Welcome, everyone, to my first Glee fanfic :) I've been toying with ideas for quite sometime and I finally got around to starting something and finishing it! The fic is loosely based on the song 'The Captain' by Ingram Hill and it's pretty fluffy...but hey, we all need a little fluff now and then. Obviously I don't own Glee, the characters, etc. Please enjoy and leave some feedback if you'd like!
"How much longer, Daddy?"
Finn looked up from the road only briefly to glance at his passenger through the rearview mirror. His three-year-old son was strapped protectively in his car seat and swung his legs back-and-forth impatiently. He clutched his well-loved, yellow baby blanket in his dimpled hands and leaned his head against the cushioned wing of his seat, sleep weighing heavily on his eyes.
"Not much longer, buddy," Finn promised. "You getting tired?"
The little boy yawned slowly and dragged a fist across his eyes. "No."
Finn laughed lightly and signaled as he turned the car onto the exit ramp and exited the highway. He couldn't help sneaking another glimpse in the rearview mirror at his precious cargo.
Christopher William Hudson. He was by far the best thing Finn had ever done, well, if you excluded the whole 'making Rachel Berry his wife' thing. The little boy, with his shaggy dark hair and chocolate colored eyes, made Finn fall deeper in-love with him every day. There was just something about Christopher's infectious laughter and determined personality that grabbed him by his soul. He supposed his son inherited all those traits from his mother, who had the uncanny ability to work her magic in similar ways.
Finn held Rachel's hand tightly as the doctor encouraged her to push one final time. He watched with sympathetic tears pooling in his eyes as Rachel shook the pain from her face, dropped her chin to her chest, and pushed with every once of strength she had.
Suddenly the hospital room was filled with the angry cries of their newborn child. All Finn could do was watch as his wife threw her head back against the mattress with relief and elation. All the stress, all the pain, all the waiting…everything just melted away. He knew the only thing that mattered now to her, to them, was the baby, who was busy making its presence known.
"It's a boy!" The doctor announced.
Finn could feel the smile spread across his face and he leaned in to rest his nose against Rachel's cheek. Her skin was dampened with sweat and tears and she turned her head towards him, inhaled deeply, and relaxed at his touch.
"Our baby," she whispered. "He's here."
Finn laughed and kissed her forehead. "I think he has your lungs." He nuzzled her hair as the doctors cleaned their son off. "I am so, so proud of you, baby."
"You want to cut the cord, Dad?" The doctor offered.
Finn stood up and glanced between the doctor and Rachel. He had never seen his wife look so calm, so at peace, the entire time he'd known her. He was torn between not wanting to leave her side and wanting to meet their son.
"Go," Rachel whispered. Her eyes blinked tiredly and she gave him an encouraging smile.
He took a few timid steps towards the doctor and accepted the unfamiliar contraption that was offered to him. Following the instructions explicitly, he severed the physical connection between mother and child. For the first time, Finn truly felt like this baby was theirs.
He watched curiously as the nurses cleaned the baby off and did a quick examination. He attempted to return to Rachel as the doctor delivered the afterbirth and made sure she was comfortable, but she insisted that he stay with the baby while all his vitals were taken. When the nurses announced that their son weighed in at nearly nine pounds he looked towards Rachel with shock and awe. He couldn't even begin to think of the science behind it all, but to say his wife amazed him would have been an understatement.
Finn felt the tears that had been collecting in his eyes pour over. This woman who had held his heart for long and helped to make him the man, husband, and father that he was meant to be was very simply, his everything.
Just when he was sure that his heart couldn't expand any further the nurse asked if he would like to hold his son. Finn nodded eagerly and stood with his arms positioned awkwardly as his swaddled newborn was placed in his arms.
He was frozen.
It was almost like time stopped. Finn glanced between his son and his wife. His whole world was in that hospital room and it was beginning to sink in that the child he held in his arms was a person that he and Rachel made together. This little baby was half of each of them. The whole thing was overwhelming and incredible.
"Finn?" Rachel's small voice brought him back to reality. "Can you bring me our baby?"
