No Business like Good Business
Chapter 1: The Merchant's Associate
Morning…
It was an odd winter in the valley this year around. Freezing and bitter wisps of air whipped around the hills and mountains, turning water to ice that glimmered spectacularly in reds and oranges as the last traces of autumn died away. Though, the village was used to unusual and harsh weather. The people adapted well to their environment and picked away at the frozen mountain water to the south-east of the valley. The famously known 'Furious Five' were no exception.
This was often a team effort, and despite the painfully low temperature, the majority of the group would often find some way to turn work into entertainment, usually in the form of a embarrassing bet. This winter was no different.
"Ok, so…buckets full?" Master Mantis perked up in anticipation, throwing a bucket of ice on his back and rearing up in a line alongside Viper, Monkey and Crane, who instinctively shot one another quick grins.
"Ready…GO!" Viper yelled, shooting forwards instantly to try and gain an advantage. As soon as the word sank in, the other three masters sped off in unison, leaving Po and Tigress behind to collect the last of their ice.
"Aw, they didn't wait up." Po whined, spinning around and dropping some more ice on top of Tigress, who clenched her fists and hissed with irritation.
That would be because you dropped our ice, oaf!" she growled in response. Po turned and scooped the ice he'd dropped on Tigress from the ground.
"I said sorry." he replied apologetically. Tigress put the last block of ice into her own bucket and sighed deeply.
"Get working or I'll leave you here." she groaned. Po, knowing that Tigress wasn't one to tell a lie, gathered as much of the little ice there was left as he could and picket up his bucket.
"So…um…race ya' there?" Po grinned stupidly at Tigress and slung his bucket over his shoulder. Tigress rolled her eyes and gave him an irritated glare.
"Not a chance" she replied, beginning to walk back to the palace.
"Oh come on." Po goaded, shoving her arm to Tigress's displeasure. "You can't be that muscle-headed." Tigress's ears shot upwards as a surge of warmth fuelled her anger.
"MUSCLE-HEADED!" she shouted back at the Panda, who stepped back a little in fright. Before she could control what she was saying, she growled a low "Fine…". Annoyed, she darted ahead without warning, leaving Po behind like she'd threatened to do. The panda chuckled to himself and walked along on his own.
"See, that wasn't so hard."
Early Afternoon…
"I can't believe you lost again!" echoed throughout the palace training area. Monkey and Mantis' hysterical laughter resounded around the hall. Viper pouted and lowered her head in embarrassment.
"Ok, I get it! I lost. Can you just tell me to do something so we can get this over with!" she hissed back, silencing the two masters mocking her. Monkey raised his hand and scratched his head in thought.
"You know, I can't think of anything new." he mumbled to himself. " How about you?" Master Mantis poked at his chin and hummed in concentration.
"Nah, I'm blank too." he muttered to his friend. Viper's face lit up with joy at the sight of the two Masters thinking.
"HA! You're out of ideas!" she boomed, sticking her face up to Monkey's smugly. "I'm off the hook." she sang mockingly as she slithered off to her sleeping quarters. Almost as soon as she left, Tigress walked in, accompanied by Po.
"I knew you weren't that cold hearted." Po gloated, giving Tigress another unwanted shove in the arm. Gladly, Po dropped his bucket of ice and landed flat on his front in exhaustion. 'stupid stairs' he thought to himself. Tigress shook her head in disgust and lay down her bucket of ice before heading off to her own quarters.
"Ah, Master Tigress" came an all too familiar voice to the five. Master Shifu quickly scurried out of the still slightly battered pillars of the palace and beckoned his student to follow him. Obediently, Tigress did as she was asked without question and perused her master into the open entrance of the Jade Palace. Standing in the doorway and sticking out like a torch was a small, oddly dressed iguana, and standing behind him an almost menacing figure clad in thick, bamboo armour and strapped to a myriad of different weapons. Instinctively, Tigress tensed up and gave the large person behind the oddly dressed iguana a piercing glare.
"Tigress, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine." Shifu said with a smile. The iguana bowed down on one knee and crossed an arm over his chest.
"My name is Feng Wi. It is such a pleasure to be in your presence, my lady." he hissed out in an attempt to simply speak as normally as possible. The figure behind him simply bowed almost lifelessly. Shifu bowed back to his friend and sighed lightly.
"Tigress, my friend works as a travelling salesman and requires somewhere to spend the winter. Please be so kind as to show our guest's associate to the sleeping quarters." Tigress bowed in response and watched as the large figure walked over to her and stopped at least two centimetres from her face. Just as Tigress could feel her nerves tingle for the first time in years, the figure whipped up it's bamboo helmet and revealed himself.
"BOO!" he shouted, sending Tigress to the ground in a short, clumsy stumble. He chuckled smugly, grasping Tigress by the neck of her shirt and hauling her back to her feet like a helpless child. Agitated and embarrassed, she shoved the man's hand off of her shirt and gave the man's face a quick once over.
He was a large cat like Tigress, but was entirely black furred, with small patterns in his fur that stood out in a light grey. His eyes were bright green, and on his left cheek, he bore a small scar.
