?-6:30 a.m. Fiona's house
Random Fic for Fi's Birthday
"Orochimaru-sama, have you...erm, seen my glasses?!" Kabuto shouted from somewhere. Orochimaru stepped into the hallway to see Kabuto facing the opposite direction and clutching the wall.
Orochimaru was not in a particularly agreeable mood this morning and so skipped the small talk and smacked Kabuto upside the head. "I am not responsible for your lack of vision, you twat!"
Fiona ran in the way Orochi came. "They on yo' head foo'!" She pointed out. Orochimaru smacked Kabuto again. His glasses tumbled off his head and clattered to the ground. "I gotta wrestle a picture of shirtless Orochimaru from my friend's unworthy claws." she said. "But I drew it!" Jazzy shouted from somewhere.
"OMG! Orochimaru!" Fiona then noticed that he was standing there in his sleeping attire with strands of his hair sticking this way and that. The sound ninja fangirl didn't hesitate in glomping the Snake Sannin. It was at that moment Orochimaru developed an eye twitch that didn't go away for two months.
Jazzy bounced up behind the otonin. "You know that picture I drew of you," Jazzy was saying as Fiona released Orochi. "When we were fighting over it, Fi got chocolate on it and..." "Don't say it!" Fi interrupted, but Jazzy went on to say, "She felt she had to lick it off." In the silence that followed Fiona was pretty sure Orochi would have turned red if he had any skin pigment. "It was waterproof ink, okay?" she said.
The Snake Sannin disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Hey, can I hang out with you guys?" Kabuto said. "OMG Fi, think you'd mind absconding Kabuto for the day?" Jazzy squeaked. "Suh-weet!" Kabuto uncharacteristically exclaimed. "How's about we hang out with you?" Fiona suggested. "Oh that's even better!" Jazzy said.
Several hours later Orochimaru decided it would be safe to go back to his hideout. As he opened the door a man he didn't recognize ran out. "Lord Orochimaru! I wouldn't go back in there." he said. "And who are you to tell me what not to do?" Orochi asked casually. "It's me, Dosu. They took the bandages from me and used them to tie Zaku to a pole."
Orochimaru blew a lock of hair from his eyes angrily. He clasped Dosu's head and shoved him to the side. Reaching what was more or less the kitchen, Orochi froze. Zaku really was tied to a pole. Fiona was poking him with a stick. Kabuto and Jazzy were laughing at Zaku's misfortune. Fi turned on them with the stick. "Shut up! I'm trying to get him to relinquish his will!... Orochimaru, how long have you been standing there?"
Orochi stood there with his mouth ajar in shock/disgust. He then regained himself. "Damn it, Kabuto! Why didn't you kill them when I left?" he barked. Kabuto shrugged. "They were wearing sound head bands." "That they ordered at Walden Books!" Zaku interjected. Fi jabbed him with the stick. "Nu-uh!" she said. Orochimaru backhanded Kabuto for the 3rd time today. "Damn it, Kabuto. Get back to your corner!"
"Yes Lord Orochimaru." Kabuto said and scampered off. Behind his master's back he charaded to Jazzy to send a copy of the before mentioned picture before continuing to slink back to his corner. "As for you two..." Orochimaru turned on the fangirls. "Wait!" Fi yelled as he grabbed them by their shoulders. He glared 3 kinds of hell at her. "I'll make you waffles!" There was a pause and Orochi's grip relented. "Waffles sound really good right now..." he said, dazed. He slumped back into a seat, looking slightly defeated.
"Oh come on! Waffles?!" Zaku yelled. "You're damn straight waffles!" Orochimaru hissed, sending a homicidal glare Zaku's way. Zaku fell silent quickly. "I'll make you some, too." Fiona said, she then started singing 'I'd like to make the village a waffle and keep it company.' ...WTF...?
"I'm makin' waffles for everybody in the Sound Village! I'm gonna open a waffle shop just for you!" she went on. At this point Orochimaru stopped listening and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Zaku, I'm movin' in with you okay? Okay!" For the rest of the day Fiona went about declaring her waffle superiority. So everybody got waffles. Jazzy even tossed one to Kabuto, chained in his corner and running his empty water bowl up and down the wall. He had devoured it ravenously.
Jazzy gave Dosu a 'Phantom of the Opera' mask. She had been saving it because she wanted to force it on Orochimaru but Dosu needed it more. So Jazzy moved in with Dosu, whose housing was separated from Zaku's by only a thin wall. Fiona moved in next door with Zaku, much to his dismay. Kabuto hung out with them when he wasn't doing anything. Orochimaru did his best to avoid them at all costs. It was harder than it should have been.
THE END! ...or is it?