DISCLAIMER
Kagamine Len & Rin © Crypton Future Media, Inc.
Storyline by Shigeru Blackrose
Cover Art © Somewhere on the internet
Please let me know if you know the name of the artist, thanks :)
A LETTER OF REGRET
This is a tribute to my sister whom I can never see again.
—Len Kagamine
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I have always treasured the pieces of our childhood memories, the old days when I spent seconds in my life with you.
Back then, we were born into the world under the starry night sky, carrying others' expectations and dreams, blessed by prayers and hope. I was born half-blind. You were born beautiful and perfect. You had what I didn't. But it never matters to me.
We were always together every day, every time. We did everything together. We shared the same bed, we shared the same meals and we even shared the same heart. I could feel what you felt, and you could understand what I thought. You were always there beside me so you could protect this sightless twin brother of yours. You were like a saint who cleared my blurry path, an angel who lightened my dark world.
"Did you know that every time you smiled sincerely, I always thought of how lovely you are?
Did you know that even though I've nearly lost my sight, you were the only one that could brighten my day?
Did you know that deep inside my little heart, you were the centre of everything?"
I wanted to say those words in front of you, but I was indeed a coward. I was always afraid to express my feelings to you, and I was afraid of being rejected.
I knew that I had reserved my heart only for you. I wanted to love you more than just a sibling. I used to think that nothing could separate us.
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I remembered when I woke up at one stormy night and found out that everything turned pitch black as dark as a shadow. We were thirteen at that time. I thought it was a blackout at the beginning, but there was no sign of light, even the slightest. I could hear the sound of thunder. I could smell the roses placed on top of my bedside table. I could feel the warmth of my blanket. I could speak. So why couldn't I see anything?
You were there right next to me, asking me what was happening. I told you I was just fine, but you wouldn't listen to what I had said. Seeing my unusual response and behavior, you soon called for our parents, then the doctor not long after.
I was speechless when the doctor told me I would not be able to see any longer. I knew it was going to happen, but I never expected it to be happening that early. Being blind means I could never see that sincere smile and lovely face of yours again. I was never ready for that.
Soon after the doctor went home and our parents returned to their room, you sat there beside me and hugged me tightly. Again, an action I did not expect to happen. I could feel my heart beating fast, my cheek turning red. With that sweet, tender voice of yours, you whispered next to my ear, "Do not worry, Len. I don't care whether you could see or not. You are still my twin brother. And you should know that I will always be by your side."
I leaned on your shoulder, slowly shedding tears I could not hold. You were always there for me whenever I was filled with merriment or down in sorrow. You were the only one who could understand my happiness, the only one who could relieve the pain I had suffered. There was no one who could replace you deep in my heart.
Until that day came, the tragedy that took you away from me.
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It was a night before our summer vacation. It had been two years since then. The weather was not really friendly. Black clouds and lightning bolts had been decorating the night sky for hours, yet there was still no sign of rain. You were getting ready for your visit to the bookstore, all clean and fragrant. The sweet scent of your citrus perfume filled the whole bedroom. Though I wasn't able to see, I knew you were so beautiful.
You told me to stay at home, but I insisted on coming along. Our parents were on their business trip, leaving the two of us together. I didn't want to be alone. I promised I wouldn't be much of a burden. I thought you were going to be angry at the stubbornness of mine, but you just giggled and grabbed my hands afterwards. That time, I had no idea that everything was going to turn out wrong.
We finished shopping exactly at eight. By then, the streets were getting crowded by people who were living their night life. Thunder roared violently overhead, but they did not seem to care. It was not long after we left the cashier and got out from the bookstore when I heard a loud beep—a sign made for blind pedestrians, similar in meaning to the green light. I walked as quickly as possible with the help of my white cane, trying to get across within the time limit. I only got one minute and thirty seconds. I could make it in time. My impatience beat everything.
I never thought of how wrong I was.
The pavements were slightly too crowded. I had to slip in between the crowd in order to get through. I knew you were there behind me, trying to stop my steps, but all I could think of at that moment was getting across the street. I didn't get a hold of the time, but foolishly, I still thought I could make it.
I was just beginning to cross the road when suddenly I heard another loud beep. It was the sound following the red light. I stopped walking, having no idea to where I was standing, but I knew that I was in the middle of the road. I was hesitant to turn back since I would likely to lose my way, but I was afraid to keep walking since I didn't know how far I was with the other side of the street. I was just aware that I was just a helpless blind teenager, yet I forced myself too hard. I should have been patient enough to wait for another turn.
I got distracted for quite a while, until I heard the roaring sound of a speeding car coming towards me.
"No, Len!"
I could hear the screaming of a young girl from behind and a second later I felt something pushing me really hard. Then there was a loud crashing noise. I tried to stand up, regaining my senses, before I could tell what was going on. Around me were the curious crowds who wanted to know what had happened. Somehow, I felt chills running down my veins. I had a bad feeling.
