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I jumped off the bus and quickly shuffled away before it could take off and splash me with the water that was quickly filling the streets. I pulled by black hood tighter around my head and stuffed my hands into my sleeves before shoving them in my pockets. Fat lot of good it did me though. The rain soaked into the material and I quickly began shivering. I walked a few blocks towards my apartment and briefly looked away from my tattered tennis shoes to look at the small café in front of me. I heard myself sigh but I couldn't bring myself to care about the people passing by me with a strange look. Was I hungry? I felt around in my stomach but couldn't come up with an answer. Possibly yes. I have oranges and juice in the fridge. That's good enough. I walked passed the café, the people within staring at me; the strange girl in a black hood just standing outside the window. They probably thought I was going to rob them or something. This is a good neighborhood for such things.
My apartment complex finally came into view. I sighed again. Not like there was really anything there. I live alone. I had roommates my first year of college but I quickly decided against that and got my own place. It's better this way. I said a brief hello to Mr. Fernandez next door as he was leaving, and he nodded back with a smile. He never said anything to me. Did he even speak English? I didn't know, but he was always friendly at least; which is a lot more than some other people act towards me.
I have to fight with the door almost every time. This place is a dump I hate to say. I finally cursed and rammed my shoulder into it making it give way finally. I gave a small sigh of relief when I saw that I hadn't broke anything. I didn't have the money to fix it. I turned on the lights and looked around the small one bedroom. It really wasn't bad… But I had cleaned it up quite a bit since I first moved in. It was clean, and everything worked; which was a blessing by itself. I hadn't decorated much, knowing that if I did the whole place would be covered in pink. Yes it's still my favorite color even though I turn 25 tomorrow. I did have some decoration though. Small baubles adorned the place and I did have a pink fuzzy rug under the coffee table in the living room. I couldn't resist when I saw it.
I walked past the small kitchen and threw my keys on the small counter. I never bothered with a table. Why would I? The only people that come see me are Olga and Phoebe. And even then we just sit on the couch or at the counter. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my soaked hoodie from my body. My long blonde hair stuck to my face but I was too tired to care. I walked to the bedroom. It was a mess, but again, I have nobody to impress. I wanted so badly to jump into bed and sleep my exhaustion away but I was shivering. I tossed my hoodie aside, completely missing the hamper, and instead headed to the shower. I nearly screamed when the cold water hit me. It takes a while for the heat to kick in at this joint but eventually it warmed up.
As I let the water warm me, I couldn't help but think about my birthday tomorrow. Would anybody remember? Phoebe probably would. She's good like that, but with Gerald and the new baby, I doubt she would visit. Would anybody else? I don't think anybody in my classes would remember, and Bob hasn't spoken to me since high school. Olga might. I sighed again. Maybe I'll treat myself to Olive Garden tomorrow. To go, of course. Nothing more embarrassing than eating alone. I'm still going to University. I should probably be done by now but that's okay. I'm getting a degree in English. Go figure. Shouldn't be that much of a surprise considering all of those sappy poems I wrote when I was little. I considered a career in criminal justice. I thought it would be a good way for me to channel all of my aggressive energy. I decided against it though. I would probably be a terrible cop; causing more harm than help. No. I think I'm doing the right thing. Teaching students would probably be a good way for me to actually do something helpful in the world.
Thinking about those poems brought me back to the reason I wrote them. I shook my head to clear my thoughts of the man, but I knew it was useless. Once he was there, he was there. I think it's pretty pathetic that I still feel about him the way I do. How long has it been? O god don't count! But I couldn't help but replay the years over in my mind.
After the FTI incident, we became a little closer. I still teased him and called him Football Head, but unlike before, it was more of a friendly banter between the two of us. Things were actually going pretty well with my life, not considering my family situation. There was no positive there, my bruises precisely placed to be hidden beneath my dress. I found myself looking forward to school more and more. Call me crazy but I know he fell for me. He would always find me at recess and we would spend all of our time together. He even gave me a couple of presents. Small things. Very insignificant to anybody else but priceless to me. I do still have them. I threw out my shrine of him long ago, but I wasn't able to get rid of these. No. Unlike the other things I had, these were given to me. They are proof that he loved me, and I can't give those up.