Wordlessly he moved across the room and settled their son in his mother's arms. Fresh tears ran down Rachel's face as she met their child for the first time. He watched as she traced her finger over his face and leaned in to kiss his forehead. Finn wrapped his arm around Rachel, pulling her against him, and reached out to gently stroke his hand against his son's head. He was immediately struck with the overwhelming urge to protect his family and he realized then that all of this had to be what people meant when they talked about unconditional love.
"I love you," He whispered, kissing the side of Rachel's head. "And I love you," he leaned down to kiss the baby's cheek. Finn leaned his cheek against his wife's hair. "Welcome to the world, baby."
Rachel sighed and leaned over to kiss the baby again. "Welcome to the world, Christopher."
"Daddy!"
The little voice brought Finn back to reality. He could still remember the day Christopher was born like it was yesterday and he never got tired of thinking about how effortlessly the little boy had enriched their lives and made them a family.
"Yes, buddy?"
"I thought you said we were almost there!"
As he pulled the SUV onto their street, he smiled and looked in the rearview mirror again. Unlike most three year olds there was no tricking Christopher. For being a Hudson he sure had a lot of Berry in him.
"We'll be there in two minutes and I sure hope you're not too tired because I think a certain Mommy is probably pretty excited to see her favorite little boy."
Christopher instantly perked up. "Mommy's home!"
Finn smiled to himself, relieved that he'd remembered to check his cell at the last red light, and grateful for Rachel's perfect punctuality. With their hectic schedules mother and son (and husband for that matter) hadn't seen each other in almost three days. Yes…a reunion was definitely in order.
He turned onto the driveway of their modest bungalow and pulled his vehicle forward so it was almost touching Rachel's. He shut of the engine, quickly got out, and opened up the back driver's side door to release Christopher. He scooped the eager child into his arms and walked quickly towards the front door.
The sun was beginning to sink into the horizon as Finn pushed the front door open and set their little boy down in the entry way. In a flash he took off across the hardwood and down the hallway that lead towards the bedrooms. Finn closed the door and locked it for the night and then followed the same path Christopher had just taken.
"Rachel? Honey, what is it?"
It was two o'clock in the morning. Finn had woken up and looked to the other side of the bed only to find it empty. He had gone in search of his wife and found her sitting at the table in the kitchen, a cup of tea in her hands and tears on her face.
"Is it Christopher?"
Rachel quickly shook her head. "No. He's fine. I just checked on him."
Finn pulled out the chair across from her and sat down. "Then what's going on?"
"I got offered a spot on the national tour for that musical I was telling you about. The one about that girl who moves from a small town to New York City. Thoroughly Modern Millie."
Finn and Rachel's lives after college hadn't really worked out the way they'd envisioned. It was always assumed that Rachel would audition and win a role in some sort of established Broadway production but after almost two years of constant attempts she had been unsuccessful. She had turned her focus to regional theatre, hoping to build up her resume, and had had modest success in her endeavors. Finn had been working in finance and was doing well enough to support them but it wasn't easy to see Rachel so unhappy. She tried so hard and was so talented but she always seemed to fall through the cracks.
For the past eighteen months Rachel had been working in various productions at Theatre Memphis, which was a small, but well respected community theatre company. They both knew she was lucky to find a reasonably steady job and Finn had happily relocated to Tennessee, but it wasn't what Rachel wanted. This tour was what she wanted, or at the very least was a step in the right direction.
"Rach. That's amazing. Congratulations!" Finn reached across the table and took her hand in his. "But this is happy news. Why are you crying?"
"I told them no."
Finn was confused. "You told them no? But why? I thought this was what you wanted."
"I thought so to. But you know how they say 'having a baby changes everything'? Well…they're right," Rachel smiled softly and pulled her hand away from Finn's to wipe away her tears. "Joining the tour means being away for months, maybe longer. Your job is here right now and I don't want Christopher growing up in a hotel room. I want him to have a yard to play in and some stability. If this had happened two years ago I would've been all over it, you know that, but my life has changed. We have a family now. I have to take that into consideration."
Finn knew she was right, and it humbled him to watch Rachel admit that her own dreams were no longer her priority.
"So now what?"
