A/N Hi hello there! Basically this is the entire plot line of the pop opera Bare but with Percy Jackson characters. Warning for drugs and suicide and teenage pregnancy. If you haven't seen Bare before, go watch it! (But maybe after reading this bc you know spoilers.)

The Cathedral was freezing cold. Nico shifted in his seat uncomfortably and rubbed his hands on his thighs, trying to stay warm. The priest's voice drones on about epiphanies or wise men or something. As Nico looked around, he noticed that hardly anyone had their eyes open. Even Frank had slumped over the pew, snoring softly.

I bet public school kids don't have to deal with this shit Nico thoughts, as the priest continued going on about Jesus or Christmas or whatever it is that priests talk about. The Cathedral was seriously cold. Nico crossed his arms and shivered.

Two hours in sub-zero temperatures sitting on hard wooden pews listening to the Christmas story (which-surprise!-hadn't changed since the first seventeen years he'd heard it) was not how Nico had planned to spend his senior year. Still, there were some good things. He glanced over at Jason, who was sitting on his right. He was also sleeping, his head falling into his chest. Nico smiled. That was cute.

"Dear Lord," the priest began. "Please forgive us for our sins. Especially one of the boys in this congregation, who is plagued by perverted thoughts."

Nico's head snapped up and his blood ran cold.

"He loves to cook, he's very dramatic… he's not like other boys. Please welcome our guest preacher, Mrs Di Angelo."

Nico stared in shock as his mother approached the altar.

"Our lesson today is how, despite the best efforts of a single mother, a child can still go horribly, horribly wrong."

As Nico looked around again, everyone was awake, alert, and staring at his mom. The deep fear in the pit of his stomach increased.

Nonono this can't be happening.

"For his eighth birthday, Nico asked for an easy bake oven. His father asked for a divorce. In my mind, the connection between these two events is clear."

"Please stand for our operator hymn, 'A Bender Among Us'" a girl, Hazel, stood. Everyone stood with her. Nico, still in complete shock and confusion, got off his seat also.

He wasn't cold anymore. In fact, he was uncomfortably warm.

Almost like…

hellfire.

Then the music began. Everyone seemed to know the words except him.

"There's a bender among us, he must be exposed,

He'll kidnap our children and take off their clothes,

A bender among us, there's pink in our flock,

A boy with no conscience who's lead by his-"

"Cockamaimy!" his mother interrupted. "Absolute cockamamy that you didn't choose this! Why are you doing this to me, Nico? I thought sending you to Catholic school would help but… when you locked eyed with your roommate Jason, I officially gave up on ever having grandchildren."

"Mom?" Nico said in disbelief. "Jason?" he turned to the boy standing next to him. Jason's eyes were hard and cold.

"You tried to make me stray from God's path. Sin all you want, but don't drag me down with you."

Nico could only stand there as Jason grabbed him by the collar and threw him into the aisle.

Everyone turned around to stare at him.

The light began to turn red. Grotesque faces appeared at the stained-glass windows. This was it. Nico was in hell.

Everyone started chanting, including Jason.

"Abomination! Abomination! Abomination!"

It was than that Jason tapped Nico on the shoulder and he awoke with a start.

"Wake up! It's over!" Jason whispered.

"God, that was boring."

"You're telling me! You only slept through the prayer, I was out as soon as I sat down!"

"I noticed." Nico smiled. As they stood up and filed out of the door, Nico made a solemn vow.

No more sleeping during mass.