Conversations of Weasley Women
By Devil-In-A-Redhead
A/N: None of these characters belong to me. Nothin', nada zilch, zero. All characters are property of that goddess, J.K. Rowling.
Please don't complain about Fleur's phonetics. Writing a french accent is really hard. Basically, "i" gets replaced with "ee", "h" is taken off, "th" is z, and random french is all in Google translate.
"I've been wondering, what are the other Weasley men are like in bed?"
To the shock of all the women gathered, Hermione Granger asked the question. Admittedly, all of them had thought something along the lines sometime in their association with the Weasleys, but no one expected Hermione to say it out loud.
They were all gathered for some girl talk in the week before Angelina's wedding to George. Seated around a table in the back of the Leaky Cauldron were Hermione Granger, Angelina Johnson, and Ginny, Audrey, and Fleur Weasley. There were Butterbeers aplenty, good food, and flowing conversation.
After the initial shock of Hermione's query, the women actually began to consider the question. Angelina nodded her head slightly, "I've always wondered.. There are si-" A brief shadow of pain crossed her face. "-I mean, five of them. They can't all be the same in the sack." Ginny placed her hand over Angelina's, a brief gesture of comfort. The returning smile was slightly sad, not her normal face-splitting grin.
Fleur mentioned, "I would like to know zees. That ees one part of the Weasley brothers I 'ave not been privy to." Hermione let out a small laugh, "I'm sure Bill tells you all the other important things." "Oh, Mais oui. 'ee just can not tell me what 'ee doesn't know." This brought laughter forth from the entire table this time.
Audrey blushed a little and stammered, "I-I wouldn't m-mind knowing." Angelina laughed at the expression on her face. "You, little mouse, are going to know everything after this." Hermione then looked to the redhead to her right. "Do you mind? They are your brothers."
"Are you kidding?" Ginny exclaimed. "This stuff is perfect blackmail. Plus, I do need to know these things. Family matters and all." Another round of laughter went around the table at this.
After that final approval of the topic, there was a moment of silence to determine who would go first. Finally, Fleur sighed. "Since Beell ees ze eldest, I weell just 'ave to go first." She looked around with a secretive smile. "'E eez an animal. So fierce and masculine..." A shudder visibly wracked her body. "Eet eez probably 'ees inner wolf, mais, ee eez perfect for me." The whole table smiled at Fleur's obvious affection for her husband. Audrey smiled. "We all know that quite well."
The french woman raised a challenging eyebrow. "I 'ave said my piece. Now eet eez your turn." Audrey blushed. "It's normal.. we're normal. I think..." Hermione's face was eerily similar to Fleur's just moments before. "You think?" The other girl blushed even harder. "He does like to.. surprise me. And he kind of- um, that is- I mean-"
"Spit it out! I'm dying over here!" Angelina's outburst caused several heads to turn and look at them. Audrey turned a shade of red closely matched by her husbands hair. "Helikestotiemeup," she blurted out in a rush. Angelina banged her fist on the table. "I knew it! The only place Perce isn't a boring prat is the bedroom." Audrey glared. "If you are finished completely embarrassing me, why don't you tell us about George?"
The black woman's lips curled into a perfect Cheshire smile. "Georgie," she proclaimed, "is a freak. All that creativity doesn't stop at pranks. Shacking up with him is the smartest thing I ever did." Everyone laughed at how like George she sounded.
When the mirth died down, Angelina turned to the bushy-haired brunette next to her. "So tell us 'Mione," she said with a lascivious wiggle of her eyebrows, "Since you started all this, how is ickle-Ronniekins in bed." Hermione's eyes rolled deep back in her head, but she still answered. "On an average day, nothing fantastic. It's good, just not amazing. Though sometimes Ron gets romantic, and it's.. indescribable."
"Try anyway, though." Ginny chirped, bringing forth more laughter and another eye roll form Hermione. "Ha, Ha. I will have you know, it's beautiful. He's sweet and caring and an amazing lover." Her eyes began to glaze. "But after a row.." Ginny leaned closer, "Knowing you two, this should be good." Hermione started again. "After a row, the make-up sex is fantastic. Mind-blowingly good. I sometimes think we start fights just for the shagging after." Ginny laughed, "That sounds like you two." Hermione looked at her, "Your turn. Tell us about Harry."
"He's not a Weasley!" Hermione raised her eyebrows. "You, by birth, are a Weasley woman. Harry may be a Potter, but by marrying you, said Weasley woman, he became one of the Weasley brothers. It may only be in-law, but he is still a Weasley. So, I believe it is your turn."
"Stupid lawyers," the red head muttered. "Fine. Harry's phenomenal. Knows what I need and when I need it. Good at it too. What's best though is, when he's really..excited," She paused, her audience hanging on every word, "He starts speaking in Parsel tongue."
Four pairs of eyebrows rose, eyes bulged, and chins dropped. It was shocking that Harry Potter, Chosen One, The Boy Who lived, The Savior of the Wizarding World, spoke Parsel tongue when aroused. His girlfriend just shrugged, "I think it's sexy." Fleur recovered enough to incline her head and pronounce, "Geenny, I believe you win."
They sat in silence until Angelina spoke, "I guess we'll never know what Charlie's like in the sack, eh? Shame, he's always been fit." Fleur smiled, "Not true. I know." The looks directed at her ranged from curious to scandalized to confused. "I have to ask, on behalf of my brother," Ginny said hesitantly, "how do you know?"
"'ees girlfriend told me." Ginny looked shocked. "Char has a girlfriend? And he didn't tell me." "Well, she ees more like a best friend who 'ee also 'appens to 'ave sex with." Audrey asked, "Why hasn't he ever mentioned her?" as comprehension began to dawn on the other women. "I'll give you one guess," Angie said with a heavy roll of the eyes. Hermione replied for her though, "Molly."
"It's true. Mum would go on and on about them 'living in sin'." Ginny's air quotes and the others eye rolls showed their feelings on Molly's choice words, used sometime in all of her children's relationships. "Well," Hermione suggested, "bring her to one of our get togethers." "We'll make a Weasley Woman out of her," Angie declared. "Even if my brother won't." Ginny added. "And we promise, no Molly." Audrey tacked on.
All of a sudden, Hermione jumped out of her chair. "Merlin's beard! I have a trial in an hour. I have to run." "I should probably get ready for practice," Ginny said. "Gonna start a shift at the shop soon," Angelina added. "I've got a meeting with my department head later," Audrey mentioned. "Mais oui, et I must return to la maison," Fleur finished.
The women said their goodbyes and headed back to their lives and their men, digest the new-found knowledge about the strange family fate had placed them into.