Disclaimer: We do not own Merlin, it's kind of the other way around... Please review, it makes us so happy! Happy reading!
In a land of grease, and a time of magic, the destiny of a great romance rests on the shoulders of a young couple. Their name: MERGRAVAINE.
Chapter 1: In a land of grease
Merlin and Agravaine locked eyes from across the room at one of Arthur's celebratory feasts. They had never so much as dared to speak to one another before, but this time was different. As the musicians began playing a fast-paced number that Merlin particularly enjoyed, the young wizard took Agravaine by the hand and spun him around the dance floor.
"Merlin!" shouted King Arthur, startling Merlin out of his daydream. "Refill my goblet, will you?"
Merlin realized he had been staring at Agravaine, seated next to the king, for nearly five minutes and had neglected his duties the whole time. Thinking fast, Merlin replied, "But sire, don't you think you've had quite enough to drink?"
As Merlin poured the king his drink, he couldn't help but stare at Agravaine's beautiful crusty face.
"Merlin, you idiot! Watch where you're pouring!"
"Yes sire."
Arthur laughed. "Merlin, this is a celebration! It's not every day that my uncle turns 50!"
Alas, Merlin thought. Fifty, and yet his face of the most delicate porcelain skin would indicate a man of no more than twenty years. Merlin obliged to Arthur's command, and as he filled his king's goblet, he worked up the courage to speak to the man who had been the subject of his interest for nearly a month now.
"And you, Agravaine, more wine?" asked Merlin.
Agravaine realized the young warlock staring and quickly flashed a not-so-winning smile, but it was #winning to Merlin. Something about the way Agravaine turned his head upon hearing Merlin's question, the way he looked into the warlock's eyes, and the sound of his voice when he replied made Merlin's heart flutter. He even dared to wonder if his feelings were being returned.
"Please, if it isn't any trouble. And might I say, the wine is wonderful! Would you care for a taste?" Agravaine offered.
It was as though Agravaine's every move were in slow motion. Merlin noticed every curve his lips made, and every greasy flip of his hair. Merlin could not resist. He could not refuse this man and his charms.
"I would love to," replied Merlin. Agravaine handed him his full goblet and Merlin, with shaking hands, accepted it. Not wanting to lose the opportunity, Merlin made sure he drank from the exact part Agravaine's lips would have touched the goblet, savouring the moment of an indirect kiss.
Perhaps luck was not on Merlin's side, or perhaps his nerves had gotten the better of him, but when he took a sip of Agravaine's wine, the liquid went down the wrong way and Merlin choked.
Coughing, Merlin cursed his misfortune and klutziness, blushing uncontrollably.
Arthur, who was quite drunk at this point, finally looked away from the musicians and dancers he had been watching, (especially Gwaine) and noticed his servant choking. He quickly rose to pat his friend on the back, but blood rushed to the king's head and he was forced to sit back down lest he fall in front of all his subjects and his one true love.
Agravaine was frozen for a moment, not knowing how to respond, or if he should respond at all. At last, he decided that there was no better opportunity, and rose to help. "Are you alright, Merlin?" asked Agravaine, putting his firm but gentle hand on Merlin's shoulder.
"Better now," replied Merlin, relishing the feel of Agravaine's manly touch.
Agravaine gave a greasy smile. They started to watch the dancers and musicians again. Arthur couldn't take his eyes off Gwaine.
"I have to... um... get Arthur's dessert," sputtered Merlin, not meeting Agravaine's gaze. Perhaps if he had, he would have seen the caring, the concern, and most of all, the desperate admiration in his eyes.
Sir Gwaine, who had had just as much to drink as Arthur, stumbled toward the king.
"Will you give me this dance?" he slurred.
Arthur was taken aback at first, but joy filled his heart and he replied, "Of course I will."
Arthur could not believe his fate. He was the king, after all, but still felt nervous in the face of true beauty. Sir Leon and Percival started to dance together. How Merlin wished Agravaine would ask him to dance...
Sir Leon and Percival swept the center of the dance floor with their sloppy drunken jig. People stared at the sight of the two knights kissing.
