Clearly fate was not kind to Rosalina today-her remains were beyond recognition, being mercilessly bludgeoned by ruthless fighters like Donkey Kong and Bowser, and seemed distasteful to the upcoming Smash newcomers, Villager and Wii Fit Trainer.
It hadn't even ended there; her signature Ice World had melted down to nothing but a lukewarm lake, thanks to Metal Mario, who was nothing but molten sludge on a lone glacier, sharing it with Rosalina's corpse. This seemed to be how all fate would play out from here on... until today.
An evil Koopa wizard-oh wait, this isn't Dinosaur World. Ahem, a newly-recruited Kamek was busy studying his wand's power on an icebank.
"Ipsum... Pactum... oh, come on! What was the name of that spell Kamella taught me?! I've seen it done by every other Kamek at Bowser's Castle!" He struggled as he hit his head in frustration. "Where's that Haunted Spellbook...?"
The Kamek searched around his robe, checking every sewn crevice on it. 30 minutes of constant failure had to be suffered before he finally found the book.
"Ah! Here it is... now, let's try the big one..." He had to clear his head and focus, letting out a huge sigh as he did.
"OK, here goes!" The underling held his wand above his head, focused his inner energy into the tip of the wand, and projected all that he could muster, and bellowed,
"MORTIS ANIMATARIS!"
A rainbow-colored orb protruded out of the wand and quickly zoomed in the general direction Kamek pointed... which happened to be the iceberg of the dead Metal Mario and Rosalina.
"What?" He urked in fear after he recovered from the recoil of the spell. "Are those... PEOPLE?! Oh no! Get out of the way!" The first-year wizard warned. Of course, no response was seen or heard, and the rookie evildoer couldn't bear to look at the carnage he thought would soon be at hand.
Upon the thunderous magic impact, the orb's force launched the iceberg out of the water and sent it soaring, slowly manifesting into a glittery multi-colored comet.
As the comet was piercing the air at blistering speed, the puddle of metal slime that once was Metal Mario started squirming it's way to Rosalina's still-deteriorating corpse, which was almost down to bones alone. The two deformed body entities would eventually merge, and as soon as they did... the truly unpredictable and surely unexpected would arise...
Night had fallen over the Smash Bros. Mansion, and Bowser stood by a large window, staring at the moon that had tinted yellow from the starlight. He hadn't known the reason, but he could care less. He was just glad a certain "blue space Peach clone" as he put it, was off his spiky back.
The Koopa King almost swooned over his misdeed, but he didn't have time to savor the moment, at least quietly-someone knocked on the door; faintly, but continuously.
"Okay, okay! I'm coming! I'm not exactly a speedy figure!" Bowser groaned aloud, stomping the ground noisily. As he neared, the knocking became louder, yet more scarce.
The scaled villain finally made it to the door, the knocking still constant, but was more like impatient pounding at this point.
"I'm here now! Stop pounding on the-!" Bowser began, only to have the door pushed as if a hurricane suddenly blew against it, and the sudden incredible force moved him along with the door with as much ease.
As Bowser attempted to remove himself from his imprint on a conveniently-placed brick-and-mortar wall, the shadow of the mysterious knocker was cast upon the floor by the yellow moonlight. It was a familiar, yet fresh shadow...
It was Rosalina, reincarnated. She appeared in her biker outfit and possessed newly-obtained metallic properties, thanks to the on-again, off-again Brooklyn-Italian plumber in red's metal clone.
"Knock knock." She smirked nonchalantly.
This new appearance needed a name, she thought. Being half human, half machine warranted a new identity, one that would be forgotten as quickly as it was remembered. She decided to dub herself as... R-800.
Striking a defiant and bold stance, she announced coldly, "I'm back."
Still stuck in the wall, Bowser could be heard moaning disappointedly, "Oh please, no... not a reference to Terminator 2...!"
END
Author's Note: Okay, yes. Another Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus tennis-style reply fic. I promise I'll come up with my own backstories in the future, but I simply couldn't avoid this after reading Mario Fart 7 (gross) and Wacky Newcomers. I like making things big and dynamic, but here?
Oh boy, my concept of comedy is back. How? Well, I plan to turn Rosalina into a complete Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabe, copying his style of fighting and acting. Yeah, never thought you'd read something like that in your life, did you? Why, you might ask? THE INTERNET, that's why!
And yes, I'll explain how that came to be (SHPOILAR: It involves Neo Bowser City).
Feedback much appreciated! ~G.R. Daluiseau
PS: There's some interesting references in this chapter; find them and you get a cookie! :D