Right before summer hit that year we got into a fight. I don't even remember what about any more. Probably something stupid… After that we kind of grew apart. We talked occasionally throughout the next year, but it was nothing like before. Polite and short. Neither one of us were willing to apologize and fix it. We were both too stubborn.
When we got into middle school, it got worse and much more confusing. Our short conversations got even shorter and I can only remember one time that we did something about our feelings. We were in 8th grade and I asked him to go to the upcoming dance. I was heartbroken when he told me no, but I understood. I wouldn't want to go with me either. After that I was determined to fall out of love with him and I started dating Brainy. We didn't even last a month but it was worth a try. It was during that time that he threw me for a loop. I was gathering my books one day after lunch, getting ready for the next class when he walked up to me and asked me to go out with him. My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt like I was dreaming. I asked him to repeat himself to make sure. I got even more confused when he said never mind and started to walk away. I wanted so badly to hear what he told me that I grabbed him and asked him to please tell me. He asked me out again and I froze. The boy of my dreams just asked me out and I wasn't dreaming! But how could I do that to Brainy? He really did like me I know, but I wanted so badly to be with Arnold. I didn't know what to do! I told him "I don't know" and I still regret my answer. I saved Brainy some heartache but I think I just added to our own.
Of course Brainy understood when we broke up. I think somehow he knew that I still loved Arnold. When Valentine's Day came around that year I gathered up my courage and gave him some chocolates. He accepted them and said thank you and I had never been so happy. I was up all night with excitement! I couldn't wait for the next day! The next day I was so tired from staying up that I was running late for class; something I never cared about before, but I was trying to be better. I ran into him in the hallway and he had something behind his back. He handed me a valentine and my heart once again started pounding. I think it was pounding so loud that I didn't even hear what he said to me. Without thinking I hugged him and said thank you. I took the valentine happily and ran off to my locker. I looked back at him but he was already gone; no doubt he was trying to make it on time too. I didn't realize until I put it in my locker that it was the same Valentine's Day gift I had given him the day before.
I still feel myself getting embarrassed thinking about that day. How could I be so stupid?! Of course he wouldn't accept a gift from me! I was too horrible to him when we were younger. He obviously still hated me. I think that was the day I gave up on him. He deserved someone better than me anyway.
It was our first year of high school that I started making the most changes in myself. I finally got rid of the pigtails and unibrow. Olga helped me with that after I begged her. I changed from my pink dresses to jeans and hoodies. Everyone thought my attire was strange, especially after I joined cheerleading and student council. Cheerleaders were supposed to be bright and sparkly, with a peppy personality all the time. Not me. I was happy, but 'peppy'? That was something I would never be. Ronda was on the team with me and she helped me out a lot. She was the most popular out of all of us, but I think she understood that I needed to make a change with myself and needed support. She never once complained about my jeans and ponytail, even though her fan club did. Ronda was a great help to me, and even though I haven't seen her for years, she will always have my respect.
I started taking school very seriously and with the help of Phoebe I was able to get my GPA up to a 3.4. Not even close to Phoebe's near perfect score, but not bad. Work was something that I needed to do. Bob and Meriam constantly told me how much of a burden I was and how I was sucking them dry. I don't know how, I don't remember them ever giving me anything. Bob tried a couple times I will admit. He did take me to Cats… But I think he's bipolar. One minute taking me to plays, the next beating me to a pulp. Meriam on the other hand was so dependent on her 'smoothies' that she didn't notice anything around her. I got a job at a local fast food restaurant. I hated it but at least I got a little extra cash.
Our sophomore year he started dating Ruth McDougal. No surprise there. She's beautiful and a star on the track team. He even joined the team with her. It bothered me but I was making myself get over it. That was until Phoebe and I were walking in the hallway and I caught them kissing. I ran to the bathroom with Phoebe crying my heart out. I was so mad at myself for caring. I barely made it through the pep assembly we had later that day…
They broke up later that year and I thought that maybe I would have a chance when he occasionally paid attention to me. I was walking home one day and I saw him across the soccer field. He saw me too and waved. After assuring myself that it was me he was seeing, I waved back. A few weeks later he ran into me in the hallway and we talked just like old times. It was a short conversation; maybe 5 minutes, but not nearly long enough for me. My hopes grew even more when he pulled a prank on me in front Mrs. Hamilton's math room. He had a fake lighter that shocks when you light it. He got me. I hadn't heard him laugh like that since we were little and haven't heard it since.
