IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT
28/02/11 – 23:51
It was quiet in the flat. Watching from the window, Syed could hear the muffled sounds of the city night. A lone car passing, the banging of a car door, the drunken laughter of some late party goers... He smiled. They reminded him of Christian. For a moment he'd thought he'd heard his voice among the excited shouts, and it had made his heart beat faster in anticipation. Of course it hadn't been him, and he chuckled at the thought that the mere sound of Christian's voice could still do this to him. They'd been together for so long now, and still... He hoped that feeling would never change.
He'd come home after his afternoon with Tamwar to find the flat empty. That wasn't unexpected. Christian was out with Roxy. And he knew from previous occasions that it could be a while before they called it a night. Ever since he admitted to her that he was jealous of the special relationship she had with Christian, Roxy seemed to have warmed to him. She finally seemed to understand him. And ever since she admitted to him about feeling lonely, he'd warmed to her. At least that was one positive consequence of the surrogacy episode... He sighed. Christian was acting very brave about it all. Pretending he was over it, but Syed knew that that wasn't necessarily true. The whole thing had left some scars. With both of them. But stubborn as he was, Christian just played the part and wouldn't talk about it.
It had still been early when he came home. But he wasn't bothered about being alone. He knew Christian was coming back. So he'd eaten, showered, changed, and prayed. He'd settled on the sofa with a bag of crisps and watched some boring show on tv, then climbed into bed, only to find that he couldn't sleep. He felt restless. The conversation with his brother was still playing on his mind. Tamwar in love, Tamwar getting engaged... Tamwar getting married soon...! He was happy for him, but it all seemed so alien to him. And no matter how much he enjoyed those heart-to-hearts with his brother, it reminded him yet again of how far he was separated from the goings-on in his family. It still stung. Despite everything.
Syed found he wasn't tired at all. His mind was filled with thoughts and questions, and it was no use trying to get some sleep now. As he stood there, looking out of the window, he realized there was something he could do that would calm him, help him, ease his mind. It would probably be hours before Christian was home, and this quiet time would be ideal to do some studying.
01/03/11 – 00:38
Syed's mind was so focussed on the verses he was reading, he'd not heard the key in the lock.
Christian bustled in with his usual happy, carefree manner.
"Hiya love... ! I noticed outside that the light was still on. You didn't have to wait up for me...!"
He leaned over, squeezed Syed's shoulders and pressed a fond kiss on top of Syed's head. Only then did he notice the Qur'an in his hands.
"Oh sorry, babe..." he mumbled, pulling back immediately "I'm disturbing you..."
"No, no... it's alright, darling" Syed reached out to him and caught his hand. "it's fine..." He looked up at the clock "you're back early...?"
"Oh well" Christian said "Roxy wasn't in the mood, really... and to be honest, neither was I..." Syed frowned at that, but Christian brushed over it quickly "I am disturbing you, Sy, you are studying... Let me get out of your way, I'll grab a shower,..."
"It's okay" Syed repeated "I only need a bit of time to finish this, you don't have to run off!"
But Christian didn't hear it, he was already on his way to the bathroom
As he heard the water turn on, and Christian softly starting to hum, Syed shook his head with a fond smile on his face, and re-focussed his mind on his study.
01/03/11 – 00:57
Syed was absent-mindedly stirring the steaming-hot liquid, as he felt two strong arms embrace him from behind.
Christian, his skin still warm and damp from the shower, softly nuzzled his neck.
"Hey" he mumbled huskily.
"Hey" Syed smiled, and reached back to ruffle Christian's hair. "That was quick"
"Couldn't wait to get back to you, could I? Showering alone is not much fun... And seeing as you are awake..." He started to nibble on Syed's earlobe
Syed chuckled, and squirmed away. "Easy tiger...!"
He pointed to the two mugs of hot chocolate he made. "Thought you'd like one of these...?"
"Ah yes... lovely..." Christian smiled. "You do know how to spoil your man, don't you? Come 'ere you..."
