. Brody smiled at him and went through to the kitchen towards the interrogation rooms. Watching as she walked across he saw her enter one of the rooms and was now very curious. He watched as the big tough man who was sent to find the truth out walked across the courtyard towards where Brody was sat. He couldn't help himself, he followed behind and went in the viewing room.
Looking into the interrogation room he saw Brody had chosen to take the seat of the suspect for once. She actually made a comment about the fact she was on the wrong side of the desk, only to be told it didn't have to be done like this. Brody stood her ground and pointed out that yes it did, she was under investigation and this was the right way to do it. Slowly she gathered her thoughts and emotions as best as she could and started to speak.
She started her story, explaining why she hesitated. The look on her face as she explained that it was the eyes that did it, the same eyes her sister had before she was killed. Now it was the turn of the interrogator to be left speechless, whatever he had expected it was not that. He passed his condolences to Brody who in return did the same for the two friends he lost on that ship.
Pride stood and watched until Brody had got the hard part out the way. He knew she would be okay now to tell the rest on her own. He turned the sound down on the TV screen and left the room.
"That -a- girl" Pride exclaimed as he left the room.
Walking across the courtyard he went into the kitchen and sat with LaSalle as they waited for Brody to finish her interview/ interrogation. Loretta soon joined them as they sat talking and drinking coffee. When Brody finally appeared she looked at the three people sat at the table. They all looked at her and smiled. Loretta was the first to stand and cross the short distance between them before giving Brody a hug. Brody hugged her friend back and then saw LaSalle follow suit and hug her. After hugging them both Brody looked at Pride and smiled.
"I take it they don't know the full story?" She said as she looked at them all.
"Not my place to tell them Merri, that's yours if you want them to know," he said as he stood from the table and opened his arms to her.
Walking up to him she let him yet again envelop her in a hug. Stepping back she looked at Pride and then LaSalle and Loretta. Sitting at the table Pride sat beside her as she looked across at her friends and colleagues.
"I would like to tell you both a story about incredible women and the reason I hesitated on the Moultrie," Brody said as she kept her hands in her lap to stop the others from seeing they were shaking.
Pride looked at the women next to him and was amazed at her strength. He knew the next few days and weeks would be an emotional roller coaster for his agent and friend but he knew with the help of the people sitting around the table she would make it. He watched as she kept her hands on her knees to try to control the shaking as she told the others of her sister. Leaning a little so as not to make it too obvious to the others, Pride sat forward and slide his hand across Brody's knee, taking one of her hands in his and squeezing tight. He hoped she didn't jump or pull away but Brody didn't miss a heartbeat when Pride took her hand. She slotted her fingers through his and squeezed back. She had all the help and support she needed right here in this room and she hoped that she would have it for a very long time to come.