Well, I was kinda upset with the whole Morgan finding out thing in general. So I wanted to show what I think would really happen if Morgan found out, because to be honest the guys not really equipped to handle everything. Also I think that if everyone knows the show totally loses the bit of realism it had. But i digress. This is AU and it takes place CHUCK VS THE BEARD.
Tell me what you think, and the context is kinda dark, sorry.
The clock reads five am as I turn away from the blinding green hue haunting me from across the room.
I've spent the whole night awake, listening as the rain hits the window, stuck half wondering how the weather always knows when something horrible has happened, and whether or not the rain will just keep coming, so that I never have to get out of this bed and can just drift away in a watery grave.
Yesterday was the worst day of my life.
No, scratch that, the second worst day of my life.
The worst day of my life is a day that will be burned into my eyes forever. If you would have asked me a week ago what the worst day of my life was, I probably would of talked about Stanford, or the day I failed spy school, or the time I lost Sarah. But now I would give anything to just go back to those days. Now those days seem like a nice day at the beach. Because no day could be worse than the day I held my dying friend in my arms as he drew him last breath knowing that I was the one responsible.
But today, as I stood there, starring down at my reflection in the polished wood being lowed into the ground, all I could do was wish it was me. Wish that I was the one six feet under as he stood here in misery staring at my casket. It's not that I want him to be miserable, but at least then if I was the one dead he would be here.
I can't do this; I can't just sit here in bed, while he's in the ground. I just can't. I leap up from my bed and start to pace, but that's even worse. It's like the walking awakes all the demons that have been dormant all day as I drifted in a fog, felling choked by my tie, unable to breath as I attempted to say a few words to a church full of inspecting people who loved him.
I SHOULD BE THE ONE DEAD! IT'S MY FAULT IT'S MY FAULT! He never signed up for this; he never HAD to be a part of this. Why god why did I get him involved.
I'll tell you why, because I'm a selfish asshole that's why. I needed to talk to someone, because I couldn't flash, which was a problem because I couldn't do MY job! So what do I do, I get a man killed! all so that I could be a better spy.
He never should have known, he never should have had to know. I shouldn't have been so weak. I shouldn't be putting the people I love in danger. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!
And I'm haunted, not by him but by the look on his mother's face. That look she gave me, ME, of sympathy after I choked out my eulogy. I felt like a fraud, talking about him. I had no right to talk about him. And she'll never know. Never know that I killed my own best friend, that it was me.
Because in the end, it was me that killed Morgan.