A/N: Thanks go to lady-ediths-chest-hair on tumblr for giving this a title!
They hadn't expected to go out that night, but with a quiet evening and Carson turning in early, they had decided they might as well sneak out for a pint…or two…or maybe three? Thomas wasn't sure, he'd seemed to have lost count. He always seemed to lose count of his alcohol intake whenever he was with Jimmy.
Hastily, Thomas rummaged around his pocket for the spare key, and proceeded to push it in the slot as Jimmy leant on his arm, murmuring inconcisely…something about how 'it's been a while' and 'it might be fun.'
Stumbling drunkenly, they wondered through the door, Jimmy meandering a few steps ahead to rest his back against the door frame to the servant's hall, before gazing up at Thomas, an inebriated smirk across his face.
"C'mon Thomas!" Jimmy called with an over-exaggerate wave of his arm, making his whole body sway from the movement.
The under-butler scowled. "Keep your voice down will you!" Thomas huffed, before walking towards Jimmy far from gracefully as he lost his footing slightly, causing him to grasp out and grab the footman's waist for support.
"Careful now." Jimmy mock-scolded, before grinning, "Maybe we should sit down for a few minutes? Regain our energy before having to make our way up all those stairs?"
He had planned on telling Jimmy to not be so foolish, and of course they were going up stairs right that instant in case they were caught…but, there were a lot of stairs. A hell of a lot and maybe his legs were a little achy. A little sit down wouldn't delay them that much.
"Well only for a sec." Thomas agreed reluctantly, walking over to the rocking chair and slumping himself down upon it heavily. Closing his eyes gently, Thomas let himself relax, and rocked slowly, feeling the drunken buzz calm. After a beat, Thomas became aware of a warm weight being deposited on his lap, and a pair of arms tangling around his neck. The older man flickered his eyes open gently, smiling as he saw Jimmy staring at him with barely concealed lust.
"You look so lovely when you're calm" Jimmy said, leaning forward to whisper into his ear, his lips grazing across his lobe as he said "But even more lovely when you're aroused." The footman continued with a lick to the shell of his ear, as his hands roamed around his waist, un-tucking his shirt, and sliding his palms underneath to run his fingers through the black hairs speckling the under butler's chest and stomach.
As Jimmy withdrew-Thomas moaning in protest-he began to unbutton his shirt, at a teasingly slow pace, watching the older mans face intently, and grinning at how his expression changed with every button undone.
"Y'know, if I were sober, I'd insist we go upstairs…but right now I'm too drunk to care" Thomas said, lolling his head forward to rest on Jimmy's shoulder, " but how about you hurry up, before the effects of all that beer wear off and I realise you're about to bugger me in the room where we eat?"
Grasping the back of Thomas' hair, Jimmy pulled his head back to look at him, "patience Mr Barrow," he went on with a wag of his finger, before diving his head forward to kiss the under butler ferociously, pulling at his bottom lip between his teeth, and pushing the shirt and jacket off his shoulders in one swift motion. The footman pulled back breathlessly, his face flushed as he let his fingers roam down his bare torso to tug at his waist band.
"How about you take these off, eh?" Jimmy said, his voice thick with lust, as he edged backwards to crawl off the chair and stand on the ground, facing Thomas. Jimmy smiled deviously, as Thomas undid the buttons and wiggled out off them in the style of some kind of perverse snake dance, the chair jittering back and forth at Thomas' jerky movements. Eventually Thomas managed to get them down far enough to try and kick them off his legs ungracefully, frowning as the trousers got caught up in his shoes. Like someone who hadn't just had five or more beers, the footman knelt on the floor, taking each of Thomas' feet in turn, and pulling off the troublesome shoes, and trouser legs.
"Hm…masters not so efficient and professional after he's downed a couple of drinks, is he?" Jimmy said teasingly, before bobbing his head forward to nip at Thomas quickly hardening cock.
"Oi!" Thomas said, swatting at the footman's head with his hand, "No teeth."
"Beggars can't be choosers Mr Barrow!" Jimmy said, with a face of perfect seriousness which Thomas would have believed in any other situation.
"They can when said beggar is a majestically sexual creature" Thomas slurred, with a nod of his head, causing hair to fall over his face and into his eyes. "I'm like a unicorn of sex and everyone wants a ride" Thomas said with a clap of his hands and a point towards Jimmy, "especially you!"
Laughing, Jimmy turned around and walked out the door, calling "you keep telling yourself that Mr Barrow!" after him.
For a few seconds, Thomas was alone with his nakedness, well aware of the fact that at any moment someone could walk in, causing him to rock agitatedly on his chair, and contort his back at every unidentifiable creak in the distance. The last thing he wanted was to be caught nude on the new rocking chair…especially with a raging hardon. How exactly would he explain that?
Although it was really only a few moments, it felt like it had been hours when Jimmy came back sauntering into the room, hands full. But as Thomas glanced up at him, he decided the young footman could be forgiven for…well anything really, in the current scenario, what even Jimmy being so unbelievably gorgeous and so unbelievable naked, grinning at Thomas with that adorable smile which had a sensual edge to it, with his clothes in his hands and a long thin bag in the other.
"What's that?" Thomas asked, eyeing the bag suspiciously as Jimmy settled himself on his lap, bent legs tucked on either side of Thomas' own.