My hopes were dashed when Lila finally noticed him. As soon as she batted her 'oh so' charming eyelashes he was putty and I was once again forgotten. Even though it pissed me off, I couldn't blame him for dating her either. I mean just look at her! She was athletic, and smart, and beautiful; with those freckles and long auburn hair…
I hate thinking about this. It makes me very depressed but I was depressed anyway…
Junior year came around and those two started dating. I tried to move on but he was everywhere I turned! He joined wrestling so I was forced to cheer for him. Okay, in all honesty, I usually volunteered to cheer for that mat just so I could get closer to him. We never said a word to each other, but occasionally our eyes would meet. What did that mean? Now I think that I was looking too much into it, but at the time I became addicted to those little meetings… pathetic…
We got a new student that year and Nadine introduced me to him. His name was Devon. He was a very nice guy and soon we started hanging out all the time. It wasn't long before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. I really did like him. Things went fairly well that year until I voted in to be Junior class president. Between work, school, Cheerleading, and Student Council I was running myself ragged. My nightmare was complete when I held a meeting to arrange the prom and Lila showed up. I remember I was so exhausted by that point I wanted to cry when I saw her. As the meeting got started it was like my mind just shut down… I was so tired that I felt like I was asleep on my feet. It was like Lila knew though because she took over the meeting and we were out of there within minutes. I hated how nice she was… and that just got worse as time went on.
I went to the beach with some friends a few weeks later and I took my car. It was a dinky little green car with missing letters on the back but it made the drive. When we got there, surprise, Lila was there too. I was friendly for which I was really proud of myself. Phoebe seemed really impressed too. The old Helga would have pummeled her. Arnold wasn't there which I was grateful for. I don't know if I could have handled those two together. I did have a good time that day, although I hate to admit it. When we went to leave I was in a very good mood, which quickly went to hell. My car decided to get stuck in the sand and my friends and I had to dig it out. Lola was 'oh so' happy to help. I was near in tears from embarrassment on the way home.
The year only got worse when the prom finally came along. Olga had insisted that I get a large poofy dress to wear. It cost me more than I care to say and in all honesty, I hated every second I wore it. It was bright pink with a huge skirt and a corset so tight I couldn't breathe. I hated it. I was just thankful you couldn't see any of my father's beatings. The night got worse when Olga put my hair into ringlets and pulled my hair into a half bun. She caked makeup on me to the point I looked absolutely ridiculous. But it was time with my sister so I didn't complain.
As the Junior class president it was my job to come up with all of the decorations, music, etc. By the time I had the dance set up and ready to go, I was exhausted. The dress weighed me down and I was a sweaty mess by the time the dance began. Devon seemed a little disappointed in me but by that time I couldn't have cared less. I let him go dance with the other girls and I simply watched. I hate to admit that I snuck off and took a short nap. The dance was about halfway through and I had just woken up when I saw them. Arnold and Lila. They were dancing to a slow song and they both looked absolutely gorgeous. She had on a simple blue green dress that went down to the floor. It was strapless and sparkly and light, allowing her to spin and twirl freely. It was something I would have liked to wear. Her hair was done in long smooth waves and pinned back on one side. Her makeup was done simply, showing off her natural beauty. And Arnold… his handsome face was smiling as his piercing green eyes never left the girl in his arms.
It always shocks me when my heart breaks a little more. I ran to the bathroom before they could see me and I remember seeing Devon being swarmed by girls, and me not even caring. I looked in the mirror and flinched at the reflection. My eyes were red and puffy, my makeup smudged from my nap and tears, and my hair was a mess. The tight curls made me look more like Curly Sue more than a beautiful girl at a prom. I wanted Lila's hair. Smooth and perfect. I washed my face; a stupid attempt to wash off the dark makeup as well as the tears and I saw a small improvement when I dried my face. I rubbed my cheeks, trying to get whatever foundation was left to cover up the red spots, but gave up after a time. I was sick of the hair too and undid the bun that was on top of my head. My hair became a giant poof ball and I tried to tame it with my fingers. I could only give thanks that Olga had decided to curl all of it before pulling half up, otherwise I would have half curly hair and half straight. My fingers snagged on a couple knots but eventually I got it to smooth out a little. It looked nothing like Lila's; still poofy with many curls twisting into one, but I didn't care anymore.
