A Soliloquy on Heroism
By Capella A. Morningside
A hero. That's what they say I am, but in reality it's something I never was and never will be. I don't have to even look into their eyes to know that they all think I'm a royal fuck-up, someone they shouldn't have expected so much out of, someone that could barely keep up. The straggler in the back of the group, my determination alone not enough to push me along during the most rigorous trials. Pulled back from the edge of death more times than anyone can remember... whether I wanted to come back or not.
Eventually I came to wonder what everyone really expected of me while we pushed our way through the trials of Althena's Fortress. When I was injured it was treated more as an everyday occurrence. I was never asked if I was alright but once or twice, and whether it was intended or not I was pushed out of most conversations.
Only once did I make an attempt at true heroism. It was then I realized that the title of Hero was not mine for the taking. I tried to save lives from being meaninglessly wasted, but here is where logic was completely defied: I was condemned for my actions, but when I simply chose to throw my life away as well, I was called heroic for it. If a hero is defined as someone that blindly goes forward without knowing the true forces that face them, with no regard for their lives even knowing how many depend on them, taking no caution at all, that's not something I want to be called. It's not my fault I'm the only one among them that uses a little something called their brain. Never once did I receive a word of thanks for making the others think. Not once.
It's not my place to take credit for anything, anyway. Considering all circumstances, I'm lucky to be alive, even if every value I held dear has been torn to bits and I'm technically, well, homeless... I'm a hero, right? That should be reason enough to be alive.
Then why do I feel like I should have died a thousand times over?
Author's Note:Random inspiration brought on by Natalie Merchant's "The Living". You should look up the lyrics if you haven't heard of it-- good song. Additionally, my first and most likely only Lunar: SSS fic. Funstuff, hope it's enjoyed. I bet everyone knows who this is, it's still fun writing nameless introspectives and having people guess at them, but with this particular fandom I bet it's a no-brainer. Also, don't expect this to be very good at all. I wrote it in 20 minutes. I'll redo it if the mood strikes me because I don't like it much myself. But hey, whatever.