He turned the other man in his arms, and running his hands through Syed's thick, dark hair, he gently pressed their lips together.
01/03/11 – 01:08
Syed snuggled up close to Christian, as they sat together on the sofa, carefully blowing and sipping their cacao. All was quiet.
It was Christian who broke the silence.
"So... did you have a nice time with Tamwar today?"
"Yeah..." Syed said "it was good. We had a lovely talk... and I beat him at darts"
"Now there's a surprise!" Christian chuckled. "Did he even manage to hit the board?"
"Oy! Don't go insulting my little brother. I know he's a bit clumsy..."
"A bit...?" Christian mocked.
"Okay, so he's very clumsy, but he's surprisingly good at darts... It was a close call..."
"Hmmm.. I bet..." Christian rolled his eyes.
"I did feel kinda sorry for him though." Syed continued "He was really nervous. Afia was having a daughter-in-law-to-be heart-to-heart with mum. Tam was worried that she's tell her all the embarrassing childhood stories and show her his baby photos."
"Ouch... Now I do feel for him" Christian chuckled.
"Yeah" Syed said "That's the good thing about us being in their bad books. At least I don't have to worry about such things..."
"Me and Zainab having a heart-to-heart...?" Christian shuddered "Perish the thought..."
Then a grin spread over his face "Although I wouldn't mind seeing the baby photos..."
Syed nudged him playfully, and they laughed.
"So Tam is really getting married then, is he?" Christian asked.
"Yep, looks like it. He's truly infatuated with Afia. I guess it's all very new to him. I admit, I'm a bit worried, I wonder if he's not rushing into it..."
"Did you ask him?"
"Hmmm... But he seems quite sure. Even though I think he's being pressured into it a bit, he seems definitely happy... He's in love"
"Your mum and dad pressurizing him...? Never...!" Christian scoffed.
Syed shook his head.
"You know what they're like. It's strange though. What with Afia's dad being mum's first husband, and everything that happened back then... It seems strange that they would encourage this marriage... insist on it even... "
"Maybe they've decided to let their son's happiness come first for a change"
The moment the words left his mouth, Christian regretted them. Syed didn't say anything. Instead he put their empty mugs on the coffee table, taking a moment to compose himself. But as he leaned back into Christian's embrace, the smile had almost unnoticeably faded from his face.
They were quiet for a while. Christian could almost hear Syed's thoughts running through his brain. He held him close, his fingertips lightly caressing Syed's arms. Syed let out a deep breath and buried his head against his shoulder.
"You still miss them, don't you?" Christian asked gently.
Syed didn't respond.
"It's alright to be sad, you know, Sy" Christian murmured, holding him close.
Finally, Syed sighed deeply. He struggled to find the words to explain.
"I don't... need them anymore, Christian. I don't need their approval to live happily and at ease with myself. I used to crave their respect, their approval. After everything that happened in the past, all the stunts I pulled … alienating them, being without them for those 4 lonely years,... I would have done anything to get their approval back..."
He swallowed.
"In fact, I did do anything to get it. Nearly destroying myself... and you... and Amira ... in the process. When I chose you..." His voice faded, and he traced his fingertips lightly over Christian's arm.
"When I chose you, I decided I had tried hard enough. I decided that I didn't want to live my life trying to be the person they wanted me to be. I couldn't do it anymore, and even if I could, it would never have been enough, I'd always have to prove myself... And I would never, ever, be able to be me..."
He turned to face Christian, and touched his jaw. "I don't regret it, Christian. How could I? I have you. I don't need them..."
Christian smiled at him lovingly, but he didn't miss the sadness in Syed's eyes.
"It doesn't mean you don't miss them though, does it?"
Syed sighed again.
"No" he finally admitted, burying his face against Christian's shoulder.