Girls were starting to file into the bathroom and were crowding the mirror. I sighed but gave up my spot to them before shuffling back onto the floor. The music was loud and the lights were flashing obnoxiously but I guess that's what dances are supposed to be like…
I forced myself to look at the floor instead of where I knew Arnold and Lila were dancing together. Instead I headed off to the food table. I stashed a bag of pork rinds when I was setting up the dance and I quickly snatched them up. I sat and watched as people danced and joked with one another. I remember wishing I could be like them and maybe fit in for a minute, but I knew it was useless… I would never fit in.
Rhonda shocked me however when she invited me to an after party at her place. I knew I had to clean up this whole thing after but I accepted anyways. I was far from ready to go home.
The prom ended quicker than I expected and I was actually surprised when Devon stayed to help me clean. The place was a disaster! It would have taken us hours if the chaperones hadn't stayed too. Food was all over the floor, streamers and balloons were torn and thrown everywhere. Honestly, the place was in shambles and I felt a bit peeved that my class didn't respect my hard work.
Devon surprised me again when he decided he wanted to go to Rhonda's party too. Even though he spent most of the night dancing with other girls instead of me I wasn't mad at him at all. He should have fun even if I wasn't.
When we got there, more music was going, although this was a bit quieter and people were playing games throughout the house. We instantly joined in and for a moment I was really having fun. Until Arnold and Lila showed up. They were holding hands and everyone instantly surrounded them. Lila was radiant and like a moth to a flame everyone surrounded her. I quickly found Rhonda and begged her to let me borrow some clothes. I had to get out of that dress. I was hyperventilating. This actually gave her the idea to have a sleep over. Girls only of course.
I quickly shed my clothes and changed into what she gave me. Basketball shorts and a T-shirt. I ignored the other people of the house and went to a vacant corner before laying on my back and taking deep breaths which were denied to me for most of the night. I was nearly asleep when I felt someone gently step on my stomach. I opened my eyes, fully prepared to yell at whoever it was but my eyes quickly found Arnolds and my breathing stopped all together. The blue green tie he wore to match Lila's dress made his eyes explode with color and they were trained right on me. His foot rocked gently back and forth on my stomach and I was brought back to reality. God he was handsome! He smiled down at me and I couldn't help but say 'hey football head.' His smile widened and his eyes warmed even more when he whispered a 'hey' back to me.
Our moment was quickly ruined however when Devon came running over and started chatting with Arnold. He removed his foot and focused his attention on the man. The two shook hands and I gulped nervously, but after a short conversation Arnold was once again off to mingle. I glared at Devon's back for a moment but gave up quickly. I couldn't be mad at him…
The party continued for about another hour before people started taking off. Arnold and Lila as well. Together…
Devon left too but I stayed. I was thankful that Rhonda invited me. It was a good distraction from the drama around me. The rest of the night was spent having pillow fights and girl talks. Soon we were all nestled on the floor and getting ready for bed. I can remember not being able to sleep and wondering if Arnold and Lila were together at the moment. That was one of the longest nights of my life.
That summer Devon finally got a kiss out of me. Well he more like stole it, but I couldn't really blame him. I was letting my feelings for Arnold get in the way of what was happening in my life and eventually Devon just took what he wanted. We were on a date and in the middle of a conversation when he suddenly just cut me off and planted one on me. I didn't do anything. I didn't push him away but I didn't kiss him back either. I didn't know what to do. We continued on our date like nothing had happened but the next day he kissed me again and I couldn't help but kiss back. I was tired of being alone and I did like him in my own way… So why not?
I was voted in as Student Body President my senior year and my stress level grew even more when Rhonda dropped out of Cheerleading, making me the only senior on the squad, which meant I was captain. The stress I felt during Junior year was nothing compared to the stress of my senior. My doctor put me on antidepressants and I often found myself crying on Phoebe's shoulder. Bless her heart for sticking with me. She and Gerald had finally gotten together, much to everyone's relief, and she was happy. I felt bad for crying to her so often but she always assured me that it was okay and that's why she's there.
