A/N: If you're easily offended, DO not read. I am seriously, you guys. Some of the things in this fic may offend some people, but then again, what do you expect? It's South Park! Just be prepared, okay?
Anyway, enjoy this random collection.
Fun With Telephones
Man: Hello?
Cartman: Hey, did you have a good time with your mom at the water park yesterday?
Man: What the hell are you talking about? My mother and I didn't go to any water park!
Cartman: Oh, I guess that's why she wasn't very wet last night.
Man: Hello?
Cartman: Oh, my God. Are you sick?
Man: No, why?
Cartman: You seem to be losing your throat…It's probably 'cause of all those dicks you sucked on Colfax Avenue last Friday night.
Man: Hello?
Cartman: Hello, this is Thomas. I'm selling rice balls. Would you like to buy some?
Man: Oh, I'd love to! How much? I'd pay anything to get ahold of those delicious Japanese balls!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a telemarketer, not a prostitute.
Woman: Hello?
Cartman: I'm afraid your son is very, very sick… He's got a bad case of the AIDS.
Woman: AIDS? Oh, no! Well, don't you worry, Mr. Doctor, I'll take Baby Tyler to bed right away!
Cartman: …Oh, you sick motherfucker.
Kyle: Hello?
Cartman: I'm calling you on very important matters, Kyle.
Kyle: Oh, God. What is it this time, fat-ass?
Cartman: Well, maybe if you'd just listen to me, Kyle…
Kyle: Well, maybe I would if you didn't call me at one in the fucking morning, asshole!
Cartman: Well, maybe if you…Maybe if your…uh, m-maybe if…you know what, fuck you Kyle, goodnight.
Cartman: Okay, here's what I want: Some Cheesy Poofs, a new PS3, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, some c-
Japanese Negotiator: NO! THAT IS'A TOO MUCH!
Cartman: Hey, hey…you're the negotiator here, pal. You're supposed to get me what Iwant!
Japanese Negotiator: You're'a breaking my barrs!
Cartman: [imitating his accent] No, you're'a breaking mybarrs!
Japanese Negotiator: Just because Japan make so'a much anime, you arr fink that we have'a rots of money! You forget about'a nuclear disaster!
Cartman: Dude, how many times do we have to go over this, I don't care that you got into a nuclear disaster, alright, I just want my fuckin' money so I can go home!
Japanese Negotiator: Come again?
Cartman: *clears throat* Oh, sarry. How many a'times do we hav'a go over this, I don't care that you got into a nucrear disaster, alright, I just want my fuckin' money so I can go home!
Japanese Negotiator: Suck my barrs! We no a'give you anyfing!
Cartman: OH, GOD DAMMIT!
Kyle: [waves] Hi, Bebe.
Bebe: AHHH!
Kyle: [frowns] What's wrong, Bebe?
Bebe: How could you do that, Kyle…?
Kyle: Do what?
Bebe: Don't try to hide it, Kyle! I heard you slept with four girls in one night!
Kyle: [alarmed] What? Who told you that?
Bebe: Everyone!
Kyle: What?
Bebe: Just stay away from me, Kyle!
Kyle: I'm not a whore, Bebe, I swear!
Bebe: Oh, really? What else do you call somebody who fucks everything that moves?
Kyle: Kenny McCormick.
Wendy: Stan, I think you've changed in a really awesome way…
Stan: Changed how? You mean like I've gotten taller, or gained weight or-
Wendy: No, no, no. I mean your personality has changed.
Stan: Weak, dude, you're focusing on mypersonality? Aw, man, now I'm never gonna get laid.