Hey Everyone! So this is my SECOND Destiel fic and I am so happy because I think it is soooooo much better than the other. But I hope you all enjoy it! Reviews are welcome!
Castiel laid in his bedroom, listening to the pitter patter of the rain that fell on the bunkers roof. It was dark but his eyes were open, staring up at the ceiling while he laid on his back. He breathed in slow and deep before letting it go all at once. He couldn't help but think of heaven. He couldn't help as his mind wandered to the thought of Metatron basking in the glory of having tricked the angel.
For a while, Castiel had hated himself for what he had done. He had helped, aided in the fall of his brothers and sisters. He felt so much guilt in him that at one point he considered killing himself. It wouldn't be the first time either.
He thought back, before it all turned bad and he couldn't help but think that none of this would have happened if he had never met Dean. If another angel had gotten to Dean in hell before he did, maybe he could have avoided all of this. Maybe Dean would have influenced another angel. But Cas knew it was his destiny to pull Dean out of the pit. He was his charge and his charge alone. Any other person would blame him. They would say that he tainted them, it was his fault and it all rested on his shoulders. But Castiel knew better. None of this fell on Dean. He was the one who rebelled. He was the one who made the choices he made even if every time he did he thought he was making the right choice and it ended up being the wrong one, they had still been his choices.
He sat up every night thinking about this usually. He didn't know how to make his mind stop racing with these thoughts. He thought about the fact that it was only a matter of time before his brothers and sisters came after him for doing what he did. Luckily he had Dean and Sam to protect him and the bunker was angel warded. Kevin and Charlie were here too, but he didn't see them as protectors as much as friends.
There was a sudden loud crash over head and Cas jumped out of bed. He ran across the hallway and into Dean's room without thinking, closing the door behind him, and leaning against it. He hadn't really thought about what he was doing, just reacted. "Dean! What was that, are we under attack?" he asked.
Cas heard a low chuckle come from somewhere in the room. The ex-angel could see flashes of light dance across the room from the flat screen tv that was hanging on the far wall opposite the bed. He looked to his left and saw Dean, shirtless, leaning against the headboard with an amused expression.
Castiel quietly approached the bed and pulled out the gun he knew Dean kept in the draw.
Dean laughed again. "Whoa, whoa, put that away, Cas. We aren't under attack. It's thunder."
Cas frowned. Thunder? Really? Thunder had scared him? "I don't remember thunder being that loud."
Dean smiled at the man's antics before looking back at him. It wasn't until then both men realized that Cas was in nothing but a pair of navy boxers that is he was correct, used to belong to Dean. Dean couldn't help but look at the tattoo that was in the same place as his. They had insisted he get it as soon as he fell. The brothers had been honest with him and said they didn't know when or if they would be able to return him to angel status. He remembered having to hold Cas' hand when it had happened and he grinned a bit.
Cas blushed and turned away from the man to put his gun back. He opened the draw and put it away and just as he put the weapon back from where he got it from another loud crash sounded from above, making him jump so hard, the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell to it.
Dean threw his head back in laughter and clutched his mid-section.
Cas blushed again. "I'd appreciate it if you don't laugh at me," he said, not yet removing himself from the bed.
He realized a moment later that maybe he should. Neither of them are particularly decent as far as clothing goes. Though Dean doesn't seem to mind so he puts the thought aside.
Another crack makes Cas jump again. They always come when he least expects it!
Dean's features softened at the ex-angel he loved. He scooted closer and put an arm around his shoulders, genuinely wanting to take care of him. "Cas, if the sound bothers you that much, why don't you stay in here tonight, okay? When you're scared, it helps to have someone there."
Cas stiffened and looked Dean in the eyes, a bit of anger tinting them. "I'm not scared!" he demanded but another loud crack made him jump further into Dean's arms.
The hunter chuckled and made him lay back. He made sure the blankets covered him as well as the man next to him and muted the tv so the light still hit them and he could still see Cas.