Devon really did save me during this time. He was more like a light at the end of the tunnel. He occasionally skipped school with me and took me out just to cheer me up. He joined student council that year, which did help a bit. I remember the day he told me that he loved me. We were at my car and I was digging my books out of my back seat, a mess I'm still not proud of, when he blurted it out. I wasn't facing him, half of my body still digging around in the car, but I know that he was looking at me. I was frozen and my eyes were huge. I turned to face him and prayed that he would understand what I was about to tell him. I asked him to not make me say it and that I wasn't ready. He did understand, which surprised me. He didn't accuse me of not loving him. He simply gave me a kiss and walked me to class.
Over the next week I couldn't stop thinking about what happened. How did I feel about Devon? I was in love with Arnold. I knew that years ago and that hasn't changed. Hell, he taught me how to love and made me want to be a better person… But what about Devon? We've been dating for a while now and he has been there for me since we met… I suppose in a way I did love him… not like Arnold. Never like Arnold. But yes, I guess I did love him.
I told him the next week and he automatically began getting more physical. His kisses turned into make out sessions and many times I found myself in his back seat. I never let him go far and I think that made him upset. I knew something was up when we were watching a movie and he began fooling around. I told him that I didn't want to do anything because I wanted to watch the movie. After he began making out with me anyway and undid the button of my jeans I pushed him off of me and left. That was our first big fight.
It was about a week before he apologized to me. I forgave him and he wanted to take me on a date to make up for it. He took me to the park in his car… He started making out with me again and I decided to let him to see if he would stop. He didn't but he didn't try to get my clothes off either. Instead he simply thrust against me with his clothes on. I was about to yell at him when, about three thrusts in, he shuddered above me then rolled on his back panting. The bastard came and right after told me that I needed to go home. I couldn't help it… I punched him...
We didn't talk after that.
My depression got worse and I was barely coherent to what was happening around me. I couldn't eat or sleep. Even Phoebe couldn't help me. My coach accused me of being bulimic because I lost so much weight and I was having troubles keeping my grades up. The antidepressants weren't working anymore so I stopped taking them. It wasn't until a tail gate party was being held that I finally got the help I needed. I was sitting alone staring down at my drink when a plate made its way below my face. A hamburger sat on it and I followed the hand up to an elbow, a shoulder, green eyes. Arnold. He didn't say a word to me but his eyes were persistent. Take it. It wasn't until then that I realized he was cooking for the tail gate party. I took it and I must have looked awful at the time because he gave me a pitiful smile that didn't reach his eyes at all.
I looked at the hamburger and back to him a couple times before I finally nodded and set the plate on my lap. I removed the bun, never being much of a fan of them, and took a bit of just the patty. It was really good! He laughed and my eyes shot back up to him. It was nothing like when he got me with the lighter, but it was a laugh. "Finally someone who eats them the right way!" he said before walking away. Did that mean he eats them without a bun too? That made me feel a little bit closer to him. I watched him cook for a minute. He flipped the burgers expertly and I wondered how often he cooked. It must have been a lot. I made myself eat the rest of the hamburger and ignored my protesting belly. It was the best hamburger I've ever had.
After that I got a little better. That one act of kindness was enough to get me through and on to graduation. About a week before we were to graduate I decided that I needed to do something. I had to apologize to Arnold for our fight. Even though I forgot what it was about I needed him to know that I'm sorry. I got his phone number from Rhonda and sat down to write out a text. I wasn't brave enough to call him. I sat in my room for hours listening to my parents fight and wondering how I should word this message. Arnold it's Helga. I know you probably don't care anymore but I want to say that I'm sorry. No that's no good. Hey football head! I know it's been forever since we had our fight but I wanted to apologize before we graduate. That was no good either. Dammit! I was on my fourth edition when Bob came barging in my room. He was red faced and angry, my drunk mother swaying behind him. I jumped to my feet, intent on getting them out of my room when Bob attacked me. I remember screaming, a sound I would determine came from me when I woke up, and pain before falling unconscious.