"You're right. I do miss them..." He sighed. "I miss being a big brother to Tamwar and Kamil, I even miss the arguments with mum, I even miss how hard it often was to communicate with dad... Despite it all, they're still my family, and it's hard to realize that they go on without me. It stings. It hurts... And what hurts most is... that they just refuse to see. To see me, for real. How can they not see how happy I am?
Do they want me to be miserable for the rest of my life, would that meet their approval...?"
Christian gently wiped away a lone tear that escaped Syed's eye. But Syed smiled through his sadness.
"I don't want to be bitter, Christian..."" he said, his voice quiet but determined "I don't want to be bitter, and I don't want to shed any more tears over it. I'm happy and I won't let them, or anyone else, take that away from me... It's their loss. All my life I fought for their approval. I wanted them to be proud of me. But they never knew me. They only knew the person they thought I was, the person they wanted me to be. But I was hiding who I was... And now that I finally feel... worth knowing, now that I'm finally … me... they just don't want to see... It's sad... but... it's their loss"
He shrugged ruefully, and snuggled closer to Christian, allowing his pain to fade away in the warmth of the embrace that surrounded him.
01/03/11 – 01:19
They were quietly sitting together. Only the sounds of the night, and their breathing filled the room. Syed was leaning against Christian's strong chest, enjoying the feeling of those strong arms around him. Neither of them were in a hurry to find their bed.
"So... Roxy wasn't in the mood, was she...?" Syed broke the silence. "Is she still pining over Michael then?"
"Hmmm" Christian confirmed "something like that... I think she's lonely"
"She really likes him, doesn't she?" Syed shook his head "I can't imagine what she sees in him really. He's not exactly the best-looking guy, is he?"
Christian chuckled.
"Have you been checking him out then?"
"What?" Syed asked in surprise "what're you on about?"
"You've been checking him out, haven't you... that day at Roxy's... I saw you looking at him, don't deny it..." Christian insisted, trying to keep a straight face.
But Syed wasn't having any of it. He twisted his neck to try and catch Christian's eyes.
"I have not checked him out. I just... looked, that's all. "
"Oh, well... Sure... If you say so... " Christian nodded, rolling his eyes.
Syed nudged him hard "Don't you judge everyone by your own standards, Christian Clarke..." he muttered. "It's not because you..."
"Oh, go on, change the subject... You can play the innocent, if you like, but I know better, Sy" Christian laughed.
"I..." Syed was trying to sound indignant.. "Okay.. yeah.. I admit, I did look. He was standing there in front of us, barely clothed, and I'm not blind, Christian... And neither are you, by the way..."
"So... as I say... you checked him out" Christian declared patiently and determinedly.
"Oh, shut up, will you..." Syed scoffed. "I will only say this one more time, Christian. I did not check him out. Why would I... ? When I have the finest-looking specimen in my bed each night? Eh...? You tell me that... I just looked at him long enough to decide that he was nowhere near as gorgeous as my marvellous... boy...friend..."
The conviction in his voice faded away as he saw the expression on Christian's face, who was grinning, a glint in his eye, like the cat who got the cream.
Syed finally saw through Christian's little scheme...
"Oh right, I get it... You played me all along, didn't you? I should have known. Winding me up, pushing me... just so that I would sing your praises." Syed shook his head in mock anger.
"Why am I even surprised? Aren't the heaps of praise that I keep pouring on you day in, day out, not enough for you already, Christian... ? Always wanting more, never satisfied, are you?"
"Never!" Christian said with a grin, trying to look suitably embarrassed, but failing at it miserably. "You know me too well..."
Syed smiled.
"Oh, shut up, you idiot" he murmured lovingly.
They smiled at each other goofily, then Syed leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Christian's. Eagerly, Christian responded, prolonging the kiss just that little bit longer... Finally leaning back against the cushions, Christian reached out and rubbed his thumb against Syed's cheekbone affectionately, staring lovingly into his eyes...
"Just so you know... I'll never, ever, have enough of you, Sy" he admitted. "Not ever"
01/03/11 – 01:37
Syed was suddenly serious again.
