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We were all sitting quietly by the fire, trying to find some solace in the even crackling.
Almost no one was happy anymore. Alice tried to cheer everyone up, tried to tell us that everything would work out in due time, but I couldn't take comfort in that.
Ever since Edward had made the decision to leave Forks it was like a thick fog had descended and wouldn't be cleared until our entire family was back to together. And that included Bella.
Edward had been so happy. Living in a house as saturated with love as ours was, it was hard for me to see him without a love of his own. But then he found Bella. Sweet Bella, she finally gave him what he needed. They were perfect for each other in every way, but unfortunately Edward didn't see it like that.
He thought he was all wrong for her. He thought he was putting her in danger. And then he not only left her, but he left us.
"I left to keep her safe," he had said, "and I intend to do that. I won't give Victoria the chance to even get near her." And he left.
He had checked in with us a few times, but each time he seemed more and more miserable.
Our family was broken up for the first time, and it felt like I had lost a son again. Except this time I had lost a daughter, too; a daughter that I had not been able to fully have in the first place.
We had come to Denali to stay with our friends Katrina, Irina, Carmen, and Eleazar, but recently I had begun to think we were more of a burden than a pleasure to have. But they seemed to understand, and we were all grateful.
A sudden crash in a room upstairs brought me out of my thoughts. We were all immediately alert, listening for whatever was going on upstairs. And then we heard Alice's anguished cry come from the same room.
"Alice!" Jasper ran upstairs faster than the rest of us had time to get up. We quickly followed after him and gathered in the doorway to their room. Alice was sitting at the desk with her eyes shut tight and her fingers rubbing her temples. A lamp lay broken on the ground next to the desk. Alice's head was rocking from side to side and she was mumbling to herself, "no, no, Bella, please, no, no, no, Bella, come up, Bella, come back up!"
Something was wrong with Bella.
My breath caught in my throat as I refused to think about what that might mean.
"Alice, what's wrong?" Jasper asked soothingly as he crouched beside her. "What do you see?"
She didn't answer, but kept mumbling and rocking for what seemed to be much longer than a minute. Finally, she looked up at us slowly, her eyes wide and frightened.
"She jumped off a cliff," was the hoarse response.
No. My mind rebelled against the thought, and stubbornly went blank.
Everyone was silent for one long second, until Rosalie broke the silence. "We need to tell Edward."
My mind started to work again.
"No!" Everyone else shouted.
She jumped off a cliff.
"He has a right to know—and it's not like we can really hide this from him the next time he decides to grace us with his presence."
I had jumped off a cliff.
"We can't tell him."
Aside from my transformation, my clearest memory of being human was jumping off that cliff.
"Why not?"
I had just lost the most important person in my life.
"I'm going to Forks."
The only important person in my life.
"To do what?"
I was so alone; nothing and no one to live for, to return to.
"I don't know…maybe I can help Charlie somehow."
Edward had said she would get over him. She was only human, after all.
"So we're just going to let Edward be miserable because he thinks she's still alive?"
But I never got over my baby.
"Rosalie."
Even now, over eighty years later, I'm still not over him.
"I'll go with you."
She must have felt so alone, so hopeless...
"No, Jasper, don't."
The only reason Bella would do that would be if she truly believed that Edward no longer loved her.
"Are you sure she's…?"
For the first time in over eighty years I felt weak. My legs gave way and I dropped to my knees.
"Esme!"
"Oh, that's right…."
"Is she okay?"
"Esme? Esme," Carlisle was at my side and pulled my face toward his. He was looking into my eyes and I could see the deep concern in the gold. "Are you alright?" he asked softly.
I started to nod, but stopped myself. I wasn't alright, and I hadn't been since that fateful night in September. "No," I started. "No, I'm not. There's only one reason she would do something like that." My voice faded at the end and I looked down.
"It's okay, Esme," Carlisle said slowly as he pulled my head to rest against his chest. He had always been good at lying, it was a necessity for us, but I could hear the uncertain lie in his voice. But I clung to Carlisle's words anyway, willing myself to believe them.
A moment passed in silence, and then we all turned to Alice. She looked back at us with lost, worried eyes. She shook her head, for the first time telling us that she wasn't sure. "But we can't tell Edward," she said.
I heard a quiet sniff of disapproval from behind me, but Rosalie saved her commentary just that once.
Alice wove around us and out the door with her phone at her ear, ordering plane tickets.
And then there was nothing we could do.