There was silence.
Dean couldn't help but wonder what he thought he was doing. He knew he had feelings for the man that was currently trying to crawl under his skin to hide. Granted he didn't really know how to act on them without completely taking advantage of a completely innocent ex-angel of the lord.
He felt Cas' body start and close any gap between them as there was another clap of thunder.
Dean couldn't help but think about the fact that they were chest to chest with Cas' face buried in his neck. He could feel his breath tickle the tiny hairs there and it sent a shiver through his body.
"Dean, are you cold?" he asked, having felt the shiver that ran through the others body.
Dean's first instinct was to shake his head no but he quickly realized that Cas couldn't see him, his face was buried. "N-no, Cas, I am fine."
They laid in silence for what felt like hours. It might have been hours but was probably only one hour. Cas' jumps were less frequent but even so, every time the thunder boomed overhead, he would press tighter into Dean and hold onto him with a fierceness.
"Dean?"
"What is it?"
"I can't sleep…"
Dean thought for a moment. How do you make former angels who are afraid of thunder sleep? He could sing to him, but that sounded way too chick-flicky. He didn't know what to do in all honesty. What was he supposed to do?
"Close your eyes," he whispered in what he hoped was a soothing tone.
"Dean how-"
"Just trust me, okay?" he felt Cas nod against his skin and he knew his eyes were closed. "Alright. I'm gonna count to ten and I wan He felt Cas nod against his skin and he knew his eyes were closed. "Alright. I'm gonna count to ten and I want you to breathe in really deep and let it go slowly, okay?" Be asked and the man nodded.
"One," he said and he felt the man do as he told and maybe it was all a bad idea because the feel of Cas' breath on his neck was enticing.
"Two," he whispered quieter and Cas did it again.
This time, as he counted out three, he felt himself close his eyes and just revelled in the feeling of his breath on his neck. He noticed that Cas was no longer jumping and he was calm as the thunder clapped. He counted out two more, biting his lip in between, trying not to be turned on.
As he got to six, his breath hitched. But Cas didn't notice and he kept counting.
"You feeling relaxed?" he asked, his voice higher than he would have liked.
"Yeah."
"Alright. Now tell me, what's your worst nightmare?" He asked, hearing silence. Dean knew what the answer would probably be. His worst nightmare would be about the angels coming after him. "It's alright, Cas, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone and I won't judge you."
"Y-you…" he mumbled.
"Me?"
Cas nodded. "Losing you. Watching you die and I can't help. Watching someone hurt you and I am sitting there, useless."
Dean can't help but be taken aback by that. "Cas-" he starts but he doesn't finish.
"I'm always worried about you, Dean. Even when I was an angel, I thought about you often and was always checking to see if you were in danger. Sometimes I couldn't help you and it used to kill me inside. Everytime you leave on a hunt, I come in here and I watch the television and I hope and I pray to an absent god that you return in one piece. Earlier, when I thought we were under attack, I thought it was angels. I didn't hide, or go to anyone else, I came here, because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I remembered thinking it was the bond we had, because of the handprint and because I rebuilt you using my grace. Gabriel… he thought it was something more…"
Dean hesitated for a moment. What was going on? "Wh-what did he think it was." Some part of Dean wondered why he cared so much. He wanted to know why he wanted there to actually be something more… But the other part of him knew the answer to that. And an even tinier part of him didn't want to know at all.
He felt Cas lean back as if to look at his face but he knew he couldn't see him, his eyes were closed. "Gabriel thought it was love," he whispered, not sure how Dean would react. Dean said nothing. "Sometimes I think he's right"
"Sometimes?" He asked as his eyes flashed open. He realized Cas had been looking at the ceiling. But he was now turning to look at him.