"And why weren't you in the mood tonight then, Christian?" he asked gently.
"What makes you think I wasn't?" Christian shrugged innocently.
"You... ! You said so, earlier, didn't you? Besides, I've never known you to come home this early from a night out..."
Christian sighed, but Syed wasn't letting him off the hook this time.
"Tell me, Christian, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong" Christian insisted, but his voice was unsteady and he averted his eyes.
"You're still upset about the baby, aren't you?" Syed enquired softly.
Christian's breath caught. He risked a glance in Syed's direction, but quickly dropped his eyes when he saw him looking at him with loving patience. He shrugged shyly.
"Sy..." he attempted, but he couldn't continue.
"It's alright to be sad, you know, Christian" Syed said, consciously echoing the exact same words Christian himself had used for him only minutes earlier.
"Do you really think that I hadn't noticed?" he murmured, his thumb gently stroking Christian's jaw, trying to coax him into facing him.
But Christian closed his eyes, and dropped his head.
"Do you think I haven't noticed you lying awake at night... staring at the ceiling, your body rigid from trying not to cry...?"
Syed softly ran his fingers through Christian's hair, but the other man still couldn't bring himself to look up.
"I've waited for you to talk to me, Christian. To tell me how you feel. You do know that you can tell me anything, don't you... ? We're in this together, right?"
"I'm sorry..." Christian muttered, his voice barely a whisper.
"What for?" Syed asked.
Christian took a deep, shivering breath, still avoiding Syed's eyes.
"For making such a mess of things" he said, shaking his head in regret. "I went about it the completely wrong way... I should have thought of you more. I should have consulted you, talked to you... really talk to you. And listen. Instead of rushing in like a bull in a china shop..."
He sighed.
"I just... I got over-excited... And I know it's not an excuse, but... you know me..."
"We talked about this, Christian..." Syed whispered tenderly. "I thought we sorted it. It's okay, I'm not angry anymore about that..."
"I know we talked... and I know we're okay... but... I'm still sorry. I'm sorry that I pushed you..." he shook his head "I always do that, don't I?"
"Yeah, you do..." Syed smiled wistfully "And when you do, I get angry and defensive ... But you know what? I'm grateful that you pushed me... If you hadn't, I wouldn't be here. I'd still be unhappy and miserable, pretending to be someone I'm not. So I don't mind a little push from you every now and then..."
Christian looked up tentatively, not sure if Syed was laughing or being serious. But seeing the conviction and the love in Syed's eyes, he breathed a sigh of relief, and finally smiled a little.
"I know you're sorry about the way you handled it, Christian..." Syed murmured gently, snuggling his face into the crook of Christian's neck, "but that didn't stop you from getting your hopes up, did it, love?"
Christian wrapped his arms a little tighter around him. He pushed his eyes wide open, hoping that it would stop the threatening tears from falling, betraying a sadness he didn't want to burden Syed with. But he couldn't stop the truth rolling from his tongue.
"No..." he confessed, his voice breaking slightly "No...it didn't"
Syed didn't speak, just held on to him, hoping his quiet closeness would encourage Christian to open up.
Christian wiped his eyes and steadied his breath.
"I always imagined having kids," he finally admitted. "I always wanted to be a dad, but I never thought I would be. Being gay, I just didn't know how that would... could... work out. If it was even possible... So I put it on a back burner... pushed it away... trying to accept it as something that would never happen..."
"And then you walked into my life, and...it all came rushing back."
He swallowed. "At first, I fooled myself into believing I was doing it for you..."
He ran his fingers through Syed's hair "... that building a family with you would give you back some of what I'd taken away from you..."
"Taken away...?" Syed ventured.
"Yeah..." Christian let out another shivering breath. "You've given up so much for me, Sy..."
Syed looked up, and sought Christian's eyes. He didn't try to hide the sadness in his own, but his voice was full of conviction.
"I don't regret choosing you, Christian. I'd do it again in the blink of an eye..."
