Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I DIDN'T receive Yu-Gi-Oh for Christmas. So it's STILL not mine.
Yami: Oh, shut up. You got DDR Max 2.
Seto: Ungrateful child.
Me: But my feet hurt now!
Yami: Ha-ha, tough noogies on you.
Seto: It's your own fault anyway.
Author's Notes: Merry Christmas. You know who you are. I love you all and appreciate everybody who kept reading my stuff even after my script-format humor stories got deleted. I'm considering archiving them somewhere else...maybe Mediaminer...or maybe on an independent website. Any thoughts? Let me know somehow. And regarding the story...it's a Christmas reunion! Let the havoc ensue!
That said, let's begin the tale of...
-----------------
Yu-Gi-Oh!
Blue Eyes White Christmas
-----------------
"Is everything ready, Croquet?!" Maximillion Pegasus yelled as he scurried around the halls of his castle at Duelist Kingdom, fussing over each Christmas decoration as he passed it. "Everything must be absolutely perfect for when our guests arrive!"
"Yes, Master Pegasus," Croquet answered flatly. "That's the sixteenth time you've asked me that, sir, and the answer hasn't changed."
"Don't you get smart with me, young man," Pegasus retorted, wagging his finger in his servant's face. "This is my party and it will be a success!"
Croquet sighed. "Of course, sir. I'll go set out the win—" He cut off abruptly, seeing Pegasus's pointed glare. "Uh...I mean, the fruit juice spritzers."
"Excellent."
As the grumbling man left, Pegasus sat down in his overstuffed red velvet chair and smiled, tapping his fingers thoughtfully against the armrest. Everything was going according to plan.
Meanwhile...
"Yugi! Yugi, where are you?"
"I'm in my bedroom, Grandpa!"
"Come out here, Yugi!"
"What is it, Grandpa?" Light footsteps thudded towards the door.
"Something came in the mail for you. It's a videotape...from Maximillion Pegasus."
The bedroom door was thrown open and a very angry-looking, four-foot tall bundle of tri-colored fury burst forth. "Aw, man, not AGAIN! That's the third time this week!"
Also Meanwhile...
"Big Brother! Big Brother!"
"In a minute, Mokuba. I'm watching the NFL finals on a live-feed from the KaibaCorp satellite."
Mokuba Kaiba paused in the doorway to his brother's office, blinking in surprise. "I didn't know you liked football..."
"Football? Who's watching football? I said the NFL."
"Isn't that the National—"
"—Forensics League? Yes. Yes it is." Seto Kaiba smiled as he sipped his coffee, watching a redheaded contestant compete on the viewscreen.
"Oh. I see. Well, this package came for you in the mail."
"Is it a bomb?"
"No."
"Is it a missile?"
"No."
"Is it some form of explosive apparatus?"
"No."
"...Is it a portable garbage disposal?"
"I don't think so. Looks like a videotape and an invitation to a Christmas party."
"Another society thing? Who's throwing it this time?"
"...Maximillion Pegasus."
Coffee sprayed in a brilliant arc over the multi-million dollar viewscreen as Seto Kaiba performed a class-one spit take.
Still Meanwhile...
"ISHIZU!"
The black-haired woman barely looked up in time to see a blonde streak rush through the hallway outside her office. "Malik, stop running in here! You'll break something!"
There was the sound of a person skidding to a stop, the familiar crash-tinkle! of a priceless Ming vase shattering into a thousand pieces, then quick footsteps thumping back until Malik Ishtar stood in the doorway, strikingly clad in a violet silk shirt...and a pair of bunny rabbit boxers.
Violet eyes flamed in rage. "Where are my pants?!"
"Why do you need to know?" Ishizu replied smoothly.
"I have to go! There's a Christmas party and I'm going to be late!"
"I'm not the lord and master of your pants. Did you try in the laundry?"
"They're not THERE!" Malik wailed, throwing an arm over his eyes and leaning dramatically against the door. "Look, I know you've got them! Where are they?!"