She shrugged. "I'm not sure. I accepted a part in the Sondheim concert so between rehearsals and the production itself I'll be busy for the next couple months at least. After that, well, we'll just see what happens."
"I love you," Finn said quietly. "You know that."
Rachel nodded. "And just know that as much as I want to make the dream I've had since childhood a reality, I have plenty of new dreams that are more important to me right now."
"Do you remember what you said to me when we walked out of City Hall the day we got married?" Finn reached for Rachel's hand again and laced their fingers together.
She grinned. "Ready for an adventure?"
"I was ready then and I'm ready now. Every day with you and Christopher is some sort of adventure." Finn smiled back at her and reached his free hand across the table to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. "You do the show and when it's done we'll go from there. Who knows what else is in store for you, for us."
"You are an amazing man, Finn Hudson. I don't tell you that nearly enough."
When Finn finally walked into their bedroom Christopher had already kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed with Rachel. They both sat with their legs crossed, facing one another. She held the little boys hands in hers and nodded intently as their son babbled on about his day.
Rachel was currently in rehearsals for her newest show with Theatre Memphis, 'No, No, Nanette', which involved long hours and early call times. It wasn't uncommon for her to be gone before Finn woke up in the morning and for her still to be working when he went to bed at night. It wasn't easy but it was a compromise for everyone and it wasn't forever.
"…And then Daddy let me get two scoops of ice cream!"
At Christopher's confession Finn grimaced and turned his attention towards the door, planning his quick escape for the lecture he knew was sure to follow.
"Well," Rachel began, "I sure hope Daddy is prepared to sit up with you until the sugar wears off at three a.m." She cast a quick glance towards Finn and then turned her attention back towards Christopher. "It sounds like you had an amazing day, little man. I'm so sorry I missed it." Christopher grinned weakly at Rachel and crawled into her lap. He tucked his head under her chin and sighed when her arms encircled him protectively.
Rachel continued to whisper to their son and rocked him gently. She looked up at Finn and mouthed a quick hello and he couldn't help but notice the slight sadness in her eyes. He knew being away from Christopher as often as she was hadn't been easy on her, but it was better than the alternative, which would have had her gone for weeks, if not months, at a time. When Rachel was in heavy rehearsals like she currently was, Finn did his best to be there for Christopher however he could, but he knew that nothing was the same as actually having her there.
Finn walked towards the bed and sat down next to his wife. He rubbed his hand over her back and kissed her cheek. She leaned into his embrace and Finn felt his arms involuntarily go around both Rachel and Christopher.
"It sounds like you guys had a good day," she whispered.
"It was good," Finn reiterated, his lips brushing against Rachel's temple as he spoke, "but it would have been better with you."
Rachel sighed, her head against Finn's shoulder. "Well, if it's any consolation I have the weekend off and when rehearsals resume on Monday they will only be in the evenings. We're moving into dress rehearsals so the director is trying to keep the schedule as close to the actual time frame of the show as possible. So it looks like you both are going to have to get used to having me around, at least a little more frequently than I have been. I'll let you decide if that's a good thing or not. After all, Christopher," she poked their son playfully in the side, causing him to giggle, "I'm not as liberal with the whole ice cream thing as Daddy is."
"Geez…it's not like I force-feed him ice cream on a daily basis, Rach." Finn shook his head. "Regardless, we will both be happy to have you around…especially Christopher since that means no more daycare for awhile." He leaned in to whisper in Rachel's ear. "And I'm sure I can come up with a few reasons I'll be glad to have you around more often."
She grinned and turned her head to give her husband a quick kiss. Even at her simple touch Finn could still feel her all the way to his toes. It was a sensation he never got tired of and one that seemed to only grow stronger over time. Sometimes that kind of freaked him out. He never really thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loved Rachel but every day he found himself loving her just a little bit more.
"Now Christopher, I know your mother thinks you should be bouncing off the walls from sugar poisoning, but I remember seeing a pretty tired little boy in the car on the way home…"
Christopher instantly shot off of Rachel's lap and popped up so he was kneeling on the bed. "No, Daddy. I'm not tired. I promise."
Finn pursed his lips, preparing for the 'bedtime battle', as he liked to call it, but before he could speak Rachel interrupted.