"I know you would, Sy... But still..."
Syed shook his head "But still... I don't want you to think that you owe me anything... I didn't give up on my family, Christian. They gave up on me... And that's not your fault. Seriously... don't go thinking that it is..."
"Tell me about wanting to be a dad..." he urged Christian to continue.
"I convinced myself I was doing it for you. Rushing ahead with this surrogate thing, almost bullying you and Roxy into going along with it... It was justified, surely... I was doing the right thing, wasn't I...? It was only when you pointed out to me how ostensibly blind I had been to your objections, to your hesitations... that I realized..."
He frowned ruefully "... that I was doing it for me. Just for me"
He swallowed. "I really want to be a father, Sy. It's hard to explain why. I guess it's part of me, part of who I am. And who I am feels the need to have children... as a life accomplishment, or something. I don't know, maybe it's about leaving something of me behind when I'm no longer here." He shook his head.
"I'm not a spiritual person, Sy, you know that... but raising a child is the most tangible way to give something to this world... I do realize how pretentious and egotistical that sounds... But the simple truth is... I just... really want that..."
His voice fading, Christian felt powerless, suddenly embarrassed. He'd never admitted those feelings to anyone, not even to himself. His fervour and passion when he spoke about it even surprised himself.
"And you'll have it" Syed broke the silence, struggling to keep his own emotions from overflowing. Christian had just laid his soul bare in front of him, and it moved him more than he thought possible.
"You'll have it, my love...You will be a dad. We... will be dads..."
It was said with such gentle conviction that it sent a lump to Christian's throat. He was almost scared to look at him, but Syed wrapped his hands lovingly around his face and turned it towards him, forcing their eyes to meet.
"You and me, Christian... We're in it for the long haul, right?"
Christian nodded wordlessly.
"And one day... sooner or later, you and me will have a family of our own. I want that... I really do. I thought I didn't at first. But the more I thought about it... " he smiled reassuringly.
"But what about your faith, Sy? Surely..."
"I know... I still find it hard, Christian, to reconcile my hope to start a family with you with what I believe in, with what I've been taught... I'm not going to deny that... And I will probably struggle with it for a while to come. You're going to have to be patient with me..." He sighed.
"But.. I'll get there. I know I will. Because... when it comes down to it... I honestly don't think it matters if a child grows up with a mother and a father, or two dads, or two mums, or only a single parent. What matters is that a child has people around them that love them and care for them... no matter what...
And you and me, Christian... we can do that... Can't we?"
Christian nodded, his eyes shining, the relief and the love rushing through him.
"We'll be brilliant dads, Christian." Syed insisted, his voice near breaking point.
"Yeah, we will" Christian whispered happily.
He brushed away a stubborn hair lock from Syed's forehead.
"But... err... that thing you said... about... being patient ..." he blushed a little, "you know me..."
Syed chuckled. "Well, I guess I'm gonna have to put you on a leash then, won't I?"
Christian felt his spirits lifting. "Is that a promise?" he asked.
They both laughed, glad at the light relief.
Syed snuggled back against Christian's chest.
"Who knows..." he muttered with a smile.
01/03/11 – 02:18
Again it was Syed who broke the comfortable silence between them.
"Christian...I have a confession to make..." he said carefully.
It had been playing on his mind for days now, whether or not he should admit to Christian the things he confessed to Roxy. When they had planned to go out together tonight, part of him had hoped that Roxy would tell Christian all, saving him the embarrassment of coming clean himself. Another part of him had feared she would. He wasn't sure how Christian was going to react. And it would be better coming from him in any case. He owed Christian as much
"A confession?" Christian was slightly taken aback.
"About why I was so... reluctant... to let Roxy be the surrogate...," Syed sighed, "I haven't been completely honest with you..."
"Tell me..." Christian asked gently.
"You were right. It wasn't just about her being...so... flaky... It's..."
Syed bit his lip, then blurted it out "I was jealous!" He shook his head in frustration. "I am jealous!"