I woke up later and it was dark outside. The lights were off and the moonlight flowed through the window, casting my room in an eerie glow. I tried to move and my arm screamed in protest. I looked to see it hanging limply at my side. Broken? Possibly. I didn't try to move it again. It was too painful. I was finally able to get myself into a sitting position and my head swam. I braced my good arm against the floor and felt something sticky there. I pulled it away and was met with a dark liquid. Blood? I felt around my body for the injury and flinched when I wiped my sniffling nose. That was the spot. I couldn't tell if it was broken. I sighed before standing shakily and immediately regretted it. My ankle screamed and I instantly began hopping on my opposite leg. I found my phone flung over by the closet and hobbled over to it. I sighed in relief when I found it wasn't broken. My message was still there a few extra letters added to the end from the toss. Ignoring that for a moment I decided I'd better get to the doctor. My ankle wasn't broken but it was definitely sprained.
I left my shoes, I wouldn't be able to get them on anyway, and headed to the door. I hesitated at the silence down stairs. Were they waiting for me? Were they even here? I tried the knob but it was locked. I wasn't all that surprised, they'd done it to me before but I swore anyway. That means I'd have to use the window. I needed help. I opened the window and shivered at the chilly air. I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Phoebe. Meet me at Mr. Greens with the car. I need help. I grabbed a hoodie from my closet, keeping my injured arm tucked inside, before going over to my bed. My books were scattered on it along with my backpack. It was a pain to get my books inside with one arm and I think I cursed more in that time than I have in my whole life. I looked at the window cautiously. I'd climbed out of it before but could I do it with one arm? I didn't have a choice.
Phoebe always answers my texts. I didn't have a single doubt that she would get this one. She was always there when I needed her. I very carefully got my legs out of the window and placed them on the ledge. I threw my book bag out and it landed with a hard thud. I waited for the footsteps and screams from my parents but they never came. I sighed in relief. My luck they would push me out. I placed my uninjured foot on the ledge and swung myself outside using my good arm to keep a hold on the wall. I managed to scoot closer to the water pipe and wrapped my leg around it. Usually I would have used my hand to pull myself from the ledge but that wasn't an option today. I gave a small leap and I was able to grab it with my good arm. I cringed when I smashed the injured one between myself and the drain but I ignored it as best I could. I used my legs to slowly lower myself down to the ground.
It seemed that whoever was in charge didn't really like me that day because the gutter gave out about half way down and I fell along with it onto the ground. I landed on my back, which was actually a blessing in disguise but it still hurt like hell. The wind was knocked from my lungs and I swear I blacked out for a moment. When I opened my eyes back up I saw that the kitchen light had turned on. They were there. I scrambled up onto my feet and quickly snatched up my bag. I wasn't able to go very fast but it was fast enough to avoid being caught. I heard Bob open the window as I rounded the corner and Meriam's slurred voice asking what the problem was. I held my breath, hoping that he wouldn't figure out where I was. I heard him mumble something about the pipe. Was he drunk too? He was stuttering horribly…
I heard the window shut again and I took off. I couldn't wait to get to Mr. Green's shop. I needed my best friend. I ignored the homeless man walking towards me. He looked at me strange. Of course he would; there's blood on my face, and I was limping with one arm. I chuckled at the thought but pulled my hood over my head to hide at least some of my embarrassment.
I passed by Arnold's house. The lights were out, he was no doubt sleeping. I thought about going to him. Maybe he would help me. I shook my head to get rid of the thought. That was no good. I would just be a bother to him. I don't want someone's help if they really don't want to help me. He had Lila to protect and take care of… I continued on. Completely ignoring my desire to limp to him as fast as possible, I rounded the corner and saw Mr. Green's shop at the end of the block. I saw the red bug Phoebe drove in front of the store and as soon as I came into view she squinted at me. I took off my hood, showing my blonde hair and she instantly threw her car into drive. Her eyes widened behind her glasses when she saw the blood on my face and she threw the passenger door open for me as I limped around.
"What in the world happened Helga?!"
I got myself painfully into the car and leaned my head back on the rest. I felt her pull the car away from the curb and soon she was speeding down the road. I smirked. I had been trying to get her to speed for years but she never would. All I had to do was get beat up…
"Bob and Meriam went crazy." I said simply.
