A/N:
Ok, this is my take on what America and Japan would do if they found themselves in what I like to call Fandomverse. It's basically the way a lot of the fandom portrays canon characters. This will be exaggerated, however, most of these are sadly how many of these characters are actually portrayed. It's annoying and downright offensive, so I decided to show the fandom what crap it's dishing out. Enjoy!
I do not own Hetalia.
...
America knew something was wrong the minute he got out of bed. He groggily rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and reached for his glasses... And instead found a hamburger wrapper.
"Aw, sick! What the hell?" It still had ketchup and grease all over it.
"Tony! Dude! Why'd you stick this shit in my room?"
"Fucking bitch."
"No, really, dude, that's nasty."
"Fucking bitch."
After a couple more minutes of carrying on likr that, the slightly irritated nation gave up on trying to get more out of the alien. Eventually, he picked his glasses up out from under the bed (he had no idea why they were THERE) and took a good long look at his room.
'Geez! How many burgers did Tony EAT last night?' He thought to himself as he stared around at all the empty fast food wrappers littering the floor.
America groaned.
It coincidentally happened to be the day for the annual World Summit Meeting. Unfortunately for America, he couldn't find his keys under all the video game cartridges, CDs, and junk food wrappers.
"What HAPPENED to this place?! Tony!"
"Fucking bitch!" The nation didn't have time to get pissed off as he retrieved the keys out from under the couch, checked the time, and high-tailed it out of his house.
...
It was lucky the World Summit meeting was being hosted in Washington D.C., because America barely got there on time.
"America! I see you came at the last minute as usual, bloody wanker!" England shouted at him. America recoiled as if he'd been slapped.
"Woah, dude, eat a Snickers bar!" He replied, ignoring the comment that followed about disgusting junk food.
"Okay, dudes, settle down! You all listening? Good. Welcome to the Annual World Summit Meeting, 2016! You all get the general gist, but I'll still go over the rules for you... What?" All the nations had the same really stupid look of disbelief on their faces. England recovered first.
"It's not smart to use your entire vocabulary in one sentence, America." Said nation stared in shock, then laughed.
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, what's wrong?"
"It seems as if Angleterre is a little high-strung today, hm?" France said teasingly.
"Uh, okay, can we get back to-France?!" France was groping a furiously protesting England. People started fighting, and everything exploded.
"I don't like you, da. I will kill you, da. Become one, DA."
"Aru eat my food, aru! Aru Russia is so hot, aru! Aru Panda, aru! Aiya aru aru aru aru..."
"Because I like pasta, doitsu!"
"Fososososo Romano, come here!"
"Tomato Bastard! Potato bastard! Frying pan bitch!"
"KESESESESESESE!"
"Bloody wanker! Git! Wanker! Git! Wanker! Bloody wanker!"
"Nobody notices me..."
"Who are you?"
"I'm CANADA! FUCKING CANADA, YOU STUPID BEAR! I WANT TO KILL SOMETHING! I am NOTHING like my DUMBFUCK brother!."
America raised his eyebrows.
"Oh, really?" He was almost caught up in the fight, but always thankfully interrupted.
"Everybody, shut up!" Germany shouted as he stood up and slammed his palms flat against the table. The room quieted immediately.
"Thanks, Germany, dude! Anyway-"
"You, too, idiot! Sit down!" America was so shocked (and slightly offended) that he took his seat without question as Germany lectured the entire room about how they couldn't properly function at a meeting. America wasn't really listening.
It was, after all, considered extremely rude to interrupt a host nation's introduction.
...
Strangely, Germany talked until they took a break for lunch (With some rather annoying interruptions from Italy). America hungrily unwrapped a McDonald's cheeseburger he got from across the street, and took a bite.
'First good thing all day...' He thought. Noticing England sitting nearby, he scooted closer and offered him one of his burgers.
"Hey, dude! You seemed kinda grumpy today, so I thought maybe you'd want to have a burger!" The island nation looked back at him in anger and disgust.
