A/N: A post ep. for season 4, Cops & Robbers, because I couldn't stop thinking about what was going through Kate's mind when the explosion went off. Rated M for a reason. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or anything used from the episode this centers around.

For Bri, who's friendship and long conversations are my solid ground. I can never thank her enough. xoxo.

Save Me One Last Time

The storm rages, thunder rumbling and piercing the silence of the otherwise quiet night. It's not long before the lightning joins in too. Kate's sleeping form would seem peaceful if not for the evidence of the vivid nightmare that's currently plaguing her mind. The moment it takes over, takes control of her entire being is illuminated by the flash in the sky.

Flash, the blast of the building in front of her echoes through her entire body. Boom, the force of the explosion rocks her entire frame. Another flash, the dust swirls around her, blocking out her line of vision. She can't see anything, can only hear the panicked yells of the people around her. She can't breathe, can't think about anything other than him.

The air clears around her and as she stumbles forward she's met with a solid force. Arms of someone push her backward, away from where she desperately needs to be. The voices around her continue to echo in the slow motion around her until she registers the one in front of her. "There were no survivors." Those words close in on her, drowning out the light, the air, everything, until she's nothing but a crumpled heap of a body on the ground.

Another loud clack of thunder rattle's through the sky and she sits upright in bed, heaving in lungful's of air as she tries to calm herself down. She focuses on the sounds of the storm, let's them flood through her system as she chants to herself, 'It was just a dream'. But this time it's not enough. She lurches forward and grabs her phone pressing his name before she can change her mind.

"Castle." He answers on the second ring and she wonders if he's even been to sleep.

She sucks in a breath suddenly unsure of what to say.

"Kate, is everything okay?"

The sound of his voice brings it all back, the stark reality that she came very close to losing him today. She can't lose him without ever knowing what it's like to be with him. Her voice cracks as she finally manages to choke out his name. "Castle, I can't—I just needed too…"

She can't get the rest out, not over the phone. She just needs him. And she's never been so thankful for his remarkable ability to read her.

"I'm on my way."

She's trembles when she hangs up, and this time the cause is more than just a nightmare. Normally she would go freshen up if a guy was coming over, but this time is different. Castle knows her; he's seen her at her worst.

His knock comes sooner than she expected and she can't help but wonder how fast he drove to get to her. Her heart pumps wildly, a combination of anticipation and nervousness. She swings the door open to find a concerned looking Castle and suddenly only one thing matters to her.

She doesn't let him speak; she just pulls him into her apartment, shuts the door and then launches herself into his arms. She shudders against him when his arms come around her and she lets the warmth of his body seep through her. He's alive.

He holds her against him, strong arms cradling her small, shaking frame.

She lets the tears come, the strength of holding them back too much for her. She tries to speak, but can only manage choked words that come out in hot, gasping breaths against his neck. "I had a dream—you were in the bank…the bomb went off and I—you were…" Another sob rips its way through her body and he holds her tighter.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm right here." His words are calm and meant to sooth her, but she only clings to him tighter.

"I can't lose you, Castle. I can't…" It's all she can manage right now, the closest to an admission of love that she can give him. He hears it though, and their ability to speak to each other without actually speaking works in her favor tonight. He eases her back just enough that he can look at her face and he doesn't miss the panic that flashes there.

He's the one who was held hostage in the bank, but this is affecting her infinitely more than him. She's drowning in it, the thoughts of losing him set on replay in her mind.

This much touching is new for them and he isn't sure how to proceed without spooking her. If he pushes her and she isn't ready, will she regret it in the morning and push him away for good?

Her brow furrows in confusion and he realizes he must have been staring at her for a little too long. He just wants to reassure her that he's alive, to dry the tears that are currently staining her face. He traces his thumb lightly over the trail of tears that are drying on her left cheek. "You didn't lose me and you aren't going to. I'm here, you're not dreaming."

He waits for the clarity to come, but she just stares at him like he's a figment of her imagination.

"Kate, what can I do to reassure you? Talk to me, tell me how to help you through this."

There's only one thing she can think of, one way that he can fully assure her that he's alive and well. She wants him. She needs to feel him in so many ways. She can't wait anymore, walls be damned. If they haven't come down yet, then maybe they'll just have to demolish them together.

She reaches for his hands, carefully removing them from her waist and linking their fingers together she pulls him towards her bedroom. It's still storming and the lightning continues to illuminate the otherwise dark bedroom, lighting the way for them. He follows willingly behind her until she gets to her bed, and then he freezes. She stops when she feels the resistance, turning to look at him.