We didn't say anything after that. We didn't need to. I was nearly passed out and Phoebe was fuming mad.
I let myself doze as we drove to the hospital and before I knew it I was surrounded by medical staff. The next hour was spent answering questions about what happened. Luckily the hospital had all of her medical information already. I'd been there before. I decided to tell them that I was mugged. Nobody would question it in my neighborhood. Phoebe seemed to get even madder at this but she kept her mouth shut. I did ask them not to contact my parents however. I they showed up I didn't know what they would do but there was nothing I could do if they did. After the hospital gave me pain medicine I passed out, too exhausted to do anything else.
When I woke up again Phoebe was in the chair next to me, her head laying on her folded arms. She must have stayed here all night. I smiled at her; my best friend and the one constant in my life.
I saw my phone on the table next to her and I reached for it temporarily forgetting my injured arm. It wouldn't lift and I found it in a sling against my chest. My ankle was wrapped up tightly and although my body was heavy, it wasn't in pain anymore. I grabbed my phone with my other hand and flipped it open. No new messages. My message to Arnold was still on the screen ready to be sent. My battery light was flashing and I quickly pushed the send button before I could change my mind.
I put the phone back on the table and let myself relax once again. I was nervous about how he would react to the message. Would he laugh or just ignore it? It didn't matter. The ball was in his court. I completed my goal and that's all that mattered. It wasn't long before my phone played its traditional tone that signaled its death. I sighed… my charger was back in my room. No way I'm going back there. I'd have to go buy a new one.
Phoebe began stirring next to me. Poor girl, that position must be so uncomfortable for her. I greeted her with a 'hey Pheebs' when she finally woke up which had her shooting out of her chair.
"Helga? How are you feeling?"
I couldn't help but laugh at the girls concern. It felt good to laugh.
"I'm fine! Promise! But my parents?" I asked hesitantly and she smiled at me.
"I told the doctors that they are doing a business deal over seas so there would be no point in calling them since they probably wouldn't be able to come home anyway."
That's my Phoebe. Fooling everyone with her smarts. "And they bought that?"
"Yup!"
"Well I'll be damned."
The nurse came in later and gave me some more medicine to ease my pain. Apparently my arm was broken and I had a sprained ankle. My nose wasn't broken thank heavens, but I would have a nasty bruise for the next couple weeks. According to the doctors I was allowed to go home whenever I want; a suggestion I eagerly accepted. I was out of there as fast as I could go.
Phoebe decided that I should stay with her and her family. Of course I opposed, I didn't want to be a burden but she wouldn't hear anything of it. I was staying with her and that was final. She wouldn't let me anywhere near my house either; opting instead to go get some of my things herself. I was forced to sit in the bug while she pretended to be getting a forgotten item of hers in my room. Apparently my parents bought it because she was in and out faster than I could have imagined. I stayed with her and her parents after that.
The next day of school was hell. People kept crowding around me asking me what happened but I just ignored them all. I wasn't in the mood to deal with people. At lunch I hobbled down to the lower parking lot and sat beneath a tree. People didn't seem to come down here much and it was peaceful. I laid back and let myself relax for the first time that day. My body ached horribly and my nose felt incredibly swollen, but the sun was warm on my skin and the breeze gently cooled it back down, like natures form of icyhot.
"Are you okay?" I heard a familiar voice ask and my eyes shot back open. Arnold was standing above me, staring down at me with concern and I instantly thought of last year when he stepped on my belly. I felt myself panic when he sat down next to me. Did he get my text? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything…
We didn't say anything to each other for a while until he gently broke it.
"You know I don't hate you right?"
My eyes snapped to his and I automatically blushed. I looked away quickly to hide it but I could still feel his eyes on me.
"Honestly Helga, I don't even remember what we were fighting about." I felt some relief at that. I wasn't the only one who didn't know… Like I said, probably something stupid. "And I'm sorry too."
I couldn't help but meet his eyes again as a smile broke out on my face. It was uncomfortable and hurt a bit but I didn't care. He was sorry too! That means we were friends again right?
"Thanks Arnold! I'm glad you're not mad at me." I said gently and he looked confused.
"I always thought you were mad at me." He said and I gaped at him.