Ishizu smirked to herself. "Consider this your punishment for sneaking out with Bakura last Friday."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And Yes, Still Meanwhile...
"What the—Bakura, what are you doing to my kitchen?!"
The white-haired Yami turned around and smiled innocently at his fuming light. "Nothing?"
"Wrong answer. Out with it!"
"Fine, fine. I'm baking cookies."
"With vodka?!" Ryou barked, gesturing to the opened bottle sitting on the counter.
"Well...they're not for me."
"Let me guess. They're for some Christmas party you're planning on crashing, right?"
Bakura blinked in surprise. "How did you know?"
"You pulled this same thing on New Year's...and Easter...and Guy Fawkes Day..."
"Okay, okay, fine. You got me. Now go away and let me—" Bakura trailed off as the phone rang. With a glance at Ryou, which was replied with a shrug, he walked over and answered the phone. "Yo. You got Baku. Who this is?"
There was a long pause, then: "Well...okay. Sure. See you in a few."
Ryou tilted his head as Bakura hung up the phone, dazed. "Who was it?"
"Malik..." the Yami replied slowly.
"What did he want?"
"He was screaming something about pants..."
And Still, Still, STILL Meanwhile...
Duke Devlin, teen gamer extraordinaire, was bored.
His store was closed. All his friends were spending Christmas somewhere else. His family had gone to Hawaii and left him behind, offering no excuse except for pointing out his deathly allergy to pineapples. Never mind that the smell caused him to have a violent reaction if he came within fifty feet of one—he still could've gone!
But they'd left him behind, and so now Duke was bored.
Idly, he decided to go outside and check his mail. Maybe there would be a postcard, or perhaps a shrink-wrapped hula girl with a thing for green-eyed business owners. Or, heck, while he was dreaming, maybe there'd even be a letter from his idol, Maximillion Pegasus.
He flipped open the front of the box, surprised to see a small brown package inside. Whoever could this be from? With a shrug, he removed it from the mailbox and turned it over, looking for a return address.
And when he found it, he nearly dropped the precious package in the snow.
The return address said "Maximillion Pegasus"...
Finally, Back To Pegasus!
"Tum tee tumm..." Pegasus sang softly, arranging the last of the presents under the elegant evergreen tree in his castle's main ballroom. "So many lovely little things for my guests. I wonder when they'll get here..."
There was a long moment of dead silence.
"I SAID, I WONDER when they'll GET here!"
As if on cue, Croquet rushed into the ballroom. "Master Pegasus, the first of the guests has arrived."
"Oooh, goody! Is it Kaiba-boy?"
"Uh...no, sir."
"Well, poo. ...Yugi-boy?"
"I'm sorry, sir."
"...Joey-boy...?"
Croquet shook his head silently.
"Well, who then?" Pegasus demanded, annoyed.
"It sounded like Seto Kaiba over the intercom, sir, but when I opened the door it was just somebody calling himself Brock. Shall I let him in?"
"Absolutely not! Now go get ready for the real guests!"
A pained sigh came from Croquet's direction as he walked out the door. "Yes, sir."
A few minutes later, a loud explosion echoed through the walls of the castle. Pegasus looked up in surprise, a stack of Santa hats nearly falling from his fingers at the noise. It sounded like the entire castle was coming down around them...
Oh, well. At least he knew who had arrived.
"Three...two...one..." he muttered, just as the ballroom door exploded in a similar blaze of glory.
Two figures burst through the new charred opening, the flames licking at their bodies as they moved. Through the cloud of smoke, Pegasus could barely make them out, much less recognize them. But he didn't need to see them to recognize who these new guests were—no, no. The explosions had been quite sufficient. And, as if to further confirm his guess, a sharp voice cut through the smog in the room.
"Pegasus!"
The white-haired man looked up, customary smirk in place. "Kaiba-boy! And Mini-Kaiba! How wonderful to see you both!"
Seto Kaiba stormed over, grabbing Pegasus by his frilly lace collar and nearly lifting him off the floor. "How dare you invite me to some pointless gathering, as if we were friends!"