"Well that's too bad. I thought tonight was two-songs-and-a-story night. Or maybe it was two-stories-and-a-song. I don't really remember. You're usually so good at remembering the details, Christopher, but if you're not interested…"
As if on command the little boy let out a big yawn and slid off the duvet, his bare feet smacking against the hardwood floor. He looked up at Finn and Rachel with wide eyes.
"They must have put sleepy pills in my ice-cream tonight."
The couple watched as their son disappeared out the door and down the hallway, the sound of his feet indicating that he was headed towards his bedroom.
Finn laughed. "He sure is a piece of work."
Rachel spun around and draped her legs across Finn's lap. "Yeah…but he's our piece of work."
Finn and Rachel sat on either side of the twin-sized bed, Christopher nestled under the blankets between them. He was fairly close to falling asleep and was sprawled out with his face snuggled against Rachel's thigh.
"But now I know that to stay young always is also not to change. And that is what life's all about- changes going on every minute, and you never know when something begins where it's going to take you."
Finn glanced across their sleeping son and watched as Rachel closed 'A Gathering of Days'. Christopher was very particular about his books. He didn't like 'Goodnight Moon' or 'Green Eggs and Ham' or many other traditional children's stories. Rachel had taken to reading to him from her childhood story books, which he found much more interesting. Finn wasn't much help in that department; his childhood had pretty much been defined by 'Green Eggs and Ham'.
He thought about the words Rachel had read as the quiet strands of 'Instrumental Broadway' filtered through the otherwise silent bedroom.
Change was a funny thing. When he was in high school all they ever talked about was change. Moving to New York was supposed to change everything and it had; it had been the best thing they'd ever done. But change was scary and nothing was more frightening to Finn than life with Christopher. Just when he got used to a certain stage or phase everything shifted again and he had to get used to something new. But each day was better than the last and when you looked at things that way there really wasn't anything to complain about.
"Ready?"
Rachel's hushed whisper tore him from his thoughts and he answered with a swift nod. He leaned in to kiss Christopher's forehead and then waited at the foot of the bed while Rachel did the same. Leaving only the nightlight on, they exited the room hand-in-hand.
They walked slowly back towards their bedroom, their hands swinging back-and-forth between them. When they entered the room Rachel quickly spun around and pressed her lips against Finn's. She kissed him eagerly and Finn tried to be as enthusiastic as she was but he just couldn't shake the thought of change that kept running through his mind.
"What is it?" Rachel asked breathlessly. "I have barely seen you all week. I thought you'd be ready for some…well, you know…"
Finn looked away, embarrassed that he was letting his mind ruin a perfectly good evening with his wife. There was just this nagging feeling that he couldn't shake and everything felt off. If he was going to be with Rachel then he didn't want any distractions.
"I'll know you'll find this funny, but I was actually listening to the story when you read to Christopher tonight."
Rachel's eyebrows shot up. "What? You're not usually listening? I thought you did your best listening when your head was against the wall, your eyes were closed, and drool was running down your chin. I am just shocked." Finn tickled her sides and she ran her hands up his arms to settle against his biceps. "Seriously, though. What's up?"
"Change has always been a good thing for us…right?"
Something didn't feel right. Finn had been fast asleep but then suddenly he was hit with the sense that something was off. He reached his arm out across the bed to feel for Rachel but she wasn't there.
The whole thing was rather unnerving. They'd been living together for over six months but Finn still found himself constantly worrying about Rachel. He'd worried about her plenty even when they weren't living together (New York could be a slightly scary city after all. It was just SO big) but now that he had gotten used to having her around not knowing where she was freaked him out. Not knowing where she was at three thirty in the morning REALLY freaked him out.
Finn exited their bedroom and walked down the short hallway that lead towards their living room. It was empty. Now he was really nervous. Their apartment was really small- just the two main rooms, a small kitchenette, and the bathroom. There wasn't any other place she could be.
Just as he was ready to call the police he caught sight of the floor-length curtain blowing in the breeze. As he walked closer to the window he noticed that it had been pushed open widely. Finn was prepared to consider this a crime scene when he noticed Rachel was sitting on the fire escape.