"Jealous?" Christian didn't understand. Putting his hand under Syed's chin, he tried to make him look at him, but the other man resisted.
"Yeah..." he confessed, his eyes averted. "I'm jealous of her. I'm jealous of what you and Roxy have together..."
"Do I hear this right...?" Christian was still shaking his head in disbelief. "You're jealous... of me and Roxy...? But...?"
"Christian, no..." Syed interrupted. "Hear me out. Just let me say this, or I will never again gather up enough courage to do this..."
He swallowed and blinked fiercely "You and Roxy do things together, Christian, things you love and that I would never want to take away from you... but that I will never be able to share with you... I will never party with you the way she does, get drunk with you, sing embarrassing songs with you, dance on tables with you... It's just not.. what I do...It's not me..."
"I know..." Christian finally managed to get a word in, and reached out to touch him "And I don't want you to change, Sy..."
"I know!" Syed said, an urgency in his voice that made Christian almost jump.
"It's just... Sometimes, it just hurts that we can't have that. That you can't enjoy that part of you when you're with me... When the two of you are together, you and Roxy... you're... different... You change into this fun-loving... wild... guy that... that I adore... but that I don't really know how to reach... You and her share this special connection, and me... I just look in from the outside... and I can't be part of it. I never will be, no matter how hard I try"
Christian wanted to interrupt again, but Syed held out his hand to stop him.
"So when I thought she could be pregnant with your child, Christian... I admit, it scared me. It would have been your child, yours and hers... and me..."
He sighed. "I would have been even more of an outsider, looking in... And that's why..."
He bit his lip when he couldn't find the words to continue. "I'm sorry..." was all he managed. He looked down.
"Oh, my sweet Sy" Christian murmured with a wistful smile, gently folding his hand around that adorable face.
"Roxy is my mate, Sy. And she always will be... But you... " he looked deeply into Syed's eyes.
"You are my life! Don't you know that?"
Syed found that he could barely breathe, but when he finally risked a look in Christian's direction, he felt he couldn't draw his eyes away from the man in front of him.
"I do love Roxy." Christian continued. "She will always have a special place in my heart... But you, Sy... you..."
He swallowed.
"You... have my heart. It's yours. All of it."
He cocked his head and smiled "Even the bit with Roxy in..."
Almost despite himself, Syed giggled nervously, feeling flustered suddenly.
"I've been silly, haven't I?" he blushed.
"Very silly!" Christian smiled "Come here" he said and pulled him near. Pressing a soft kiss on the top of Syed's head, he sighed.
"But actually... I'm glad you told me, Sy. You're right. Sometimes I just do my thing and don't stop to consider your feelings. And I'm sorry about that... I guess I'm not entirely used yet to not being single anymore... But I promise I'll be better... I swear..."Oh... and for the record... I love being the man I am when I'm with you... I don't miss that shallow part of me one tiny bit..."
He pulled back to look into Syed's eyes "I don't need to be a party animal all the time, you know..."
"I believe you" Syed sniggered "and I'll remind you when you're nursing your next hangover... Or should I say... when I nurse it?"
Christian laughed, and raised his hands in mock surrender "I've said it before... you know me too well..."
01/03/11 – 02:39
"So you're jealous of the things I do with Roxy and don't do with you..."
Alarmed, Syed looked up. He'd thought they'd talked it through, why was Christian bringing this up again?
But then he saw the glint in the other man's eyes.
"Errr... Yeah..." he mumbled slowly and suspiciously.
"Actually..." Christian said "There's plenty of things I do with you that I don't do with her..."
A slow grin spread across Syed's face when he realized where Christian was heading. But he played the game along.
"Hm... Are there then?" he muttered.
"There are..." Christian confirmed with a naughty grin.
He inched forward. "Things like this" he mumbled, and pressed a soft kiss on Syed's lips.
"You kiss Roxy all the time" Syed protested, seemingly unconvinced.