"Well, I couldn't go thrusting into you with nothing in the way of lubricant. And there's no way I'm going up stairs to get the petroleum jelly, especially now I'm in the nip. I figure this will do just as well" the blond answered, face the perfect image of innocents, although Thomas knew that was far from the truth. After all, he had seen Jimmy's sexy bedroom dance. Anyone who had seen that would no for certain that this boy and no shame and certainly no innocence.
Wrapping his hands around the bag, Jimmy squeezed the mysterious substance onto his fingers. Thomas' eyes widened in realisation. It was blue. And thick.
"Yeh not putting icing into me!" the under butler yelped, as Jimmy spread it around his fingers and began to push the first, icing coated finger inside his arse.
"Too late!" Jimmy announced, beaming up at him, moving the finger backwards and forwards, the chair rocking with his every movement. As Jimmy added two, then three fingers, the chair began to shake with increasing violence, Thomas' own moans increasing with every slide of Jimmy's fingers, made all the more forceful as the chair rocked, pushing him down onto Jimmy's digits with extreme force.
Moving his fingers out, Jimmy said "I figure that's enough of that" and began to spread the blue icing onto his cock. As the footman positioned his hips and body for penetration, Thomas mumbled, "I'm gonna be sticky for weeks!" before watching wide eyed as Jimmy slowly slide himself in, groaning at the pressure.
"Oh well, at least you'll taste nice." He replied.
Thomas looked up at him sharply, about to reprimand the younger man for whatever sick thought was running through his mind, until his trail of thought shifted suddenly to a new, more sexual course. He gave a low moan to the feeling of Jimmy slipping in further and picking up his pace, the chair moving with him as if connected to his body, making his every thrust all the more deep.
"Oh god Jimmy" Thomas wailed, clawing at the footman's back, and running his nails down in a way he was sure was bound to leave a scratch, until biting down on his lip to try and not make too much of a sound.
Jimmy, however, did not see any reason for control, crying out low moans and shouts, between kisses-cum-bites on his shoulder, which, despite the pain, only seemed to add to his arousal.
As Jimmy sped up even more, the chair gave a loud creak, the sound getting worse with every thrust. The combination of Jimmy's deep penetration, and the quick sways of the rocking chair made his head spin, and he could have sworn he was seeing double from all the whirling around.
Before soon, he felt the familiar heat building up in the pit of his stomach, and clutching at Jimmy's hair as he came in long spurts, splattering across the footman's stomach and chest, moaning in satisfaction.
If it was possible, Jimmy sped up even more, his thrusts coming even more deep, causing the rocking chair to sway all the more violently, eager to achieve the pleasure filled orgasm he had just watched Thomas receive. As the young blond came, the chair finally gave up and decided it had had enough of been fucked on, its legs and back breaking, sending them crashing to the floor with a loud bang.
From his now lying down position on the floor, atop the remains of the murdered chair, Thomas tilted his head up, wincing slightly as a piece of…something, he wasn't sure what, pressed into his back, looking through surprised eyes as the footman lifted his head up.
"Oh well." Jimmy said simply, sitting up and shifted to perch between Thomas' legs.
"urgh…what are we going to do about this chair?" Thomas asked, annoyed, not looking forward to having to explain himself out of the situation to Carson.
"Hey!" Jimmy laughed with a poke to his leg. "Turn that frown upside down, I ain't done with you yet!" the footman insisted, pushing Thomas' legs apart and up so that they were bent at the knees.
"Jimmy, what are you-" the under butler began before feeling the sensation of Jimmy's tongue circling the edge of his entrance, and quickly pushing in. "Go ahead and ask me why don't you!" Thomas rebuked sarcastically, propping himself up to sit on his elbows, and looking down to the blond head of hair bobbing between his legs. It was strangely arousing to watch Jimmy trying to pleasure him, just the sight was pleasure in itself.
He didn't want to like it, but, well, this was Jimmy, it was hard to not like anything he did. He figured even if Jimmy gave him a punch in the face he'd still get an erection from it. Speaking of erection, Thomas noticed that there was no way he could lie and say this wasn't his kind of thing to Jimmy anyway, deciding the full on erection pressed against his stomach was bound to give it away.
As the footman's tongue slithered over that spot which made it all feel a hundred times better, Thomas came for the second time in one night, laughing as he watched it splatter into Jimmy's precious hair, causing Jimmy to make a muffled sound of disapproval from between his thighs, before coming himself, and withdrawing his tongue.
Wiping his mouth with the back of hand, Jimmy pulled himself to his feet, reminding Thomas "I told you you'd taste nice!"
Thomas hummed vaguely as he watched the footman begin to redress messily, running his hand through his hair every now and then and wrinkling his nose as he looked at the substance covering his palm. Begrudgingly, Thomas joined him.
"What ever are we going to do about this chair?" Thomas asked, once they were dressed.
"Nothing;" Jimmy replied, skipping out the room, Thomas trailing behind him, "they'll come down and find it tomorrow, but there hardly going to immediately think 'someone's fucked this chair to death'. I reckon if we use our best surprised and disgusted faces in the morning when Carson makes the tragic announcement that everyone's favourite chair is dead, we'll be fine."
Thomas hummed. "You're drunken logic has always been slightly skewed, but as accomplished murderer, I'll roll with it, I've got no other excuse. Just so long as you promise we test out the new one to see if it'll last longer."
"I promise."