"I don't know what love is, Dean. I was an angel for thousands of years and I didn't feel. It wasn't until I met you that it started. I know that I am more concerned about you and I like to be around you. You make me smile even when I don't want to and you are always protecting me. You are always there for me even when I don't deserve it. So i guess, if that's what this is then yes, I do love you."
Dean was speechless. He didn't know what to say so instead, he did the one thing that he hoped Cas would understand better than words. Dean swooped down and tentatively pressed his lips against Cas'. The kiss was light and chaste but Dean could feel his angels-he doesn't care if he's human now, he's still his angel- soft lips and he liked- loved the feeling. But Cas offered no pressure back and Dean quickly thought he had made a mistake.
He separated from the man, hoping Cas would stop him but he didn't. Cas looked him in the eyes and Dean watched him tilt his head as best as he could.
"Why did you do that, Dean?" the former angel asked, not knowing what to make of what just happened. Sure it felt good but he didn't know what was going on, why Dean had done it, or what it meant. Well, that's not completely true. He knew what it meant to everyone else, but what did it mean to Dean?
Dean thought for a moment, his eyes casting downward and looking away from Cas. "I... I-I" he stuttered. He couldn't find the right words to answer him.
"Dean?" He questioned. Dean's eyes flicked up to meet his. "Would you do that again?"
Dean smiled, relief washing over him. "It'd be my pleasure, angel," he said and Dean's lips crashed into Cas' this time the other man's lips moving with his.
Cas let Dean separate his lips with his tongue. Dean swirled their tongues together, making Cas' body jolt at the feeling. He had been kissed once before but he had never been kissed like this. It was electrifying.
Suddenly Dean pulled away. "Is something wrong?"
"I've never felt that way before. I don't know how to explain it," he said as his brow furrowed. Usually he can at least explain what he was feeling. He couldn't this time, he didn't know how.
He watched Dean smile. "I think I turn you on," he said with a deep chuckle. "Cas, I know you've never done this before. Just do what feels natural okay?"
Cas nodded. Do what feels natural? So he did. He looked into the green eyes that he hoped he had fallen in love with. If this was what he got to do when in love, he would shout it to everyone he walked by. He moved his right hand up and carded it through the hunters hair. Dean didn't have time to react as Cas slammed their mouths together, tongues battling.
Dean groaned in the back of his throat. The kiss was sloppy but it had so much passion behind it. He rolled his angel on his back and deepened the kiss, pressing Cas further into the mattress.
Cas brought his other hand up to move up and down Dean's back, making the hunter shiver. Dean broke the kiss, nibbling and kissing his way down his angels neck.
"Dean…" Cas whispered at the feeling. He never thought something as trivial as kisses on the neck could feel so good. It made heat pool in his groin.
"What is it, angel?" he asked in between kisses.
"Th-that feels… really good…"
Dean smiled. "Yeah, it's supposed to." Dean put one knee between his legs, softly prodding Cas' half hard member.
Now Cas wasn't the only one hard at this point. In fact Dean was rock solid. The things Cas did to him… they didn't have a name. All he knew was that even before this, it was hard to control himself around this man. Besides Sam, he was his everything and he loved him.
"Ah!" Cas moaned, his eyes blowing wide. His breathing hitched and he started to almost pant. He looked dean in the eyes, green looking back into blue. "What was that?"
Dean grinned. "That, my angel, is what happens when you get aroused, as you would say." He didn't leave anytime for questions as he leaned down to capture Cas' lips again.
Dean pushed his knee a little, kneading his member. Cas moaned and both his hands grasped and held on tightly to Dean's back. His body moved involuntarily as he pitched his hips forward, causing more friction.
"D-Dean…" he moaned. It was almost as if he couldn't control what was coming out of his mouth. He hadn't meant to say Dean's name but it had just slipped out.
Dean could feel sweat beading off both of them but he didn't mind. He kissed his angel as his fingers ghosted up and down his body. He felt the subtly defined abs that were sculpted on his midsection.