"You're lucky I'm tired." Tigress growled through gritted teeth. The man in front of her scoffed and growled back.
"Or what?" he spat back in response, curling his features into a distinct frown. Tigress could feel her blood boil and her insides twist with anger. Clenching her fists and trying desperately to hold back a good punch to the man's jaw, Tigress bore her teeth in a display of displeasure.
"Or you'd be dead right now." the man leant closer to her face and growled with irritation again.
"Try me!" For a moment, the two just stood with their teeth and claws drawn as if they were about to spar then and there, but a stern click brought their prolonged glares to a halt.
"Tigress! Stop irritating our guests!" Shifu demanded, returning to his usual strict self. Tigress' eyes shot open in disbelief.
"What!"
"Master Tigress, I will not ask you again!" The woman's arms trembled as the urge to smack the armour-clad man's face with her fist built up inside her.
"Yes, Master Shifu." she replied as calmly as possible, trying to ignore the sniggers coming from her more than irritating guest. With a quick spin and a low pitched growl, she turned and walked towards the sleeping quarters. As the man began to follow her, he lowered his gaze to the tiger's posterior, letting himself wear a cheeky grin as he watched her hips move from side to side as she walked on in irritation.
Across the room, Master Mantis had been watching the new arrivals out of curiosity, when the best - and perhaps most devious - plan ran through his mind. With a sly smile, he returned to Master Monkey, who was still scraping around in his head for a dare to throw at Viper.
"My friend, I think I have the perfect idea!" he whispered into his friend's ear. Monkey snapped out of his thought for a moment and turned with a raised brow.
"Really? Please tell."
Meanwhile…
Viper coiled herself comfortably in the centre of her room and chuckled lightly to herself.
"Finally, some peace and qui…" her moment of silence was cut short by the approaching sound of Tigress's frustration at her guest.
"Here!" she groaned, turning around and breaking the man's view of her behind, forcing him to look more at the room rather than at her. "Now, stay out of my way, or I wont be as humble as I am now." With that, Tigress continued down the hallway and entered her own room, slamming the sheet door shut behind her. Without further sound, the associate did the same and walked into his room, but closed the door gently behind himself.
With a sigh of relief, Viper coiled herself once again and smiled, until another pair of loud footsteps broke her peace for a second time. Annoyed, she swung open her door and slithered out to face the last thing she wanted to see that afternoon; Masters Monkey and Mantis sniggering and grinning deviously down at her.
"If you think you're so lucky, why don't you try this one on for size, hmm?" Master monkey chuckled quietly. Mantis jumped down from his shoulder and very quietly, opened the associate's door just enough for Viper to see the man inside.
"We want you to try your luck with the big guy. After all, you're always good at first impressions." he whispered, pulling Viper forwards and pushing her into the room behind the hulking armoured figure. As she slowly slithered forwards in full view of Monkey and Mantis, the man started stripping himself of his armour, loosening his shoulder plates and letting fall on the wooden floor with a gigantic 'CRUNCH!' Viper slithered back a little as the back and chest plates fell from the associate's body, thundering down onto the ground and causing the floorboards to creak under the pressure. Seeing the man under the armour, he wasn't really as menacing as his armour made him seem. In fact, he didn't even have as much muscle as the late Tai Lung. Cockily, Viper turned back to Mantis and stuck her tongue out, receiving a dumbfounded look of utter disbelief in return. Satisfied, she turned her attention back to the task at hand.
"Hi there, handsome." she chuckled playfully, shooting Mantis another confident grin. The associate turned his head a little and gave the serpent a quick glance.
"Uh…hi?" he almost asked in response. Viper coiled up his leg, over his torso and stopped herself half way, stretching her neck until her head was level with his and shot him a seductive smile.
"So, how long are you staying for?" she asked, stroking the associate's back with the tip of her tail. The man could feel the heat rush up his body and hit his face as Viper started to lean further towards him.
"I…I…um…not long." he stuttered out, using one hand to push her tail off his back. Playfully, she wrapped her tail around his arm and pulled herself right up to his face almost to the point their noses touched.
"Too bad. I wanted to have some…'fun'." The associate rolled his eyes and smirked.
"Really? Alright…" he chuckled, before using his free hand to push her head forwards until their lips met. Viper's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as the tables started to turn over, putting her in the position she was supposed to put him in. After a few seconds, the associate pulled her head back and grinned sarcastically.
"Enough fun for today?" he asked, giving the back of her head a gentle yet devious little stroke. Viper pulled herself away and tried to mask her bewilderment with a laugh.
"Um…yeah, that'll do for today." she chuckled out falsely, slithering as fast as possible towards the door.
"By the way…just in case you want to have some real fun, just ask around 'Hao'."
Keeping up her ruse, Viper nodded and blew him a false kiss, before leaving the room and shutting the door behind herself. Taking one more glance up, she was met with the astounded faces of her fellow Kung-Fu masters monkey and Mantis, both with their jaws dropped open and limbs limp as noodles. Quickly, she shot them the best cocky smirk she could muster and darted back into her own room.
'Oh…My…God…'