Pegasus paused a moment, still smiling. "Yet for all its idiocy...you still showed up."
There was a long, long pause.
"Oh, I see. Mokuba made you come, right?"
"I'm missing the NFL championship round for this. I hope you're happy, old man," Seto grumbled at last, putting him back down.
He narrowly escaped reprimand from Mokuba, as the younger boy had become fascinated with the dessert table and had promptly left Seto and Pegasus in the dust.
"Well, anyway, you're here. And the others should be showing up any—"
Another explosion boomed throughout the ballroom, and a second gaping hole appeared next to Kaiba's. This one was surrounded in crackling Shadow magic and completely defied any attempt to identify who had made it. A moment later, a pair of red eyes glowed from within the overwhelming blackness.
"Pegasus!"
"Yugi-boy!" Pegasus cheered, throwing his hands in the air. "What a lovely entrance! See, that's the difference between you and Kaiba-boy; it's all about style." He turned and elbowed Seto in the ribs. "You really should put more pride in your work."
"Oh, shut up," Seto snapped, walking to the refreshments table and snatching up a tree-shaped cookie.
Yami and Yugi Mutou strode forth from the crackling remains of what once was a wall, coming to a pause in front of Pegasus.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Yami demanded, his eyes glowing with an unearthly light.
His reply was a Santa hat being crammed over his spiky hair and a cookie being shoved in his mouth. "Merry Christmas!" Pegasus replied happily. "It's a party, Yami-boy."
"Don't call me that."
"Oh, come now, lighten up. Can I get any of you three something to drink? Coffee, punch, water?"
Yugi pondered this a moment. "Water would be okay."
"Water," Yami seconded instantly.
"What kind of water?" Seto inquired, smirking wickedly.
"Evian," Pegasus answered with a smile.
"...I'll take a coffee."
Narrowing his eyes at Seto, Pegasus promptly set about meeting his guests' requests. But as he was delivering two bottles of water to Yami and Yugi, rhythmic pounding began to echo through the room.
"What is this, a construction site? Sounds like someone's taking a sledgehammer to my wall..." the white-haired man muttered.
Yugi blinked. "Oh, that's Joey and Tristan. They wanted to make their own hole to enter through, too."
"Of course," Pegasus replied, rolling his eyes. "Why didn't I realize that? It makes perfect sense."
"Tea's out there too," Yami added, looking a little pale. "You haven't strung up any mistletoe around here, have you?"
"No, no, of course not. The only place you have to watch out for is right over Kaiba-boy's head." He smirked, glancing over at the CEO.
"ACK!"
Ten Minutes Later...
"We're here!" Joey crowed, making his way through the newly bashed hole in Pegasus's now-crumbling ballroom wall. "Who's got food?"
"Of course, the mutt asks about his kibble first," Seto murmured, eating yet another tree-shaped cookie.
"You're one to talk, Kaiba. What is that, your tenth cookie in the past five minutes?"
"Sixteenth. Learn to count."
"Speaking of food, anybody got a cheeseburger?" Tristan inquired, poking his head through the hole. "For some reason I just really want a cheeseburger..."
"See? See? I knew the power of friendship would get us through that wall!" Tea cheered, racing through and making a beeline for Yami. "We're here, Yami!"
"Joy and rapture," the pharaoh replied dryly, ducking behind Yugi. "Look, Yugi, it's your...friend. You two should get better acquainted. Like, right now."
"Uh...I mean, right!" Yugi said after a moment. "Hi, Tea!"
Looking extremely dejected, the brunette girl stayed to chat with her friend, casting longing glances towards Yami as he retreated near Seto.
"It's like she's got a tracking device planted on me!" Yami whispered, gnawing on a snowman cookie to disguise his conversation with Seto. "I mean it, she's everywhere!"
"Hmm. Hang on a sec and I'll see what I can do about that," Seto replied, downing his thirty-sixth tree-shaped cookie of the night. Much to Yami's amazement, the billionaire reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. "This'll do the trick."