Cas's mind was reeling. He didn't overly understand. He understood that this was leading up to sexual intercorse but he had never thought it could feel this good. From what he saw, most humans got excited when their genitalia was involved but he couldn't help but moan and writhe underneath his hunters touch. It was magnificent.
Dean's fingers teased the skin around Cas' nipple, hoping for the right kind of reaction. When his fingers finally came in contact with the pink bud, he watched as Cas arched into the touch. Dean swooped down and kissed all along his chest. He felt Cas' whimper beneath his touch.
"Dean," he groaned, letting his head fly back as Dean ground his knee against his member.
"Sh, it's okay, angel. I've got you," he whispered into his angel's ear, making the man beneath him whimper again.
"Dean," he spoke again, this time with a little more purpose.
Dean smiled. "Be patient," was all he said.
But the hunter had decided he had teased his angel enough. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of Cas' boxers and pulled them off, Cas helping by pulling his legs out. Dean threw the boxers to an unknown corner of the room.
Dean couldn't help but stop for a moment. Has he kneeled between Cas' legs, he couldn't help but stop and take a moment to drink in the sheer beauty of the man below him. He took a deep breath and let it all out at once. He was going to do this. He was going to deflower his own personal angel. The only one he ever loved this way.
Dean leaned down and pressed kisses along the V that lead to the hard cock resting between his legs. He felt Cas run one hand through his hair, the other going through his own.
"Please, Dean…"
He smiled. "What, angel, what do you want?"
"I…I don't know…" he said, voice cracking, and almost on the verge of tears. All the things that he was feeling were overwhelming to him. He had never imagined that being a human would feel like this, that you would have to deal with so many feelings all at once. He didn't know what he wanted. He couldn't just tell Dean if he didn't know. And what if Dean hated him for it? What if Dean turned him away, rejected him.
He felt a pain in his chest that wouldn't subside. It was as if his heart was being squeezed.
Only now did he realized that he was full naked for the hunter to completely take advantage of. He never knew how raw this could feel. He was exposed for just Dean and somehow that's harder than if everyone in the bunker was in front of him… he didn't love any of them... As an angel, he hadn't cared. But as a human he has the mentality to think about the fact that Dean was going to take something he had only just recently cared about.
He felt pleasure in what Dean had been doing, but would he be like every other girl Dean had ever been with? Would he kick him out of his room in the morning and they wouldn't talk about it. Or god forbid, Dean kicked him out of the bunker altogether, leaving them to never talk to each other again.
Cas could feel his eyes burn. Dean would never accept his love. He was going to have his way with him and then leave him in the morning. He was so confused. Dean was about to make love to him but he would never love him! He would leave Cas for the first hot girl he saw and the night, the night where he gave him everything would be gone and forgotten. He would be nothing to him.
He couldn't handle that. He couldn't handle being nothing to someone who meant everything to him...
Dean looked down on his angel. "Cas? Cas, what is it, what's the matter?" he asked, genuinely confused. He didn't want Cas to cry. It broke his heart to see him like this.
Cas moved out from under Dean, sitting up against the headboard while the hunter still hovered over him. "I don't wanna be like everyone else, Dean! I don't… I don't want to be just another notch under your belt," he spoke between hiccups. His voice had a slight whine to it as tears started spilling out of his beautiful blue eyes and down his perfect face. "I don't want to be kicked out in the morning. I want to stay… I want you to love me," he said, his entire upper body shaking from the sobs.
"Cas… Cas, look at me." When Cas refused, he took his face in his hands. "What are you talking about, angel?"
Cas sniffled. "I don't want to be like all the girls you've been with."
Dean smiled lightly. "You could never be like any of them."
"Why because I'm a guy?" His eyes flicked downward. He didn't want to look at Dean in this moment. It was too sad.
Dean chuckled. "Well yes. But because I love you. I never loved any of them."
Cas' eyes immediately found his. "You love me?"
