This is a one-shot to help me release some feelings… Yes, everything mentioned is how I'm feeling now… So I'm sorry if I'm heavily influencing Kenny.
It's never
going to be enough
Zakuyoe
No matter how much I do, it's never going to be enough—ever.
No matter how hard I try to be noticed I'll never be recognized for what I do.
No one seems to notice when something's wrong with me. I could vanish from the face of the earth and I'd bet no one would notice. Stan cares so much if Kyle's near death but kill me off and he walks away unsympathetically. Hell, even my PSP would gain more attention than I would.
No matter how hard I work I'll never be able to help my family.
No one seems to notice if I work two eight-hour shifts. I could work for twenty-four hours straight and still come home to an angry father. I work for endless hours and I still can't provide enough to pay for the alcohol my father has to consume.
No matter how hard I try in school I'll never be able to get good grades.
No one seems to notice when I do reasonably okay on tests. I bet if I got straight A's people wouldn't care. But I don't; I get C's and D's down the report card, and it's only that that people see. I get one A and I'm shadowed by Kyle Broflovski's straight-A's achievement… for the twentieth time and counting.
And you know, there's no point in trying, because whatever I do will never be enough anyway. But at the same time I can't give up, because committing suicide will only bring me back to this life once more. Really, whatever I do only leads to failure.
It's never going to be enough.
Ever.
-Zak-