I could feel my heart beating faster. I could smell fresh blood, the scent I hated the most. I tried to look for you, but that didn't seem to work. Curiosity started to haunt me. I wanted to take a closer look at the crash scene—hoping that you weren't involved in that accident. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, and all my horrible fantasies were unreal.
I kicked a thick book lying on the street just when I was trying to approach the scene. I crouched to pick it up, then noticing that it was the same Braille book you bought me in the bookstore minutes ago. I shook my head in disbelief, but I still hoped that it was just a coincidence. Someone else must have dropped it carelessly. I told myself that you should have been fine, somewhere within the crowds of people. But I still wasn't able to relax.
I recognized that citrus fragrance when I stepped closer to the crash scene, mixed with the intense smell of blood and tar. The scent of your favorite perfume, the one Dad had brought you for your fourteenth birthday. I knew you were nearby. I called out for you, hoping I might get a reply, but my effort was useless. Everybody might think I was crazy. But I didn't give up.
I decided to follow the traces of the citrus scent instead. As I felt the aroma got stronger, I started to hear a faint voice calling my name over and over. I thought it was just my imagination. The stronger I could sense the aroma, the clearer I could hear the voice. Then my feet bumped into something hard—a body—which gave off a mild sweet citrus odor I was familiar with.
It was you.
I reached out for your shivering arms and kneeled, shaking your body in panic. You were soaked in blood. The smell was so strong I wanted to vomit, but I tried to ignore my own feelings. I could hardly feel your heartbeat, and your body was getting colder as seconds passed by. I was starting to lose hope. I couldn't hold my tears any longer.
Then I felt your trembling hand touching my cheek.
"I'm . . . really sorry . . . Len. In the end, I . . . I could not be by your side . . . like I promised to . . ."
Your words were like claws piercing my heart into pieces. You had forced yourself too much. I told you to stop talking and wait for the paramedics to arrive, but you wouldn't listen to what I had said. You were as persistent as you had always been. I could never win against you that way.
"Well . . . looks like my time is up," you said, chuckling weakly, then suddenly coughed out blood. I tried to shout for help, but I doubt no one was listening. Everybody was too busy talking to themselves, too busy with their own lives.
I didn't know what to do. It was because of me you suffered so hard. If I had listened to your words to stay at home, everything would have never turned out this way. Everything was my fault. Everything was because of this foolish, sightless brother of yours you were trying to save.
"I'm not going to make it . . . so please listen to me," you whispered with a hoarse voice, which I could still remember clearly. "Please bring my body to Minami Central Hospital . . . The doctor should understand what I mean. I will give you my eyes . . . so . . . so you can see the world when I'm gone . . . Until the end, I want to help you . . . I know that this is too much for you to bear, but please . . . take care of Mom and Dad for me . . . alright?"
It was one of the things I did not want to hear from you. It was hurting me inside and out. I was just about to shout for help once again to gain the crowds' attention when you suddenly gripped my T-Shirt and whispered,
"Thank you for everything . . . I love you, Len . . . sayonara*."
I felt my world shattered when you said those words. The pain in my chest was too great to withstand. As you let go of my T-shirt, I soon burst into tears, screaming out loud, unleashing the rampaging emotions that I no longer could contain. I cursed how helpless I was. I wasn't able to do anything, even before you breathed your last. If only I could see . . . If only I was born normal . . . If only I could turn back time . . .
The ambulance arrived slightly too late. You, my dearest twin sister, had already gone by the time the paramedics came to aid. My guiding light had been taken away from me. It was like a nightmare. A nightmare I did not expect to happen.
Even the skies seemed to be grieving for you. It would scream, in a voice that was loud and terrifying, coming without being warned. A dreadful cry which represented all my sorrow and sadness, taking form of a thunder that would echo across the gloomy night sky. Heavy rain fell soon after, as if the heavens were mourning upon your loss.
It was horrible to remember, yet impossible to forget.
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I missed that smile, that tender voice, that beautiful face, that loving expression . . . that kind heart of yours. I know you are up there in the heavens, watching my every move, and I know that you are always by my side wherever I go. Thank you for lightening my dark world. Thank you for being there whatever my problem was. Thank you for letting me to see the colorful world. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for everything.
I will never forget you, my dearest sister. Though I could not see you again, I will always love you until the end of time.
With lots of love,
Your loving brother
Len Kagamine
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
*) Sayonara is a Japanese term to say 'goodbye'.
First of all, I would like to say thank you for reading this story. My mother language is not English, so please pardon any grammar mistakes or typos I made ;u; At least I have tried my best, and I do hope you like it! /yes, I know, it is indeed a long letter—and too much drama/
*coughs*
Well, writing an English fiction isn't so bad. I enjoy doing it, and it helps me to improve my English as well. I would be really grateful if you could leave me some reviews :3
And I guess that's all. Once again, thanks for reading (≧∇≦)ノ Shigeru Blackrose, signing out!