Dean nodded, not getting a chance to speak, Cas having thrown his arms around the hunters neck and kissed him. They were both kneeling tall on the bed, Cas' shins resting on Dean's knees.
Dean broke away from the kiss. "Cas please don't think you are like anyone else because you are so much more special."
"Dean… make love to me…"
Dean's eyebrows arched, taken aback by the sudden request. "Are you sure, angel?" It wasn't that he didn't want to. He just hadn't expected that of him tonight.
Cas nodded. "Please."
Dean gently put Cas back on the bed and slipped out of his boxers. He leaned over and pulled a bottle of lube that he always kept with him. He slicked up some of his fingers then tossed the bottle somewhere in the bed.
"Cas, I want you to relax, angel. I want you to just focus on me, okay?"
Cas nodded and re-wrapped his arms around his lover's' neck. His eyes closed and he returned the kiss Dean tried to distract him with but he felt the slight burn as Dean's finger entered him. He gave a small grunt of discomfort but that was all. He tried to stay relaxed like Dean had told him.
Dean practically groaned at the feeling of his finger inside his angel. He was so tight and all Dean could imagine was him stretched around his cock, moaning his name beautifully.
"A-are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" He stuttered out, trying to control himself.
Castiel shook his head. "No. I love you. I want to give myself to you," he said, only having learned of that particular term days ago when Charlie had talked to him about sex.
Dean nodded and started to move his finger in and out. Cas gasped and his eyes widened, but it wasn't in pain. Once his body had gotten used to the intrusion, this felt pretty good.
Cas mewled and dug his nails into Deans back and dragging them down.
The hunter smiled at the fact that he was liking this. He pumped his finger in and out, wondering how he was holding himself back when Cas mad the faces he was making
He gave no warning as he added a second finger. The man underneath him hissed in pain and a shudder ran through his body.
"You okay, angel?" he asked, feeling bad.
Cas nodded. "Y-yeah… keep going."
Dean nodded and started to pump in and out, scissoring his fingers to stretch out.
Cas' body arched at the feeling, not being able to control the way his body moved and writhed. His arms shot out and he grabbed Dean for a blistering kiss.
"Please, Dean… more," he groaned.
Dean sped his fingers and Cas moaned, once again scratching down his partners back as Dean's mouth clamped down to abuse his other nipple. "Oh! Ah! Dean," he moaned in a voice that was a bit higher pitched than usual.
When Dean added another finger, Castiel didn't notice. He was too busy moaning in pleasure, trying not to be overwhelmed with everything he was feeling right now. Not just emotionally but physically as well.
"Dean… more, more," he demanded. He couldn't get enough of this feeling.
Dean reached behind him in the bed and grabbed the bottle of lube, more than happy to appease the man beneath him. He took his fingers out of Cas, making him whimper and miss Dean's touch. Dean squirted some of the lube in his left hand and spread it on himself. He positioned himself at Cas' entrance and slowly pushed himself in.
Cas' face scrunched in pain.
Dean took hold of his left hand with his right and peppered kisses along his face and neck as he slowly pushed himself in until he was fully sheathed.
Dean's eyes were blown wide and his breathing was ragged. He couldn't help but think about the fact that this felt better than anyone he had ever been with. It never felt like this. God! Cas was so tight and he could feel the ring of muscle flexing around his cock, as if it were a tight fist clenching and unclenching.
"Cas, you feel amazing," he mumbled, hanging his head, and his eyes closed from the pleasure.
"Please… Do something…" he said in a voice that if he didn't know any better sounded like he was begging for his life.
Dean did as he was told and moved out of his angel and then slowly pushed back in. He felt Cas' hand tighten its hold on his. He was about to ask him if he was okay but judging by the look of pure pleasure on his face, he decided to just repeat the motion instead.