"What is it?"
"It generates an electromagnetic pulse. It'll knock out electricity in anything within a radius of a hundred feet."
Yami blinked. "Don't you think that's a little...risky?"
"Granted, I suppose a hundred feet is a little dangerous. Two hundred would be better. Possibly even two fifty."
"Rrrrrrrrright. So, what's that for, anyway?"
Smoothly ignoring the question, Seto flipped the switch on. Instantly, the Christmas tree lights began to flicker wildly, as did the rest of the lighting in the castle. Every appliance in the kitchen sputtered and immediately died, much to the dismay of Croquet and his servants. Cell phones began to screech and whoop, making every guest in the ballroom cover their ears in agony.
Amidst all this chaos, Seto calmly reached out and picked a charred bit of machinery off of Yami's belt. "There."
Groaning, Yami reached over and switched off the EMP. "You actually found a tracer?"
"Correction: the remains of what once was a tracer," Seto amended. "Mission complete."
Yami stared oddly at him for a long moment. "You know, you sounded just like Heero Yuy when you said that..."
"Yeah, it's a gift. Eat your cookie, pharaoh."
Suddenly, an explosion rocked the walls of the ballroom, leaving a burning, charred hole next to the three already there. Near-drunken cackling echoed as two white-haired figures stepped through the door, arguing amidst the wreckage.
"I can't believe you actually brought the Molotov cocktails!"
"Technically, it wasn't a Molotov cocktail. It was a bottle of one hundred proof whiskey with a six-inch rag fuse."
"Like being politically correct matters in a situation like this! You just destroyed part of Pegasus's castle!"
"Serves the old coot right. He didn't even bother to invite us."
Ryou Bakura turned as red as Yami's hat. "You mean we're crashing, too?!"
Yami Bakura snickered, twirling a lock of hair around his fingers. "Is there any other way to go?"
"BAKURA!"
"Hey, where'd Malik go? He was right behind us."
"I don't know. Hey, there's Yugi."
The two boys stepped into the room, nodding to all the guests as they began to mingle through the crowd. Some were happier to see them than others, but Pegasus decided to just go with it. The party was already near chaos anyway, and they were friends. ...Sorta.
Malik Ishtar poked his head through the fourth gaping hole, his face pink. "Um, Bakura? They...don't fit quite right."
"Oh, just wear them, you big baby."
With a sigh, the blonde stepped into the room, sporting his silk shirt and a pair of shimmering black pants that ballooned around his legs, almost giving the appearance that he was wearing a skirt. Bits of silver flashed around the seams as he walked, holding the waist in one hand to keep it from falling.
"Bakura, I've never seen those pants before...where'd you get them?" Ryou asked, staring at the display.
The thief shrugged at his light. "Made them. None of mine fit him, so we used your sheets and just pinned them on. Pretty good, huh?"
"You used my sheets?!"
"Oh, like anyone's ever going to know. Hush."
Just then, Croquet stepped through the gaping hole that once was a door. "Master Pegasus...Mr. Devlin has arrived."
Duke rushed forward, bedecked in red and green, and offered a stack of presents to his idol. "I brought a little something for you, Mr. Pegasus!"
"Um...thanks," Pegasus replied slowly. "You...didn't have to. Really. I had it under control."
"That's why there's four giant holes in his wall," Seto stage-whispered to Yami, eating another cookie as he did so.
"My entrance was better than yours, though," Yami whispered back.
"You weren't even there. Shut up."
Duke blinked, then smirked slightly. "So, uh, when are you two planning to kiss?"
Two sets of startled eyes whipped his way. "What?!"
"Well, y'know, you're under the mistletoe..." he continued, pointing to the green sprig just above Seto's head.
"ACK!"
Later...
"Everybody form a line!" Pegasus called, taking up a position next to the stack of presents under the tree.
There was much grumbling, and quite a bit of chatter, but everyone eventually formed a line in front of him. On his way, Seto snagged another six tree-cookies to eat before taking up his position at the end of the line.
