The EMT's had been quite insistent on getting Emily checked out at the hospital, just in case she had sustained a concussion, so Hotch had grounded the team in Milwaukee for the night. He managed to rent rooms for them all in the Hilton in downtown Milwaukee, and he only hoped that he'd get reimbursed for the whole cost, that it wouldn't be deemed an unnecessary expense. He didn't need Haley yelling at him about that, too.
Sighing, he flopped back on the bed and thought about what he would do when he got home. There were so many things that were wrong in his life right now, and Jack was the only right thing. Even work was stressful, since he had no idea if Strauss really would keep them together, if she wouldn't disband their team.
Strauss, Erin, had drawn the short straw, and ended up in the room next to his, and he wondered how she was holding up. He had thrown it in her face that she didn't have any field experience, and he hadn't missed the way the barb had hit home, her face contorting into a quick expression of hurt before the mask of placid indifference had slipped back into place. And then, when she had stepped on that woman's hair, he had once more seen behind the mask, even as she fought to hide herself from his gaze.
The silence of the room seemed to magnify all the thoughts in his head until it was a veritable cacophony of sound. And then, faintly, his brain detected the sound of a woman sobbing. Standing up from the bed, he stepped over to the closest wall, wondering if it was the occupants of the room next to his. Pressing his ear against the wall, he could faintly hear the sound of the television, and knew it wasn't them, and his heart sank as he realized that it meant Strauss was the one crying so inconsolably.
He was never one to ignore anyone's pain, especially not a woman's. His mother had been born and raised in the South, and she had passed those lessons on to him. Looking down, he thanked God for the small miracle that he was still dressed. Slipping his key card into his back pocket, he stepped out of his room and walked the short distance over to her room, trying to talk his chivalrous side out of wanting to comfort her then entire time.
Hesitantly, he raised his fist to her door and knocked four times. The crying stopped suddenly and he paused, waiting to see what the next move would be. As he stood there, he thought about what a bad idea this was, how it would only end in an argument between the two of them. Neither of them needed this on a night like tonight, but the die were already cast.
Slowly, the door opened and he found himself looking at her tear-stained face. Erin wouldn't meet his eye, instead focusing on a spot in the middle of his chest. "What can I do for you, Agent Hotchner?" she asked, her voice husky with tears.
"I couldn't help but hear you in my room. Are you all right?"
She shrugged and then looked out into the hall, as if expecting something else to happen. "I'll be fine. I just need to grow a thicker skin."
Aaron reached out and touched her shoulder. The movement spooked her and she jumped back, shaking her head. "Erin, it's okay."
"Why are you here?" she whispered, closing her hand around the door and trying to shut it. He stopped the door with his hand before slipping in and shutting the door behind him. Again, she jumped before backing away from him, stumbling a little as her legs hit the mattress of the bed. Erin sat heavily and looked up at him.
For the first time, he was able to see how red rimmed her eyes were, how sorrowful her expression was. "You didn't do anything wrong, Erin."
She nodded absently, looking away from him as she brought her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly. Aaron sat next to her, cautiously reaching around her shoulders to close his hand around her right arm and pulling her close to his chest. This seemed to open the floodgate on her tears once more and she began to sob as she rested her head on his chest. "I've never seen a dead body before," she whispered.
"It's a shocking sight, made worse by how she died." She nodded and sighed as he began to stroke her hair, running his fingers through the soft tresses. She smelled like a memory, of a time when Haley dressed up for him, before she had gotten pregnant with Jack and had to focus more on caring for him than on her appearance.
"Do you always see things like that?"
He paused, wondering if she really wanted to hear the truth, or a stylized version of the truth. "Very often, by the time we're called out on a case, the victims have gone to the morgue already. It's not often that we get to see the after effects of the crime."
It was a slight bending of the truth, as they still saw a number of bodies during the course of their investigations, but it seemed to relieve her in some small way. Her fingers curled in the fabric of his shirt as she nodded. "I never asked to oversee the BAU. I had expected to become the Section Chief for White Collar Crimes. There weren't any women in the BAU that were considered qualified, and they wanted a woman."
"Life's not fair."
"No, it's not. I never asked for the scorn, either. Agent Morgan despises me." Her grip on his shirt tightened, and he wondered why the slight hurt her so much. Without thinking, he lowered his lips to the crown of her head and kissed her softly. "Aaron?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep my bounds." She nodded and sighed once more, snuggling in a little closer to him.
"I'm sorry that I went after you like that." Her words were quiet, hesitant, as if she hadn't meant to speak her mind to him so clearly.
"It's water under the bridge."
"No, you need to know this. I don't talk to people about my problems, I keep things close to the vest. The brass doesn't like that. I'm on just as thin ice as you are."
Once more, her whispered words seemed to be pulled from her heart, and he let go of her hair to rub her arm gently. "Shh," he murmured, beginning to rock them back and forth a little. She seemed to melt into him, and he couldn't help his physical reaction to the way her breasts pressed against his chest, the way her breath fanned out against his neck. It had been three months since he and Haley had made love, even his suspension wasn't enough to thaw the chill that had developed around her heart.
Aaron tried to surreptitiously shift himself, to relieve some of the pressure in his pants, and yet, she still stiffened. "I'm married, Aaron."
"Haley's cheating on me."
"So, you want me to cheat on my husband, too? Would that make all women the same in your eyes?"
There was a deep well of hurt in those words and he sucked in a sharp breath. "No," he finally said, lowly and with conviction. "I just wanted to comfort you. Momma always said that a man needed to comfort a woman in distress."
