Title: In All My Dreams I Drown
Summary: Grantaire has a nightmare, he tells Enjolras about the sleeping platforms he built with his Papa when he was younger because he wasn't allowed to sleep on the fridge after scaring Cosette.
Notes: The title comes from the Devils Carnival soundtrack and the song of the same name, In All My Dreams I Drown, I love the song check it out. Ok so I'm trying with a bit of back story here I hope it isn't awful. This is 4th in my Hybrid!verse. The other 3 parts can be found at my AO3, link is in my profile. I will put them up here in time.
Hybrid!Verse: Ok so in this Grantaire is a cat/human hybrid. Enjolras is fully human. Hybrids are normal, they have been around since 1350 when they were first written about. Hybrids have cat eyes, ears, tails and actions, but they are also human so human skin, fingers, toes, emotions all that. He even has human ears as well as his cat ones on top of his head. He can control his tail and likes to keep it wrapped around his leg at times. I think that's really all the info you need right now. Oh right Cosette and Grantaire were adopted by Valjean, Cosette when she was 8 and Grantaire when he was 10, both of them are the same age. Cosette and Valjean are fully human.
He kicked off the covers and got out of bed to turn on the bedroom light as quick as he could, Grantaire curled himself into a ball with his hands over his face trying to calm his breathing and stop crying, he hadn't managed to fully stop either yet as his body trembled on the bed.
"You want to talk about it?" Grantaire moved his hands from where they were covering his face and blinked as he saw the light, he was trembling and trying to calm down, he knew he had woken Enjolras up with his screaming and crying and it made him feel even worse.
"Ni-Night-nightmare" he stuttered as he flinched before he relaxed and turned into Enjolras's body who had climbed back onto the bed, tucking his head against his chest, he could still feel the tears as they rolled down his face, he felt his nose and ears starting to twitch as Enjolras started to rub circles into his back.
"I got that. What happened?" Enjolras had woken up to Grantaire screaming, crying, hissing and pleading to whatever was happening in his dream; no in his nightmare.
Now that he had Grantaire in his arms he could feel him starting to calm down, his tail was wrapped around his leg, he wiped at his face again before letting if fall back against Enjolras's chest breathing in his scent and calming himself.
"I…it starts…we are home watching something on the TV when your phone rings and there is a knock at the door, I answer it while you talk on the phone. You…I can hear you on the phone talking but after I open the door and turn back you're gone" his voice was muffled since he hadn't moved it from Enjolras's chest yet, his breath hot against Enjolras's cool skin.
"I look back at the door and my first foster family is standing there, they've all aged and the two boys looked to be as built as Bahorel…they always did like to tease me because they were bigger than me you know how kids are" Grantaire lifts his head and rests it on Enjolras's shoulder.
"I'm sorry" he said nuzzling his face against the base of Enjolras's neck "I'm sorry for waking you…" his voice drifts off and he sighs, he warm and he feels safe now.
"Go on" Enjolras licks his lips and continues to rub his back "it's alright you don't need to be sorry, I've told you that before and I will continue to do so every time you feel like you need to say sorry for waking me" he says, Grantaire's nightmares have been getting better over the years; they aren't like when they had first met, Grantaire had been having them almost every few nights back then.
"I go to shut the door but I can't move and they all just…you know that grin the villains have in films, that's what they all had on their faces as they just push right passed me and walk in…I…I can move and I don't walk I run out the open front door into the hall and start to head for the stairs but then I stop because I don't know where you are and they are in our house and…" he wraps his arms around Enjolras and lets out a deep breath.
"I go back in the apartment but things shift, it's not our place and I'm 8 years old again and I'm in the basement…I can still smell the mold and I can hear the water pipe rattling against the water heater and I can feel the cold deep in my bones" he closes his eyes and just breathes in and out as Enjolras holds him, they stay like that for almost 5 minutes before Grantaire starts to speak again.
"They were horrible people Enjolras, horrible. They only kept me for the money they received, because I was a hybrid they got twice what they would have if I was human. They hated the fact I was hybrid, they hated all hybrids I don't know how they got me" his voice was small as he spoke before he pulled away from him and moved to get off the bed, Enjolras watched him as he started to pace the length of the room.
Enjolras could see the patches on his tail where the fur hadn't grown back, as he paced in his track pants with his bare feet slapping against the wooden floor "I was in a group home after my family died…before being sent to my first and only foster family. They always tried to set my tail on fire or cut it off and my ears they would try to go after with scissors." he hung his head as he spoke and Enjolras let him talk as he resettled himself on the bed against the headboard.
"They beat me all the time, I wasn't allowed anywhere but the basement and it was always so cold, and my ears the oldest child he liked to make a game out of pining them to the only sheet I had or trying to cut off the fur."
He had sucked in a quick breath, he hated talking about his childhood but his mouth wouldn't shut up.