Duke stepped forward first. "What's the line for?"
"Presents, of course," Pegasus replied. "For you, a new set of dice carved out of ivory. From India."
"Everything's from India nowadays," came the comment from the back of the line.
Pegasus shot him a dirty look, then continued, "In this set is a six-sided die, a ten-sided die, a seventeen-sided die, and a marble."
"What's the marble for?"
"It's an infinite-sided die."
"WOW! Thanks, Mr. Pegasus!"
"Yes, yes, of course. Next."
Joey stepped forward. "You weren't expecting me, but I, uh, still get a present, right?"
Pegasus shrugged. "I had Croquet scrounge up some extras for the stragglers. For you, Joey-boy, a cereal-size box of almond crush pocky."
"Woo! My favorite kind!" Joey cheered, accepting the box.
"And also the only kind that Pegsy doesn't like. No wonder he's giving it to you." Seto munched on a cookie, smirking at his own kibitzing.
"Quiet back there! Next, please."
Tristan stepped up, smiling a little. "Do I get a present?"
"We ordered you a cheeseburger."
"YESSSSSSSSS!"
One by one, Pegasus cycled through his guests. For Malik, there was a new pair of pants in his size; for Tea, cross-country trainers so she could better pursue Yami. Bakura was delighted to receive a bottle of wine, and to Ryou's astonishment, he received a new set of sheets.
Mokuba was thrilled to get six packs of first-edition Duel Monsters cards, and for Yugi there was a lovely package containing a videotape and a new deck holder. After Pegasus received an angry glare from the aforementioned champion duelist, he hastily explained that the tape was merely a joke.
For Yami, there was a book entitled "103 Fun and Practical Uses for Your Millennium Item", co-written by Pegasus and Shadi.
And finally, Pegasus handed Seto a small wrapped envelope with a big red bow on it.
"What's this?" Seto demanded, sticking his last cookie between his teeth and unwrapping it. "Some kind of trick?"
"Oh, no, nothing of the sort. Just a little memento between friends."
Seto's eyes widened as he saw the paper in his hands. "This is a record of a business transaction...between Industrial Illusions and KaibaCorp?!"
"Oh, yes. I decided to give you back the fifty-first percent of your company's stock that I owned. It was fun while it lasted, but I don't really need it."
The cookie fell from Seto's mouth. "You—you owned fifty-one percent of my company?!"
Pegasus shrugged. "I got bored this morning and needed a present for you. You really should be more observant of your stocks, even while you're watching football, you know."
"It was the National Forensics League."
"Of course it was," Pegasus cooed, patting him on the head.
Seto snarled, turning around in a whirl of trench coat. "We're leaving, Mokuba!"
"But I don't want to!"
"Too bad! Get your stuff!"
Mokuba smiled a little. "I left my cards over by the refreshments table. Can you get them for me?"
"Whatever. Just hurry." Seto stalked over to the table, his eyes widening when he realized the cards were nowhere to be found. "What the...?"
"Oooh, Kaiba, you really DO like it under the mistletoe, don't you?" Pegasus called with a triumphant smirk.
And for the last time, the castle echoed with inhuman racket.
"ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-----------------
Merry Christmas, everybody!
Yami: I miss script format.
Seto: It DOES get rid of all the needless typing of scenery, yes.
Yami: Hey, do you have any more of those cookies?
Seto: clutching briefcase It's mine, I tell you! MINE! NOT YOURS! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY TREE COOKIES!
Yami: Yeah...why DID you only take the tree cookies?
Seto: They're Pegasus's favorite.
Yami: Ah.
Well, that does it for the yearly Christmas special! My first attempt at humor that's not in script format...I think it turned out all right, anyway. Be sure to tell me your opinion in a review! And in light of all the Christmas cheer, Joey the Flame Swordsman and Flamina, the angel minion of fire, are standing by next to the Yule log to eradicate any nasty reviews. And if you'd like to give one of the characters a present, tell me in a review and I might just write a sequel. That said...PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!