"Oh." She pulled back from him a little and looked up into his eyes. The soft light from the bedside lamp made her eyes look impossibly large, and he couldn't stop himself from leaning down and covering her lips with his, kissing her softly and gently. As the kiss continued, she let go of his shirt and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close.
He pulled her up onto his lap, helping her to straddle his lap while he stretched out on the bed, letting her rest atop him. As the kiss lingered on, he turned them so that she was underneath him. "I have to ask, Erin. Are you comfortable with where this is going?"
Aaron looked into her face, taking in the way their kisses had swollen her lips, how sad her eyes looked, and overall how lovely she was, something he had never stopped to consider. "It's too late to turn back now, isn't it? We've both committed to this course."
He nodded and listened to her sigh. "What is it?"
"I've never had sex with someone I didn't love." Aaron felt his heart tugged from his chest as he reached up and stroked her face. "Will you be tender, at least?"
Once more, tears flooded her eyes, and he hated to be the cause of them. "I will be tender or gentle or whatever you need to feel better, Erin." He leaned in and kissed her softly, smiling a little as she kissed him back. He let his fingers dance down her neck, taking in how soft her skin was. She wasn't hard like Haley tended towards being, there was a lushness about her that called out for him to worship her.
Sliding his hand beneath the soft knit fabric, he cupped her breasts, his thumbs rubbing her nipples through the fabric of her bra. A low moan tumbled from her lips and he smiled as he pressed his lips to her cheeks and chin, following the path his hands had taken. As he let his tongue lap and dance at the pulse point of her neck, he reached down and began to tug her blouse up her torso, his knuckles brushing against the telltale C-section scar.
Stilling his hands, he let his thumb trace that scar tenderly as she arched up into his touch. He broke his kisses so that he could remove the blouse, tossing it aside. Aaron was surprised when her fingers scrabbled at the buttons on his shirt, making quick work of them. As he shrugged out of his shirt and pulled off his undershirt, she unhooked her bra, letting it slip off the bed and onto the floor.
Erin turned her head into the pillow, her eyes closed. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not beautiful." Again, there was a desperate ache to her words and he let out a long, low, breath.
"What do you mean? Every woman is beautiful, in her own way." He reached up and thumbed away her tears. She nuzzled her cheek against his palm, her eyes still closed, and a sad smile flitted across her face. "Let me make love to you, let me give you the comfort of the nighttime," he murmured before bending to press a soft kiss to her cheek.
"Yes, again, yes." The defeated tone was almost gone from her voice and he bundled her up in a tight embrace, letting his hands roam up and down her back as he turned them once more. Erin looked so amazing, naked to the waist, her hair lightly brushing her shoulders. "Aaron?"
"I want to look up at you." Reaching out, he cupped her breasts once more, kneading them before softly tugging at her nipples. She bit the corner of her lip as passion spread across her face. Her hips bucked a little against his, and he chuckled as he pulled her down, positioning himself so that he could kiss and suck on her breasts as he let his hands slide down her back and underneath the waistband of her skirt.
It was a tight fit, so Aaron pulled one hand out and made short work of the zipper, running it down her pert, heart-shaped ass. Once it had loosened, he pushed it down her hips, slipping his hands beneath her panties as he nipped gently at her nipple. A high-pitched gasp escaped her mouth and he knew he had to be doing something right.
Aaron wasn't ready for her to once more shift their bodies, making it so that she was on her back once more, looking up at him. "I prefer this, Aaron," she said lowly, looking into his eyes. He saw the hesitancy there, and all he could do was nod before kissing her once more, pulling her skirt all the way off before shucking his pants.
The only thing that now separated their bodies was the thin fabric of their underwear, and so he could faintly feel the heat that radiated from her core. Hooking his thumbs in the waistband of her panties, he rolled them down her hips as he kissed his way down her body, pausing to lavish attention on her breasts and then her scar.
Erin spread her legs for him, her hips tipping up in an effort to come into contact with him. He took the hint and positioned himself between her legs, thrusting into her in one smooth stroke. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him down on her. Aaron held off his climax until he felt Erin tighten around him, her orgasm soft and quiet, like everything about her that evening.
The moment he came back to awareness, he could hear her sobbing once more, clinging to him tightly. "Shh, Erin, I have you. I'm here."
She nodded, her grip on him not loosening one iota. "I think Alan has been stepping out on me, too. It's easy to fuck someone else when your wife is a cold fish." Her whispered words tore at his heart and he rubbed her back gently, shifting them onto their sides as he pulled the covers up around them. "Thank you."
"And we will never speak of this outside this room, right?" he asked wryly, smiling as she nodded and cuddled closer to him. "Privacy is something you crave."
"Yes. I don't like my dirty laundry aired for all and sundry." He felt her fingers tap out an unsteady tattoo on his back, and he wondered what she had buried deep in her heart, what she couldn't even express here, in this moment of exquisite beauty and precious trust. Aaron waited for her to say more, but she fell silent, curling her hand around his shoulder instead.
As he felt his eyes begin to droop with sleep, he heard her begin to cry once more. "Would you tell me what's wrong, Erin?"
"I feel so ashamed. Even though you were gentle, kind, caring, I still feel…I don't know. Can we stop talking now? I want to hold you and cry for just a little bit longer." He hated the bitter tone of her voice and nodded, wanting to do everything in his power to make her feel better, to give her comfort.
Placing a tender kiss on Erin's forehead, he bundled her up tight to his chest and began to play with her hair once more, seeking to soothe away her sorrow. Aaron forced himself to stay awake until he was completely certain that she had fallen asleep, wanting to make certain she was safe, even in sleep. "Sleep well, Erin," he whispered, pressing one last kiss to her forehead before falling asleep himself.