"They would go days without feeding me, one time I went up to the kitchen to get a drink and my foster father found me. He was beyond pissed off, took the glass from me and threw it at my head but I ducked and it smashed against the wall. He started to hit me and I fell into the broken glass cutting my tail, he shoved me down the basement stairs that night and locked the door, it was two days before I saw any of them again."
He knew he was skipping over tons of information but he knew Enjolras didn't care if he ever told him anything about what went on in that house.
"I wish I had died with my family in the car that night. I wish that they had managed to actually kill me after they had tried so hard all the time. I don't know. I sometimes wish I had died but then I think about Papa and Cosette and you and everyone and I get so confused."
He never stopped pacing, his tail had wrapped around his leg and he had stopped crying, his eyes red and puffy but no more tears fell.
"I'm told it's ok for me to still feel like this but I hate it you know. I mean it's not so bad anymore but I do have bad days where I wish I was dead. I feel like I'm drowning. Not just in my dreams when they turn bad but…every time I get scared. I feel like I can't breathe and I'm scared you will leave me or Papa will stop loving me and it's like I'm drowning and that's when it's the worst" Enjolras nods silently, he's seen him at his worst and he knows how he can get if he's left alone and his thoughts get to him.
Grantaire uncurls his tail from around his leg and it starts to swish "I remember the first time
Papa took me to the park, they never had taken me anywhere, but it was just me as Cosette was at piano practice" he smiled, he was getting off topic but Enjolras didn't mind.
"It was amazing to see and smell and feel everything at the park, to play with other kids and other hybrids! It was terrifying and amazing and I loved it. It was such an amazing feeling to know I finally had someone, that I finally had two people who weren't trying to hurt me. I never understood what love really meant until I started high school and then met you, that's when I knew for sure" Enjolras smiled and he knew Grantaire was blushing; his tail was swishing from side to side.
He would either get back to talking about his nightmare or he wouldn't, either way he knew that Grantaire would be alright, letting him talk was for the best and he knew Grantaire was feeling better after he had got out what he did.
Enjolras knew this wasn't a fix-all for Grantaire and that his nightmares about his abusive foster family and being killed and sometimes wishing he was dead wouldn't stop; he knew Grantaire was still working through issues; he knew Grantaire loved him and that Enjolras thought he was amazing and that he would always be there for him.
He knew clinical depression was what Grantaire was working though, it was something that would never go away and he knew he was doing his best to help Grantaire get through each day; some days were harder than others and sometimes it was nothing but bad for days on end when it was hard to remember when times were good.
But when Grantaire was happy, they were the moments he helped him remember, he helped him get through his bad day the best he could.
He looked at the clock that was above the picture Gavroche had given them; it was a picture of Grantaire and Enjolras's eyes beside each other starting off light on the left and slowly getting dark before they melted into each other; Gavroche had played around in Photoshop at school and had made it for them, it was almost 5:30am and Enjolras knew they both wouldn't get back to sleep.
He listened to Grantaire talk and watched him as he paced the room, he had pushed his hair out of his face and Enjolras could see his ear sticking up out of his out of place bed-head; he smiled and sat there on the bed until the clock turned to 6am and then he got out of bed.
"I'll put some coffee on that way we can have something to eat, then you want to tell me more?" he said with a smile as Grantaire nodded "that'd be nice, you sure you want to hear more I'm not talking your ears off?" Grantaire asked as he followed him from the room.
"Nah if anything I'd be the one to talk yours off, remember that time I put Combeferre to sleep talking about the latest scandal, mind you he was sick so it doesn't really count" Grantaire smiled as he moved to the living room window and looked at the street below.
"No it still counts nice try, but you do like to talk Enjolras no one can top you" Enjolras laughed as he started the kettle and fixed both of their mugs, one milk no sugar in Grantaire's and black for his own.
"Would you like to hear about the time Cosette came home from school and found me on top of the fridge, she had opened the freezer to get out some ice cubes and my tail fell in front of her face, she screamed and dropped the tray sending ice all over the kitchen. It woke me up scaring me and I jumped from the fridge across to the cabinet and curled up on top of it hiding, it took her some time to get me to come down."
"Papa didn't let me sleep on top of the fridge after that but he made me a platform in the kitchen, it had the best sunlight in the afternoon, so I could sleep there after school and I was higher up then the fridge it was amazing and Papa liked that I was safe on something sturdy and wide enough where I wouldn't roll off."
The smile never left his face as he spoke, he had moved from the window to sit on the counter and Enjolras had moved to lean beside where he was sitting to listen to him as he spoke.
"Papa, Cosette and I made a lot of platforms for me to laze on in the sun, I used to help Cosette up when she wanted to sit with me but Papa and I made a ladder and I painted it for her so she could use it to reach my platforms. If we move to a house or to the top floor of an apartment can I make some more platforms…I can make you a ladder or I can help you up and we can sit and lay in the sun together."
Enjolras nodded and moved to fix the coffee "we'll see" Grantaire nodded, he was feeling better now and he was glad Enjolras let me talk about whatever was on his mind at times like this.
He was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for and Grantaire wouldn't let him go with a fight.