He looks uncertain, like he's terrified to be here with her. She's tired of uncertainty, tired of being cautious when it comes to them. And oh yes, she wants there to be a them.

"Castle, the only thing I need to be reassured is you. Show me that you're here, that you're okay. Please."

She reaches for him but he flinches, and she can't hide the hurt that follows.

"I'm not going to take advantage of you, Kate. You had a nightmare and you're still worked up from it. I can't spend one night with you and then walk away tomorrow like nothing has changed between us." His voice is even when he speaks, no signs of the emotion she knows he's feeling.

He doesn't know how wrong he is. She doesn't want him to walk away tomorrow, not unless she's right beside him when he does.

She steps into him this time with a move so fast that he's forced to put his hands on her waist to steady them. She puts her lips to his ear and pulls her confidence from the cold, dark clutches of the nightmare that brought them here. "I want you to take advantage. I want things to change between us. And if you think I'm going to let you walk out of here tomorrow like nothing has changed, you're sorely mistaken."

She hears the catch in his breath, feels the tensing of his muscles as her words register. She leans her head back searching his eyes for mere seconds before she surges forward and connects her lips to his in a searing kiss. He's tentative at first, but soon the flames that started in her consume him as well and he takes and gives just as fiercely as she is.

She backs up until the backs of her knees hit the bed and she lets herself fall onto the mattress, pulling him down on top of her. He groans into her mouth when the heat of her body presses against his. She whimpers when his tongue traces the outline of her bottom lip, begging for entrance that she quickly grants.

It's so much and not enough at the same time. She needs more of him, all of him. She roughly pulls her lips away from his, breathing harshly as her chest heaves against him. She runs her hands down his sides smiling when she realizes that he's only wearing a t-shirt and sweats, such a difference from what he usually wears around her.

And so much easier to take off.

She trails her hands under the hem of the shirt, the heat of his skin is searing, and she traces it with her hands, letting it burn away the nightmares. Still it's not enough, she needs more. She grabs his shirt in both hands and pulls it up and over his head. He lets her, but he's still not participating in the way she desperately wants him to. She can't help but wonder how he would react if the circumstances were different.

She traces her nails down the firm lines of his chest, smirking when he lets out a strangled gasp. "Castle, this is so not how I pictured you reacting when we did this. Please, I want this."

He stares at her reverently, but something finally seems to click into place. "I'm sorry; I just can't believe this is happening. I've been willing to wait; I didn't want to push you."

She smiles up at him, lifting a hand to gently cradle his face. "I know. Thank you for waiting for me. I'm still not one hundred percent, but I don't want to wait any longer. We're only guaranteed the moment we're in so I want to be in this moment, with you."

His smile lights up his face and it's the first sign of a light in the darkness that she's seen all night. He kisses her again, a light, yet passionate kiss that ends all too soon for her liking. And then he's smirking down at her. "So, you want me to make you forget?"

She rolls her eyes, but it's only half-hearted and she knows that he knows. "Yes, Castle, can you handle that?"

He reaches for her hands and brings them above her head, effortlessly pinning them there, though they both know she could get free if she wanted. "What if I make you forget everything, but me, does that work?"

Oh hell. Let the reassuring begin.

"Mmm. Yes."

He's on her then, and he has her naked so fast she doesn't even know which parts of her body his hands touched the fastest. He's a blur above her, worshiping her, caressing her, and proving without a doubt that he's alive.

She doesn't remember when her eyes closed, but they fly open when he takes her perfectly shaped, hardened, pink nipple in his mouth. He alternates between licking and biting until she's writhing beneath him. Her hands move to his hair, battling between pulling him away and pushing him harder against her chest. It's almost too much, her desire to be connected with him stronger than ever. This is their first time, but it certainly won't be their last. There will be time for slow explorations later. She tugs on his hair, bringing him up so that she can press her lips against his in a heated, passionate kiss.

She pulls back slightly, so that their lips are barely brushing. "Castle, I need you, inside me. Please."

She's expects him to lift off of her so that he can remove the rest of his clothing, but the cool air never comes. She runs her hands experimentally down his body, gasping when her palms meet the deliciously naked curve of his ass. "Mmm, when did you take off your clothes?"

He laughs above her and she narrows her eyes at him. "Are you complaining?"

She huffs and lets her legs part so that he can settle between them. She can feel the heavy heat of him against her thigh, but it's not nearly close enough to where she wants him most. "No, not complaining. Please, Castle, make love to me."