"Rachel?" He called. "What are you doing out there."
As he moved closer he saw that she was sitting in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and had her legs dangling off the side of the metal contraption. He hoisted himself up onto the radiator and climbed through the window to sit next to her. Their apartment was a fifth floor walk-up and the lights of the Lower East Side twinkled below them.
"I couldn't sleep and I needed some air so I decided to come out here for awhile."
Finn noticed that she held a small-ish white and black notebook in her left hand and a black ink pen in her right. "Were you writing?"
She nodded. "Just in my journal. Sometimes I feel better just when I put my thoughts down on paper."
"Well you gave me a heart attack. I don't like waking up without knowing where you are."
Rachel reached over and took his hand. "Aw, I'm sorry I scared you, baby. I just needed some space for a bit."
"What's going on?
She shrugged and entwined their fingers. "I'm just reflecting. I mean, can you believe we're here?" She turned her attention towards the city that stretched out beneath them. "I know we came here for school but we've been able stay! It's still so surreal to me. I love this place more every day and I'm so, so thankful that you're here with me."
Finn smiled. He understood completely. Coming to New York for college had been one thing, but getting their own apartment and being able to survive in this city of dreams had been exhilarating. At first he hadn't been sure if he'd even like New York but he loved it. Rachel had made him love it. And he loved the life they were creating together. Sure, it wasn't always easy but they were getting by and for now, that was enough.
"I know it's tough sometimes. I go on a lot on crazy auditions and work random shifts at the coffee shop and the bookstore but it's worth it because I get to come home to you every day. Of course I would love to be doing anything with a show right now but until that happens I'm going to be happy with what I have. There's no use in focusing on what I don't have because I have SO much."
Finn felt that expanding in his chest again. It was the feeling he got whenever he felt himself love Rachel just a little more. He felt so connected to her and could feel foreign words bubbling up inside him. He hadn't planned it this way but he couldn't wait any longer. He had to ask her.
Rachel could see the thought lines form on Finn's face. "Are you ok?"
He looked at her and gulped. "Marry me?"
"What?"
Finn had contemplated the whole engagement thing many times but never like this. He was going to take her to the top of the Empire State Building or the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge but instead it was happening now because he felt it and figured that was more important than including a New York landmark.
A siren sounded in the distance but Finn didn't lose his focus. He sat there and stared at Rachel. Even in her pajamas with her hair piled on top of her head he had never seen her look more beautiful. The love he had for her was so certain and he didn't want to exist another moment without at least attempting to make it official.
"Marry me?" He repeated.
He could feel Rachel's eyes studying his face to see if he was serious. He tried his hardest to remain solemn. He definitely didn't want her to think this was a joke.
"You're serious," she said quietly. "You just asked me to marry you."
"Actually, I asked you twice," he joked. He raised their laced fingers to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. "Rachel, I want to marry you more than I've ever wanted anything else in the world. You make me so happy and I want you to be my wife. I think we could…"
His statement was interrupted when Rachel leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth. He groaned at the taste of her and released her hand so he could pull her against him. He slid his hands against her bare thighs and she maneuvered herself so she was kneeling before him and then wrapped her arms around his neck. He peppered kisses against her nose, eyes, and jaw line. When he reached her neck he heard her breath hitch in her throat.
"Yes."
Had he heard her correctly? "What?"
She pulled his head up and cradled it between her hands. "Yes. I want to marry you."
It was like angels were singing. Sure, it was a corny description but he didn't care. He was elated. He was floating. Every hardship they had, all the bumps in the road, everything had accumulated to this. This was his life…and he couldn't have dreamt of anything more perfect.
"You're going to marry me?" His voice came out as almost a whisper.
Rachel smiled at him, her whole face lighting up. "Oh yeah."
He leaned in to kiss her again, hoping she was able to feel every emotion he felt. He wasn't sure how it was going to work or if it even made sense, considering they barely knew if their next paychecks would cover the rent, but somehow that didn't matter. They had each other…they always would have each other…and somehow THAT was the only thing that really mattered.
