When I Was Alone.

Hiya! I don't know what to say to you guys today! Thank you so much for actually clicking to read it! The actual thought of a real genuine person reading something I've made up in my petty little head is amazing! Also I know I can't expect you to review but if you have time you have no idea how much I would appreciate it, even if it is just a bit of criticism that will actually make my work better. :) can't thank you enough! :D

also juts in case you were wondering I happen not to own any of Jo's incredible work or mind and I have enough faith in her to believe she won't sue me! :D

I hate Harry. Hermione too. Why would they do that to me? I hate it. I hate it all. Harry has no idea what he is doing, he had us running round like bloody lunatics for months on end. It was dangerous. Too dangerous. Did he realise the danger he was putting Hermione in? I was planning on having a calm conversation, telling him my opinions, without quite telling him my opinions, such as the fact we were in a wild bloody goose chase and that he was being a git. I thought that Hermione might see sense, Hermione always see sense, that's one of the things I love about Hermione... I... I think I love her. I really do. That's the first time it has ever crossed my mind... Oh, how could I be so stupid? It explains the way it felt wrong being with lavender, the way I insisted on hermione sleeping on the couch, the reason I would spend ages reading the fail safe ways to charm witches book and subconsciously use one of the books tips... I have always cared very deeply for her, I have always thought she was beautiful, every aspect of beautiful, her looks of course, but mostly her incredible, passionate, caring, loving personality, but me, love her? Oh shit. No, I hate her for staying with Harry, how could she give up on me, leave me and stay with the person who treats my very own sister like dirt, constantly messing her about. Of course, Harry's trying to steal Hermione. He never leaves her side. I actually don't understand a single thing right now. Shit, I actually don't get it, any of it and I don't know what 'it' is but I'm bloody sure it something I don't understand or don't know what to do about... So I just stand here , eyes tightly shut, with my clenched teeth and my fists gripping my hair, practically pulling it out, but I don't feel any pain from it ; I'm in too much pain already, my heart feels like a smashed bottle, with tiny pieces of glass as painful as they an be, jabbing my insides, my muscles, bones, skin, lungs, everything, ever, shattered beyond repair.

At some point in our live I guess we'll discover our 'it' an right now, I don't know what my 'it ' is wether it's a person, an emotion, feeling, time, a decade, a moment or a million moments, but when my 'it' comes, I'll know. And I think it's coming soon.

So I continue to stand here for a while, my eyes tightly shut, clenched teeth and fists gripping my hair in too much pain to feel pain. I just yell. I yell all their names, Voldemort, the Lestranges, the Malfoys, the Carrows, every single death water I can think of, I just hate them all so much... Screaming their names doesn't change much but it makes me feels braver; I rarely say their names, Voldemort's almost never. The angers burns through me, making me feel weak but strong and wobbly, I just want to curl up an cry, but crying wont change anything, I'm not stupid and I'm not naive.

After a million moments ( GodKnowsHowLongItWas...) I unclench my teeth, loosen my fists, numb from both the pressure and the cold and open my eyes. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, so dark it is almost blinding.

I look around, taking in my surrounding, I don't know where I am but there is a clearing and a hill, I think I am in a forest, because I can see trees. It is calm and still and beautiful ( I cannot see, it's a beauty deeper than appearance. Rather like Hermione I suppose, but I hate the bloody girl. Hate her. Hate her. Hate her.), but so empty, so lonely without... The others. I take in the silence, the way nothing moves. It is me, alone in an empty darkness.

I am angry and alone and tired and confused and I just don't know what to do.

I hear a crack and then the leaves rustle; a branch falling off a tree and on to the crunchy bed of autumnal leaves below. I think about that tree, visualise it, an old oak, the living thing have a giant price broken off of it. I wonder if it hurts, I wonder if everything cares if everything feels pain and we are just too weak and petty to see it... Every single one of us humans are selfish arrogant and nasty, simply some less so than others. Why do we even care though? All caring will do is hurt us. And that's what just happened I cared. I cared and they hurt me and I regret it as regret everything I ever did say, but I still think I love her, but how can I love her if the only thing she ever did as hurt me? I don't know why I even bother. There is no logical reason. I suppose there isn't really a logical point of living either, if I died I would just leave, my body remaining but me, gone. It seems to appealing...

I stand and think, think about everything, all the thoughts I ever did think dancing around my head in circles, but just going to fast for me to grasp. Eventually the tree returns to me. It comes back to me and I realise even though I don't see te point of living, I should probably move somewhere else.

A rustle. Whispering. Muttering.

This means humans. People. Civilisation. Are they after me?

I keep quiet. I don't know what to do. Maybe I do want to live? I guess there's no point to living, but there's no point of dying either...

I smell them. Smell them before I see them. An they smell to high heaven, reek of all the things I hate most bunched up into a huddle of one of the most atrocious smells I have ever had the misfortune to whiff. So, I hear them, I smell them, there's only one thing left now.

That when I see them. They are running, running, towards me? Almost certainly. They run at me, I suppose the logical thing to do now is run, run from them. I stumble, practically blinded by the darkness, into the trees, into th dark forest. Branches swing back and hit me in the face, the leaves under my feet crunching loudly as I stumble my way around. They are advancing fast, I can hear them. I hear one yell and sharply turn my head around in their direction. My eyes are getting closer o the floor. It I all happening in slow motion, until, BAM, my face is at on the floor. I can hear my heart beating like drums banging the very inside of brain. I need to move, get up, as quickly as I can and flee, but I can't, something somewhere in my body has given up. Admit defeat Ron... They're king to catch you, just think of a name, of anyone, anything to preserve my life

The shadows and the shout progress closer by the second, until their dark figures are looming over me.

"Name?" One says in a gravely voice.

I pause, hesitating for a millisecond, in an attempt to try and work out which person I should claim to be...

"Shunpike," I mutter "Stan Shunpike..."

Hi! Did you actually make it to the end? Well done! I apologise that it was pretty bad... But hey! I tried :P