He stills above her and she glances up at him, confusion setting in. "Don't you want this?"

He kisses her, a quick, chaste of a kiss that has her whimpering for more. "Of course I want this, I just—when you said love it threw me for a loop. I guess I wasn't expecting it."

No more holding back, it's time to set those words free. She's never meant them more than she does right now, anyway. "This was never going to be just a quick fuck between us. There's always been a connection, always been more. I love you."

She can tell he wasn't expecting it, but the look on his face tells her all she needs to know. His eyes widen at the same time that hers fill with tears. "It's true, I love you and I have for a while. The bank incident made me realize that I don't want to wait anymore. Nothing else is as important as this, as us."

"Oh Kate, I love you too, so much." She feels the soft drops of his tears on her cheek as he leans down to press his lips against hers. She shifts against him, wiggling her hips and encouraging him to press into her, but he suddenly stills.

"Castle?"

"I didn't bring any—I mean don't we need…"

No. Well yes, but no. She can't wait any longer.

"I'm clean and I'm on the pill. I usually still insist on using condoms, but I don't want to wait any longer, Castle, please."

He nods and starts to push into her, unable to deny her any longer. Her lips fall open on a silent gasp.

He's big.

Bigger than she expected and although she's wet and ready for him, the slide in verges right on the edge of pleasure and pain. He's careful with her, aware of the scar on her side that still tends to pull. She moans when he pushes that final inch inside and she's already so close, teetering on the edge of ecstasy. He pulls back out slowly and the slight burn is intense, but definitely not unwelcome.

He thrusts back in slowly, keeping a slow rhythm until she adjusts. The next withdraw is easier and the push draws a whimper out of her mouth. The pain dissipates and in its place pleasure consumes every part of her, threatening to break her apart from the inside out. She wraps her legs around his waist, raising her hips so that she can meet him each time he thrusts into her.

If it was anyone else she'd be embarrassed that she's so close to her climax already, but it's so good and it's Castle and that's all that matters to her. The light burn of her scar as her body works to meet his only heightens the experience. They've both had close calls and they're both still alive. More importantly, they're together, at last.

Her cries of pleasure fill the room as she tries to hold on, wanting to prolong their first time as long as she can, but she can feel the pressure building low in her stomach and she knows she's about to come, hard. "Oh God, Castle, so good, I'm so close."

He grunts, pressing into her a little harder than before, but still careful, and she could cry at the amount of tenderness he shows towards her. "I'm with you, Kate."

She's never came at the same time as her lover before. No one else has ever been so connected to her, so in tune with her. She should have known that every part of this with Castle would be perfect. "Touch me, Castle, please."

Kate Beckett has never been quiet in bed, but when he reaches between them, pressing his thumb in tight circles over her clit, she screams louder than she ever has. "Yes! Oh fuck, yes, yes, ah!" A few more circles over her pulsating bundle of nerves and she falls apart, tight, sugar walls clamping around him so hard that he follows immediately after her.

She whimpers when she feels his release, hot spurts coating her inner walls, filling her completely. He groans as he rolls onto his back, pulling her with him so that she's draped across his chest. He wraps his arms around her, the heat of him consuming every part of her and she never wants him to let her go.

When he finally catches his breath, he breaks the comfortable silence of the room. "That was incredible, you're incredible, Kate."

"Mmm, you're not so bad yourself."

They're quiet for a long while after that, content to just hold each other. This time she's the one to break the silence. "Hey, Castle?"

His voice is heavy, laced with sleep. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

This time his answer comes with more clarity. "For what?"

She props herself up on his chest so that she can look at him. "For saving me."

He frowns at her, clearly not understanding what she means. "What do you mean?"

She smiles at him, and the weight of everything that's been between them seems to lift. "Well, when we were at your loft earlier you said that you'd saved my life more than I had yours. The truth is you've saved my life every day for the past three years. So thank you, for coming here tonight, for saving me one last time."

He stares at her in complete wonder, unable to fathom all of the ways she continues to blow his mind. "It's mutual, Kate. There was never any other option. So what do you say to a truce? We saved each other?"

She lays her head back on his chest, holding him just a little tighter than before because he's here, alive and he's finally hers. Although, she suspects he's been hers for a long time. "Yeah, Castle. That sounds good to me."

And in the midst of the storm that continued to rage around them, they found a permanent light in the darkness, each other. Always.

Would love to hear your thoughts. xo