"We've always taken chances and it's always worked out because we had each other. Change freaks me out a lot of the time but I know that the one thing, ok the two things, that matter the most to me will never change. You and Christopher are my life. Everything else is just stuff. We can be happy anywhere doing anything."
"What are you talking about?" Rachel looked at him, obviously confused.
Finn sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He lead Rachel towards their bed and waited while she crawled over to her side. They sat with their legs stretched out before them and their hands tightly grasped. She stared at him until he spoke.
"You're not happy here. You put on a good front for me and for Christopher but I can see through it. I mean, we're still so young. Are you really ready to be comfortable? You deserve SO much more, Rachel. I want you to have so much more."
She gave him a weak half smile. "If Christopher and I are enough for you then what makes you think that you and Christopher aren't enough for me?"
He never ceased to be impressed by Rachel. His wife was so smart and she was excellent at catching him off guard.
"What do you want, baby?"
Rachel smirked. "I want a lot of things, but the things I want the most I already have. Of course I still want Broadway but it's amazing how dreams can take the backburner to reality. If being a wife and a mother has taught me one thing it's that the things you want the most when you're a teenager rarely are the things you want the most when you're an adult. I'm still confident that it's going to work out for me. I'm not ready to completely throw in the towel."
"We could go back," Finn suggested. "Me, you, Christopher. We could go back to New York. I know it's not the ideal environment for a child but we could make it work."
She shook her head. "No. I'm not worried about how Christopher would adapt to New York. If anything, he would thrive in that environment. It's so much more than that. Being here is right for all of us right now. Even me."
"You're really happy doing 'No, No, Nanette?"
"Finn, if you know me at all you know I'm happy on any stage as long as the audience adores my performance, and luckily my performances here in Memphis have been very well received. Someday I will stand on a Broadway stage and belt out the signature song in one of the world's most famous musicals, but right now I'm kind of enjoying taking Tennessee by storm."
Finn was ok with her confession, but was a little surprised by it. He liked Memphis. He liked their house, liked their neighborhood, liked his job. He wanted Rachel to be happy and if Memphis made her happy then Memphis was where they would stay.
He let go of Rachel's hand and extended his arm towards her. When he felt her body press against his, his fingers began tracing against the skin on her upper arm. If you would've asked Finn what his future held ten years ago he always would have included Rachel in his plans. But what he had, what they had, was more than either one could have imagined.
Their perfect moment was interrupted by the pitter patter of feet in the hallway and the creaking of their bedroom door. Both Finn and Rachel looked up to see Christopher's tear-stained face and wide eyes.
"What's going on, little man?"
"Bad dream," he hiccupped.
Finn looked at Rachel. They both knew what was next.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Finn raised his eyebrow toward Rachel and awaited her response. She looked back towards Christopher and let out a small huff. "Alright."
Their son abandoned his position in the doorway and ran towards their bed. He vaulted himself onto the mattress, climbed under the covers, and settled himself between them.
"What were you dreaming about?" Rachel smoothed her hand over Christopher's head and he snuggled against her hip.
He rolled onto his back and locked his big eyes on Finn's. "I woke up and Daddy wasn't here. I thought maybe you were working so I looked for Mommy." He turned his attention towards Rachel. "But you weren't here either. I got scared."
Finn ruffled Christopher's hair. "Oh buddy. You know that would never happen. Either Mommy or I will always be here. You will never wake up by yourself." He leaned down and kissed his son's cheek. "I promise you."
Rachel and Finn took turns reassuring Christopher that his bad dream had been just that…a bad dream. After many minutes of convincing, Christopher's nervous breathing subsided and he quickly fell back asleep.
Finn sat quietly, gently stroking his son's hair as he slept. He knew their was nothing he could do about his child's bad dreams but he was always going to do anything possible to protect him.
Of all the roles Finn had taken on in his life, those he'd asked for and those he hadn't, being Christopher's dad was at the top of the list. He didn't want to screw it up, even if a bad dream sometimes threw him for a loop. This was his family…his life…and he was going to be the best he could possibly be.
"Do you think he's going to be ok?" Finn looked up at Rachel, his voice barely a whisper.
Rachel nodded. "I think we're all going to be ok."