The hunter set a slow rhythm, trying to go slow for Cas' first time but he really didn't want to. He wanted to pound into him and make him come without even having to touch him. He wanted Cas to beg for him to go faster, harder, deeper. He wanted more but he refrained for fear of hurting him.
"F-faster...?" It was almost a question the way it was asked. Cas didn't know if Dean could go faster or even if he were allowed to ask for such things but he couldn't stop the words that just came out of his mouth. He didn't know what it was. If it was from things he had seen in the past or just pure instinct but he said it.
Dean smiled and leaned down to his earlobe. "Anything for you, angel," he said as he pitched his hips forward faster, almost three times the speed while Cas elicited the most delicious noises.
His noises were squeaks, gulps, and small intakes of breath. And to Dean, they were nothing short of delicious. He didn't know Cas even knew how to make those noises and now Dean never wanted to stop hearing them
Dean's noises were deep guttural moans. "Cas, oh god Cas!" he moaned the former angels name.
Cas looked up at the man above him. His hair was sticking to his forehead and he was panting as he pushed into him over and over again, making both of them moan. But Cas' watched him as he had always done, nonetheless. His eyes were a deep shade of jade instead of his normal color. Cas thought it might have had something to do with the lust he was feeling.
Suddenly Dean struck a chord inside Cas and the man beneath him arched higher off the bed than he thought possible, almost coming into sitting position.
Dean smiled. So that's what articles about hitting the prostate were talking about.
"Dean!" He screamed. "Dean!"
The hunter couldn't stop himself anymore. He snapped his hips forward as fast and as hard as he could.
Dean connected their foreheads and their breath mingled, hot and heavy. He didn't need to kiss his angel to be able to taste him. Dean looked into Cas' eyes and Cas looked right back. And somehow, to Dean, it was the most erotic thing he had ever encountered.
And then there was this feeling inside Cas as he laid there, moaning under the man he loved. Something was pooling in the pit of his stomach and his groin. He felt part of his genitalia clench and he didn't understand what was going.
"Dean! I-I don't under-Ah!- stand. I th-think I'm going to explode…" he said in between moans.
"You're good, angel. Trust me. Just let go."
Castiel wasn't sure at first. What if he really did explode? No, Dean would never try to bring him to death. He should listen to him.
Dean watched it happen and he had to say it was beautiful. He watched Cas' face as he threw his head back and his mouth open, small squeaks coming out. His body convulsed as strings of white coated his chest and Dean's. "Dean…" He whispered and that was all it took to send Dean over the edge, spilling his seed into his lover.
Dean collapsed to the left of Cas. He had enough of his bearings to grab a couple of tissues and wipe themselves down.
Cas was still panting when Dean grabbed him by the waist and pulled him into him.
"How you doin', Cas? You okay?"
Cas nodded. "That was extraordinary. Are we allowed to do that again or is it only supposed to happen one time?"
Dean chuckled at his innocence. "Yeah, angel we can do that anytime you like. Within reason of course. I don't do things outside. I prefer in a bed. Or at least in the back of baby.
Cas giggled. He didn't know why, but he did. "Dean… what does this mean for us…?"
Dean looked back at his angel with bright blue eyes. He thought back to the day he first met him and he wonders if these gorgeous blue orbs are what drew him to Cas in the first place.
Dean smiled. "Whatever you want it to, my angel. Lovers, boyfriends, partners, mates-"
"I like boyfriends. It sounds silly but it still implies all the other terms."
Dean chuckled. "Alright. Whatever you say."
Cas smiled lazily, his eyes closing. "I love you, Dean."
A soft smile spread across his face. He looked down at, what probably was, the love of his life. He would never feel this way for any other person. Cas was special. "Yeah… Yeah, I love you too, angel."
Cas' smile didn't falter as he wiggled closer and Dean brought him into his arms as close as he could. He heard the thunder once more before he drifted of to sleep. He didn't jump though. He knew that he was safe in Dean's arms. And he would stay there forever more.