"True..." Christian admitted, his face so close to Syed's, their breath was mingling. "But I don't do this with her..."
Sliding his arms further around him, Christian's lips found Syed's mouth again, his tongue touching his even before their lips met. Syed responded eagerly.
"Or this" Christian breathed into Syed's mouth. He deepened the kiss even further, sensually teasing Syed's mouth with his extremely skilled tongue, as his hands went up to the back of Syed's head, burrowing his fingers in his soft hair.
"Or this" he continued, breaking the kiss, his tongue leaving the warm confines of Syed's mouth to trail down, leaving wet, open mouth kisses against his throat, then moving back up to take his earlobe into his mouth.
Syed gasped as Christian continued to kiss him and sucked gently on his neck, the sensation causing him to cling to him, to writhe into Christian's embrace as closely as he could. He pressed their bodies together tightly, feeling his hardness pressing against him through his jeans.
This is how it always was when he was with Christian. If he was near him, he always wanted to be even. And closer. Touch him. Hold him. Kiss him...
At last, Christian looked up at his lover. Syed's eyes were dilated with passion, his lips slightly swollen from his sensuous assault.
"Convinced now?" Christian asked, as his fingers teasingly went to the buttons of Syed's shirt. "Or do you need any more proof?"
"Errr... More proof can't hurt I guess... " Syed just about managed, as his hands, leading a life of their own, went underneath Christian's dressing gown, sliding across his muscular chest. He paused for a moment, letting Christian pull his shirt down his shoulders to drop it on the floor. Then Christian's lips found his neck again. The warm wetness of Christian's mouth sent shivers down Syed's spine. As Christian determinedly started to wrestle with the buttons of his jeans, Syed's shaking hands started tugging at the knot of Christian's dressing gown belt...
01/03/11 – 03:24
They lay together. His face pressed against Christian's chest, inhaling the sweet scent of his skin, heat still radiating from it, Syed tenderly circled his fingertips in Christian's soft chest hair. His head was lying on his favourite spot, just over Christian's strong-beating heart. Christian's arms were slung protectively around him, the tips of his fingers lightly tracing the golden skin of Syed's shoulders and back. How good it felt to lie like this, to feel how perfectly their bodies fit together.
"Wow" was all Syed finally managed to say.
He could feel Christian's chest shaking as he chuckled.
"My sentiments exactly" he said, pressing a kiss on top of Syed's head. "Do you want to move this to our bed, darling?" he asked "we'd be more comfortable..."
But Syed shook his head. "I'm perfectly happy here" he mumbled.
"Okay," Christian smiled, reaching out for the throw on the back of the couch, and pulling it over them. "Your wish is my command"
"I'll hold you to that" Syed sniggered.
"I'm sure you will" Christian smiled.
"We should do this more often" Syed muttered against Christian's chest.
"What? Make love on the sofa?"
"No!" Syed raised his head to see the naughty sparkle in Christian's eyes.
"Well... Yes! Yes, that too..." he corrected himself with a smile.
He lay back down. "Talk, I mean. We should talk more..."
"Yeah... you're right... we should..." Christian agreed. "Tonight was good..."
"It was great..."
Syed pressed a shower of soft kisses over Christian's chest, and sighed contentedly.
"I love this time of night. The quietness, the silence, and just... you and me... I love it..." he murmured.
They listened to the silence, and the sound of their breathing.
"Christian?"
"Hmmm...?"
"I love you so much"
Christian tightly wrapped his arms around Syed's waist, and pulled him even closer.
"And I love you, Syed Masood. Don't you ever forget it..."
Lying close in a loving embrace, they spent a few more minutes rambling on about everything and nothing. Christian felt the other man's body relaxing against his, and realized that Syed's regular breathing meant that he had finally fallen asleep. He leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, careful not to disturb his sleep.
"Good night, my love..." he said quietly. With a smile, he closed his eyes and slowly surrendered to the comforts of his own sleep.