"Why in the world would I be mad at you, football head?! You're like the nicest person I know!"
He still looked shocked. I guess I pretended to be mad at him too much when we were younger. We sat in silence for a while just enjoying each other's company before he broke it again.
"Stay my friend Helga."
I felt my heart both lift and drop at his words. I was ecstatic that we had gotten our relationship back on solid ground after years, but I was also disappointed at the word 'friend.' Did he have any feelings for me at all anymore? Somehow I felt like I was back in fourth grade when he liked me but didn't like me like me.
"Sure thing, football head." I smiled anyway.
After that the remainder of school whizzed past until it was our graduation ceremony. I was required to make a speech at the thing and I hated it but by that point I was pretty good at reading speeches and making them sound genuine. There was one section which was completely on my own however. I spoke of our class and how proud I was of them. I spoke of how amazing it's been to watch them grow up, some since Kindergarten. I hoped he realized I was talking to him.
After graduation I went to a small college nearby to get my Associates. Those two years were long but it was fun anyway. I never saw him over the years but my feelings didn't change.
There was one point when I thought I would be able to get over him though. I had made a couple friends, for which I was very grateful, and they introduced me to a young man. He was very good looking with dark hair and eyes and we hit it off. We started dating after a while and I was certain I was falling for him. He was a perfect gentleman who asked my permission to kiss me and always spent time with me. We chose the day we were going to have sex for the first time. I remember spending the day pacing because I was so nervous. But he was really gentle and although nothing happened for me, it was nice to feel wanted.
We spent the next 4 months together and throughout that time I was falling hard for him. I thought he was falling for me too but everything changed when I went on a vacation for a week with Phoebe. After I got back he barely spoke to me and refused to stay over anymore. There were no more dates and our sexual encounters were non-existent. After 2 weeks of this I asked him if he was done. He said yes and I haven't heard from him since.
After that I transferred to the University and decided to go for my English degree. People are nicer to me here. I think it might be because there's a church on campus and there's more efforts to get people more involved. I don't know but I like it.
I'm turning 25 tomorrow and really nothing has changed since I came here. I'm still working at the same store and taking classes. I'm in the literature club which is a plus. I heard that Arnold and Lila got married a few months ago. Not that I blame them. They've been together for years now, but I don't have to like it.
But I still think he might like me. I was at my parent's house last weekend, the alcohol had finally got Mariam and we had to have a funeral. Bob wasn't as upset as I thought he would be but Olga and I were a mess. Even though she wasn't really ever nice to me, she was my mother. A few of my old friends stop by to give their condolences, which I appreciated, but Arnold didn't show.
That night however I walking down my old street, sort of reminiscing old times when a car came around the corner. It was Arnold's grandfather's old car! The green car slowed but didn't stop and somehow I knew it was Arnold. His grandfather never drove down this street. As a matter of fact, why would Arnold? His grandparent's house wasn't near here… The only thing on this block was houses… Was he here to see me? Were his grandparents even still alive? His grandmother had dementia when we were in grade school… I doubt it. I stopped walking and the car slowed further. I saw white skin and blonde hair in the driver's seat. It had to be Arnold! He never stopped. Just continued to drive and round the corner. I waited for a few minutes to see if he would come back. He didn't. But why would he?
In those few seconds my fading hope reignited and burned so brightly, I couldn't keep the smile from my face. He slowed down! That means he saw me. Which means he must still care a little right? He thought about stopping which means that a part of him wanted to. Since then I've been keeping my eye out for that car. I haven't seen it yet, but I think I will someday.
Well that's my story… I'm still madly in love with that stupid football head and I think I always will be. By now my shower water was beginning to turn cold and I quickly got out. I felt a little better now and turned on some music as I dressed; jeans and a sweater, although I did choose pink this time.
I opened my window to let in the smell of the rain. I've always loved it. Thankfully it wasn't raining hard enough to soak the carpet, instead small droplets found themselves on the window ledge. I ran a pick through my long hair and examined my neighborhood.
Mr. Fernandez was walking down the street. I bet he went to the café. A homeless man sat on the corner with his soggy cardboard sign.
My eyes widened as an old green car rounded the corner and slowed down as it neared. I could see white skin and blonde hair through the window.