"Why the bloody hell would I want any of that garbage? It's so bloody slimy! You certainly don't need it, either, bloody wanker!" At this point, America knew something was very wrong. England loved McDonald's. America decided he needed to make sure it was really England.
"It's better than YOUR crap! How can you cook food if you can't even come up with a better insult than 'bloody wanker'?" America asked, (very badly) imitating a British accent.
"Nobody understands me!" England (heedless of the bizarre logic of the insult) literally screamed, standing up and running out of the room.
Hungary ran up to America, glaring intensely.
"How DARE you?!" She shrieked (right in his ear, too). America was exceptionally confused.
"Wait, what?" He asked.
"How could you ruin the USUK?! It's, like, totally my OTP!" She wailed, running off after England.
"Why's everyone being so WEIRD today?" America whispered to himself.
"I agree with you, America-san. This is not the usual behavior for our friends." Said nation jumped. Japan stared at the scene in concern.
"Woah, dude, you scared me! You have any idea what's going on?"
"I am afraid I do not. I am worried for our fellow nations."
"Yeah, me, too, dude. Good to see someone sane around here." Japan smiled.
"Thank you."
"What are we gonna do, man? I'm starting to think this is just a dream." America muttered.
"Unfortunately, it is not. Unless I am dreaming..." Japan trailed off with a disturbed look.
They both sat on confused silence for a while, until a portal appeared with none other than England (the normal one) standing in the middle of it.
"America! Japan! Thank the Lord, you're right there! We've been dealing with this moron all morning!" He grabbed a person by the scruff of the neck and hoisted up an exact clone of America... If he was morbidly obese.
"Wow, Iggy didn't tell me you all went through the portal, too! I'm hungry, does anyone see a McDonald's around here?" It drooled.
"Yes, America, it's right over there!" England pointed to his other self, (he had just returned) who was still sobbing. The annoying double ran over to him and proceeded act like an idiot. America observed with a certain degree of horrified fascination. He turned to England.
"Wow, of all the nations to pop through a portal, it had to be YOUR ugly mug!" England turned beet red with anger.
"Oh. So you'd rather stay?! That doesn't sound so horrible now, so don't tempt me, you ungrateful prat!" America grinned.
"Thank God, it IS you! Hey, wait, where's Japan's double?" England's expression morphed into a sort of 'oops-I-shit-my-pants' face.
"Hungary, is Japan with you?" He shouted back into the portal.
"He is," a voice replied, and England was visibly relieved. "He's been trying to get me to take pictures of gay porn! What the hell?"
"Now, I think you should go back through that portal, lad!" The British nation shouted, shoving an exact clone of Japan with a nosebleed into the room.
"Please don't touch-"
"Goodbye!" At that, the real America and Japan jumped through the portal and into their universe's meeting room as quickly as possible.
Once they were all through, England pressed a button on a machine and shut the portal off. America hugged him as hard as he could, much to the other nation's discomfort.
"It was awful! Thanks, dude!"
"Yes, thank you, England-san." Japan smiled at him. The island nation scoffed.
"It was more for my sanity than anything... Although, it is nice to have your company." He said, cracking a smile.
"Okay! Now that I'm back and better than ever, it's time to get this meeting started!" This earned collective sigh of relief from everyone else in the room.
...
A/N:
Okay, sorry for America's brief bout of OOC-ness, but I think he'd be a little upset if his twin brother started rattling off insults and screaming at his bear.
I also don't like the way I just stuck Japan in the story... But I DO like the bit of dialogue that goes on with his fandom double, so I'm keeping him.
Also, sorry if it looks like England forgot about fandom!Japan, but fandom!America would be a handful, and is usually hanging off of England.
I also apologize for no explanation of how Japan and America got into that mess, but using 'magic gone wrong' seems so cliché.
I feel like this is rushed, but I'll let you guys decide... So, please review, offer constructive criticism if the urge strikes. Thanks for reading!
I apologize for any mistakes.