Merlin looked over at Agravaine and asked, "Would you like to dance?" Agravaine curled his greasy lips. "Of course."
Merlin was in the kitchen putting together Arthur's dessert. He was then struck with a sudden boldness and decided to prepare a dessert for Agravaine as well. When he finished, he brought both plates out to the table and served the men. He then realized that asking Agravaine to dance was all in his imagination. He was hoping that after preparing the dessert, the king's uncle would be more willing to oblige. Perhaps he could enchant the sweet creamy goodness with a love spell? Even amid his desperate feelings, he had enough reasoning to avoid using magic with Agravaine. After all, true love is not experienced through artificial forms of affection, but by keepin' it real.
As Arthur danced happily with Gwaine, Agravaine ate his dessert, which tasted all the better knowing it had been prepared by his favourite servant's delicate hands. But when he got to the bottom of the dish, he found a note that read, "Meet me in the forest tonight after the feast. Come alone."
Seeing his fellow knights kiss made Elyan feel like making his own dreams come true. He did something he had been meaning to do for a long time. He stepped over to the door with the courage of Camelot's fifty best knights and gave Gaius a big, sloppy kiss. Gaius was shocked at first, but wasted no time and melted into Elyan's arms.
At this point, the feast was ending and Merlin was forced to pry his king away from Gwaine for long enough so that Arthur could thank everyone for coming. As the happy couple stumbled away to Gwaine's chambers for the night, Merlin made a dash to his own. He grabbed his best neckerchief, and rushed to the forest while doing his best to straighten out his clothes and fix his hair.
In his humble abode, Agravaine was filled with bubbling excitement. He could hardly contain himself. He had left the feast early to change into more flattering clothes. Flattering for Agravaine simply meant the same clothes, but in a smaller size. He was always proud of his curves. He even took his "special" hair grease out of the closet, providing maximum hold and styling capabilities. He made sure to curl the ends of his dark, middle-parted locks. He then practiced his greasiest smile in front of the mirror several times. He could not remember the last time he worried so much about his appearance.
This was his chance, the moment he was waiting for. He had hoped that Merlin had noticed him around the castle, but he had never dreamed that they would ever meet in private. He couldn't wait to surrender himself to the passion that he had long fabricated in his head.
Drunk with hope and expectation, Agravaine walked through the dark castle and attempted to take a shortcut to the forest. However, he should have been more careful because he missed a step on the stairs and fell on the stone floor, hitting his head against a pillar, leaving a scintillating and pungent trail of hair grease along its length. Agravaine was out cold.
Meanwhile, Merlin waited for his knight in shining grease. He was extremely nervous. Every crackle of a tree branch or scraping of the wind in the leaves startled him.
Merlin waited for his love for nearly two hours before giving up. He was heartbroken. He thought he had seen love in Agravaine's eyes, but he must have been mistaken. How could he have been so stupid? Merlin walked back to his home, defeated and angry.
When Merlin got home, there was a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the door. Strange, Gaius has never done that.
Consumed by his own frustration, he opened the door anyway. But the moment he saw what was on the other side, he quickly closed the door again, praying he had not been seen, for there lay Gaius and Elyan on Gaius' bed, cuddling, giggling, and licking gold coins like goblins. Merlin knew it was inappropriate for him to go in, and he knew he had to find another place to stay for the night. As he rushed out, he began to cry.
He went over to Gwen's house and knocked on the door.
"Come in," said Gwen. "Oh Merlin, I knew you'd be coming tonight! I saw Elyan leave with Gaius. My brother's always had a soft spot for older men." She noticed the tears in Merlin's eyes and rushed over to hug her friend. "What's wrong?" she asked him.
Merlin told her all about Agravaine as they gave each other facials, pedicures, and corn rows. Merlin loved the corn rows and decided to rock them from then on.
He could not bear to face Agravaine the next day. Thinking about it sent waves of embarrassment through every fibre of his magical being. How could he go on knowing that Agravaine had seen the note and chose to ignore it? How could he have been so stupid to have thought that a nobleman could have had feelings for him?